Title: How To Snag A Hottie From Your Prom Queen Of The Caribbean Sister
Author: Whose ff.net account are you currently at? Here's a hint, starts with a C and ends with a rystyna…
Disclaimer: That disclaimer was getting a bit boring wasn't it? Time for a new one! *pulls out magic curling iron* Will Turner, awaken and be mine!!! Poster, poster on the wall: Who's the fairest one of all?
Will Turner Poster: Elizabeth Swann!
Crystyna: Wrong answer babe. *burns poster of Elizabeth, does psychotic death-to-Elizabeth dance*
Will Turner: *faints*
Crystyna: Well, while he's sleeping…*turns to Jack Sparrow poster*
Jack: Don't look at me, luv.
…Yeah…and so I don't own anything remotely pirate related…
Summary: Elizabeth has a sister (called Christina) and they are complete opposites. Call it a Mary Sue if you must, frankly I don't give half a starved rat's ass. Or half of any rat's ass for that matter, even a fed and tamed one. Pro-Elizabeth don't read.
A/N: And now, the moment you've all been waiting for….the epilogue!
How To Snag A Hottie From Your Prom Queen Of The Caribbean Sister
1) You don't necessarily have to be as pretty or as skinny or as blonde as your sister, mind you. If the hottie is worth snagging, he wont be too distracted by her looks.
2) Save him off of a piece of driftwood in the middle of a crossing from England.
3) Let your sister be her usual kleptomaniac self and steal his locket, the sticky fingered wench.
4) Don't tell him about her pick pocketing.
5) He'll most likely fall in love with her the moment lays his eyes on her. Do not be fooled by this, it's a normal reaction. In fact, the chump will be so stumped by her radiant appearance, he'll never get the guts to actually talk to her…which could actually work both ways, 'cause if he ever got to know her, he wouldn't like her anyway.
6) Over the course of twelve years, sneak out of your neglecting father's house, and take lessons in swordsmanship from said hottie. Not only will this allow you the chance to get to know him (and him to know you), but you will also get to see him looking sweaty, and if you're really lucky, he might just take off his shirt. ^-^
7) Its okay if by the time you're both twenty, he still thinks he loves her. Sometimes hotties can be very slow.
8) When the Port where you live gets attacked by pirates, don't be dumb and hide in the closet with your moronic sister. Although you are biologically related (and in some cases, this is very very hard to believe) you are usually the smart one. Jump out the window instead. Do make sure you try to convince your idiot sister to come with you (or at least make sure you tell the hottie that you tried…)
9) Go on a quest to find her. Don't let the your prey try to convince you otherwise. (Men frequently try this. It makes them feel strong and powerful. They really are so fragile).
10) Make sure your quest leader is hot as well. That way, when he finds some vague interest in you, the hottie will feel jealous. Mostly because deep down, he knows he loves you. The fact that you are not twirling your hair around your fingers for most of the day has him confused. It'll pass.
11) When challenged to a duel by a bitchy female pirate, say yes, and then kick her sorry arse. It is sure to make you look slightly cooler your admirer (i.e. the hottie. Yes, he does admire you, he just doesn't know it yet). Also, he will pride himself on teaching you well. Proceed to kick his arse as well. Then, when challenged to a duel with your esteemed Captain…end up in a draw. Out of good manners of course, 'cause Lord knows you would have swabbed the deck with him if it wasn't for the fact that you won two duels already.
12) When you encounter your sister again, she'll be all over the hottie. Let her. But hug him first and let him know how glad you are to know that he's safe (he went and rescued her after all, and put himself in grave danger). Sometime around this point, he'll discover the proof that his dad was a pirate and be filled with self-loathing blah blah and make a move on you. Be all righteous and say, "Save it for my sister," It'll make a good impression, even though you'd rather pounce on him and shag him rotten. Wait. There will be time for that later. ^-^
13) Okay, this part gets confusing. The evil pirates that attacked the Port and kidnapped your sister re-enter and try to blow up the ship you are on. You get kidnapped by those nasty suckers, and the ship blows up, with the hottie on it. Throw a fit, but he's not dead. When he arrives on the skanky pirate ship, be all heroic and try to save his life by saying that you're his sister and that he's married to YOUR sister. That wont work, but it'll make him see how much you love him. You'll get marooned on an island with your bratty sister and a perpetually drunk Captain and be all said and you'll get such a hangover that it'll keep you away from alcoholic beverages at least until your impending wedding with the hottie of your specific Port. You'll also have a heart to heart with your sister, but don't be fooled. She'll turn on you once she thinks that you are a threat to her chances of getting the hottie (which you are, but she never thought of that because she's a self centered little prat, now isn't she?)
14) You get saved by Royal Navy Morons, and throw a fit to your father, who tosses you in the stupid Commodore's quarters. He is such a stupid git. Your sister decided to say that she is gonna marry the stupid Commodore, in order to save YOUR hottie. Hug your sister, she rocks, just for a moment. But she turns on you again, and you decide to leave to SINGLE HANDEDLY save, YOUR hottie. But of course, she decides that the meaning of "single handedly" means "with four hands" and tags along.
15) You hide while you watch your hottie almost get killed. Luckily, Captain Drunk interferes and stalls you for time while you kill a rock with a gold gun. Then there is lots of fighting, and your hottie is mercifully taken away from the knife that would slit his throat. And then there is more fighting, and your sister decides to be all heroic, taking the spotlight away from you again. But…you have a trick up your sleeve as well!
16) Get stabbed and wounded so that the only thing your stupid sister can say is "I broke my nails," Now the attention has to be put on you.
17) Eventually you'll get back to Port Royal where the best Captain in the Caribbean is about to be hanged. Don't worry, your hottie will show up (looking absolutely lickable in his ensemble, with a very sexy feather). He'll save the Captain in the last moment, and they'll fight the Royal Navy Idiots, but there will be too many Idiots for your hottie and the equally hot Captain. And your sister has to act like a heroine again and put herself between YOUR hottie and the stupid Commodore, who is -need we say- her fiancé. You sister isn't known for her loyalty.
18) Once the Captain gets away successfully, walk away glumly and look at the ship. You'll sort of wish that he took you with him, because the Commodore had to pick the most inopportune moment to start being human, and he's letting your sister off the hook. She no longer has to marry him. But your hottie will become aware of his feelings for you, and he'll proclaim his love for you, and reject your sister, thereby sending her into cardiac arrest. Your hottie will propose and you will ask him what the hell he's thinking (because, even though you knew all along that he would be madly in love with you, you mustn't let on). After he proclaims his love a few more times (1,542,931,479,234 times would be enough…) say yes. Then proceed to snog your hottie happily.
Serves any number of infatuated teenage girls.