Return of the "How to Write a Stereotypical Sirius Black x Remus Lupin Fanfiction in Ten Easy Steps or Less" Thing

Warning: This be Ling answering fanmail. xDD The ultimate ego-booster is you guys! Thanks!!! Long-winded responses and more acerbic wittiness. It's never over! The horror!
Rating: S for slash. PG for preening gratuitously. R for randomness. Y for Yahtzee!
Category: Humor. I think.
Pairing: ...
Originally Posted: ( : Nocturne, the blog of ling. August 2nd, 2003.
Archive: Anyone who wants it, ask ( Anyone who wants to plug, please do. ^_^
Dedication: To those who've read the guide and reviewed.
Other: All I own is j00.

Return of the How to Write a Stereotypical Sirius Black x Remus Lupin (WAFF) Fanfiction in Ten Easy Steps or Less Thing or A Terminally Stupid Reprise of the Past Guide
By ling

It's a hard life, being a fanfiction writer. But when you've got fans who send you reviews, you feel obliged to send them all thank you's. Here's to the readers!

...Who am I kidding? I'm no fanfiction writer, more like a dabbler in the art. Yes, art. This is just a small thanks to the first ten reviewers of "How to Write a Stereotypical Sirius Black x Remus Lupin (WAFF) Fanfiction in Ten Easy Steps or Less". Ten because the title of the guide was... yeah. I really wasn't expecting such generous responses, so I felt that I had to give something back. Onwards~

10. princey (userid=348509)
"That was so awesome. There really aren't enough good humor stories. They always involve stupid stuff like Snape's underwear and whatnot. Yes...this story was delightful."

Response: You're so right about those humor fics. Fic: "Hello, I am a stereotypical HP humorfic. I am about Severus Snape's knickers; please laugh at my very intelligent, sophisticated humor." *snort* But I'm glad you enjoyed my guide. ^_^ (I hesitate to call it a "fic", because it technically isn't.)

9. Tsukiyomi (userid=405703)
"He that was brilliant and witty and rather true, because quite a few the SB/RL fics on follow that pattern exactly (if you'd included the use of obligatory in-your-face canine and/or astronomical symbolism in your rules as well, you'd have roped just about all of them), the intrudsive authors' notes and everything..of course, I kind of like reading stereotypical fics anyway, and I think the SB/RL fandom is really a lot less irritating than a lot of the other ones. But you have every right to think you're funny, because you certainly made me laugh."

Response: You don't mind if I glomp you, do you? *tackleglomp* I love constructive criticism, and I've a few new ideas for a sequel from your review alone. *ignores horrified screams in the background* I like stereotypical fics too, sometimes, but when you've read about seven thousand "Remus-pines-Sirius-is-a-dork-James-is-absolutely-perfect-Lily-loves-him-for-it-Peter-has-conveniently-disappeared-Sirius-gets-a-clue-and-surprises-Remus" fics... you get ideas for things like this. Bad ideas, neh. >>;; But yes, S/R fandom is fairly low on the annoying scale compared to other fandom because it's interesting to read everyone's theories about the past, the future, and the other plenty things the JKR has yet to explain. And I'm still not funny.

8. Miyamashi (userid=74706)
"So true. So sadly, horridly true. That's why it's funny! Muahaha! ^.^"

Response: Now, if only I got a knut for every time I made someone laugh, I'd probably starve. Good thing I get $2 million in American moolah. I wish. >>;;

7. Polkat (userid=240537)
"very funny. i especially like the alternate title, laughed alot. a spectacularly inspired answer to the final question: "How to Write a Stereotypical TERMINALLY BORING Sirius Black x Remus Lupin (Angst) Fanfiction in Ten Easy Steps or Less."

good huh?

i write steriotypical s/r! yay! er, go me... well hopefully tis better that your wonderful example... incredibly amusing as it may have been [especially the bit about james playing a crucial part, great :) ] anyway v cool."

Response: It's a good name! However, I must disagree in that there is absolutely no way ANYONE could EVER write something worse than my example-fic. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with writing a stereotypical S/R fic, it's only bad if you have to resort to my guide to write one!

6. Falla (userid=284513)
"Um... how about:

"How to Write a Terminally Stereotypical Sirius Black x Remus Lupin (Angst) Fanfiction in Ten Easy Steps or Less"

ta-daa! thx for the fun guide."

Response: For some reason, I can't see myself doing a sequel for angst fanfiction even though I wrote that comment at the end of the guide, but thanks, everyone, for attempting to help with the title. You're welcome for amusing you for at least a little while. ^^

5. MoonlitMeow (userid=419839)
"Hahahaha...I loved that! I'm a big fan of SB/RL, but it gets annoying seeing the same thing over and over again...I see what you're saying. It was beautifully written...*sniff*"

Response: Beautifully written? xD I doubt it. Oh well. Fans Against Stereotypical Puppy Fic Unite! (FASPFU? Fasspefew? Fasspefoo? Weasley Firework that spelled out "POO"! Aiyah.)

4. deaddesire (userid=153488)
"I love you. you're perfect. can we get married?
Right. So You're my hero for writing this. (even though the one fic i wrote is prolly within your guidelines. eep) I mean, i'm glad the ship is popular and all, but lots of the fics are crap.
And you should just make up another, *older* identity and join SBRL anyway."

Response: Alas, my heart belongs to another. For real. However, if you set the date, pay the band, and provide refreshments, I'll be there. ^_~ And yeah, I'd join under an older username, but when you're a lazy fangrrl extraordinaire, things don't get done very quickly. Oh well, someone can tell any S/R fic archive-owners that they can have this if they want. Azkaban's Lair?

3. Uzumaki (userid=280678)
"LOL. I really enjoyed this. ^^ Not only are you completely right about some of the fanfics out there, the guidlines can be used in almost all genres. I've read my share of Sirius/Remus fanfics as well, and even though many of them do follow most (or all) of these steps, I still enjoy them. Ah, well, it's the curse of boredom.

Terminally, eh? How about...

"How to Write a Stereotypical Sirius Black x Remus Lupin (Angst) Fanfiction in Ten Easy Steps or Less" for the Terminally Cliche?"

Response: I wasn't saying that stereotypical fics (stereofics!) aren't enjoyable; it's just kind of annoying seeing the same damn plot five million times in a row. Yes. And now that I think about it, I guess the guide could fit under almost any genre. If I squint just right, that is. Curse that boredom... uh... curse.

#. ling (userid=43634)
"REVIEW ME. Please. T_T"

Response: Now how'd THAT get there? xDD;;;;;;;;;;

2. Helene (userid=34574)
"*snrrk* ^_~


Response: Truer words were never spoken, neh. And it really means a lot to have one of your favorite authors reviewing your works, not to mention your first HP fic ever. Dang. I feel so damn special. *goes to write a stereotypically sappy fic just for Helene*

1. Padfoot-Prongs (userid=405374)
"Y'know what? I don't even wanna know...i laughed. it was kinda funny...this is not a flame but i just wanted to say 'oh my god! are you high?' i knew there had to be rules somewhere..."

Response: Uhm... bite me? Never have I ever in my whole life been so insulted. I should have your hat for that. Rawr. Just kidding. But I'd like to say that I don't think it's cool to go around saying "Oh, I'm so high, please excuse my poor quality of writing on this fact." It's not all that funny. Be a responsible author: don't drink and write. Thank you. And I prefer to think of myself as borderline-psychotic. *fanged niko*


And that's all I'm doing. Thanks to anyone who reviews after this, but you're too late to have a dedication all to yourself. Nyah.

Additional Optional Things: Stereotypical bed-talk. Afterglowing. Et cetera. When you're old enough to write smut without blushing every five seconds, you might resort to the aforementioned tactics.

No, ling will not be writing an example. xP

More Optional Things: Stereotypical songfics. You knew this was coming. "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls is the catch-all song for ANY pairing. Siriusly. And have you ever heard of Savage Garden? Of course you have. "To the Moon and Back" by them. With masculine pronouns. "Chained to You". "Crash and Burn". Oh God, "The Animal Song". The possibilities are ENDLESS. (I miss SG. Don't you?)

Yet More Optional Stuff: If in doubt, close your eyes, press random keys, and hope that your inane typing will at least resemble something readable. xDDDDDD Can you tell that I have no more tips for you? (Stereo)typical.

Bonus Bonus Material: Like Tsukiyomi said, I missed the "obligatory in-your-face canine and/or astronomical symbolism". I also noticed that I missed the fact that one or both of the boys might be a poet in those stereotypical fics. Well, here's some new stuff to make up for it -- a stereotypically cheesy poem from Sirius' POV that incorporates astronomy and canines and quasi-sappy things, just for Tsukiyomi. xD It even rhymes! Go me. Don't ask what the timeline is for this, because some things are not meant to be known by mortals. Oou.

I can reach the sky if I stretch out far enough
Like dreaming of the Heaven you are
And even though the beacon of night keeps us apart
Just look up when you're alone to see my star

Sweet wolf, the Grim is lonely tonight
He pines endlessly for you
Howling at your monthly tormentor
Wanting desperately for something to do

Oh Bright Mother, Queen of the Night
You must grant my dearest wish
Allow my lover to be free just this once
And I'll eat out of that cursed dog dish

Whee that SUCKED! Kill me now.

This is the end, my friends.

I am the author, I am all-mighty.

Therefore, you must review or feel my wrath... a stereotypical Sirius-and-Remus-break-up-and-don't-get-back-together-until-too-late fic! Terrifying. Or a Sirius-and-Remus-get-married fic, for deaddesire. ^_^ I'm still single, are you still sure you won't follow up on your offer? XD