*-*-*

Kougo no Jigen

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Alternate Dimensions

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Chapter Three: Jigoku no Gokuraku - Hell's Paradise

*-*-*

"What are you talking about?!" Yuujo yelled at the Koenma look-alike.

He backed away from her, and looked Tobikage over whom seemed murder-bent. It seemed that Yuujo had a little more control of her team then Yuusuke because Tobikage came no closer after she leapt on his desk.

Tobikage had taken Hiei's katana - he had let her take it without any preamble - and aimed it at Koenma's head, "How did he die?"

Stuttering, Kuwabara said, "But . . . but . . . Koenma's a kami! Kami can't die! Right, Zouba?" She looked at the redhead.

Zouba shook her head, "There is . . ." She looked at Chimayu, but she couldn't tell her the truth, "There isn't a way."

It seemed that Yuujo, Zouba, and Tobikage couldn't bring themselves to tell Chimayu the truth. Chimayu looked at Koenma. He would tell the truth no matter what, but he couldn't do so either.

"There is no way to kill a kami, but to take his soul would be like killing him," Koenma hoped that she would go for it, and it appeared that she did.

Turning to face Koenma, Tobikage pointed the katana at him, and she asked in a low, deadly voice. "Who killed him?"

"Anou . . . I don't know!"

"You know," she snorted. "Tell me or . . . I'll have to kill you." No one looked like they would stop her.

"I swear! If I knew, I'd tell you!" His face took on a terrified look.

"Wrong answer," she struck the katana at him.

'Kuso!' Koenma thought.

Why wasn't there pain? He opened his eyes which had closed. She missed. Tobikage looked at Hiei's katana, and pulled back to try again. This time Koenma kept his eyes open.

'Why can't she hit me?'

*-*-*

Becoming angrier for missing each time, Tobikage struck out again, and missed again. Why couldn't she kill him? She turned her head just slightly to look into his eyes. That was her mistake . . .

It was Koenma.

*-*-*

Flash Back

*-*-*

"I am a true warrior," Tobikage said.

"I'm sure you are, Tobikage . . ." Koenma replied. He smiled, and said, "I'll make you a deal."

"What kind of deal?"

He smirked, "If you can kill me, you can leave the team."

She looked at him, "What do you mean by that?" She didn't want to be tricked.

"Your debt for stealing the three artifacts will be gone, and you won't have to work with them anymore," he smiled down on her.

'He has to be kidding.' She grinned back, "So . . . if I kill you, I'm free?"

"Hai," was his reply.

She smirked, "Well, I guess it's what Yuujo always says: 'I'm home-free if I do it.'" She unsheathed her katana.

Koenma just looked at her, and she took a swing at him. All it did was cut his scarf. She took another swing at him, and it only sliced some of his hair. She continued attacking him, but each time she missed.

On top of the desk, she swung for the final time . . .

Cutting the last of his shirt away, and not leaving a mark on him. She dropped her katana, and fell on her knees.

"Why can't I kill you?" She asked herself.

Koenma stood up, wearing only his pants. Tobikage blushed when she caught herself staring.

"A true warrior knows when to quit, and when to admit that they can't do something," said Koenma.

Tobikage was about to say something when a shout took the silence, "Koenma! You owe us *big* this time! Botan had to drag me out of my shower! Zouba too! And Kuwabara was changing when you stopped her!"

Turning to the door, she saw Yuujo, Kuwabara, and Zouba standing in the doorway. Yuujo and Zouba had towels on, and Kuwabara was wearing a robe. Koenma's mouth seemed to drop to the floor.

Zouba blushed, and giggled while Yuujo smirked. Tobikage wasn't going to feel jealous of them. She refused to. Koenma wasn't her's.

"So, Enma Jr., you seem to like me and Zouba in just towels, huh?" Yuujo.

Koenma just nodded, his mouth still on the floor.

"Oh, look, Yuujo! I think Koenma wanted something from us! He's half naked!" Zouba exclaimed, pointing at his chest.

"I'm leaving! I don't want to be a part of . . . whatever the hell this is! I'm gonna finish changing . . . at home. Away from all of you," Kuwabara left.

Tobikage wasn't about to hear the rest of this. She grabbed her sword, and left, but before she did, she turned in the doorway, and saw Koenma sitting at his desk with Zouba in his lap, and Yuujo on the desk, touching his chest.

She wasn't jealous, "You are a sad man, Koenma. Did you know that?"

Koenma wasn't listening, "Yes, whatever you say, Tobikage. Please, shut the door on your way out." He gestured in some vague direction at the door.

Koenma kissed Yuujo's hand, and Zouba giggled.

"I hope you die, and rot in hell!" Tobikage slammed the door.

She wasn't jealous. Not one bit . . .

*-*-*

End of Flashback

*-*-*

That's why she couldn't kill him. He was her Koenma - no! *Their* Koenma.

But their Koenma was dead.

She gritted through her fangs, "Just tell me!"

"Tobikage," Zouba said, "I don't think that he knows anything. Even if he did, he wouldn't keep it from us."

Sighing, Tobikage nodded, and pulled back, standing beside Hiei, and giving his katana back to him. Koenma also sighed, relieved that he wasn't going to be sliced to ribbons.

Hiei asked, "Where's Arutoi, then?"

The kami said, "He asked permission go into our vault, and since I was busy, I told him where the key was."

"You what?!" The two Jaganshi took off down the hallway while the others followed.

"What's going on?!" Koenma called up to them.

"Arutoi lied to us! He's up to something!"

"What's he doing?!"

Tobikage shouted, "That's what we're going to find out! If we know what he took, we can better understand what he's up to!"

Koenma retrieved the key while they waited for him at the vault.

"What would Arutoi want?" Chimayu asked.

Kurama murmured, "The real question is: how long did it take for him to get the key, take what he wanted, and hide the key? Then we can determine how far he is from here."

"Why," Zouba mumbled, "would he want us out of the picture? He already" - Tobikage noticed that she clenched her teeth for a moment - "killed our Koenma."

Yuusuke said, "Maybe, he wants you guys for another reason."

Tobikage snorted, "Then why did he ask you to kill us?"

He shrugged, "Maybe, it was just for kicks. You know, he wanted to see if we would actually do it."

"Why risk it?"

Yuujo shouted, "And why did he want us to kill you guys?!"

Hiei said in a dry voice, "If we knew any of the answers, we wouldn't be standing here."

"We're just bouncing ideas off each other, Hiei," Kurama soothed.

Suddenly, Tobikage and Hiei looked at each other, and they both asked in the same deadpan voice, "Where's the Arutoi from this dimension?"

Chimayu muttered, "Maybe, he killed himself."

Yuusuke said, "Maybe, the Arutoi from our dimension is good."

"How long does it take for Koenma to find a damn key?" Kazuma grumbled. "I want to help the pretty chick."

Yuusuke snickered, "Oh? Which one?" Kuwabara mumbled something under his breath, and Yuusuke asked, "What was that?"

"Tobikage . . ."

"Back away!" Came the snarl from the two Koorime. Hiei had unsheathed his katana, and, since she was without hers, Tobikage's right arm burst with sudden power, summoning the dark flames of the Makai.

Kuwabara Kazuma knelt in front of her, "I can't hide it anymore, Tobi-chan, I'm in love with you! I will be your strong knight in shining armor! You won't have to fight any longer because I will protect you! Tobi-chan, will you marry me?!"

Two of the boys winced, but the girls and Hiei winced for an entirely different reason as they waited for the onslaught.

Hiei asked her, "Should I or should you?"

"Both," she said. They nodded at each other, and then they kicked his head at the same time; one foot on either side of his face. No sound issued from his mouth because he had collapsed, unconscious. Tobikage growled, "Oh, no, you don't!" She grabbed his collar, and shook him awake, slapping him several times to add to the effect.

He shouted, "I'm awake! I'm awake!"

"I know," she said as she kept slapping him. Finally, she stopped, and said, "*Never* call me Tobi. My name is Tobikage. Get it right next time."

"Anou . . . Sumimasen, Tobikage-san! You know that if I knew that, I would never have uttered such a dispicable name like that! So, what do you say? Sumimasen! Aishiteru!"

"I'm with him," she said, wrapping her arms around Hiei's shoulders, and kissing his cheek.

Off to the side, the two Urameshis snickered evilly. Zouba and Kurama eyed them strangely, and Chimayu giggled.

"No! When did this happen?!"

Hiei smiled, showing his fangs, "Who cares? She's mine, not yours."

Koenma showed up finally, and asked, "What's Kuwabara's new issue?"

Yuujo laughed, "The woman he loved left him."

"Again?" He asked.

The boys snickered, but the girls looked around cluelessly other than Tobikage whom shouted, and punched Kuwabara Kazuma, "Stay away from my imoutochan!"

After Kazuma was conscious he yelled, "You're Yukina-san's Oneesan?! I thought that she had an Oniisan!"

She hesitated for only a split second, "Yukina got the wrong facts. She really has an Oneesan."

"Anou . . . I thought you girls were from another dimension."

"Iya, I am from this one," she smoothly said. "I slipped through a portal on accident."

"Oh . . ." then his face split into a huge grin, "Yukina-san will be so happy when she finds out!"

Koenma sighed, and unlocked the vault, dragging the others inside behind him, however, the two Koorime lingered a bit longer outside. Hiei squeezed Tobikage's hand, and she gripped back, whispering, "Gomen."

"We . . . you . . . one of us deserves happiness," he said.

"Iya, I want the both of us to be happy. We'll figure something out, Hi-chan."

He smirked, "Will we, Tobi-chan?"

She chuckled, taking his hand, and pulling him into the vault with her.

Zouba was saying, "-look like anything was taken! There aren't any footsteps in this dust except ours!"

"Okay, this is weird," Yuujo muttered.

"Yeah, I'm leaving," Yuusuke said, "before I sneeze."

They began walking toward the exit, and as they did so they kicked up dust, which got into their faces.

"Achoo!"

"Achoo!"

The kami looked around, sometimes uncovering the artifacts from under the dust to see what was there, and then exclaimed, "This is strange."

"Yeah," Yuusuke snorted, "you guys don't know how to dust."

"No, not that! There isn't anything missing! Everything is here!"

*-*-*

They were conversing in Koenma's office when Yuujo brought up a startling problem, "Know what?"

Yuusuke asked, "What?"

"The only clothes that we have are the ones that we are wearing now, and they're covered in dust!" She shouted, "Shopping time!"

The female Jaganshi asked, "Can we shop in the Makai this time? Your Ningenkai marketplaces are strange. And noisy."

Yuujo retorted, "And the Makai marketplaces smell."

"Besides," Chimayu said, "they don't sell clothes. They sell cloth."

"So?"

"We don't know how to sew!"

Hiei said, "Tobikage and I can go to the Makai. You six can shop here if you so desire."

They all agreed, and headed out the door, going their seperate ways. Koenma sighed, and counted, "Five, four, three, two, o-"

"Koenma-chan! We need some cash!"

*-*-*

'I can't believe this! First Yukina, then Tobikage! Who's next?!' Kuwabara thought to himself.

Yuujo, Chimayu, and Zouba had been looking though clothes half the day. Yuusuke was getting bored because Kurama wouldn't let him help choose some of the clothes for them. He had argued that since Yuujo and he were the same person that he could go into the changing room with her to help. Kuwabara closed his eyes while Yuusuke was trying to get Kurama to agree to go underwear shopping next.

"Hey, Kuwabara?" Zouba asked as she came out of the dressing room.

"Hai, Zou-?" Kuwabara had opened his eyes, and saw what Zouba was trying on.

She was wearing a tank top that looked to be two sizes too small for her, and a skirt that stopped before it reached the crotch. Zouba started to giggle when Kuwabara's eyes glazed over. Yuusuke also had the same look while Kurama looked to ready to hit his friends upside the heads.

Yuujo and Chimayu came out of their dressing rooms. Kuwabara turned his head, and his eyes looked about ready to pop out of his head. While Chimayu was wearing the cute 'innocent' short sailor fuku, Yuujo was wearing shorts that were short enough to be underwear, and a tight shirt that was fishnet which had two circles of a different cloth covering her nipples.

"Zouba, what are you so giggly about?" Chimayu asked.

Zouba pointed at Yuusuke, whom was on the floor with blood leaking from his nose, Kuwabara, whom's mouth was on the floor with a cherry-red face, and Kurama, whom was looking away from the whole thing.

*-*-*

Chimayu walked past Kurama and Kuwabara, but kicked Yuusuke in the side as she went to go pay for her clothes. Yuujo held back her laughter at the sight, but then turned to Kurama.

"Youko Kurama?" Yuujo asked in a sly voice.

Kurama turned when he heard his name, "Hai, Yuu-?"

Time seemed to stop as Kurama looked Yuujo over. The black shorts and dark green shirt seem to bring out everything lovely in Yuujo. Her eyes and hair seemed darker and her skin looked more brown more than tan. Her lips were full, and her body was perfect. She was a little shorter than Yuusuke; she wasn't fat or skinny, but in the middle due to her muscle. Her breasts were just the right size; somewhere between a B and a C. Not that he was looking. Kurama then caught himself looking, and thought about what Yuujo would look like underneath the clothes.

"Do you like it?" Yuujo asked Kurama.

Kurama just nodded his head, turning to look away from Yuujo.

Yuujo smiled, "Good! I'll buy it!"

*-*-*

Yuusuke mumbled incoherently under his breath. The others weren't letting him hold the bags full of their lingerie. He would have gladly held all of the bags as long as he got to hold the lingerie. But no! Kurama had the bags of lingerie! And he wasn't peeking through them at all!

He said, "Oi, Kurama, since you're not using them, can I?"

"Not using what?"

"What's in those bags that you're holding."

"Yuusuke! Be prudent! Please!" Kurama shouted.

"It's just a little peek," he exclaimed. "It's not like I'm going to wear them, I just want to look."

"No, Yuusuke, that would be inappropriate."

"That coming from a perverted youko," Yuusuke snickered.

Kuwabara tapped his shoulder, "Anou . . . the girls heard you guys."

Expecting injury to himself, Yuusuke jumped in the other direction of the three girls, however, he had no reason to do so because they were holding back peals of laughter.

"You don't have to worry," Zouba smiled gently. "We've been around Yuujo long enough to expect something like that from you."

"Excuse me?!" Yuujo shouted. "Them sounds like fighting words!"

"Well, maybe, they are."

Yuusuke pumped a fist into the air, "Woohoo! Cat fight!"

*Then* they slapped him, Zouba first because she was closer. She smiled, "When you say things like *that*, that's when we'll hurt you."

They both turned on their heels, and Yuujo beckoned, "Come, Kurama."

"Come, Kazuma."

As one they chorused, "We're leaving."

"Hey, what about Urameshi?"

Yuujo smirked, "Who?"

Yuusuke was left in the middle of the partly empty mall, and as soon as their footsteps disappeared, behind him a new pair of footsteps became audible. His ears twitched slightly, and he turned his head to look down the hallway only to see a pair of familiar, good, black, leather boots and black, leather high-heeled boots stopping in front of him. Both of which looked rather new.

A lilting alto voice asked, "What did you do to them?"

He accidentally looked up a red dress, and suddenly one high-heeled boot kicked him roughly in the face. He shrieked, "I didn't mean to! You were right there!"

Standing, he looked at her, and then did a double take. It was definately Tobikage standing in front of him, but not in her usual attire. Now, she wore a solid red, long Chinese dress lined in silver-white which was *incredibly* tight, and Yuusuke only had one wish. That her breasts were just a little bit larger. Not too much or it would look totally wrong on her tiny, lithe body.

"Shimatta . . ." he breathed out.

"Tantei," she said, "I'm not *that* short."

Yuusuke snapped his head up to look at her face, completely unashamed. He just didn't want to get kicked again. Tobikage was just as violent as Hiei.

She rolled her eyes, "What did you do to them?"

"All I wanted to do was see them fight!"

Hiei asked, "Which ones?"

"Zouba and Yuujo."

Smirking, and swiftly walking around him with Hiei on her heels, Tobikage said, "You shouldn't encourage them to fight, or they'll direct their rage on you."

"Gee, thanks for the warning . . ." he grumbled.

"That's the warning for Yuujo and Zouba. When Kuwabara's in the mix, Yuujo and her don't seem to notice."

"What about Zouba?"

"Kuwabara and Kurama don't fight, why should Kuwabara and Zouba be any different?" She said airily, "You better hurry up, Reikai Tantei, before we leave you behind."

*-*-*

"We didn't knock him out *that* hard, did we?" Zouba asked, looking at the door worriedly.

Yuujo shrugged, "He's probably patching together his wounded pride."

"I thought that was more of Hiei and Tobikage's forte," Kurama smiled.

"What time is it?"

Chimayu shielded her eyes, and looked up at the sun, "Hard to tell . . ."

The door of the mall opened, and out came Tobikage and Yuusuke, a very fine looking Hiei behind them. At her angle, Yuujo could see him, but, unfortunately for Zouba and Chimayu, they couldn't. While nowhere near as tight as Tobikage's new suit, he still looked dashing. Brand new leather boots, and new black pants, which were being held up by a black leather belt. Hiei wasn't wearing a shirt, but a red vest lined in the same silvery white cloth like Tobikage's dress.

She opened her mouth, closed it, opened it, and then closed it again. Finally, she murmured, "Whoa . . . hot . . ."

"What are you looking at?" Curious about what her friend was doing, Zouba walked over to stand beside her, and gaped, "Oh . . ."

Chimayu followed suit, and stared for a long time, "Dear, Enma-sama in heaven . . ."

Hiei seemed to have finally noticed where their attention was directed, and he smirked, sharing an strange look with Tobikage. Slowly, he stretched his arms high up into the air, causing the muscles on his chest to ripple in a very pleasant and alluring way. The other three made varying attempts to not drool.

The female Jaganshi smirked, and took a hold of his vest, pulling him over to her, "Look at my sexy Hiei. All mine . . ."

The other girls pouted, though Yuujo knew that they were just playing with them.

As they were walking back to Koenma's place, they walked passed Chimayu and Yuujo's school.



"Hey! Let's see what Keiko looks like!" Yuujo said as she started to the school.

Tobikage looked at her friend, and shook her head, rolling her eyes. She then started walking away from them saying something about a nap, Hiei nodding in agreement, and following her.

"Yuujo! Koenma said that he wanted us back after we were done!" Zouba said as her friend kept going.

She waved her hand, "Just tell him I'll be late! Tell him I was hungry or something!"

Zouba shook her head as well; once Yuujo had something on her mind, there was no way of stopping her. She followed Hiei and Tobikage.

Zouba's male replica looked at Yuusuke, "Please, go follow her."

"Why should I?" Yuusuke asked.

Kurama sighed, "I'll let you look in the bag if you do."

After hearing this, he ran after Yuujo, shouting, "Wait for me, sweetheart!"

The male Kuwabara asked, "Were you really going to let him?"

"Iya," Kurama replied.

Chimayu and Kazuma, hearing this, started to laugh. The three then followed the two Jaganshi and the female youko.

*-*-*

"Open up my eyes,

Flooded with daylight,

Another sleepless night turns color black and white,

With all the things I've said,

There is just regret,

Repeating in my head,"

Yuujo could hear Yuusuke somewhere behind her, at a run to get to her.

"Hands into a fist,

Static in my head,

Now, I'm sitting face-to-face with loneliness,

What did I expect?

Did I see forever

In you?

I never want it to hurt more than it should,

I hope you're satisfied,

I never could," Yuujo sang as she walked through the school doors, and when Yuusuke caught up to her, he started to sing with her.

"Time to close my eyes,

Forget about this mess,

Try to fix this tragic loss of innocence,

But how can I forget,

The things I haven't done,

When everything is dead?" The two decided that was as far as they would go, and smiled at each other.

"Finch, right?" Yuusuke asked, and she nodded.

They went through the hallways silently for quite some time before they heard footsteps in another hallway near by. Yuujo noticed as her male counterpart all of a sudden became very distraught, and began looking around as if for a place to escape. When the person's feet swung into view in front of them, Yuusuke shoved her through an open door, and waved at the figure.

She was about to protest this rough treatment when she heard Yuusuke, "Hey, Takenaka, how are you?!" Her eyes widened, her jaw dropped, and she felt her lungs constrict in her chest.

There was a long silence before Takenaka spoke, "Yuusuke, what are you doing here? It's after school hours. You'd usually be long gone. I don't remember you getting detention this week, you weren't here to get any."

"Anou . . . Kuwabara lost his koneko! Eikichi! He lost Eikichi! Have you seen her?!"

"Iie . . . why would she be in here?"

"I just saw her come in here!"

"Or maybe you lost your brain in here," came Akashi's voice.

Yuusuke looked at him, and said sarcastically, "Gee, do you think so? Maybe, you can help me find that too."

Yuujo's face twisted in anger; she knew that voice all too well.

"Akashi-sensei," Takenaka cleared his throat, "I think we should leave Yuusuke to find his Eikichi."

Akashi smiled as he walked with Takenaka, "I thought Urameshi Yuusuke was a man, but I was wrong!"

Yuusuke's face flushed, "It's Kuwabara's! Not mine!"

She stuck her head out, and aimed her finger at Akashi's back, smiling with delight.

Just as Yuusuke turned his head, he saw Yuujo fire her Rei Gun.

"Itai!" Akashi said as he hit the ground.

Yuujo had already stuck her head back in as Takenaka turned his head. Now, he was looking at Yuusuke.

"That little brat!" Akashi yelled as he got up.

"Nani?!" Yuusuke shouted, "I didn't do anything!"

"He's right," Takenaka defended him. "He was too far away to do anything."

Akashi looked back, and mumbled, "I still think it was him."

As soon as Yuusuke knew they were far from them, he looked at Yuujo whom had a big smile on her face. He fumed, "What do you think you were doing?!"

"Teaching him a lesson. That's what I think I was doing," Yuujo anwsered back.

"Don't be a smartass," Yuusuke said, turning, and starting to walk down the hall.

Yuujo smirked, and walked beside Yuusuke, "I get it from you."

"Yuusuke is that you?" Came a familiar voice.

Yuusuke then pushed Yuujo again into a open door. Yuujo looked around this time, the last room she was in was a classroom, this was a bathroom.

"Konnichiwa, Keiko! How are you?!" Yuusuke asked.

Yuujo looked at Yuusuke, and saw the same little, sweet Keiko.

"What are you doing here?" Keiko asked.

"I was looking for Kuwabara's Eikichi! She ran in here!" Yuusuke said.

Keiko looked confused, "Why would Kuwabara's Eikichi be in here?"

"You see I was watching her for Kuwabara, and she escaped from me! I saw her run in here!" Yuusuke replied.

"Oh . . . Were you going to check in the boy's bathroom?" Keiko asked, pointing to where Yuujo was.

Yuujo paled. The boy's room! No wonder it smelled funny.

He paled in an unconscious imitation of his look-alike, "Th - the boy's ro - room?"

Keiko looked at him again, "Hai . . . The one with the open door."

"Anou . . . iya! I was just exiting," Yuusuke reached in, and shut the door. "I didn't see her in there!"

"Oh, okay"

Yuujo pulled back, and grabbed her nose to make sure it was still there.

"Well, I'll see you later, Keiko!"

"Ja mata, Yuusuke! I hope you find Kuwabara's Eikichi!"

It was quiet for a while before Yuusuke opened the door, and murmured, "The coast is clear."

"It's about time! What the hell do you guys do in there to make it smell so bad?!"

"I don't know what you're talking about! Smells manly to me!"

Yuujo started to laugh, "I guess that men smell like shit then!"

Yuusuke gave her dirty looks as they walked down the hall.

*-*-*

Yasha T: This is the question that I keep asking myself: if Yuusuke and Yuujo sleep with each other is it incest or masturbation?

Alastair: Technically, since they aren't family, and yet not exactly the same person, it's neither.

Yasha T: You sure?

Alastair: Kind of.

Yasha T: Should we mention that we're not against Yaoi, Yuri, Hetero, or anything like that? Because we're going to make fun of all of them.

Alastair: You just did.

Yasha T: *thinks* Oh . . . I did, didn't I?

Alastair: *sighs* Goober.

Yasha T: Well, that's it then.

*-*-*