Description: What if the idol you've been following for all these years, actually has be obsessing over you for just as long? (Prequel to 'the Nagareboshi series'; Ryu x Tatsuha)

Disclaimer: Gravitation and Zetsuai aren't mine.

Kikoeru ka? (Can you hear me?)

(prequel to the 'Nagareboshi series')

by miyamoto yui

prologue – why do I feel this way?

March 3, 1996 –

"Ryuichi. We need to talk."

Touma told me this cliché phrase with his 'This is business' tone that he always gave whenever he just wanted to rip your head off with all his politeness. Of course, this was bad, but I didn't really care at the moment.

I just lifted up my chin with an annoyed, "Yeah, yeah."

I followed him all the way to his office from the recording booth downstairs. Sitting down in my usual seat for these lectures, I just stretched out my legs and made myself comfortable as I rolled my eyes. Touma, trying to find a comfortable position to scold me, kept on walking from looking out the window and finally settle on sitting on his desk. He folded his arms and stared at me with a pout.

"I have a lot of patience, Ryuichi. And trust me, even though we're best friends, I can't stand what you're doing to yourself. " Hitting his desk with his fist, he sighed as he folded his hands and darted his eyes at me with arrows rushing to their bull's eye target. "There is no one who wants to manage us. And even if they did, I won't let them. You know why? They won't be able to handle you."

Holding up three fingers towards me, he scolded, "You have shown up to all the meetings, all right. But how do you look?! Instead of wearing the suits I told you for the press conferences, you choose to wear this grungy look that isn't very becoming of you."

Jumping from his desk, he took up my chin. "I like you clean-cut, by the way. But that's beside the point. If you don't shape up, Nittle Grasper will suffer greatly. We're already at the top."

"We'll stay there," I said to him with determined eyes. The ones that knew what the hell I loved to do.

He slightly smiled. Letting go of me, I still felt the imprint of his gloves on my chin. I pouted while becoming a little kid again, "You never were this mean to me, Touma."

He shook his head at me. "No, I will not fall for this, Ryuichi. I'm serious! You're the one that makes this work, and you know it! We're a team, but if the singer can't convey what we want to say, how can we survive?"

I sighed as I looked at him and pulled on his tie. With my eyes squinting for a moment, I told him, "I promise to be better."

Smiling at me, he patted my head as I let go of his tie.

Well, he'd always have a soft spot for me. How could he not? He's the one that pushed me to where I am. How could I possibly think I could let him down…

My confidence.

I was shadowing everything on stage to make it appear that I knew what the hell I was doing. Actually, I was scared, very scared of what I'd become through all this…

Could I really handle this? If I failed, I didn't know what I'd do from then on. It would devastate me beyond repair. But, unlike other people, I also feared success. Good luck eventually runs out like sands in an hourglass.

I only knew this too well by the way my life had been until now.

Years ago, the odds were just as high and I thought, "Can I become happy because of this? If I succeed, how would I handle my life? Would the freedom I wanted actually deter me from doing other things I wanted to do?"

Now, it was, "I'm here. I'm where I've always wanted to be…but why do I still feel like I've accomplished nothing?"

"And you _are_ going to do better because you're going to be living with me in my home." He then pressed on the intercom saying, "Please send all of Sakuma Ryuichi's belongings to my place immediately."

Beep. End of call.

"Wh-wh-what?!" I shouted as I jumped out of my chair. I pointed at him and said, "Touma! You can't do this!"

With a smirk on his face as if he were seducing me all over again, he said, "Try me."

I bit my lip and then looked at him. "Damn…"

I couldn't protest to THAT look.

I sighed as I nodded my head. "Fine. Three months."

"I'm glad you're seeing things my way," Touma said as he came back to me. Kissing me on the forehead, he patted my back. "I've still to arrange the music downstairs, so make yourself at home."

Walking to the door, he then tossed the keys and a piece of paper he pulled from his pocket. "Here. Your keys and the direction to Kyoto. We'll be staying there for a week."

"Touma~!"

He waved bye and smiled while closing the door behind him.

--

I entered Touma's large home and dropped my duffel bag to the ground. The door closed behind me and I blinked at the expanse of what they'd call a mansion in America. I was more amazed at the fact that it took quite a while to get here by traffic on my motorcycle and that I was here in the first place!

"So where's my room?" I mumbled to myself and looked at the 'directions' he gave for that too.

I was supposed to stay on the second floor, the door at the end of the hall to the right.

I opened the door and turned on the light to see a very neat room (expected) that lacked any type of personality whatsoever. I shrugged my shoulders and opened the curtains and the window. A gust of wind blew through and I closed my eyes to feel the breeze.

I was so exhausted, but something about this place felt homey. Actually, it was the atmosphere of this room.

I had never come here before because Touma told me we'd take a vacation here sometime. I just didn't expect it to be right now.

Then again, I was still trying to figure out if we were having a vacation or…something else.

There was a cute home with blue tiles that could perfectly seen from this house that was slightly on a hill. The lights were open and I wondered if its inhabitants were very lively.

If the family that lived there was very genki…

Unlike mine. It was genki in a different way.

I shook my head. "Stop thinking about that, Ryuichi," I told myself.

I sighed and turned away from the window. I unpacked and put my stuff in the drawers. I put a notebook and a cd alarm clock to wake me up in the morning.

Going into the bathroom, I turned on the shower. Taking off my clothes and looking at myself in the mirror, I sighed, "I'm almost twenty-eight years old, but I feel like I'm fifty though."

I frowned as I mumbled to myself. "Where the hell am I going in life?"

I stepped into the tub and felt so bad that Touma had to deal with my mood swings. Of course, he should have been used to me, but it could never be that way.

I was always self-destructive this way.

I had money, power, success…

Everything was now in my hands.

Our whole _album_ is number one and I've been titled the 'sexiest idol of all time' by some music magazine as well as other titles.

"But why do I feel like this?" I wondered aloud as the water poured over me.

I sang. Whatever mood I was in, singing always made me feel good.

But today, I wanted to sing Nanjo Koji's song, 'Zetsuai Megamix'. It was the song that was a mix of a lot of his songs, and each one, I tried to figure out.

I was honest within my own songs, but I couldn't feel them. Well, not as much as he did. How could he sing so emotionally and desparately? I kept on wondering and tried for the umpteenth time to attempt to sing my favorite part of the song, in English no less:

"I don't know what to do

I can't see my way through.

Standing in the pouring rain

I'm trying to ease this pain

What am I afraid of?

When I really love you

Never felt like this before

My heart wants you more and more

You're always on my mind

Where I may be

What ever I do, I think of you it's for always

the way you walk, the way you talk

the way you smile, the way you kiss

Everything 'bout you, I love is so true…"

I turned off the shower and hung my head in defeat. I had sung it technically well, but the feeling still wasn't there. I didn't give it the right feel.

I sighed.

Talent…

Was that all I really had? Wass this what they called talent?

Was this my limit as an artist?

No, it couldn't be…

I wrapped one of my towels over my waist and walked out of the room. While I was pulling on the sweatpants that I had set out on my bed, my door opened. I turned around, expecting it to be Touma, but there was this cute boy who held the doorknob with wide-eyes and his mouth slightly open.

I closed my mouth as best as I could so that I couldn't laugh. He really was adorable and I wanted to laugh so hard, but I couldn't embarrass him more than he felt at that moment.

"Sumimasen!" The boy shouted while bowing. "Sumimasen!"

With a wink, I answered, "Daijoubu."

The boy then immediately closed the door behind him. And there I was holding myself, unable to do anything because I was shaking my head, chuckling to myself.

I knew _I_ should have been the one embarrassed because, at least, he was fully clothed.

When I opened my eyes again, I saw a piece of paper on the ground.

I knew I shouldn't have read it because it was the boy's, but for some reason, it was addressed to me. I curiously unfolded the paper and read it.

I stood there for a long while in my towel with the paper in my hand, but I was staring at the door that the boy had closed behind him.

During dinner, Touma explained to me that he sent Eiri's little brother to find something that he had brought home as a gift for him. He winked at me.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I said while eating my dinner.

"I was going to give him a video of Nittle Grasper, but instead, I gave him the wrong directions." He began to laugh as he patted my back.

"You're evil."

"Well, hearing what happened was funny," he chuckled. "Tatsuha-kun got two gifts. You and the video."

I laughed as I stopped eating. "_I'm_ a gift?"

Touma then folded his hands, leaned his chin on his fingers and smiled with his eyes half-closed like a cat's. "That boy is such a rabid, fanboy over you, you don't even _want_ to know how bad it is."

I blinked at him and pointed at myself. "You're kidding! He never even looked like that. He was so polite."

Touma shook his head and gave me a serious look. "I wouldn't be surprised if he was in love with you because he's so devoted."

"I…" I started to say, but I found myself becoming a little embarrassed. "I'm flattered that there are people like that…"

Touma hit me on the head. "As if you're not fanatical about singing."

I smiled at him, but I couldn't tell him the truth of the letter the boy had dropped. I kept it in my pocket.

Then, I laughed, "I'm a guy! Maybe you're just misreading his admiration for something else."

Touma shook his head again and laughed as he got off the table to get some liquor to drink. "Nope… Tatsuha's not like that."

I went to bed that night and stared at the direction of the door. I read the note again and shook my head in disbelief. Turning off the light, I settled into my bed.

"No one could ever love someone that much. Much less me."

I was afraid of someone falling in love with me.

For if they knew everything about me, would they be that devoted afterwards?

I sighed as I fell asleep while saying, "You're wrong, Touma. That boy just feels admiration."

Holding the note close to me, I shook my head.

Being too honest for my own good, some part of me, at that moment, said,

"You should go after him and ask him what this letter means. But if you find out, what will you do, Ryuichi?"

tsuzuku…

--

Author's note: Just like Subaru and Seishirou, I know I cannot last not doing a Ryuichi and Tatsuha fic for too long. Even though I have not written a formal one except one shots since Aching Desire, I keep on reading Aching Desire, regardless. It's one of my favorite fics to write, so the idea for this one came up.

All of them were in Tatsuha's perspective, so here's Ryuichi. I will call this the 'prequel' to Nagareboshi because I felt that Ryuichi needed his say. At first I thought that there would actually be no depth, as in nothing new, if I brought out his perspective. It would only repeat the small flashbacks that he and Tatsuha shared, especially the ones where Tatsuha doesn't know Ryuichi's watching him.

I am making this fic, even though I have a million others in progress, because I'm addicted to this pairing. I love them so much and the thought of Ryuichi being more obsessed over Tatsuha really is scary, but sincerely genuine and so cute in my mind!

Daijoubu – It's all right/It's okay.