For Sirius mourners.
This story is my original idea, but it's using both the world and characters by JKR and or in the case of Reign, my friend Kara's character (if you want more of her character read "Caught in the Rain.") Other than that the ideas are mine. I started this fic only because I couldn't deal with the death of my favorite character... I was as bad as Harry really, but oh well. After I started this I felt better... and since then it has escalated and the updates come slow because I write this on the fly... I don't know where it is going but it most likely will not exceed 10 chapters. Thank you, enjoy and please always... R&R... feedback is wanted as long as it is constructive criticism.
All of Me
Sometimes what doesn't seem so fair, it's what makes us more aware
And I know you're smiling, I know you're laughing
And I know that you're in a better place where angel's wings caress you
But I still miss you...
Chapter One: Breaking Before You
His heart had been frozen in time for what seemed to be an eternity. A pain so deep had filled his body, much like a vice grip was holding his heart and as the person in charge of the vice applied the pressure he would begin to feel the clutch tightening around his heart. He would then, just as soon, start to cry, rather than yell out in pain for the on going hope that the hurt may someday pass. Yet, as everyday passed by, nothing seemed to be able to ease the pain. Not friends in the summer, or the letter's they would send when he was away from them over the summer holiday, not the excitement of start of term, or even Quidditch seemed to help with his pain.
Now, after nearly seven months, Harry still couldn't sleep at night. Christmas was just around the corner and all it brought was more bittersweet memories of Sirius. Images of his godfather helping to decorate Grimmauld Place or singing Christmas carols loudly throughout the halls that would fill everyone with cheer sifted through Harry's thoughts.
Harry sighed as a tear rolled silently down his face. He'd almost hoped he'd run out of them or maybe he'd forget how to cry, or how to feel any emotion at all. The absence of was what he wanted though. He never wanted to feel pain or anything good ever again. For, those feelings gave hope; a hope Harry now knew was false because there was no way he could ever really be happy, not after Sirius' death.
Harry wiped the tear away from his cheeks as he walked aimlessly through Hogwarts halls underneath his invisibility cloak. He didn't want to think anymore, he wished desperately that his mind would go blank and he wouldn't remember anything. Yet, they kept coming, thoughts of Sirius, all of Hermione's concerns on Harry's current lack of enthusiasm about everything, Ron's worries, and Lupin's letters that contained stories about when he was in school with Sirius and Harry's father. All of these images kept flooding into his mind, like a dam had been broken in his mind and he suddenly had no control over his own thoughts.
In the midst of these thoughts he found himself walking forward past a door that hadn't been there the first two times he'd passed through that certain hallway. Harry looked at it in wonder, knowing fully what it was, and against his better judgment he walked up to it and moved his arm forward to open the door. His eyes fell upon a small room. The walls were completely bare aside from the wallpapering that was fashioned in the style of the Victorian Era and was peeling off the walls. He stepped inside and he suddenly took notice of the object that was covered completely by a white linen cloth that had a large accumulation of dust on it. He stared at it for a moment in the doorway making no attempt at moving forward, still not entirely sure if he should remove the cloth in fear of what was hidden beneath it.
He stood there for only a while before he finally made a move toward the object and in one swift motion of his hands he had removed the cloth. He stared at the reflection that greeted him without any feeling at first. It was the first time in a long time he'd actually felt completely hollow, and then his body seemed to catch up with him and he felt his knees buckle from underneath him as he fell to the ground in front of the mirror.
Sirius was there before him, smiling widely at him. Harry stared not sure what to think just that he felt the pain in his heart start to build. He began to notice certain things as he looked at the man in the mirror. Like Sirius' eyes were different, somehow happy, and Harry suddenly hated him for it. How could he be happy? When he, Harry, was nothing short of miserable. Yet, Harry couldn't keep himself from staring at the image of his godfather smiling down at him as tears once again started to leak from the young boys eyes.
"How could you leave me?" Harry found himself ask the mirror's reflection in the midst of his sobs. "How could you let yourself die? I need you here. I need you to be here, to give me advice, to egg me on to do something against the rules. I need you to love me, to be here for me."
Harry found himself edging closer to the mirror as he spoke of all the thoughts that had been haunting him over the last few months. "I want so badly to wake up and find my life has just been one big nightmare. I need to tell you this story and here your bark-like laughter as you tell me not to worry about it because you're not going anywhere. I want to see you turn into a big black dog and follow me around Hogsmeade or just hear you say one more time that I'm just like my dad."
He stopped as he put his hand out and touched the reflection of Sirius' hand, tracing its form. "But you're gone and I'll never have any of that again. And the pain in my heart from that realization is killing me because I need you now more than ever." He stopped and wiped away another batch of tears from his emerald eyes. "And for the first time since I met you, you're not here when I need you."
He sighed heavily as he shut his eyes, letting the last of his sobs dissipate into the vast abyss of the room. "I miss you, more than anything, with all of my heart, Sirius. I miss you."