101 Ways to Drive Snape Mad.

Chapter 1: Maggot Wings

"Argg! Why does Snape assign us the stupidest things?"

" Because he hates us, that's why!"

Harry, Hermione, and Ron were sitting in the library, researching topics for their essay; Write Five Feet on 101 uses of Maggot Wings in Potions. 

For once, Hermione was just as exasperated as the two boys were.

" Hermione, I thought you liked to write essays and do homework!" Harry said, astonished.

" Not when the topic is maggot wings!" Hermione said, her face with a touch of green.

" Who came up with the grossest things you use in potions, anyway?" Ron asked.

" Well, maybe we can find a book on 101 uses of maggot wings." Hermione said, and walked over to the shelf nearest to the table where their books and parchment were spread out. Harry and Ron soon joined her.

" …101 Ways To Use A Mandrake… 101 Uses Of The Spell 'Wingardium Leviosa'… 101 House Hold Spells…"

" … 101 Ways To Digest Dragon Eggs… 101 Charms, Spells, And Enchantments For Those Who Can't Read…"

" 101 Ways To Defeat Voldemort… 101 Love Potions For Your Crush… 101 Ways to Drive Snape Mad…" Harry paused, and did a double take.

" Hey, you guys, look! 101 Ways to Drive Snape Mad!" Harry called to them. They looked puzzled.

" … Written the Marauders: Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs!" Harry almost shouted. Madam Pince gave him a cold look.

" Wow, Harry!" Ron whispered.

Harry rushed over to the table and began to read the first page.

Are you bored with your life? Want to have a few laughs? Then use this book to humiliate Snape (or any other idiot or Slytherin). We (the Marauders) were bored one day and Prongs had the great idea to make a list of the best ways to drive Snape crazy. Well, the little list turned into a book! We never got the chance to play the pranks, because Prongs' girlfriend, Lily, saw what we were doing and so we had to hide the book in the library. We came back for it a few days later, and managed to finish writing this introduction. We won't be able to use the book, because all of the teachers have been keeping their eyes on Prongs and Padfoot, so they would never get away with it.

So, here's your chance to finish our noble work. We only ask that you use this book wisely, and try not to get caught. Any detentions, expulsions, or other punishments you may receive are not the responsibility of the authors of this book, so please prank at your own risk.

Thank you, and now, the page you've all been waiting for… the list of pranks!

Harry was very happy and excited. He would love to prank his most hated teacher. He read:

Bat your eyelashes at him every time you see him. Say hello to him every where you see him. Whenever you look at him, snicker. Invent a song about him. Sing it when he walks by. Ask for his autograph. Send him a bottle of shampoo for Christmas by owl. Send him hundreds of owls from "fans" asking whether he likes boxers or briefs. Talk to inanimate objects in baby-talk when ever he walks by. Ignore him completely. Don't think or talk about anything else but him. Sigh dramatically when he walks by… Leave him anonymous love notes

The list went on and on. When Harry looked up at Ron and Hermione from the book, he was grinning evilly.

" Oh, no, Harry… don't say it!" Hermione pleaded, but Harry said,

" Let's do it!"


"You two do realize how much trouble we could get in for this, don't you? I mean, we could get a week of detention, and about a hundred points off of Gryffindor…"

" So? I'm just finishing my father's noble work!" Harry shrugged.

" Hermione, if you don't want to do it, we're not making you."

" Of course I want to do it!" Hermione said, and the boys started at her. " I've wanted to get back at Snape for years! I hate him just as much as you do!"

" Hermione Granger… hates a teacher?" They said simultaneously. " Hell has frozen over!"

" Well, we'll certainly be in hell if Snape finds out what we're doing." Hermione mumbled.

" At least," Harry said with a grin, " It won't be one of our clever plans to get us killed… or worse, expelled!" Ron and Harry laughed, and Hermione grinned.

" They're never going to forget that, are they?" She asked no one in particular.

" It is hard to forget almost being eaten by a three headed dog!" answered no one in particular.

Hermione looked confused. " Who is no one in particular?"

" No one… in particular." No one in particular answered her.

" Oh!" She understood it perfectly.

I'm glad she does. I certainly don't.


Like it so far? I'm posting the first three chapters all in the same day, because…that's as far as I've written.

Tell me what you think!!! I'm open for all suggestions of insanity!!!!!!!