The Super-duper Mega Ultimate Parody of Pokémon
By The One and Only ArtikGato!!
Disclaimer: I do not own Pokémon. I never have and I never will.
Author's Notes: I am NOT bashing Pokémon, simply mocking it. That is what I do after all, I mock things. ^_^ I created a random new character, but she is the only one that I insert into this story, rest assured.
The Super-duper Mega Ultimate Parody of Pokémon!!
Part Two: Team Rocket: The Gayest Thing Ever
Ash sat in her own personal booth with the table piled with an assortment of plates and cups filled to capacity. She held a fork in one hand and a spoon in the other, and wore a huge grin on her face.
"TIME TO DIG IN!!" she said, and began to decimate the food, since anime characters have a tendency to be able to eat mass quantities of food in a matter of seconds.
"Ash Ketchum, your Pokémon are at the front desk, I repeat, Ash Ketchum, your Pokémon are at the front desk," came a voice over the loudspeaker. Ash reluctantly left her now less than huge pile of food and went to the front desk. One of the pink puffballs handed her three Pokéballs, and she quickly went back to scarfing vast quantities of food, letting Squirtle, the retarded bird and the even more retarded purple rat out of their red and white ball things to eat as well. She was happily munching away on some chicken legs, when suddenly, her meal was interrupted...
"ASH KETCHUM!!" she choked, and turned to look. There stood that red haired skank from earlier, "Misty" or something. "HOW can you be eating when you should be using any money you have to pay me back for my bike?" she exclaimed, snatching a chicken leg from Ash.
"THIS FOOD WAS FREE!!!!" Ash shrieked, snatching the chicken leg back from Misty.
"NOTHING IS FREE!!"
At that point, Nurse Joy decided to intervene.
"Actually, Misty, the food is free. Since most Pokémon trainers around here are beginners, we understand that they couldn't possibly have enough money to pay for their food, so we allow them to eat for free. Centers in more advanced areas might give trainers a discount, or make them pay in full for any food they might eat, but here in Viridian City we give the food away for free!" the nurse babbled. As that was happening, Ash managed to clear the rest of the table, and was happily returning the empty bowls and plates to the kitchen area.
"Is that so?" Misty said, eyeing the buffet.
"Oy, I'm stuffed!" Ash exclaimed, returning to the table.
"However..." the Nurse started. Ash groaned. No sentence beginning with "however" entailed good news. "The trainers do have to wash the dishes that they use." Ash sighed.
"Of course," she said. There's always a catch...
Ash sighed as she scrubbed one white plate after another clean. Curse her outrageous appetite! She handed yet another plate to Squirtle, who rinsed it off with a Water Gun, and the held it up for the retarded brown bird to blow wind onto to dry. It was a very efficient process, but the thing that annoyed Ash is that the retarded purple rat didn't have to help too. She had racked her brain, but she couldn't think of anything for the rodent to do to help. Oh well.
About 7 hours later, Ash and her Pokémon were done with their dishes, and by that time, it was already night, so Ash decided to crash on one of the many couches for the night. Well, at least, that was the plan. Ash was about to learn that in this cartoon, not even the sanctity of sleep is respected. There are bound to be interruptions. It's inevitable. And the first...
"Buy me a new bike!" Misty whispered into her ear while she thought Ash was asleep. She opened one eye, and glared at her.
"Go away," Ash said. Misty stuck her tongue out at her.
"Not until you buy me a new bike," Ash growled, annoyed, and turned away from Misty, only to be greeted by the red head chanting "Bike, bike, bike, bike, bike!" Finally, the rest of the inhabitants of the Pokémon Center were past annoyed with her, so they all jumped on her, and tossed her out of the center to sleep outside. Ash, finally able to sleep in peace and quiet, sighed in content. But then came the second of the interruptions.
"OPEN THE DOOR!!" at first, Ash thought it might have been Misty, since it was a rather high pitched yell, but when the Nurse rushed over and opened the door, in trudged Gary, looking rather worse for the wear. Ash noted, in amusement, that there was a rather angry looking brown bird attached to his hair, said bird looking extremely pissed off at Gary. The Nurse detached the thing that Ash deducted wasn't the same as her retarded brown bird, and shooed it away before letting Gary in. The brown haired idiot immediately collapsed into a nearby chair, panting in exhaustion.
"What happened?" the Nurse asked, concerned, after taking the boy's four red and white balls. Ash frowned.
"He's got one more than me. Oh well, mine are better anyway!"
"I was training in the grass by Viridian Forest, and a lot of Spearows attacked me!"
"Were you provoking them?" the Nurse asked, frowning in disapproval.
"No?" Gary replied, meekly. The Nurse sighed.
"Oh well. Are you hurt at all?" she asked.
"I don't think so..." Gary replied.
"Good," the Nurse said, and promptly whacked Gary on the back of the head with her clip board. "YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN TO PROVOKE HOSTILE POKÉMON LIKE SPEAROW!!!" the nurse shouted. Gary whimpered. Ash snickered. This may have been an interruption, but at least it was funny to watch...
Many sleepless minutes later, Gary finally quieted down and was trying to go to sleep, and Ash finally turned back to her sleeping bag that she wasn't really sure of where it had come from but when she wanted to go to sleep there it was...anyway, she turned back to it, and got back into the state where you're still awake but you're also still asleep.
Suddenly, a shrill, high-pitched, annoying laugh cut through the air. Ash sat up rubbing her eyes, and threatening unholy vengeance at who or what ever had caused that horrendous sound. The crowd murmured, wondering what was going on.
"Prepare for trouble!" an annoying feminine voice exclaimed.
"Make it double!" a male voice added.
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all people's within our nation!"
Ash could only deduct that the people saying this poem were either
b) Wanting to have their asses kicked
c) extremely gay.
Maybe all three...
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
Suddenly, a spotlight cut through the darkness from out of nowhere and shone onto a woman. She had dark reddish/pinkish hair that just sorta curved around behind her. She wore a white miniskirt and some sort of weird shirt with an "R" on it, and weirdo boots.
"Jesse!" she exclaimed, snobbishly. Another spotlight came from out of nowhere and shone onto a person standing beside her. This was a man, wearing a pair of white pants and a shirt that also had an "R" on it. He had kinda long blue hair that spiked downwards for no good reason at all.
"Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!"
"What kinda name is "Team Rocket"?" Ash thought.
"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"
"Am I really supposed to fear them with a line like that?"
"Meowth, that's right!"
Suddenly, a cat with yellowish fur fell from out of nowhere to stand between the man and the woman. This cat stood on it's two hind legs, and had an extremely big head, with a gold coin or something stuck on it's forehead. It was the strangest thing Ash had ever seen.
"OH MY GOODNESS!! IT'S TEAM ROCKET!!" came shrieks from the people in the center.
"Oh geez!" Ash thought, and stood up.
"You! Do you challenge us?" the man asked.
"Yeah-" she started, but Gary rushed up and cut her off.
"No, I challenge you!" he exclaimed, snobbishly.
"Gary?! What the HELL?! I WAS GONNA CHALLENGE THEM, YOU DWEEB!!" Ash exclaimed. The woman laughed, which made both of the trainers cringe and hold their ears in pain.
"You can both challenge us, it won't make any difference! We'll still beat you!" Gary smirked, and pulled out one of his red and white balls. Ash shrugged, and got one of hers out too.
"Bulbasaur, I choose you!" Gary exclaimed. His retarded green frog thing with a bulb or something on it's back appeared. Ash also threw her ball.
"Time to kick butt, Squirtle!" Ash said, feeling all dramatic because she said a better line than Gary did to announce her Pokémon. The spiffycool blue turtle appeared.
"Ooh, a frog and a turtle, we're so scared!" the man said, and he and the woman readied two balls as well.
"Ekans, Koffing, we choose you!" they exclaimed at the same time (they must practice a lot, Ash thought). Two flashes of light, and out of one ball emerged a purple snake. Out of the other, emerged a floating purple ball thing.
"Ekans, use Bite attack on that Squirtle!" the woman ordered. The snake lunged forward, fangs bared, but Squirtle simply stepped to the side.
"Squirtle, Water Gun!" Ash exclaimed. The turtle hit the snake with a blast of water, sending it to crash into one of the walls.
"Koffing, it's your turn! Tackle attack!" the man exclaimed, pointing at Gary's frog thing. The purple floating ball obeyed, and hurtled itself at the frog.
"Bulbasaur, use Vine Whip!" Gary ordered.
"Vine Whip...?" Ash echoed, interested. Two green vines shot out from the frog's back, just under the bulb thing, and wrapped around the floating purple ball. The "Bulbasaur" used the vines to slam the ball into the ground. The snake and the floating purple ball both shook their heads and returned to their battle positions.
"I've had just about enough of you clowns! Squirtle, you know what to do!" Ash exclaimed. Squirtle nodded, and posed for a second, flexing what appeared to me muscles. Then, he leapt at the snake, and slapped it across the face. Before it could recover, Squirtle bitch-slapped it a few more times, and it tumbled away, turning into red energy and going back into it's Pokéball to cower and whimper. The woman stood with her mouth agape.
"Wow. I didn't know that-" she started, but Ash cut her off.
"Squirtles could use "Double Slap"? Mine's special, okay?!" Ash exclaimed. Meanwhile, Gary and his frog thing were facing off against the man and his floating purple ball thing.
"Bulbasaur, can you do that too?" Gary asked. Bulbasaur nodded, and shot his vines out again. This time, however, he smacked the floating purple ball across what could only be assumed was his face, until the floating purple ball turned into energy and retreated to his ball as well. Ash smirked.
"Copying me, are we, Gary-boy?" she said. Gary looked sheepish.
"Well...it worked for you, so I figured I should give it a shot..." he replied. The man and the woman fumed at them. The cat decided to jump in.
"You're not done yet! You still have to beat me!" the cat challenged.
"Okay, Gary, what's say we give this cat a bitch-slap it won't forget?" Ash suggested. Gary nodded. Bulbasaur shot out it's vines, and Squirtle leapt to attack. The cat was hit on both cheeks by massive slaps, knocking him unconscious, but not turning him into red energy like it normally would to any Pokémon. The man produced a rose randomly from out of nowhere, and threw it to the ground at Ash's and Gary's feet.
"We'll be back!! You may have won this battle, but you won't win the war!" they exclaimed. The woman produced a random ball and threw it down, smoke filling the air. Coughing and choking, the man and the woman grabbed the cat and dashed away, leaving Ash and Gary standing there with sweatdrops on their faces.
"What idiots," was the only thing Ash could think to say. Gary turned to Ash.
"We make a pretty good team, Ash," Gary said, extending his hand. Ash raised an eyebrow, but decided to shake his hand anyway.
"Don't think we'll be teaming up too much after this. I coulda handled 'em on my own, ya know," Ash replied. Gary shrugged.
"Whatever, Ash." Ash fumed.
"DON'T YOU TAKE THAT TONE WITH ME, BITCH!!"
Gary nursed his cheeks and whimpered. Ash glowered.
"I'LL TAKE THAT AS A 'YES MASTER'!!"