Arg…. a new story! Yey. I have been thinking about doing this one for years now, and I am finally getting my ass around to doing it. It's also my first story where Jack isn't alive. Sigh. Anyway, enjoy. And as always, review!

Disclaimer: Yeah yeah, I don't own anything of James Cameron's, I don't claim to, and I am definitely not making money off of this bloody thing.

On with the show…

Trapped in the Past


There are times in our lives that when we look back years later, we want so badly to forget. For me, there were about 6 months after the sinking that I wish now I could erase from my mind. It was such a dark period in my life; I was such a mess. Nevertheless, it was important in who I became and was part of my healing. I had done well to try and forget those times, involving myself in other things- my children, my work, writing, acting, being a loving wife. However, when Aunt Katherine died unexpectedly this winter, I was forced to return to that house in Chicago where I had spent so many tremulous days and nights. Simply seeing the old place brought back so many things that I had worked hard to forget.

Until then the only think I still thought of was the cold, and that was only because I still suffered from unexplainable chills once in a while. But that first year was so cold. Even in the dead of July I would crawl into bed with blankets piled around me and a heavy nightgown on. I hardly ever went anywhere without a coat and always wore sox's. All these things combined to make a small comfort zone for me, although they didn't help me much in the end.

So many things had gone horrible wrong. If I had just realized right of the bat what I was doing to myself, I probably would have been okay. However, I tried to block everything out of my mind. I tried to shut life out; you can't do that.

Now I sat in the middle of Katherine's kitchen, listing to the clock in the hallway strike midnight. A thousand different memories ran through my head. Everywhere I turned, I remembered something else that had happened there, or remembered something else I had gone through. I closed my eyes and sighed. There was so much more then anyone knew. For the first time, I began to replay the entire experience in my head, watching it go by like a movie. I had survived the heartache and the breakdown, but I would never be the same again.