SEEIRA JAST:There is no emotion: There is peace...
Peace is a lie: there is only passion...
Savior, conqueror, villain and hero...I have been all of them and more.
In the end, it wasn't so much destiny as doing what had to be done. The battle with Malak paled with the battle I had fought with myself since my resurrection, fought over a half-dozen worlds and in many small ways. The Jedi histories will say that it was the council that turned me, their ways and their magic that pulled me back.
But that will be history - not the truth.
They had been at my shoulder, mostly unknowing, and (in the end) uncaring of the monster I'd been. To ask them, they would say that I have kept them walking in the Light, or forced them to rethink their ways. The truth is that they saved me - all of them.
Mission's courage, innocence, and honesty prevented me from making a few mistakes. She was the first among the crew to stand with me when the terrible truth was known. I know that if I had chosen the Darkness that she would not stay. She'd be determined to break free of me, if only for the sake of Zaalbar's life-debt. She would force me to kill her, depriving the universe of her wit and joy. To lose her would turn Zaalbar to Darkness himself, mad with grief over the loss of his constant companion. He would again lose his honor, and eventually his life. In them, I see the power of friendship and honor.
Juhani's loyalty is also powerful, it's almost terrifying. She looks at me and sees a hero and a sister-in-spirit. The redemption she credits me with was all along her doing. All I did was remind her of where she truly wished to be, offering her a clear voice when her Cathar blood started to burn. As I reminded her, I reminded myself. To see her confidence and strength, to slowly strip away the hurts of her past to see her beautiful soul...I would never want to see betrayal in her eyes.
There is more truth in Jolee's words than he knew at first. The way of the Jedi can be horribly blind and cowardly at times, and the Darkness can only be beat back, never entirely stopped...yet that does not mean he turns his back on the Light or the Force. He says he doesn't care, but if he didn't, would he have run up to the temple with Juhani, insisting that I not face my destiny alone? Bastila would have been able to tempt me if they hadn't been there. I'm not immune to Revan's pull, only strong enough to resist it. Without knowing they were at my back, reminding me of what they expected from me, and what I expected from myself...things would have been very different.
Canderous sees me as the greatest of warriors, but even he is beginning to have second thoughts about his path. Like Juhani, all I did was stand at his side and listen. Perhaps that was all he needed - to voice things he could not say to a Mandalorian, but that only another warrior could understand. He will find his own way, and stay true to himself. I will be there when he needs someone to listen and add my saber to his blaster when we are in danger. In the meanwhile, HK-47, in his own insane fashion, reminds me of the kind of person I was. He seems disappointed in my change, but still thinks of me as his master, which is good enough for him. He can go on for great length, cheerfully describing the things I did as Revan in such detail they almost frighten me. He would be offended if I told him how good he is at making me disgusted with my former self and how glad I am that I use a different name these days.
Bastila brought me to life and gave me this second chance, opening my eyes and re-teaching me the ways of Jedi. In her, though, I also saw the weaknesses, the traps...she needed my aid as much as I needed hers. Revan lived in both of us, through the shared memories and the bond that was formed when she brought to life that which I am now. In the end, Revan's hand showed us our paths - light to dark and back once more. There is no debt between us now, and Revan has fallen silent. The bond remains.
And before I had known any of them, Carth. His soul was equally troubled, and just as perilously close to falling into Darkness. Loss, pain, revenge...that was all he believed he had left. From the escape pods of the Spire to the heart of the Star Forge, he's always been a step behind, and I've watched his distrust turn to acceptance. I've seen the acceptance turn to trust and warmth, and that warmth flower into the romantic love celebrated beneath the stars of an unknown planet. To betray that trust would be to shatter his soul completely, and I would sooner let Malak strike us both down than allow it.
If I were Dark side, I would not care about their trust. They would be my foes, rivals, or tools - not my supports and anchors. That alone leaves me cold. How could have I thought it appealing - the whole galaxy at my feet, but no one at my side?
It was not the Jedi teachings, mantras, and codes that saved me. It was not the Council, the training, or my skills. Jolee was right. In the end, my redemption was an act and result of love - in its many shades and forms.
I place the saber on my belt, and turn away from it all. The Star Forge will soon be no more, and the Sith will be both leaderless and crippled. Revan truly is no more.
The Ebon Hawk is waiting.
There is no Death: There is the Force
The Force shall set me free...