It is now checks clock 17 seconds since the last thing that happened.
Melissa had Jack pinned to the wall. Only, jack thought it was sexual, when really she just had the previously aforementioned mop dangling in his face. "Oh Melissa..." Jack said, staring at her beautiful blue eyes, and luscious pink lips, and amazing skin. (I think it's pretty easy to tell who's writing this chapter.) "I don't know how to tell you this but... but..." He took a deep breath. "Ever since I first came across you, naked, on that raft (Cherice: HEY! WE WERE NOT NAKED!) with that large pillow (Cherice: HEY! I AM NOT A PILLOW!) I have been in love with you. Would you do me the great honor of becoming my wife?"
Melissa blinked. "Um...actually, I just wanted to give you a bath!" She smiled, and dangled the mop in his face.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jack scrambled off the wall ( an amazing feat, considering he was pinned to in not a moment before) and started running around the room. NAKED!
Ok, not naked. But he still starting running around the room, flapping his arms, his tail (TAIL?) spinning in circles around him. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I TAKE IT BACK! I TAKE IT BACK! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"
And he tripped. On his tail. Which was actually part of the squirell that was hiding in his pants. Or maybe it was a monkey. Or a chicken. No one can be sure. Anyway, he tripped, and in less than a second Melissa was stradling his waist (would have been gross if I wrote "waste"). "First of all, lovie, I'm looks at watch Uh... er... uh... smacks head repeatedly and with wild abandon A LOT younger than you, and not even legal. Second, where would we live? Thirdly, YOU SMELL REALLY BAD! And fourth...ly... OK! YES! I'LL MARRY YOU! WE WILL SPEND THE REST OF OUR DAYS TOGETHER IN BLISSFUL HARMONY! UNDER THE SKY AND THE STARS AND ON THE SEA, EVEN THOUGH YOU SOMETIMES GET SEA SICK, WHICH IS ACTUALLY PRETTY FUNNY SINCE YOU'RE A PIRATE CAIPTAIN, I MEAN, SHOULDN'T YOU NOT GET SICK? ANYWAY, YEA, I'LL MARRY YOU, BUT FIRST WE NEED TO GET YOU CLEANED UP! MY SNUGLY UMPKINS DIPPLY DOO NEEDS TO BE CLEAN! UMPY DUMPY PUMPY TUMPY...ER...SNOOKEMS PIE! NUZZLY GUZZLY PUZZLY-"
She passed out on the floor, on top of Jack, who may or may not have been screaming and shirtless and knawing on a squirrel's tail. But not before she waked him upside the head with the mop, which instantly cleaned him up. Seriously, he was so shiny, he was the new Mr. Clean.
Wait.. .didn't we do a Mr. Clean reference in the last chapter? checks Yea, we did. So.. ok. He was as clean as...um... hmm...WATER! Which is really, really clean, right? I mean, unless it's like... sewage or something. Or maybe like...water that has mud in it. Or maybe like... er... water that has drowned many, many elves in it. ( CHERICE: NOO! LEGOLAS!) (ME NARRATOR SEX: GET OUT OF MY BRAIN!) (CHERICE: NOOOO!) (ME: SHUT UP! KILL)
At this point in our story, Cherice drops dead. For no reason. Ok, well, there is a reason, but I don't feel like getting into it right now.
theme music from jepordy plays
WHAT! Stop staring at me! It's not like I'm the one telling the story! GOOOOOOOOOOD!
Ok, shut up.
Anyway, after Cherice dies Will cries and jack sighs and melissa rhymes and yea. Then Will starts jumping around screaming that, "They've killed her, they've killed her!"
Melissa, being, well, you know, Melissa, looks up from the amazingly clean Jack (OK, so Cherice may be dead, but Jack is friggin Sparkling! Sparkly...Sparkly) (Melissa, being, well, you know, Melissa, looks up from the amazingly clean Jack (OK, so Cherice may be dead, but Jack is friggin Sparkling! Sparkly...Sparkly) ( ---- haha, no punctuation mark.) and looks to will and goes, "what's wrong Honey?"
Then Will looks at Melissa and goes, in this deep voice that freaked out melissa but probably turned on a million other women "Cherice!You came back! You came back! Just like me! Cuase I used to be Leo DiCaprio! Only now I'm me so I'm obviously not him anymore but that's besides the point because reverts to beauty's line from the beauty and the beast you came back! you came back!"
And then he:
KISSED HER! HE KISSED MELISSA!
Now, a few things happened at once.
Melissa smacked Will who was kissing her and saying "you came back!" into her mouth.
Second, Jack smacked Will upside the head repeatedly whilst yelling "hands off my wife, who really isn't my wife, not yet, but she will be after she grows up and we choose a place to live and i clean myself, oh i already did that, anyway, HANDS OFF! HADNS OFF! HANDS OFF!
Thirdly, Cherice woke up -yes, WOKE UP!- and said, "Whoa...my wings came late."
Fourth Melissa's sister came back and started stomping all around and yelling "Cheetos! Cheetos! Cheetors! LICE! DONKEY! LAMP! Cheetos! Cheetos! FISH! 87! 12654154545 1/2! CHEETOS! CHEETOS!" ect.
And fifth... fifth is the most horrible thing on earth. Fifth...
The penguins walked into the room and said "Jack, you have finally done what you needed to do to move on. It is now your time."
Cherice looked to will who was still making out with melissa's eye which was looking at the sparkly jack which was looking at the penguins which were looking at...
(Well, we updated, though it took us... a long time. How did u like the chapter!