Ok guys, been a while hasn't it? You know you missed me. This episode is different, mainly because I wore my pants while writing it. But, for a limited time (or at least until I update again), if you review, you recieve the first three of a sprite comic entitled...


This is just a way of getting more reviews, but I felt that I should be nice and give you guys a poor quality sprite comic in exchange for them there reviews. Ain't I a nice guy?

But how do you get these comics, you say?! Why, just review (lookit at dat dere purply recytangle in the bottom left corner), leave or send me your e-mail, and viola! Within the day you shall recieve three of the worst quality comics since the early days of 8-bit Theatre.

And please note, this is not a desperate cry for reviews, it's just cause I made these things and figured I'd give 'em to the people. Cause I love you guys! Especially you, KatUK. Rwoar.

Notes: ... = thinking

Disclaimer: I, Simon Wolf, in no way own Metal Gear Solid, The League Of Exraordinary Gentlemen, Dragonball Z or The Matrix.

This fic was tested on Simon Wolf, Morgan Priestnall, Noel Gough... And many, MANY animals.



Shade Wolf Enterprises and The Wachowski Brothers present...

The League Of Pretty Unordinary Gentle Men & Women

Directed by Simon Wolf

Produced by Courtney Obato

Spat On by my family *sniff*

Game Played While Writing This - Enter The Matrix

Guy Who Referenced My Other Fic - Sephiroth-02-01

Jizz Mopper - Neo


(we fade in to see Snake, Liquid, Raiden and Grey Fox climbing up the walls of a skyscraper. It's midnight, and rain pelts down)

Snake (V/O): The Patriot Building in London, ten seconds ago...

(zoom in on the group)

Snake (V/O): We had recieved a phone call from an unknown source, who told us to meet him at the top of The Patriot Building. Ironicly, we knew the Patriots didn't work there.

(fade out; fade in to see everyone sitting around, playing PlayStation 2)

Otacon: (laughing his head off at Snake) Jesus Snake, can you even shoot right?

Snake: I'll shoot you right!

(the phone rings)

Rose: I'll get it. (she gets up and answers the phone) Hello?

Phone: (a deep voice) Hello, Rose.

Rose: Hiya!

Phone: Uh, is Snake there?

Rose: Yes, yes he is.

(long pause)

Phone: Could you, y'know, get him for me?

Rose: Sure! (passes phone to Snake)

Snake: (into phone) Hello?

Phone: Good morning, Mr. Snake.

Snake: Hey.

Phone: Go turn on Otacons computer.

Snake: Alright... (walks over and sits at Otacons computer. He pushes the on button)

Otacon: Snake! What are you doing on my computer?!

Raiden: I cummed on your computer once.


Solidus: That was unnessercery.

Snake: Shutup. Anyway, this guy told me to.

Otacon: So you do EVERYTHING some guy tells you to do over the phone?

Snake: Uh....

************ START SNAKE'S FLASHBACK ************

(Snake is on the phone)

Phone: (alluring female voice) So, take off your pants...

Snake: Ok! (takes 'em off)

Phone: And play with yourself...

Snake: Done and done! (starts whacking off)

Phone: (turns into an excited deep male voice) SAY I'M THE DADDY!

Snake: You're the- zuh?

************ END OF SNAKE'S FLASHBACK ************

Snake: So what?

Phone: Uh, Snake? The computer is on.

Snake: (notices this is true) Sweet. (notices Otacons hentai wallpaper) That's sick.

Mei Ling: Is that supposed to be me?

Meryl: And me?

Naomi: AND ME?!

Otacon: (blushing) Uh, you see, the thing is... zoing! (runs away)

Phone: Open up Warcraft 3 and join a LAN game with the name 'Their United States Of The Patriots'. Choose your name as 'Close To Something Real', then choose purple as your colour and go as a Human.

Snake: Warcraft in the what now?

Phone: *sigh* Get Otacon to do it.

(Otacon comes back in and does the above process)

Snake: (into phone) You going to say something like 'Follow the white rabbit', or 'The Matrix has you'?

Phone: No.

Snake: Good.

(camera pans over to see everyone huddled around Snake and the computer)

Vamp: I wonder what this is all about.

Liquid: I'm queer.

Decoy: Dude, look at that wallpaper!

Mei Ling: How could I even do that without the blood rushing to my head?

Meryl: Eww! My tongue looks like it's about to be bitten off!

Snake: CAN YOU GUYS BE QUIET?! (turns back to computer) Ok, I'm in the game...

Phone: Good. Now, build a barracks to the South.

Snake: I'll barracks YOU to the South!

Raiden: What does that mean?

Rose: Never you mind, Raiden.

Phone: Moving on, I need to meet you. I'm in the game.

Snake: No shit, sherlock. You're the only other player in here.

Liquid: 'L33T m31 L1NG loV3R'? Why the hell would some uber hacker want to choose that as his screen name?

Otacon: *ahem* That's me. The geek over the phone is 'TheOneBeliever'.

Mei Ling: Wow, it's sure a good thing that I don't understand l33t speak, otherwise I'd have to kill Otacon.

Fox: Wait a second, where the hell did you come from?!

Mei Ling: I was... uh... fired from my job at... uh... Naked News?

Fox: Good thing I still have all those tapes!

(A/N: This is a blatant reference to 'The Misadventures Of Unit FOXHOUND', written by another comedy writer, Sephiroth-02-01. He has referenced my Behind The Game fic, with disasterous results, as he didn't say that it was a REFERENCE TO ME! RARGH! MUST CRUSH NON-REFERENCING CANADIANS! RARGH!


Phone: Anyway, I need you to meet me on top of The Patriot Building in England to discuss what are... the Patriots.

Snake: Wait, why didn't you just TELL me that at the start of this phone call, instead of making me join a fucking Warcraft 3 game?!

Phone: Oh, Otacon usually plays with us. Get him to join.

Snake: Done! (he gets up and Otacon sits down)

Otacon: Oooh! TheOne, Trin303, TheOneBeliever and SexyNiobe69 versus -[Ghost]-, myself, StokChar01, and StokChar02...

********** BEGIN SCREEN CHAT **********

TheOneBeliever: Gimmie ops! I want ops!

SexyNiobe69: Shut up. Ok guys, it's our standard 4 on 4 game, no rules.

TheOneBeliever: Ops! Ops! Ops!

SexyNiobe69: Fine! Jesus.

SexyNiobe69 sent TheOneBeliever 1000 gold

TheOneBeliever: Woohoo!

SexyNiobe69 was booted by TheOneBeliever

TheOneBeliever: Don't hog ops!

SexyNiobe69 joins

SexyNiobe69: Not funny.

********** END OF SCREEN CHAT **********

Phone: Remember, meet me in 7 days.

Snake: (hangs up) God. So, who are we sending?

(Colonel Campbell runs in, naked apart from a copy of '37 Year-Old Virgin Elves')

(A/N: Get the joke? At the rate Elves grow, after 37 years it would still be a baby! Get it?! Ok, so you have to know a little about Elven biology to understand... but that doesn't mean that I ever looked at a naked elf. Of course not. Zoing!)

Colonel: I suggest we send Fox, Snake, Liquid and Raiden. (notices that everyone but Snake and Raiden have left.) Shit!

Snake: Guess we'll have to convince them.

Raiden: Yay! Sounds like fun, right Snake! (nudges Snake)

Snake: You shut the fuck up. And never touch me again.

(fade out; fade in to see Snake talking to Fox. The latter is reading the novelisation of Pulp Fiction and drinking beer)

Snake: C'mon, just come with.

Fox: No. I refuse to go to England.

Snake: Why?

Fox: You know about my issues with the English.

Snake: Oh yeah, the Tootsie Pop incident... (lowers his head) Lest we forget.

Fox: Exactly.

Snake: But, uh, I hear in England they have...

Fox: Ugly women? A terrible system of ruling?

Snake: No, I hear they have... uh... waffles.

Fox: Waffles, eh?

Snake: Yeah, I hear they have exxxcellent waffles.

Fox: Hmm... I must investigate these supposedly 'exxxcellent' waffles.

Snake: Exxxcellent.

(fade out; fade in to see Raiden talking to Liquid, the latter of whom is sitting down and shaking his head)

Liquid: No, I can't go back to the country where I got my accent...

Raiden: Please? I'll blow you.

Liquid: I'm afraid your amazing oral sex won't be enough to get me to go to England.

(Snake and Fox walk in)

Snake: Hows it going?

Raiden: Liquid is refusing to go.

Fox: (to Liquid) Tootsie Pop incident?

(all four of them bow their heads)

All: Lest we forget.

Liquid: I'm sorry, but we all agree that we have been banished from England.

Snake: What if we got back at the Queen and her bastard son Charles?

Fox: I like the way you think.

(fade out; fade in to see the same scenes from the start)

Snake V/O: So that was how we got there. What happened next, none of us believed.

(the group make it to the roof, where they see a white man in a leather trenchcoat at the other end of the building. He has messy black hair and wears black glasses)

Man: (in the same voice as over the phone) Greetings, David. Frank. Jack. That other guy.

Snake: (to Liquid) That's a good point. What is your first name?

Liquid: (red faced) That's unimportant!

Fox: I bet it's a girls name.

Liquid: QUIET!!!

Man: Guys? Little focus here?

Raiden: So, what's your name?

Man: Before I discovered the truth behind the Patriots I was known as Matt. Now I am Trickeyous.

Snake: This is sounding like that popular movie I saw.

Trickeyous: Quiet you. (throws a CD at them) On this CD is all the information you'll ever need to know about the Patriots. Now go, before the agents come!

Fox: Agents?

(a swarm of men in black suits burst onto the roof from the stairwell. One of them steps forward. He lookms remarkably like Elrond)

Agent Elrond: Good morning Mr. Jaeger.

Fox: Hey.

Agent Elrond: We're going to have to take that CD from you.

Raiden: Why?

Agent Elrond: Patriot orders.

Snake: Oh.

Trickeyous: Run, guys! Take these Tootsie Pops. (throws them a box of Tootsie Pops) You know what to do with them.

Liquid: That we do. (all four of them jump off the building)

(an agent who looks quite like Gimli walks over to Trickeyous)

Agent Gimli: Not a good move, Mr. Trickey.

Agent Elrond: Take him for the usual punishment for the ones who have been released.


Agent Elrond: (grinning evilly) Yes, a lifetime of watching the remake of 'The Time Machine'.

(fade out; fade in to see the Queen sleeping in her bed. Prince Charles is in a cot next to her, sucking his thumb)

Queen: *snore* Mmm... testicles... *snore*

Charles: *suck* But I wants to be King! Waaah! *suck*

(a crack of thunder, and both of them wake up)

Queen: Oh my, I must pass a royal decree to cancel all thunder while I'm asleep!

(four figures step out of the shadows)

Charles: Diana?

(the figures are revealed- they are Fox, Snake, Liquid and Raiden. Fox is holding the box of Tootsie Pops)

Queen: Oh my!

Snake: That's right, Queen. You almost forgot about us.

Queen: But... I exiled all of you!

Liquid: Oh yes, you did. But that doesn't stop us.

Charles: What you want?

Fox: We're here to redeem the casualties of the Tootsie Pop incident.

Queen: We royally kicked your *pardon my French, those arrogant bastards* arses. You are no longer allowed in this country.

Raiden: But we're here.

Liquid: We're queer.

Snake: You two are, me and Fox ain't.

Queen: No! You can't do this to me!

Fox: (pulls out a Tootsie Pop) Can't we?

(as he moves forward, the Queen and Charles run for the door. Snake and Liquid grab hold of the Queen and pin her to the wall, while Raiden holds Charles)

Fox: Drop 'em.

(Raiden pulls down Charles pants, and Snake and Liquid cringe as they pull up the Queens nightie)

Fox: (places a hand against the Queens head, and prepares to shove the Tootsie Pop up the Queens poop-chute) This is for Johnny Sasaki! (the Tootsie pop is jammed into place)

Queen: AAAHHH!

Raiden, Fox, Snake and Liquid: LEST WE FORGET!

Fox: (prepares another pop) And this is for Randal Graves! (up it goes)

Queen: Ook!

Raiden, Fox, Snake and Liquid: LEST WE FORGET!

(2 hours and 173 Tootsie Pops later...)

Queen: (on her bed and rubbing her bottom) Ooh, thats going to stop me pooping for a couple of weeks...

Charles: Something long and hard went up my arse...

(everyone looks at Raiden)

Raiden: What? Isn't that what we were doing?

Queen: Moving on, did you redeem all the casualties?

Fox: Think so.

Queen: Good, now I can get back to sleep so that in the morning I can talk with George, Tony and John about how we can cover up the real reasons for the war.

Snake: Tell me, how in Hells name did a woman of your immense ignorance become leader of a country with the most powerful economy in the world?!

Queen: Well, my mum was Queen, so now I'm Queen.

Charles: I'm going to be the next king!

Queen: Of course you are, diddilums.

Fox: Good god, I'm glad we're exiled from this country.

Queen: Well, now that I think about it, genetics is not a very good system of determining executive power. Even the most capable and caring and beloved leader- much less MY greedy, theiving mother- can have an incompetent daughter so mindblowingly stupid that she could singlehandedly flush the worlds greatest nation down the toilet before the populace has a chance to notice- which is exactly what the British press used to say about me before I decreed that is was the civic duty of the press to never question my rule which I then also decreed to be absolute and perfect. So now even THINKING that I'm not a perfect and benevolent ruler is a crime. So now I can do crazy stuff like declare war on Iraq!

Liquid: Iraq never did anything wrong to you.

Queen: They did if I said they did!

Snake: I'm leaving now. If anyone needs me, I'll be back home.

Fox: Me as well.

Liquid: I'm going too.

Raiden: Yay, no more tootsie pops!

(fade out; fade in to see the boys at the door to the Leagues space)

Snake: Let's go in, check out the CD, whack off and sleep till Tuesday.

Fox: It's Monday.


Snake: Uh... no shit sherlock! Jesus... (opens the door and his jaw drops) Shit...

(inside, everyone is naked and having a party with chocolate sauce bathtubs and harsh spankings)

Fox: Uh, Snake?

Snake: Mei Ling... Meryl... Colonel... Colonel?!

Raiden: (looks inside and sees everything as normal. Otacon is playing some nerdy game, everyone else is sitting around, playing Gamecube) Huh.

Fox: What's wrong with Snake?

Liquid: Problem with his genetics. His vision sometimes goes insane, so everything he sees is either naked, being spanked, covered in chocolate sauce, or sometimes a mix of the three.

Snake: (talking to noone) Oh yeah... bend over and shake that sauce... mmm...

Fox: Ouch. (pause) Wait, you two are almost identical on the genetic level. What's your insanity vision?

Liquid: Well, uh...


(Liquid is at the zoo)

Liquid: Doo de doo, just walkin' at the zoo... Hey, what's with that polar bear?

(the polar bear is wearing tight red undies and is dancing on it's hind legs)

Polar Bear: Oh I'm too sexy for my coat, too sexy for my pants, so sex-ay it HUUUURTS!


Liquid: Stupid sexy polar bears!

(long pause)

Fox: Uh huh. I'm going to, you know, go inside and play Lord Of The Matrix. (walks into the main area)

Liquid: Lord Of The Matrix? (follows him)

Raiden: (looks at Snake, then looks inside) Ooh, cheesecake! (runs inside)

(fade out; fade in on Mei Ling, Fortune, Ocelot, Snake, Raven and Meryl talking)

Fortune: So, Mei Ling, you have any talents?

Mei Ling: Well, I'm ambidextrious.

Snake: Really? Wow. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrious.

Ocelot: You're an idiot.

Snake: No you're an idiot.

Ocelot: In Russia, we'd call you 'grunikikov'.

Snake: And that means?

Ocelot: 'Stupid crybaby arse licker'!

Raven: Fighting... never... solved... anything.

Fortune: It solved my addiction to vibration and chocolate.

Mei Ling: You can vibrate chocolate?

(long pause)

Snake: That's so nieve, it's turning me on.

(Otacon walks up)

Otacon: You get turned on by watching monkeys rub each other.

Snake: (stands up and points at everyone) You can't prove anything! I'm telling you, it's glandular!

Raiden: (who has also just walked up) Tell us a story, unkie Snake!

Snake: Alright. (smokes a pipe) Well, I was 13 years old, and my thoughts were going South...

(an hour later)

Snake: And that's why Pablo Naso has to pay $300 a month to a male Puerto Rican Jew.

Raiden: Your stories scare me.

Fortune: I suppose they're better then those stories that old hobo tells you.

Raiden: (crosses his arms and raises his head) That's Doctor Hobo. He's a Doctor you know.

********** RAIDEN MEMORY **********

(Hobo is talking to Raiden in a dark alley)

Hobo: Whaddya mean I'm not a doctor. If I'M not a docotorrr, vhy else would I have dis 'ere knife? (holds up a scalpel)

Raiden: You're right, that does make sense. You must be a doctor.

Hobo: Good. Now led's have a liddle look at dat brain of yers... (starts going forward)

********** RAIDEN MEMORY **********

Raiden: (blood starts coming out of his nose) Doctor Hobo helps me.

(long pause)

Snake: That explains so much of your life.

Ocelot: You mean Dr.Hobo is an actual hobo?!

(yet another long pause)

Snake: Idiot.

(fade out; fade in on a shadowy circle of thirteen men sitting around a round table)

Man 1: So it's agreed? We continue to make the American people even stupider, so eventually they'll swarm like lemmings into the nearest ocean. Then Fidel Castro gets the entire country?

(everyone murmurs in agreement)

Man 3: How about we work in a pay rise into this for ourselves?

(everyone murmurs in agreement)

Man 1: Now onto the last order of buisness- it seems that someone is close to unlocking the secret of our little twelve man organisation.

Man 5: I count thirteen.

Man 1: (looks at thirteenth man) For the last time Dubya, get your ass out of here!

Dubya: Awww... (walks off)

Man 1: WAIT!

Dubya: Yeayh?

Man 1: If you and Saddam Hussein do a funny sketch for us, we'll let you stay.

Dubya: Ok, I gots him on my speed-dial...

(fade out; fade in on Solidus and Psycho Mantis)

Solidus: It just freaks me out man. You know what I mean?

Mantis: Uh, no. Maybe you could repeat it again, in case Shade brought you back in after you started.

Solidus: But that's no fun!

Mantis: Fine. Well, my only suggestion is to tell the man how you feel. Don't let your insanity vision get in the way of your relationship.

Solidus: Ok. (pause) Um, Mantis, I think I'm in l-

(Snake runs in)

Snake: Mantis! Dude! We need you to come over to where Otacon is asleep, so we can poke him with sticks!

Mantis: Nah, I don't feel like poking anyone with my stick anymore.

Snake: Man, but you have the hardest stick! But, hey, I have no problem getting my stick out.

Mantis: Actually, you seem to have a lot of trouble.

Snake: Shutup man! I keep telling you, it's glandular!

Solidus: I wouldn't like to touch the sub-text of that with a 10-foot pole.

(fade out; fade in on everyone around the TV)

Otacon: Woo hoo! Time for todays unjustified social commentry from that guy, Shade!

(cut to the TV. It has Shade on it)

Shade: That's right, time for the social comment! You know, I used to be really put down by gay people. They really boiled my beans, if you know what I mean. Then I found out that being gay is the thing to be in todays modern world!

Audience: It is?!

Shade: Yes it is.

Sephiroth-02-01: I was right all along! Yes! You can't beat ME anymore, dad!

Shade: ... Moving on, just look at France! Why is it so cool, you ask? Well, heellooooooo?

(fade to three French men)

French Man 1: I am feeling rather dangerous! How about some EXTREME INTERIOR DECORATING?


French Man 3: I hope those big, muscular police men do not catch us! Wink wink! WINK. THE WINKING IMPLIES OTHERWISE.

Shade V/O: And as we all know, interior decorating is TIGHT! Just listen to Eminem's latest hit!

(fade to an Eminem concert)

Eminem: Oh yeah, I'm riding with my homies,

cuz we're gonna eat at Shoneys!

And afterwards we'll do some

interior decorating


Shade V/O: Did you know that being gay is GREAT in picking up chicks? Just watch!

(fade to Pablosky and a hot chick. A subtitle reads 'Scenario A')

Pablosky: Hey baby, wanna go out on the town with a (suddenly changes to bland, dubbed voice) heterosexual male?

Hot Chick: Um... I'm going to go over there. Because I don't like you. At all.

(fade to Shade and the same hot chick. Subtitle reads 'Scenario B')

Shade: I am totally gay.

Hot Chick: (rubbing against Shade) TAKE ME NOW!

Pablosky: I wish I were gay!

Shade V/O: DON'T WE ALL? Why just listen to this made up quote by someone who we'll call Morgan Priestnall!

(Shade pulls up a bit of paper and reads)

Shade: *ahem* 'Being gay is cool, because you get to have sex with other boys, like Leonardo DiCaprio and don't have sex with girls, like Britney Spears or Princess Diana, which is a big plus because those girls are huge skanks and only want your money. And they are diseased. Also Princess Diana is dead which is just gross.'

(fade to Julia Huggett and Luci looking at pictures of Shade)

Julia: Ooooooh! Shade is sooooo dreamy! I just wanna smear grease all over his possibly-gay body!

Luci: Wow, really?

Julia: NO I HATE HIM. And I hope he DIES. With knives. And poison.

(cut back to everyone)

Otacon: Oh, what fun!

Colonel: But not as fun as your training for your mission to uncover secrets of the Patriots!

Snake: Didn't we do that last week?


Otacon: What machine?


Colonel: Just get to bed.

(fade out; fade in on Snake sleeping in his bed)

Snake: *sleep talking* Mrmmm... damn you, Shogun... how dare you, Bushido... mmm, Kunoichi...

(his phone rings)

Snake: *smacks the answering machine to turn it on*

Machine Message: *to the tune of the Mentos jingle*

Sooo- sorry we cannot take your call

*ba boom boom ba ba*

We're not at home now

We would've answered the phone

But clearly we're not at home

And your call's an important one!

We'll get back to you

You make sure that we do!

Leave a message so we know you called!

Leave a message!

Name and number!

C'mon leave a message!

Start recording

at the tone!


The Message Taker

(The Otacons voice comes over the answering machine)

Otacon: SNAKE! You were twelve hours late for the twelve hour intensive training session! Wait a second, why am I calling you?!

(Snakes door is kicked down; the Otacon stands in the doorway)

Snake: Ah! *covers himself with a pillow*

Otacon: Snake, what the hell were you doing last night that made you so late?!

Snake: For your information Hal, I lead a very interesting double life. You see, every night, I turn into the lead singer of Nickelback.

(Otacon smacks Snake)

Snake: Yeah, I get that a lot.

(huge amount of thumping comes from floor upstairs)

Otacon: What the hell could that be?

Snake: I don't know. Maybe its Olga.

Otacon: Maybe its the Colonel.

Snake: Maybe its the Colonel AND Olga.

********** IN THEIR IMAGINATION **********

(Olga and the Colonel are in bed together, buck naked. Olga takes a swig of whiskey while the Colonel smoke a cigarette)

Olga: (puts bottle down) Ready to go again soldier?

Colonel: (puts cigarette down) Topped, locked and ready to rock.

(they dive on each other)

********** IN THEIR IMAGINATION **********

(both Snake and Otacon shudder)

Otacon: Should I check?

Snake: You WANT to see the Colonel and Olga getting it on?

Otacon: Not really, no.

(Olga is seen walking past the doorway)

Olga: Hey guys.


Olga: What's his problem?

Otacon: He thought you were getting it on with the Colonel.

Olga: Oh. That was easily an hour ago.

Otacon: Then whats the noise upstairs?

Olga: Liquid and his roomies having a lightswitch rave.

Otacon: Lightswitch rave?

(camera passes through the floor to show Liquid by the lightswitch in his room, constantly flicking the switch on and off. Ocelot is doing a robot dance while Solidus throws a glowstick around and bounces up and down)

Liquid: (hand over his mouth) Dom dom dom dom doddaldom dom dom doddaldom doddaldom-

(Campbell bursts in)

Campbell: I told you guys NOT to have lightswitch raves before 8 o'clock!

Liquid: Aww...


Ocelot: (with a heavy Mexican accent) Holy crap!

Campbell: I need everyone down in the meeting room, right now!

(fade out; fade in on everyone sitting down, apart from the Colonel who is standing at a podium)

Colonel: Ladies and gentlemen, I have brought you here to announce the new plan for infiltrating the Patriots, without the monkeys.

Solidus: But... the monkeys! They are vital for any infiltration against the thrice-damned Patriots! DAMN THE PATRIOTS!!!

(long silence)

Colonel: Anyway, we have discovered that The Patriots are having their annual Patriopaloooza next week, and they need boy bands to entertain them. So, we are going to create a boy band.

Snake: Are you sure we can pass it off?

Colonel: Trust me Snake, being an avid boy band lover for the past fifty-odd years has it's benefits. Now then, after much research, I have deduced that there are five crucial members to a boy band, and I shall point at you to tell you your role. First off, we have the fat one. (points at Fatman)

Fatman: Zuh?

Colonel: (points at Raiden) The dumb one.

Raiden: Hee hee, manatee.

Colonel: (points at Vamp) The good-looking-but-usually-boring one.

Vamp: (in his usual monotone voice) I brushed my teeth with human blood yesterday. And then I ate a muffin. It was delicious.

Colonel: (points at Snake) The fake tough guy, aka the poser.

Snake: WHAT?!

Colonel: And, (points at Liquid) the dying one. That is all, meet back here in an hour.

Fatman: (eats cake) I can't believe I'm the fat one. (eats more cake)

Liquid: I can't believe I'm the dying one! (pause) Can someone take me to a hospital?

Snake: Just shutup.

(fade out; fade in on the five boy band members amassed around the Colonel in the meeting room)

Colonel: Now boys, you're going to need new names to fit in with the other bands. So, you're all going to get a new first name, and a last initial.

Snake: Why not a full last name?

Colonel: Because that would be playing God. Now then, Fatman, your new name is James G.

Fatman: Ok..... why am I the fat one again?

Colonel: Ignoring you. Now then, Raiden, you're Adam L.

Raiden: Why not Jack?

Colonel: Because Jack is a pussy name. Now then, Vamp, you're Morgan P.

Vamp: There is no way in Hell my name is going to be Morgan.

Colonel: Jesse?

Vamp: You will die.

Colonel: Annette?!

Vamp: That's a girls name.

Colonel: Oh yeah... Ethan?

Vamp: *sigh* Fine.

Colonel: Alright then, Ethan P. Now then, Snake, you're Iriquois P.

Snake: But that's the name I used on the Big Shell!

Colonel: Yes, but it sounds tougher then you really are. Finally, Liquid is Marty Lee, pronounced Morty Lee.

Liquid: Why won't someone take me to a hospital, damnit!?

Colonel: Alright boys, we'll be going to the concert tomorrow night. Dismissed!


Shade: And so, I leave you on a terrible, foreshadowing note. Freaky, no? Anyway, remember to give me your e-mail so you can recieve the first 3 episodes of the Death Duel series! And I most assuredly WILL take suggestion for the rest of them, all the way up to the Grand Final!

And, if there is enough votes for it, I will make ones featuring YOU, the readers and authors! What if me and Pablosky teamed up on TheFluffyOne and... someone else?! Find out next time I decide to do this on...