A Mask of Scarlet
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this stuff, once again. Uhm, this one isn't as good as some of my other stuff in my opinion but R/R anyways. I'm kinda going through some writer's block so I blame it on that. Anyways, see what ya think.
Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up and you know right away for an absolute fact that it's going to suck? Sometimes I think those are the only days I have anymore. That pisses me off and so once again I start the day off in a bad mood. When am I not in a bad mood?
For a second I seriously contemplate what it would be like if I never woke up ever again. It used to scare the hell out of me when I did this and probably if I told someone this was an almost everyday occurrence it would worry them too. Now though it's just part of my morning routine, like taking a shower or getting dressed.
I just lay there amidst my scarlet, satin sheets and sigh. The cool feel of them relaxes me; makes all the bad thoughts fade away. I almost drift back to sleep. Almost. That's when there's a knock at my door.
"Go away, Toad," I tell him in an exasperated tone. I don't even know why I automatically say it. It's almost like a reflex, my disgust towards him. Why? He hasn't done anything to hurt me, quite the contrary actually. So why is my first reaction to wrap his tongue around his throat and strangle him? I don't know.
"I made you breakfast in bed, sugar plum," he replies in a sickeningly sweet tone. Breakfast in bed? Blackened toast, charred eggs, and God knows what else. He's tried this before so I know what to expect. Plus I'm not entirely comfortable with him being in here when I'm only in a nightgown. As if Toad had the guts to take advantage of me in the first place. The funny thing is I don't think he even wants to, it's like the thought never even crossed his mind. I think he's being nice to me because he actually does love me. I don't know why I somehow can't return the favor.
"Just leave it by the door," I tell him, "I'll get it later." I listen to see if he'll leave. He does. He remembers what happened last time when he tried to come in and he wound up wearing the food. I sigh again and get out of bed.
I open the door and look down, expecting to see the same as last time. I'm greeted with freshly cooked and surprisingly not burnt waffles. I look around to make sure no one's watching and then smile. Why does it bother me so much to let people see me smile? What's wrong with smiling in front of people? Why can't I seem to do it?
There's a note attached to the tray. Apparently Freddy gave him some cooking lessons so that's why the food's in better shape. It's also signed with a little smiley face next to his name and a heart. I smile again. It's okay to do it this time; the door's closed after all. No one can come in and see Wanda. All they can ever see is the Scarlet Witch. That fact makes tears start to flow.
Why can't I for once be at least civil to Toad? I mean God knows he's always going out of his way to make me feel like the damn princess of the universe or something. What's wrong with me that I have to put on this front for him, for everyone? What am I so afraid of that I have to hide it by being so cruel to everyone I come in contact with?
It wasn't always like this; I didn't always feel like there were two people living inside my skin. I used to be nice, friendly, even cheerful. At least I think I did. Something happened, I don't know what, and now I'm all scowls instead of smiles. It's like I have this glitch in my brain and when I want to be nice somebody flips the switch in my head and I say things I don't even mean to. I don't mean to be cruel to people but I can't help it. It's some kind of defect in my personality. Defective, that's how I feel. Daddy's little reject who can't seem to get anything right and who nobody wants.
I don't even know why I feel that way either. I mean I don't think there's ever been anything that's happened to me that would cause me to feel unloved or unwanted. That just makes everything all the more confusing for me.
Toad, I really do treat him like shit. No, wait. The Scarlet Witch treats Toad like shit. Wanda Maximoff wouldn't do that; she'd be nice even to him and even if he wasn't so sweet to her. Why can't I go back to being Wanda again? He cares so much about me and I can't even say something nice to him. The most I ever managed was a "thank you" and that was only after he saved my life. No, I don't count that kiss because I didn't know it was him at first.
I look at myself in the mirror. Which me am I going to be today? Wanda Maximoff, the part of me that wants to care for people who care about me, or the Scarlet Witch, the girl who's controlled by rage at something unknown and takes it out on the people closest to her? I start to cry again because I already know the answer. I want to shatter that stupid, damn mirror because just like everyone else all I see is the Scarlet Witch staring back at me with an evil, sadistic grin. I wonder what would happen if I did break it, would Wanda be on the other side? It's been a long time, what does she look like now? Is she even still alive in there?
Yes, she's alive. I know it. She's the one who's crying now but no one will ever see her. She's locked in a cage and can't get out. Locked in a cage. That phrase means something, has something to do with why I am the way I am. Wanda was locked away and that created the Scarlet Witch.
I dry my tears and feel the Scarlet Witch start to take hold again. No one will ever see Wanda again. She's lost in the depths of my soul, hiding behind a mask of scarlet anger. I notice the breakfast tray on my bed. The waffles have gone cold. I start to cry again as I realize that I have too.