Title: Things They'll Never Say
Author: Willow
Donna can't help but wonder what Josh is doing. (Companion piece for Things He'll Never Say)
Episode: Post season 4, Holy Night.
Characters: Donna POV
Rating: G
Disclaimer: They all belong to Aaron Sorkin, NBC, John Wells and many others who aren't me.

Part II - Things She'll Never Say

This really is a beautiful place, and with the snow outside it's like a Christmas card. This is the perfect way to spend Christmas Day. It must have cost Jack a fortune, but he won't let me pay anything towards it. And the earrings he's bought me, very expensive and very beautiful, if a little predictable. Certainly not the sort of gift Josh would buy me. You know, as ungrateful as it sounds, I much prefer the slightly odd gifts that Josh and I exchange.

It was nice of Leo to arrange for me to get a lift up here, otherwise I'd probably have been stuck in Washington for the Holidays. That's what normally happens. All of us end up staying in town and we just get drunk at one of our apartments. I wonder what they're all doing today? I really shouldn't be thinking about that. I'm here in the mountains with a good looking, attentive man, I should be thinking of him. But I can't help wondering what my friends are doing.

Sam's in California of course, campaigning. He'll be spending Christmas with his family for a change. CJ's gone to her brother's for a couple of days, so I guess that leaves Toby and Josh. Except Toby's a little angry with Josh. Not that I blame Toby for that, but I do understand why Josh made the arrangements for Toby's father to visit. Maybe they'll spend Christmas together, that'd be nice, if Toby and Julie could reconcile over Christmas. Josh'd be happy about that. Jack's still in the shower, so I've got time to call Josh.

"Hello," he answers.

"Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," I can hear him smiling. "How are the mountains?"

"Snowy," I tell him. "Thanks for the present, it was lovely."

"I thought you'd appreciate it. I've hung yours on the wall, I looks good."

"You meeting Toby today?" I ask. I've no need to be quiet because I can still hear the water running next door. How can anyone spend so long in the shower?

"No, his father's stayed over, couldn't get a flight because of the weather...... "

"What are you doing then?" I interrupt. He can't spend Christmas day alone. I should be there with him. Whoa, where did that thought come from?

"I'm going to CJ's. She decided not to risk driving in this snow."

"Good," I smile. The water's finally stopped, so I should end the call now. "You have a good time, but don't drink too much."

"Yes, Donnatella," he replies and I can imagine him grinning, the full dimpled grin.

"I should go. I'm back on Friday, I'll see you then."

"See you. Enjoy yourself," he tells me, before hanging up.

I put the phone down and sit looking out of the window. This really is a lovely hotel and Jack's a nice man, even if he does spend more time than me getting ready in the morning, surely he can't do that on a submarine? He's got the day planned out. Breakfast in bed, which was nice. A walk in the snow before Christmas dinner in the restaurant and then a romantic evening in our room. He's got every detail worked out. Nothing left to chance, nothing spontaneous. All planned with military precision. He's so completely unlike Josh.

In truth, I wish I hadn't caught that helicopter, I wish I was in Washington spending Christmas with Josh, and CJ of course. Here I am in another man's bed and I'm missing Josh. I miss his smile, his voice, his humor. No one makes me feel like Josh does. He makes me feel alive and happy and safe. So why can't I just tell him how I feel? Well for a start, he's my boss. But it's more than that. Why would he want to date me? He doesn't date women like me. He dates women like Mandy and Amy and I hope to God I'm never anything like them. So I can't tell him, because he's my best friend and I love him and I don't want to loose him.

"Donna, Donna.... Hey, you were miles away there. You want to get a shower now, honey?"

"Yeah," I reply. Jack really is a nice guy, and he looks good in a towel, but then so does Josh.