Use Once and Destroy
Use Once and Destory belongs rightfully to SIN Productions © 2005. Plagiarism is illegal and is considered a crime. Ronin Warriors is © Sunrise, Inc. All rights reserved. Rated K+ for everyone who loves yaoi.
This story was originally a song-fic which was banned according to FFnet's TOS. If you would like to read the story in it's complete form go to my website listed on my author page.
Dais confronts his feelings towards Anubis after their encounter in the mortal realm at the train tracks. YAOI. COMPLETE.
Dais wandered the empty, damp halls of the legendary Dynasty castle, oblivious to the cries of agony coming from what seemed like all around him. His mind was not on the cruelty being pressed forth on the insignificant mortals, but on a more irrelevant circumstance.
His long, silky white hair flowed freely down his shoulders much like a spider's web, glimmering in what little light the hallways held. Dais kept going with no specific destination in mind.
Soon Talpa would rule the mortal realm, and soon he would be at his side doing his mater's bids. Again and again, doing mindless task after mindless task, the days passing by with little meaning, if any meaning. Was this how his life was going to be for all eternity?
It was true that his efforts lately had become fruitless, in fact boring. He was starting to lose interest in Master Talpa's dream of conquering the mortal realm. He didn't have a concern left in the world he left long ago. Why couldn't Talpa just be happy in the Nether Realm?
Besides, Talpa paid little attention to him and the other Dark Warlords now that Anubis was gone. Anubis had been his favorite, everyone knew, and now that Lady Kayura had taken Anubis' place, Dais' fight in the Dynasty wasn't fitting anymore.
What options did he have left?
Because he was not a traitor.
He was not a traitor.
He had to keep saying this over and over to himself so that he would actually believe it. He supposed this was the reason he went into the mortal realm and had sought out his former comrade. To see what it was like to be free. Free of Talpa's control, free of the cuffs that his armor bore that kept him tied down in the Dynasty.
He had hoped Anubis would be miserable being a traitor. Had even wished Anubis would beg Talpa's forgiveness and rejoin the Dynasty's side and become the Ogre, his leader, once more.
But, to his surprise, Anubis seemed content, even happy to be rid of his immortal status and fighting alongside the enemy. And with ease he had brought down Dais, hitting him with that damned magic staff sending his Illusion helmet flying to the tracks.
Dais had been bewildered, shocked beyond belief and for a moment there found himself tongue tied. When Anubis and that girl with the child approached him, he was enraged. Anubis had finally found happiness, something he had been searching for what seemed like forever…
Dais shook his head and laughed despite himself. Well of course Anubis found happiness without him. Dais was probably the cause of all his agony and pain within the Dynasty. The red haired man had never been satisfied, despite their wealth and power, and had always longed for more…but never knew exactly what.
Dais secretly wished he could give Anubis happiness, whatever that was. But Anubis had never seemed interested in Dais, and at most times annoyed with him. So Dais had let him be, never acting on his hidden emotions, and let the years roll on without incident.
Dais remembered his words today to his long lost leader. And they played in his head over and over again, and he cringed with every rotation. He wished he had said something different. But he always did think of the perfect speeches after the whole incident was over. Why was he so stupid all the time?
"Go ahead! Finish me off!" Dais had shouted.
"No Dais, I won't." Anubis sadly answered.
Anubis wouldn't even let him die with honor. Instead the bastard left him there confused and shaking on deserted train tracks wishing he were dead. But Dais' curse was to live on, to live on for no reason at all, to live in the misery that had engulfed his life.
Dais had wanted to scream after Anubis, "Take me with you! Show me how to be rid of Talpa! To be happy…to be happy with you…" but how could he have said that?
If Cale and Sekhmet had found out they would've slit his throat when he was sleeping.
Anubis would never accept the fact that Dais had "feelings" for him. It just wasn't right that men liked men in that way. If anything Anubis was Dais' superior, despite his younger age, and that was just dishonorable.
Of course Dais couldn't figure out whom he was supposed to be honoring anymore. His family had long since been dead. And he long lost interest in caring about himself. He only acted selfish in front of Cale and Sekhmet in the throne room of the castle just so they wouldn't notice the change.
He didn't want to be questioned about his motives.
He stuck to his quarters when Talpa had no use for him, which was more and more as Kayura was praised and put on a pedestal. Occasionally Cale would seek him out for practice sparring and Dais would give in, otherwise Cale would wonder why he was avoiding him.
Cale was his best friend, if he was to have a best friend, but he was still a Warlord. Which meant he would turn on you, if the price was right.
Anubis had hated Cale and Sekhmet since the beginning. They found the age difference between them and Anubis appalling when Talpa awarded the younger Warlord the title 'leader.' Dais never uttered one word of disappointment, anger, or annoyance to Anubis, or anyone for that matter, even though he was the eldest of them all.
Perhaps it was because he admired the younger one for his cunning strategies, his astonishing fighting skills, and such other abilities.
It had all started with admiration, Dais recalled. Just plain old, simple, easy to deal with admiration towards Anubis. Then slowly it became more and more…
Dais had begun to notice things he usually never noticed about either Cale or Sekhmet. The way Anubis' eyes shined when he won a battle, the way his hair would flow around his shoulders the color of a dark red rose, how soft his skin really was when Dais once touched his shoulder…
When Dais had become coherent that his feelings were more than approbation, he became aggressively in denial. He avoided Anubis for months and months on end, hoping the feelings would subside and all together disappear, but things just didn't work like that. The more he averted Anubis, the more he would miss him and then in result would have stronger urges to see him.
It soon led to spying on him while he practiced and other such nonsense that made Dais' cheeks burn with embarrassment while thinking about them. Grown men did not go about spying on other males. It was something little boys did to girls while they were dressing just as they hit puberty!
Eventually Dais gave up avoiding Anubis and had to deal with trying to contain his feelings for the man. It would not do for the Warlord of Illusion to tell his leader that he such absurd feelings for him. No matter how many times Dais' analyzed the situation, telling Anubis was last on his list. He knew Anubis would be appalled and horrified to find out Dais' true intentions and feelings for him.
So keeping them bottled up was the only answer and Dais learned to live with it. He accepted the fact that Anubis would never love him and that he could never love Anubis outside of his dreams. He went on with his life under Talpa's beckoning because at the very least he could be near Anubis. And he learned to be happy with just being at Anubis' side as a comrade.
But now that Dais looked back at his past with Anubis, he wasn't even sure he was really friends with him. He cringed and finally looked up from staring at the gray, molding tiles of the hall. He was on the completely other side of the castle now, near the gardens. He hadn't even realized he had walked so far!
Dais followed the hall until he found himself outside in the dark of the Nether Realm nights. Stars shined brightly in the sky with the two moons shining equally.
Again the scene of him and Anubis at the tracks replayed in his head. Oh how he wished Anubis had killed him right then and there, instead of letting him live and drive himself insane with his thoughts and desires.
If he was a true Warlord, he shouldn't have these doubts swirling around his brain. But he could not stop them, like one could not stop their untimely death. His emotions were brewing, bubbling, as if in a cauldron ready to explode a mysterious spell.
He had always had a tight lid on his emotions and now they were all free, ruining his known life…almost if they were starting on their own path, dragging Dais with them.
Was he thinking with his heart? Had he finally lost it?
Maybe he had gone into the mortal realm to see what it was like to be free, without a master. Dais couldn't even remember his own mortal life, when Talpa wasn't his controller. Dais knew his soul was lost and that he could never regain possession of it…until he was free of Talpa.
But he had very little concern for his own well being.
Dais began to panic more and more as a conclusion popped into his head.
Had he really gone to retrieve Anubis?
No! Dais' mind screamed. There was no possible way he went into the mortal realm because he was deep in love for the ex-Warlord. There was no possible way! This could not be true…
He ran. He ran as fast as he could through the halls, tearing his way down them. Ignoring everything in his presence except for his growing heartbeat, and his frenzied mind on overload.
He ran…trying to escape the truth.
Dais ran to the only place that had ever brought him peace. The gardens. He ran there and when he arrived beside the calm, dark stream, he panted hard with over exertion.
He had the endurance, but not the heart.
He had the dreams, but not the will.
He had the love, but not the courage.
The gardens were a beautiful place year round. With a clear flowing stream brushing by on smooth as silk rocks. Dark, hanging, overflowing plants surrounded him with greenery that made the mortal's rain forests look like a small greenhouse.
Only him and one other person in the Nether realm appreciated this holy spot for it's worth. He had spent countless nights with him, meditating in this exact spot…
Dais had taught that son of a bitch everything he knew about fighting. Hundreds of years ago, even though it seemed like only yesterday. Anubis had been a passionate fighter with a fiery temper and the shortest temper he had ever seen.
He had been so impressed, and slightly jealous as well as the other Warlords, with his skills and his favoritism he received from Talpa. He wailed through Dais' teachings and surpassed his lectures faster than Cale or Sekhmet had when they first arrived at the Dynasty.
Though Dais could tell Anubis was different from Cale, Sekhmet, and him. The boy had a disgusting sense of honor that was abhorrent to his half that was loyal to Talpa, admirable to his other half.
Dais had learned that performing cheap tricks and being dishonorable was a part of being a Warlord. He lost his conscience long ago when he had been granted the gift of immortality.
Though lately immortality had seemed like a curse.
Dais felt like a cursed Gemini, having a split personality that was tearing him up inside. He couldn't decide which side he wanted to follow…
Dais fell to his knees and cursed at the stars for all the misery they had put him through. He pounded the soft grass as hard as he could with his fists…over and over again, until his hands started to bruise an ugly shade of blue and blood oozed from small cuts.
"Anubis!" he cried at the sky, "This is all your fault!" his voice cracked with tension and he felt warm droplets run down his cheek.
He didn't even realize he was crying until he tasted salt upon his chapped lips. A hand instantly went to his cheek, and touched the liquid as if it was a sign from the Gods.
Dais was amazed to find himself silently crying. He couldn't even remember crying, ever. Not even when he was young, though most, almost all memories of his mortal life were gone. All that was left of his real, true self was a blurry, fuzzy puzzle that pieces were missing to. That could never be recovered.
With his breathing ragged, Dais clutched the rare Dynasty grass in his clutches, squeezing them as he cringed.
"Anubis…" the name was like a sweet berry on his tongue, like his hair. Crimson…he had always loved Anubis' hair…the softness, the long strands…like blood flowing freely on a clean cut wound.
Dais stayed in the gardens the whole night. Watching the stars, confusion evident on his furrowed brow and his distrait face.
Even as the glistening of the morning sun began to rise, Dais stayed. Fearful that leaving the garden he would lose his sanity.
If Dais had learned anything while being in the Dynasty, he learned one thing. Forbidden love was forbidden, men did not love men, and…
Warlords did not betray their master.
But Dais knew he could always dream. Dream of a day without masters and slaves. Dream of a world without rules and restrictions…
It was a known fact that rules were meant to be broken.