Title: Father And Son
Author: Willow
Toby has his father to stay over Christmas.
Episode: Post season 4, Holy Night.
Characters: Toby POV
Rating: G
Disclaimer: They all belong to Aaron Sorkin, NBC, John Wells and many others who aren't me.

My father's sat in my lounge watching my TV and drinking my coffee. My father. This is something that I never thought would happen, it's also something that I never wanted to happen. Yet here he is, sat in my apartment. Strangely enough I don't actually want to kill Josh anymore, hurt him maybe.... I am still angry with him, he shouldn't have gone behind my back, but if he hadn't, my father wouldn't be here with me now, because there's no way I would have agreed to this if it hadn't been forced on me.

David phoned me earlier. It seems he'd asked for Josh's help and Josh offered to arrange a visitor's pass. I don't expect any less of David, he and my sisters have been trying to reconcile me with our father since our mother died. They've tried many different techniques, everything from the predictable, 'dad was asking after you.' To the more subtle, 'come to our house for dinner, oh look who just happened by.' They've never tried actually forcing us together before. No, that had to be Josh's idea. His little speech, about giving anything to have a living father who was a felon, made me think. But what Josh fails to grasp is, that while him and his father were close, the man in my lounge is a virtual stranger to me.

I know Josh misses his father and he doesn't understand how I don't want anything to do with mine. But Noah Lyman sounds like he was good man. From what Leo and Sam and Josh himself have said, he was always there for Josh and he cared about him. My father was never around when I was growing up and I have no idea whether he cared for me. Josh may think that my father's deeds weren't 'out of a desire to do evil', but what he did was still wrong and people where still killed. You can try and justify it all you want, it makes no difference whether they deserved to die. Yes he was in strange country and he barely spoke English, but so were tens of thousands of others in the mid 20th century, including Josh's grandparents and father, and they didn't all join Murder Inc, they didn't spend most of their kids childhoods in jail.

But I do accept that Josh was trying to help. Because I understand that he has strong views on family. I know he believes that family should be treasured, because you never know when they're no longer going to be around. I understand, because Rosslyn made me realize that about my friends.

Today's not been so bad I guess, so far. We've talked a little about when I was kid, but not too much. I'm not ready to hear his excuses yet, maybe one day. For now we'll just concentrate on getting through Christmas, then we'll see if we can take it any further.