Plap-Stick

By JoeBob1379 and her friend... Jacqy!!

A/N:  I promised my crewmates at the H.M.S. Honks that I would upload a cookie... well, this isn't the one I promised but it is a Honks cookie... anyway, here you go!

A/N #2:  This is Harry/Tonks (Post OotP... Post Hogwarts) so if that makes you queasy, don't read!  (This may seem "better" than my Severus/Hermione to some of you, though, since the age gap is so much smaller...)

Disclaimer:  Whoops!  Almost for this!  Okay, none of this stuff belongs to me, it all belongs to J.K. Rowling and her associates... if you want a better disclaimer, go look at the one that FictionAlley.Org uses as their default disclaimer... You know what I just realized?  Nobody who reads this knows who I am (except for my friends)... so nobody could sue me anyway!!  MUAHAHAHA!!

There was a crash, followed by someone swearing loudly.  A girl with long, green hair arranged in multiple tiny braids glared at the evil contraption that stared to innocently at her.  She knew that plap-stick stuff was useless the moment she first laid eyes on it.

"Tonks?  You alright?" a man asked, hurrying into the kitchen and sliding a bit on the tile as he tried to slow down.

"I'm fine, Harry.  It's this dish-cleaner-apparatus that's not doing so well," she said, motioning to the now-broken device.

"That's not a dishwasher, dear.  That's the trash compactor," he said, trying to hide a smirk.

"Oh.  Well, it's a useless Muggle piece of equipment made out of that awful plap-stick stuff!  It's so... cheap!" Tonks complained.

"You mean plastic, love?  I promise there won't be any plastic trash compactors when we get home, okay?"

"Can you be so sure?  Perhaps they've all become legions of the undead to rise up and slay us when we're most vulnerable!" she exclaimed, emphasizing her suspicions by kicking the evil machine then holding her newly injured toe (clearly the first victim of the war to come).

"It's a good thing Voldemort is gone for good, then.  If he was still around, he might recruit the evil trash compactors and use them to do his evil deeds.  Of course, these things are pure evil... I doubt they would ever form an alliance with a mere human," Harry said quite seriously.

"I don't know, it seems to obey you pretty well.  Don't think I don't see you at night, doing all your... compacting."

"That's right, Nymphadora-,"

"Hey!"

"-I'm secretly in league with evil trash compactors.  One night, when you least expect it, we will rise up and strike!  Wizards and Muggles alike will fear my very name!  I will rule the world!  Every house will have a plastic trash compactor!  Muahahaha!"

"Did you just say 'Muahahaha'?"

"I thought it had a nice effect," Harry shrugged.

"Well, I think I was scared... perhaps you should say it again.  Just to be sure," she said, managing to hide her amusement.

"Muahaha!  Muahaha!  Muahaha-ha-ha-," Harry's cackling steadily turned into a hacking cough.

"Was that a hair ball?  Have you been taking your medicine?  Honestly, if you die on me I swear I'll bring you back just so I can kill you!"

"Now I'm frightened," Harry mumbled, a confused look on his face.

"Sorry, bad memory... not your fault," she explained, mumbling something about 'Mr. Fluffle-Wuffle-Bear' afterward.

"Of course, dear, whatever you say," Harry said, patting her back as she sobbed and mumbled things like 'Fluffy-Wuffy!' and 'That evil dog!' almost incoherently.

"Fang wasn't evil. Nymphie, he was just... misguided," Harry said soothingly.

"He was evil!  He killed Mr. Fluffle-Wuffle-Bear!  Plus, Hagrid would never misguide him!" she cried shrilly.

"Well, technically Fang didn't kill Mr. Fluff-Duffy-Wuffle-Bear... he chased him into the forest.  Whatever it was that spit him back out, that killed him," he reasoned.

Tonks just wailed loudly and grabbed on to Harry's arm.  Hard. 

"Now, now, there's no need for violence," Harry mumbled.

Tonks smacked him with her free hand.

"Ouch," Harry muttered crossly.

"Git."

"I think I know what might cheer you up," Harry said, grinning.

"Oh?  And what would that be?"

Harry leaned over and whispered something into her ear.  Her face turned a bright shade of red, worthy to be compared to a Weasley's hair color.

"That is what honeymoons are for," she said, smirking.

"Well, we are on our honeymoon," Harry agreed.

"Yes, we are."

"Alright, let's go," he said.

They raced into the next room and plopped onto a big beanbag.

"Oh, great, more plap-stick," Tonks muttered as they began to play Super Mario Brothers on the old Nintendo.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!  READERS OF ALL AGES!  ATTENTION!  THIS IS IMPORTANT!

I'm on a sort of mission right now to get Luna and Tonks put on the "character" list for the HP section of FF.Net... if you would be so kind as to help me, could you email the "New Category" thing:

newcategory@fanfiction.net

Be sure to "describe the category, which area it falls under, and whether you have stories written for it"... (basically, tell them you want Nymphadora Tonks and Luna Lovegood added to the character list in the Harry Potter section, and tell them about any fics you've written about Luna or Tonks...)

Anyway, I would be so thankful if you would help me with this... and make sure to pass it on to as many people as possible!