"The Forward"

Inspired by Fresh-AngelBabe's MagicMail

To: Hoggy-Warty Hogwarts (Group)

From: this out and send it on.

Name: Lucius Malfoy, you unworthy prick.

Age: 40 years young.

House: Slytherin, what else?

Been Kissed: Naturally- have you not seen the pimp cane?

Been on stage: No, but I often…perform…for the ladies. And Snapey- I didn't just say that.

Gotten in a car accident: A powerful wizard such as myself has no need for such a feeble muggle invention.

Cold or hot: Hot, like me. I keep Azkaban quite warm.

Blue or Red: Blue. Red is an atrocious, blood-traitor colour.

Rain or snow: I am too good for such a petty question.

Wool or cotton? Silk.

Chocolate milk or plain milk: Vodka.

Spring or fall: Spring, for picnics with Sna- I didn't just say that.

Do you like someone: No. I like no one. Attractions have nothing to do with like.

Do They Know: Narcissa and I occasionally have fun with Sn- I didn't just say that.

Who's the funniest:

Who's the craziest:

Who do you e-mail the most:

Who's the loudest:

Who's the most silent: I am above answering all these italicized questions.

Who's the shyest:

Whose parents do you know the best:

Been hugged:

Had a serious talk: NO. covers left forearm protectively.

Gotten along with your parents: But of course, I am their firstborn son.

Fought with a friend: No.

Give hugs: What?

Give back rubs: Again, did you not see the pimp cane?

Take walks in the rain: Uhm, umbrella much?

Which one of your friends...

Knows you the best: My lord and mas- I didn't just say that.

Have you known the longest: Snape was my firs- oh, bollocks.

Have you known the shortest: Narcissa.

Most likely to end up in jail: Well, as I'm currently in Azkaban….

Been to a concert: Of course, I have a private box in the LightningDome.

Favorite Artist: Jessica Simpson…indeed, those boots WERE made for walking…

Favorite Song: Justin Timberlake, Rock Your Body, because I'd like to rock HIS- oh, dungeons and dragons!

For Muggle-borns and Muggle-raised- Favorite Movie: Very good, Draco, no thine enemy- Showgirls.

Loved someone so much it made you cry: No response.

Cheated on a test: No.

Done something illegal: HOW DARE YOU!

Ever stalked someone: What?

Are You Single: Really, do I need to beat you with the pimp cane? Oo, naughty…

Have u ever had a boy/girl friend: See above question.

Have you ever pranked someone before: No.

Do you swear too much: Swearing is a vile habit.

Where are you at: My private suite at Azkaban. I had it decked out in leopard print.

Are you sitting by anyone: Just my vodka bottles. Smirnoff, if you must know.

What color pants are you wearing: Brown-Gray Azkaban sheikh.

What song are you listening to right now: The dementors dislike music.

What is the last thing that you said: "Oh, gruel again. Yum."

What's on your mousepad: Snape and Narcissa snickers

What was the last thing you ate: Gruel. Seasoned with vodka.

If you were a crayon: A sexy, scintillating silver.

Name a Person of the Opposite sex: Narcissa.

Favorite Color: Silver, like my hair.

How's the weather right now: Stormy, I'm in friggin Azkaban!

What's under your bed: Wouldn't you like to know.

Do you keep your room clean: I have no need to, as I am so clean naturally.

What do you feel like doing right now: Sna- ahem.

Who is most likely to fill this out: That idiot potter boy, not realizing he's already done it.

Who is least likely to fill this out: The Dark Lord, he is above such petty things.

What do you want to do before you get back to school: I graduated years ago, fool!

(A/N: And next time….VOLDIE-POO!)