Meaningful Silences

Rated: PG-13 May go up later depending on direction of fic.

Pairing: K/S (Although nothing explicit.)

A.N.: Takes place before and during 'The Search For Spock', May be somewhat inaccurate due to my foggy memories of the movie, but this was just banging around in my head. This is my first attempt at Star Trek fiction so and feedback is appreciated. Enjoy.

Sleepless Nights

Admiral James Kirk had been awake for the last three hours tossing and turning restlessly in his bed, looking inconsolably at the drab standard issue quarters that Starfleet assigned him. Although before Genesis, his quarters suited him well enough, or at least that was what Kirk tried to convince himself of; now they felt like a prison. Every night since the return trip to Earth, after informing the Ambassabor and Spock's mother about his death, Kirk had been haunted by memories of the last painful moments of his best friend's life.

[The needs of the many…}

[Out weight the needs of the few…]

[Or the one.]

[You always have been and always will be my friend.]

[Live long and prosper.]

This particular night thoughts of Spock were too close to the surface to allow any rest so Kirk quickly threw on a pair of running pants and left his quarters behind without a backward glance. The night was remarkable bright despite the late hour, and Kirk had little trouble using the moon over San Francisco to guide him to the bay.

As he ran relentlessly his mind was consumed with visions of his remarkable First Officer over the many years that they had known one another. When Jim had first met the Vulcan he intimidated him, although he let no sign of this show on his face.

But from the first, Kirk had noticed certain loneliness underneath the super-Vulcan exterior. From that moment on, Kirk did his best to include Spock in ship functions as well as indulge in the occasional game of chess. As once a month became once a week, and then whenever they had the free time, the curiosity turned to comfortable routine, which turned to anticipation. When not on missions the two senior officers often took shore leave together as well, sometimes accompanied by Bones.

Spock's death had even affected Doctor McCoy more outwardly then it did Kirk, although inside Kirk was a mess. Had it not been for his concern with the mission and then Bones' mental state, he most likely would have had a nervous breakdown. After the first episode, McCoy had returned much to normal, although he swore he still heard Spock speaking to him at times.

It was only when Spock was absent that Jim felt the presence that had always been in the back of his mind. Without even realizing it, Jim had been reassured by the link between the two of them and had taken strength from it during the worst times of his life. Now however, Jim felt even more isolated and despairing then he ever could remember feeling before.

While he was woolgathering and busy feeling sorry for himself he had continued running at a break-neck pace, the sweat dripping off of him in waves. When he at last looked up at his surroundings he was surprised to find himself in front of the Vulcan consulate.

He merely looked at the imposing steel gates, up at the modern building housing Ambassador Sarek, who had returned to earth last night. Sarek had sent two messages to Kirk at both his office and at home, but Kirk had been too listless to reply to either of them today. He was going to force himself to face Spock's father the first thing in the morning. In fact Jim was just turning sluggishly around when a shadow from the grounds coming closer halted him.

"Admiral Kirk, a word please." Came a calm voice from the darkness. Kirk recognized the voice right away, and had to physically force himself to stand his ground. Although the two Vulcans were different as night and day, their voices sounded remarkably similar at times. Kirk did not think he could handle the reminder of his lose right now.

"Ambassador Sarek." Kirk replied, in a suitable emotionless voice, that even Spock would have envied. Using his command training he kept the torment off his face and by the time the Ambassador entered the courtyard, Kirk looked perfectly calm and in control. "I am sorry to be disturbing you at this time of night. I will speak to you tomorrow morning in your office."

As Kirk turned away slightly Sarek took a step forward. Speaking in an as urgent tone of voice as Kirk had ever heard coming from the usually taciturn Vulcan.

"I must speak with you immediately. It is urgent."

So saying Sarek strode back into the consulate without a backward glance to see if Jim Kirk was indeed following him. Kirk couldn't silence the anxious sigh that escaped him as he silently followed the Ambassador, for what would turn out to be a life changing conversation.