(If you were wondering from the summary what's a Tom Swiftie, it's when you take a line of dialogue, add an adverb to "said" and/or substitute a supposedly equivalent verb, and match both parts together so they play off each other in a strange way. For example: "I just drank a whole bottle of detergent!" Misao bubbled cheerfully; or, "Hey baby, Rurouni Kenshin belongs to me, so let's get it on!" Watsuki Nobuhiro said licentiously.)

"It's A Wig," Kenshin Said Baldly.

by wombat

"Mish Kaoru, willya *hic* marry me?" Kenshin asked woozily.

"Of course I'll be your wife!" Kaoru said engagingly.

"I'm sho drunk I can't shay yer name right, hot mama," Kenshin said querulously.

"I'll go slip into something more comfortable," Kaoru said silkily.

"I'll take off my hakama right now," Kenshin said embarrassingly.

"Oh no, I have a fundoshi wedgie," Kenshin said astringently.

"Give me your skin disease now!" Kaoru said rashly.

"Let's go to Italy for our honeymoon-- that's where I caught Lyme disease," Kenshin said romantically.

"The hereditary Hiten Mitsurugi mantle was brought all the way from Rome by British sailors. It weighs fifty-one pounds," Hiko said liquidly.

"Shishou, what are you doing here?" Kenshin asked tautly.

"Only one jug of booze left in the hut, so I need to buy three more," Hiko said forsakenly.

"I'll go make some soup," Kaoru said blandly.

"Perhaps you could add more seasoning this time," Kenshin said gingerly.

"Actually, I wanted a copy of your bridal registry," Hiko said listlessly.

"Either there's a sheep in your trousers or you're really happy to see me," Kenshin said rampantly.

"It's a sheep. Let's go to bed with it!" Hiko said rambunctiously.

"Okay, I'll be the uke," Kenshin said manfully.


(I know, "quid" isn't that kind of pound, but I thought the weight reference would be even more randomly sidelong than the monetary one. Besides, 51 pounds in the late Victorian period would've been... er... okay, I have no idea what would be the equivalent in modern currency, except a *lot*.)