Disclaimer: A girl can dream can't she? But unfortunately I do not own them no. They are only on lease for a short period of time. Whether or not I return them in one piece is a different matter entirely. ;)
He didn't really know why he came.
It was just an unwanted impulse that made him come back, back to the place that held nothing but hatred and memories he had tried to forget. He remembered that morning, waking up to the usual Cherry Blossoms, only to remember that down on Earth, it should be snowing this time of year.
It was of course, Christmas day.
He had walked into the Office that morning feeling particularly more down than usual. His partner had got the morning off, after a lot of begging and un-kept promises of not over spending on food ever again. Tatsumi evidently didn't believe him, but got so irritated at his relentless puppyish begging for the week, finally gave in. The Afterlife didn't have time to celebrate holidays, but Tsuzuki continually used every opportunity to have more food, and so had arranged a Christmas party for the office, having the morning off to prepare for it all round his place. When he told the idea to the office, Tatsumi simple raised an anxious eyebrow, Watari exploded into hyperactive cheers, and he himself, Hisoka, slipped away out the room telling himself that he would not be going.
Of course he wouldn't tell Tsuzuki that, he just wouldn't show up. He wanted to do something else this evening, although as he stood outside this particular window, he began to wonder why.
He stood in the deep snow, enveloped up in an overlarge coat and scarf, leaning his back against one of the cold brick walls of his parent's house. To his right was a large rectangular window, frosted round the edges, a layer of undisturbed snow on the windowsill. He didn't look through the window, just stood there and stared at a leafless tree not to far ahead of him, the silvery half moon making the snow on the deadened braches twinkle and sparkle. He stood alone, listening to the cheesy Christmas music and laughter that echoed within those walls behind him.
It had only been, for them at least, nearly one whole year he had been dead. This would be their first Christmas without him. Well, without knowing there was that 'demon' hidden in the basement beneath them, shivering with the cold from outside wishing that just someone would come down, even just to smile at him, because that would be a Christmas present he treasure for a lifetime.
As he listened to the rustling of paper being torn away from the selected gift, and the shouts of joy coming from one of his younger cousins that had been invited over, Hisoka knew they never even cared. They never noticed he wasn't there in life, why should they notice he wasn't there in death?
A part of him even wondered if they even noticed he was dead in the first place.
He turned to peer around the corner of the window, seeing inside a scene he was never part of. His parents sat side by side on a peach loveseat, holding hands by the roaring fireplace beside them. His cousin, who had just received her present of a set of miniature horses, was currently ripping them out the plastic packaging before running up and flinging her arms around his own mother. His Aunt and Uncle stood to one side, beaming at their daughter as the next present was handed out. His parents were looking at the young girl in a way that should have only been reserved for him. A parental look that showered the received with love and affection, showing they'd do anything to make sure they were happy.
He had never been on the receiving end of that look. The only looks that his parents gave him, when they looked at him at all, were ones of anger and loathing. Hisoka didn't need to be an empath to see the sickened disgust and fear constantly in their eyes. But as they sat together in the warmth of his old home, anger was the last thing seen in their eyes. They looked contented and peaceful; the stress lines that that Demon had caused them were gone.
He still didn't know why he came. He guessed he just wanted to see what a loving family Christmas should have been like, if he had been a 'normal' child. Would it be him sitting in his mothers lap opening Christmas presents instead of his cousin? Seeing a proud look in his fathers' eyes that wasn't directed at someone else? Hisoka sighed. He'd seen enough of this scene that he would never be part of. He'd seen enough of his parents love directed at someone else. He'd seen…
Hisoka turned to see Tsuzuki wrapped up against the warm, scarf and gloves…holding an ice cream.
"Tsuzuki?" Hisoka asked, surprised to see his partner standing there, "What are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same thing." He smiled gently, taking a lick of his ice cream, "You weren't at my party."
Hisoka glanced away at the ground, "Yeah well, I didn't feel much like going."
"But you've got to have a Christmas party! There's food!" Tsuzuki protested, as if it was the only reason you'd ever need, "and games, I left Watari in an interesting position on the Twister board, and music, we're taking bets on how can convince Tatsumi to sing, and…" he trailed off when he saw Hisoka staring aimlessly through the window watching the cheerful scene. Tsuzuki walked up beside him and looked through the window. Seeing what was going on inside, he glanced over at Hisoka who suddenly looked so lonely standing there Tsuzuki almost hugged him.
"Besides," he said, his voice warm and comfortable, putting a gloved hand on Hisoka's shoulder, "There are presents waiting for you under my tree." He smiled. Hisoka turned to look up at him, "And there are people who do care about you waiting to see you back home."
He thought that would make Hisoka smile, or least relax a little, but instead, he did the complete opposite.
He grabbed onto Tsuzuki's coat and pulled him close; burying is head into his shoulder and wrapping his arms around him so tightly it couldn't be possible for Tsuzuki to be breathing properly.
Tsuzuki held him gently, ice cream long forgotten now laying amongst the snow, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. When Hisoka never showed up at his party, he had to go and look for him. It wasn't right for anyone to spend Christmas alone. To be true he hadn't a clue where to look first. He'd tried the obvious, his home first. Nothing there, but his coat was gone from the stand. He'd searched around the living room, looking for any notes or clues, when he'd come across a small photo lying on the coffee table. It was a picture Tsuzuki had never seen before. The boy in the picture was obviously Hisoka, with his huge green eyes and sandy blond hair. He couldn't have been more than three years old as he stood there holding his mothers hand. But this boy was smiling, something Tsuzuki had never seen on Hisoka's face.
This must have been before his empathy took place, he had thought sadly, staring into the happy smiling face of his younger partner.
He now knew where he had gone. Having never seen this picture before, there would be no other reason to get it out this time of year. So he'd popped back to the party to say he'd be back in a while, grabbed a coat, and for the sake of Christmas spirit, an ice cream ("It's SNOWING on Earth!").
When he walked through the front gates of Hisoka's home and saw Hisoka standing alone watching his family laugh and smile without him, Tsuzuki stopped in his tracks. Hisoka hated showing his vulnerable side, hated showing the fact that he never really meant all those times he snapped at everyone or called Tsuzuki an idiot, well, maybe not the last one.
This was one of those rare times when something other than the hardened outside appearance shone through the 16 year old Shinigami. He'd stood almost in a daze as he looked up into the night sky, his eyes passive and unemotional as he listened to a life he wasn't a part of.
So here he now stood, cradling his partner as he sobbed into his shoulder, clinging to his coat like he was the last thing he owned. Which, ironically, was probably true. Hisoka stilled after a while, and Tsuzuki knew what would come next. Hisoka slowly unwrapped his arms from Tsuzuki and backed away, looking anywhere but in his eyes. He was embarrassed for showing that he really did have a soul, especially one that was hurting. He wiped at his eyes and looked back through the window to his family. He watched them for a moment, as if deep in thought, then turned to look back up at Tsuzuki.
He genuinely smiled.
After Tsuzuki's mouth had stopped hanging off it's hinges for the shock of it, he smiled straight back, "Come on, you've got presents to unwrap and Watari to beat at Twister." He said, flinging his arm around Hisoka's shoulder, leading him away from the hatful people in his life.
"I am not playing Twister!" Hisoka scowled.
"Plus we have Christmas carols to sing," said Tsuzuki, ignoring Hisoka's protest as he walked them through the front gates, "but I don't think lighting the Christmas Pudding would be a good idea this time, I don't think Tatsumi appreciated having his reports for the week burnt to ashes." He whispered.
Hisoka stilled for a moment at that comment before the corner of his lips began to twitch upwards. Tsuzuki glanced at him through the corner of his eye and grinned to himself. His little 16 year old wasn't as nasty as he'd always try and make out.
Not much more was said as they made their way back, the comfortable silence drifting around them, following the swirls of snowflakes that floated gently down from the sky. As Hisoka watched the soft cold pieces fall to the Earth, his mind came up with a very strange comparison.
He had decided that he was now, officially, a Snowflake.
Hidden from the world most of the year, not letting anyone see who he really was. But now at one time of that year only, he had let himself fall from the sky, from the recess of his tortured mind, and Tsuzuki was the one that had melted his icy demeanor.
He still didn't know why he came here. He glanced round at Tsuzuki, who still had his arm draped across his back and shoulders as they walked. He looked down and smiled warmly at him, his eyes showing him every emotion that had never been passed his way. Hisoka looked away at the frozen ground, a faint blush making his rosy checks a deeper red.
Why did he come here? Why did he need to watch a happy and loving Christmas scene through a window…
…When he had a happy and loving person to spend it with?
AN: Not a clue why I had the urge to write a Christmas fic in the middle of July but hey, there we go, we Manga and Anime lovers are a strange breed :)……. Isn't it GREAT! Once again, feedback very welcome, flames will be sent to Hisoka and Tsuzuki's office. Now really, you don't want to make Tsuzuki cry do you?