Chamber of Secrets, page 162 in paperback: "Homework--compose a poem about my defeat of the Wagga Wagga Werewolf!  Signed copies of Magical Me to the author of the best one!"  And I wonder what those poems looked like...?  ^_^

The Wagga Wagga Werewolf


I can't really write poetry.

I think it's just too tough.

But I acted the part out in class,

And that should be enough.

            Grade: B


I like the thought of the werewolf

Collapsing with a splat.

Yep, Lockhart is a hero,

Even though he's fat.

            Grade: F


There he stands, tall and true,

For Gilderoy Lockhart is the one.

His golden hair seemed ablaze

In the rising of the sun.

The werewolf lifted up its head

The Wagga Wagga fell to the ground,

Then it turned back into a man,

And his gratitude was profound.

Lockhart is the only one

Who could've saved his life.

I would like very much to be

Gilderoy Lockhart's wife.

            Grade: A+


Lockhart raised his sturdy arm

And performed the complex Homorphus charm,

The fur vanished, and the teeth shrank.

Then Lockhart probably went home and drank.

            Grade: C-


His flaxen hair, his sturdy stare,

His shoulders broad and strong,

His perfect grin, his delicate chin,

His voice a melodious song.

            (On and on like that for half a dozen pages)

He sees the werewolf, whispers some words,

Exhibiting extensive knowledge regarding defense,

And though the Wagga was a formidable foe,

Gilderoy Lockhart never relents.

            Grade: A+


He beat the werewolf really quick.

I think he cut it in half...

I was really listening;

I was trying not to laugh.

            Grade: D


I wet my pants just listening.

I think that Lockhart's brave.

No one else could've helped the wolf.

It was a really cool save.

            Grade: B


Technically if you're fighting a werewolf,

A Homorphus charm would be ineffective,

For the Wagga to have retained it's shape,

It would be in the moon.  From my perspective,

The Wagga would have promptly changed back,

After the charm's power was fully achieved,

So Lockhart's story, I think, must be embellished.

I wonder why the public believed?

            Grade: an A+, as a bribe to keep quiet


Lockhart is really a messed up little chap.

His story, quite obviously, is totally full of crap.

            Grade: F, and a near suspension


Tom Riddle...Tom Riddle...Tom Riddle...heeellp meeee...

            Grade: F


Lockhart easily tackled the werewolf,

And a man with that type of physique

Shouldn't be playing seeker,

Because his agility capabilities would be weak!!

            Grade: D


I'm super impressed with Lockhart because I've never even heard of werewolves

Much less faced one!  And I'm amazed that he came out of it without so much as a scratch,

Though I suppose it's much less impressive because in the wizarding world you can be healed,

But I still think Lockhart is really really cool and I hope that I win this contest

So I can get a signed book to show my dad, who's a milkman, you know!

            Grade: B

Boy, was that stupid...oh well...*points hopefully at review button*