Disclaimer:  I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean, or any of the characters.  I only own their thoughts.

Chapter 1…Giving Birth, Gravity, and poop.

Jack:  I mean really, I don't understand what the whole fuss about giving birth really is.  I mean it's just a lot of pushing and breathing right?

Elizabeth:  I beg your pardon.  Try squeezing a cantaloupe out a hole the size of a cherry.

Jack:  What's a cantaloupe?

Will:  Honestly Jack, it's a fruit that's all orange on this inside………you eat it.

Jack:  Whatever.  Anyways, back to my point.  It's just all kind of ridiculous, and it all gets blamed on us.  "You did this to me."

Will:  Jack we kind of do, do it to them, so they have a right to say something like that.

Jack:  Yes, but they were completely willing, so in turn it's half their fault, and I right?

Will:  I suppose.

Elizabeth:  No!  Not at all.  *pauses and thinks*   Well actually, I do suppose you have a point.

Will:  Wow, Jack Sparrow made a sensible point.

Jack:  Will, I've told you a thousand times, it's Captain Jack Sparrow.  But anyways, I don't like it.  It's too messy.

Elizabeth:  Well that's just how it is Jack.

Jack:  You may be right luv, but if I created the way of life, I would have made it so you could just say, I want a baby.  And then it would just plop down right in front of you.  There, easy.

Will:  You're hopeless.  I mean honestly, you need a practical way of doing it Jack.

Jack:  It is practical; I mean it could happen, if a few things were changed.  Like gravity for one.

Elizabeth:  Oh god here he goes.

Will:  Just let him speak or he'll never let us hear the end of it.

Jack:  All I'm saying is it would be bloody brilliant if everyone was just floating around all day.

Will:  Really Jack, how so?

Jack:  Well people could be doing flips in the air and such, flailing their arms around all day.  But the only problem is that when we go the bathroom that would be floating around too.  You know shit is disgusting.

Elizabeth:  I can't listen to this.

Will:  He's mad.

Jack:  But it's all brown and sometimes not – sometimes it's green.  You know one night Mr. Gibbs wasn't feeling to good, ate a bad fish, and he was in the loo for hours.  It was mad that night.

Will:  Jack enough.