Diary of an Insane Clown Posse Roadie

Saturday May 3rd-
Went to see if N*Sync needed a new roadie. I got shot down hard. Some wierdos who said they have a band told me they would take me. They offered five dollars a week and a place in the "dark carnival." Whatever that means. Hey, anything is better than being home with my parents.

Sunday May 4th-
Started tour with Insane Clown Posse. These guys are kind of wierd but their songs are pretty cool. For some reason the one guy calls me "bitch titties the clown". Go figure.

Monday May 5th-
I realize that most of the conversations between ICP and their entourage involves somebody calling somebody else a "Nut licking bitch" and they keep on saying "JUGALOS" and "SOUTHWEST DETROIT FOREVER!!!" I'm getting kind of scared because Violent J (thats one of the guys names) got angry at me because I brought him a cappacino instead of a moche latte. He said he was going to cut my head off and shit down my throat.

Wednesday May 7th-
The band wasted like 20 cases of root beer tonight. Holy shit, I could have sold that root beer. Also they soaked my dc talk t-shirt! It's ruined!

Saturday May 10th-
I had to drive the tour bus today because they said they wanted me to be the "get away driver." We drove to this place with a big sign that said "Interscope Records." I saw the clowns talking to this white guy and this black guy and all the sudden they punched the white guy in the face. The black dude pulled a gun and started shooting at us. The clowns made it safely back to the bus. Then Shaggy hung his head out of the window and said something like "It ain't nothing but a bitch thing m&m!"

What kind of pussy name is m&m?

Tuesday May 13th-
I thought we were going to watch some wrestling live but it ended up ICP started wrestling. I got in the ring and had my ass beaten by some guy name Norman Smiley. I was pretty embaressed.

Wednesday June 1st-
I have written in a while because I broke both of my arms in an acident. The guys sprayed root beer all over the stage and I slipped and fell write in the crowd. This is when the crowd started to jump on me.

I have recently learned how to hold a pencil in my mouth and write.

Friday June 26th-
I'm now living in Mexico. ICP didn't think I was such a good roadie without the use of my arms so they traded me for a bag of rice and a donkey. Oh well.