Lucca's Extreme Weather Survival Guide

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Summary: Robo, Frog, and Lucca brave Death Peak to bring back their fallen comrade, and learn some hard lessons about the proper techniques involved in surviving the harsh climate. Note: Rhianwen is writing this, so if you crave angst, go elsewhere. :o)

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Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, or Death Peak. Although, it would be nice to have a Death Peak in my front yard to keep away salespeople and door-to-door religion salesmen. Of course, this would also effectively prevent me from ever leaving the house... [Glares at the first to make the obvious joke involving Rhianwen's lack of any social life whatsoever] Yes, that would be a change from usual!

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Lesson 1: Preparation Is Everything

The day was a beautiful one. The sun rode high in the sky like the giant flaming pot roast it wasn't. The air was light and warm, and fragrant breezes wafted about. Bunnies bounded merrily through the thick, lush, bright green grass, dotted with yellow daffodils. Altogether, the scene was most idyllic.

Unfortunately for the three dishevelled, weary, and very, very cold travellers struggling through the barren death trap rather aptly named 'Death Peak,' this was somewhere else entirely. Not only somewhere else, but somewhen else as well. On Death Peak, on that particular day which was altogether typical of the area, it was neither sunny nor balmy, and the wind whipped past at a rate fit to tear the flesh from an unsuspecting tourist's bones rather than wafting in delightfully fragrant breezes. Also notably absent were the friendly, cuddly bunnies, all of whom had become a pleasantly tasty snack for the varieties of fierce snow-dwelling creatures lurking about.

If one thinks about it for a moment, this only makes sense, as Death Peak would have been an unsuitable name, to say the least, for the paradisiacal setting described above. A more suitable name might have been Fluffy Happy Sunshiney Bunny Peak. Quite a difference, don't you agree?

However, all of this is quite beside the point, and serves little purpose save to provide a vague description of the plight of three of the greatest heroes the world had known in the last few minutes.

This is their tale of unmatched skill, strength, resourcefulness, and courage.

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   "Art this the place?" Frog asked as he strode grandly ahead of Lucca and Robo, and came to a stop at the foot of a steeply inclining hill covered in layers of hard-packed ice and snow. "Death Peak? The next step in our journey to return to us our fallen comrade?"

   "Could be, Frog," Lucca said amiably, eyeing the neon sign hanging above his head, proudly bearing the words, 'Welcome to Death Peak!' Below this, in smaller letters, flashed the phrase, 'Be sure to visit our gift shop.' And next to this, 'Got a thirst? Try an icy cold lemonade!' Shaking her head sadly, she continued. "Now, THIS is the bottom of the tourism barrel."

   "Yes, it is," Robo agreed. "The probability is low that the average tourist could make it far past this point safely."

   "And slipping on the ice and putting yourself into traction first thing might put a damper on the holiday fun," Lucca added with a smirk.

   "If a person were in traction and couldn't move, how would the holiday continue at all?" Robo asked with the Robo equivalent of a confused frown.

Lucca blinked several times behind her glasses, already crusted with ice from this prolonged stop, and then sighed and put a hand on Robo's shoulder.

   "Robo," she began, jerking her hand away from the very cold metal with a startled shriek, only to be interrupted before she could continue.

   "Enough of this foolish chatter!" Frog said severely, his throat swelling indignantly. "Hast thou forgotten that we are Crono's last hope, and that even this decreases with each second we waste?"

   "Don't worry, Frog," Lucca laughed easily, walking over and throwing an arm about his shoulder. "We've got all the time we need. If any of that "with each second you waste your chances of reviving your friend decrease" crap meant anything, they would have given us a time limit!"

Frog blinked his enormous eyes and stared at the scientist oddly.

   "They? A time limit?" he repeated. "Art thou quite all right, Lucca?"

   "No, I'm freezing," she proclaimed snippily. "Now, can we get going? That's probably what Gaspar meant: if we stand around engaging in witty repartee, we'll all pass out from the cold, get eaten by a wild animal, who will then steal the double of Crono, thus eliminating anyone's chances of reviving the young hero. Not only that, but being strongest in the element of fire REALLY sucks in the coldest place on earth!"

For a moment, no one spoke. Then, very slowly, Robo raised one hand to his head. Frog and Lucca winced at the sound of metal scraping against metal as the robot tried to emulate the motion of scratching his head.

   "This is probably a bad time to ask, but do either of you have the double of Crono?"

Robo looked expectantly at Lucca. Lucca looked expectantly at Frog. Frog looked expectantly at the ground.

   "Er...it doth seem that we hath forgotten it. T'is what comes of ill preparation. Let it be a lesson to us in future."

Silence.

   "Right," Lucca said very slowly. "So, back to the Epoch?"

There seemed little else to do. And so, the three staunch, but rather forgetful heroes left Death Peak and made their way back to their fine vessel to retrieve the item, most crucial to the success of their mission.

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   "Art this the place?" Frog asked as he strode grandly ahead of Lucca and Robo, and came to a stop at the foot of a steeply inclining hill covered in layers of hard-packed ice and snow. "Death Peak? The next step in our journey to return to us our fallen comrade?"

   "Yes, Frog," Lucca said impatiently. "Once again, this is Death Peak. So, are we going now?"

However, just as Frog was about to reply, Robo piped up.

   "What was that other crucial element to our current task? That...egg."

   "The...Time...Egg," Lucca said hesitantly, rubbing the back of her helmet sheepishly. "The same Time Egg that's sitting at home on my dresser right now."

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   "Art this the place?" Frog asked as he strode grandly ahead of Lucca and Robo, and came to a stop at the foot of a steeply inclining hill covered in layers of hard-packed ice and snow. "Death Peak? The next step in our journey to return to us our fallen comrade?"

   "Believe it or not, Frog, it is," Lucca told him through teeth that managed to be gritted and chattering at the same time.

   "Frog seems to be losing his memory," Robo noted sadly to Lucca, his speaker volume significantly reduced in the Robo-equivalent of whispering.

   "Yeah, but – hey, what's that?" Lucca exclaimed, wheeling about as a sudden movement caught her eye.

   "It doth be a fiend most foul. Surely, it will devour us whole, should we give it the chance," Frog proclaimed, leaping into a defensive position.

   "No," Robo said, squinting. "It looks like a bunny rabbit to me. The last of its kind around Death Peak, if I am right."

Frog looked at Lucca. Lucca looked at the bunny rabbit. The bunny rabbit tilted its head to the side adorably.

   "Eh, let's kill it anyway," Lucca shrugged.

   "It doth seem to me a good plan, Lucca," Frog said eagerly.

   "Prepare to become extinct, pal!"

However, as both of them drew their weapons, they found them to be oddly light.

   "Er...where art my sword?"

   "That's never something you want to hear a guy ask, when he's one of the two available men under fifty of your immediate acquaintance," Lucca muttered to herself. "But come to think of it, my gun's missing, too!"

   "I seem to remember seeing our weapons piled in the back left corner of the Epoch," Robo announced cheerfully.

   "Ugh," Frog and Lucca said less cheerfully.

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   "Art this the place?" Frog asked as he strode grandly ahead of Lucca and Robo, and came to a stop at the foot of a steeply inclining hill covered in layers of hard-packed ice and snow. "Death Peak? The next step in our journey to return to us our fallen comrade?"

   "Frog, if you ask that one more time, we'll kill you," Lucca told him as menacingly as big blue eyes peering out from beneath a fringe of soft purple would let her. "Right, Robo?"

No answer.

   "Uh, Robo?"

Still no answer.

   "Frog?"

   "Yes, Lucca?"

   "Did Robo ever come back when we sent him to get supplies?"

   "I believe we mayst have neglected to wait long enough."

   "Great..."

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   "Art this the place?" Frog asked as he strode grandly ahead of Lucca and Robo, and came to a stop at the foot of a steeply inclining hill covered in layers of hard-packed ice and snow. "Death Peak? The next step in our journey to – "

   "YES!" Lucca and Robo barked together.

   "T'was simply a question," Frog protested, quite wounded.

   "Yeah, but it's a question you've asked six times!" Lucca reminded him, a vein in her forehead beginning to bulge enough to feel uncomfortably constricted beneath her helmet. "Now. Has everyone got everything they need?"

   "Yes'm," Robo and Frog hastened to reply, shrinking back from this specimen of very angry female.

   "Weapons?"

   "Yes'm."

   "Supplies?"

   "Yes'm."

   "Key Items?"

   "Yes'm – what?"

   "Never mind. Let's just go, okay?"

   "Um...Lucca?"

   "What is it, Robo?"

   "I have to go to the bathroom."

Both Frog and Lucca stopped short. Frog scratched his head in confusion, proving that the statement had the predicted effect on him. Lucca, however, wheeled upon the unfortunate Robo, who had simply been taking his newly programmed sense of humour for a trial run, furiously.

   "Then why didn't you go before we left the Epoch?!"

   "Lucca," Frog called, choking back a laugh. "Think about what you're saying."

Lucca thought, being ordinarily rather good at that. Then, as Robo's words sunk in, she too scratched her head in confusion.

   "How would Robo...?"

   "I apologize, Lucca," Robo said, shrugging sheepishly and producing many clanking noises as a result. "It simply seemed a shame to end the running gag we had going."

Amid the laughter that followed – primarily from Frog – Lucca sighed.

   "Why do I get the feeling that this is going to seem like one of the longest days of my life?"

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End Notes: Hee! I'm finally doing my take on a Death Peak story. And so far, it's turning out about as I predicted: 100% angst-free!