The Ones Next Door

Summary: Every family has their secrets. Some families just have larger ones than others. Then again, some also have darker secrets than others. When fourteen year old Jon Kitoki moves to Domino, Japan, he begins to think that his new neighbors are a little out of the ordinary. Of course, having a crush on the oldest daughter in the family doesn't help his already curious mind. And, did he just see a duel monster tap-dancing on the kitchen table? Or was that a waltz?

A/N: Dear gods, help us all. I'm going to try and do a comedy. Well, like you are always told, don't own Yu Gi Oh! Nope! I don't! I don't! I don't! Oh, yeah, should mention, maybe a bit of shounen-ai, and maybe some gore, and a whole lot of freakish things. Tread with caution! Don't say I didn't warn you!

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Well, hello there. And who might you be? Oh? Someone interested in some laughs? A little bit of jokes and comedy?

. . .Humor?

Well, all right. You asked for it. But first, some general rules to follow, for those of you who don't know. Yes, this humor consists of the hazards and mishaps of the lives of the yami's and hikari's. However, if you wish to see what truly goes on, you must know some basic things to preserve your health.

And yes, your sanity as well.

For the most part, hikari's are pretty sweet. Mild tempered, a little girly at times, especially when they giggle, and generally physically weak.

All right, all right. So maybe Malik isn't so girly and weak. But still, his yami IS still stronger than he is. And he DOES have really soft hair. Wonder what kind of shampoo he uses?

Anywho, yes. This is something that everyone should remember about a hikari. Another thing that should be remembered is that a yami cannot, under any circumatances, live without their hikari. None what so ever. So, naturally, a yami will go to extreme measures to make sure that their hikari is safe, happy, and unbothered by threats. No matter how small the threat may be.

What exactly is a yami, may you ask? Well, a yami is generally a dead, ancient Egyptian spirit that lives inisde of pretty little gold objects that usually have a lot of sharp, sharp pointy edges. Things that Yami Bakura absolutley adores.

But that's off the subject.

There's another thing that one should always keep in mind when confronted with either a hikari or a yami. Yami's. Do. Not. Like. People.

That's right. They're VERY antisocial.

The hikari's, however, are not. At least, they're not when they're yami is safely tucked away in their pointy gold object, also refered to as a Millenium Item. or Sennen. Whichever works fine.

Anywho, back onto the subject, the hikari's like to 'fratranize,' as their darker sides so eloquently put it. And since a hikari generally likes the attention that they get from their darker side,(they do have a fettish for something that looks so much like themselves) they will coax them out whenever possible. And when two yami's get in the presence of each other, there is either pillaging, yelling, stampeding Duel Monsters, or some dares that should never be seen in daylight. Or at night time for that matter.

Here's another thing to remember. Never. Insult. A. Hikari. Otherwise, you'll be running like a frightened little bunny with a serioulsy ticked off yami in hot pursuit.

A chase that you will inevitably loose.

How many yami's are there? Well, lucky for you, there are only three, as of yet. There could be more, but who knows? But we'll start with what we know.

Yami number one. Name: Yugioh. Age: Don't ask. You'll probably loose your head. Past life: Pharaoh of Egypt.

Oh, I know what you're thinking. A pharaoh? Yep, that's right. And ALL of the cocky tendencies to go with it. Not that you can repremand him. Heh. Royal vengence is NOT a pretty sight. Beware of his glare, as well. A.K.A, the Glare of Doom. Oh, if looks could kill. Well, when you have the power of the pharaoh behind you, guess what? They can! Yugioh is pobably the one most wrapped up in his hikari. Yes, he is a vain little thing. And his hikari enjoys every minute of it.

Why is it vain? Simple, really. They're two halves of the same soul. In a way, it's like falling in love with your self. But they are two different people. Trust me, they are! Don't look at me like that! Oh, just wait till you meet them, you'll see.

Yami number two. Name: Well, that's disputable. Some say it was Nam when he was alive. But, for now, he just goes by his hikari's last name, Bakura. Yami-no-Bakura will work fine as well. Call him anything else, and, well, you may loose you tongue. Or a vital organ, whichever he's in the mood for that day. Age: Should probably say this now. NEVER ask a yami how old they are. It's a sensetive subject. Past life: Tomb Robber.

Yep, the complete opposite of the pharaoh, dscreetly called Baka-no- Pharaoh, by Bakura. As you can guess, they don't get along very well. In fact, they don't get along at all. Which is quite a hassle for the hikari of the pharaoh, Yuugi, and the hikari of the Tomb Robber, Ryou, for they are very good friends. Some interesting things have happend in the past between these people. Mainly with screams, blood, and Duel Monsters involved.

Did I mention? Yami's can summon Duel Monsters from a dark place called the Shadow Realm that can rip apart your soul and leave you in the looney bin. Happened to my best friend for calling Yuugi a shrimp. Poor guy.

But anyways. I'm getting off subject again. On to the next one.

Yami number three. Name: Marik, or Yami-no-Malik. He's been called Ishtar many times in the past too. Past life: Well, actually, Yami-no-Malik was born with the powers inside of his pointy gold rod, the Sennen Rod, from the hate that was boiling inside of Malik. You see, it was Malik's job to guard the pharaoh's tomb until he returned. Malik did not like this, and wanted the powers of the pharaoh to himself. Not a very sane person. Well, his spawned darkness is even more evil that he is. We'll just call him the poster boy for Doom and Destruction. He's quite proud of this title.

Yami-no-Malik and Yami-no-Bakura extremely enjoy pillaging together. It's one of their favorite passing times. Putting these two together is an instant recipe for disaster.

Hmm. Seems that all of the basics were covered. Oh, nope. Missed one. You SHOULD know what they look like, in case you want to avoid a deadly confrontation. Well, here it is.

Yuugi, hikari to the Pharaoh, has three different colors of hair. Yes, odd as it may be, you should NEVER say anything about it. Another touchy subject with Yugioh. The colors are: Black, red, and blonde. Pretty cool, uh? Oh, I should also say, never look at a hikari cross-eyed, lustily, or hit on them. Another one-way ticket to the Shadow Realm. Yami's are EXTREMELY possessive.

Yuugi has big violet eyes, and his hair stands on end. Still haven't figured out how that guy defies gravity so well. Must be tons of can of hairspray in the garbage. Yes, he is short. He's very short, reaching a towering five-foot three. Talk about vertically challenged.

The next one. Ryou, hikari to the Tomb Robber. The best way to describe Ryou is by summing him up as a girly little ball of fluff. Yep, with all of his white hair and big doe brown eyes, Yami-no-Bakura often referes to him as 'MY little ball of fluff.' Note the emphasis on the MY.

Malik. Tall, dark Egyptain, corn-silk hair and pale lavender eyes. You'll recognize him by the insane glint behind that purple color. It's hard to miss.

Oh, and a good word to know. 'biAw.' It's ancient Egyptian for mine. One of the most frequently used words by ALL of the yami's hands down. You should also know this as well: a yami only knows two lanquages. Japanese, and ancient Egyptain. Considering the fact they also enjoy pop music and American lyrics, although they will denie such accusations, unless it's the Pharaoh attempting to sing along cover your ears. Otherwise you eardrums might be permanently damaged. Not to mention the fact that you will be forever mentally scarred. You see, the pharaoh is the only one with a good voice. But I did not divulge this information to you, did I? Nope, didn't think so.

Yes, some very good things to know. And for those of you that were already aware of the vital facts about a yami and hikari, good on you. It would explain why you're still sane enough to understand what you're reading.

Or are you?

Well, as lucky as the rest of you are to know this information, the poor hero of our story, Jon, was not. And guess who he moves right next door to?

None other than Yuugi Motou.

It's also important to know that all of the hikari's are quite grown now, and entering their thirties. And no, they don't work. Yuugi and his yami got all of their money from winning duels. They are, after all, the King of Games. Bakura and his hikari inherited a large sum from Ryou's father after he passed away. They also spend very little, as Bakura still has many of his old habits that will probably never leave him. So most of their stuff is bought on a 'five-finger-discount'. Malik has loads of money stashed away, mainly from his own family which he embezzled before he turned against them.

So yes, the hikari's are well off for the rest of their days. However, they did have one request from their darker halves that only magic could fix.

They wanted kids.

Yes. I know. It IS scary. I wouldn't exactly call it a healthy environment for a child either. Good thing social services can have their memories so easily deleted, or things could have gotten quite ugly many, MANY years ago.

And now, you poor souls who dare tread and read on, you may do so. But beware. If something goes bump in the night after you laughed yourself silly at a hikari, or his child for that matter, it might be Yuugi's yami out to get you.

Which, in most cases, is the most likely situation.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Well, you tell me if you guys would like to read and see what happens to poor Jon when he moves next door to an irate pharaoh. R&R!!!!!