He was the one I turned to when I was alone, but also the one who hurt me to the point that had not a certain half-demon named Inuyasha brought me to my senses, I would have probably died. He was my whole fucking world, and I would have bent over backwards to please him. I would have starved to death to please him. Actually, I almost did. It's a scary thought, but he controlled everything about me.
My boyfriend's name was Hitzu Shinjioto. He was only one grade above mine. Class B. He had beautiful black hair that always smelled nice and he had big brown eyes that I could drown in for an eternity. He was everything opposite of what I was looking for in Inuyasha. He was wonderful and he always showered me with hugs and gifts and sweet words. He told me that he would save our first kiss for something special because he didn't want to screw things up by going to fast with our relationship. He told me that I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. I told him that he was lying.
I started dating him soon after I thought the whole Inuyasha 'love' thing was hopeless. I had ran home after another stupid fight about the shards or Kikyo and he had gotten stupidly angry about it, just like he always does. I was foolish I think, going into my relationship with Hitzu so quickly like that. But at first he was so sweet. He would listen to me during my many long rants about being second rate to someone dead (though he never truly understood what I meant because I kept the whole traveling to the feudal era a secret), he was always so caring and considerate, and he showered me with more affection than even Hojo could have mustered.
He looked at me with such tenderness, such consideration. Like he was worried about me and not ashamed that he was worried. He also never called me a wench or a bitch and he never told me what a weak little human I was. As time went by, he knew almost everything about me. The only thing I 'forgot' to tell him, was about my whole other life I lived when I was away on sick leave. I was afraid he was going think I was completely wacky if I told him that. He never got angry at me for being away though. The only thing Inuyasha would have to say about anything was that I was starting to smell because I put a lot of perfume on to hide Hitzu's scent from him. I didn't want him storming to my era to kill some boy.
He always says that he isn't jealous, but Inuyasha would kill a man if he touched me. Actually, he has. But this was different from the jealous slaughter that Inuyasha did. Hitzu would instead hug me and hold me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. Well I began to think of Inuyasha as an annoyance, Hitzu was on my mind all the time. I wanted to please him. I tried to be everything that a nice boy like him wanted me to be. I wanted to be flawless and perfect, perfectly flawless. I don't know when it all started really, probably after four or so months of Hitzu and my 'secret dating.' Not that we were really dating. He didn't want anyone to know that he was spending so much time with me.
After all, he told me, people would talk a lot and blow things out of proportion. He told me that having a secret relationship was so much more fun that being all out in the open lovey dovey. I could, to a certain extent, agree. I hated having everyone stare at me all the time because I was so often sick. I hated being the center of attention. And I knew that Hitzu must like me a lot to date me.
Kagome stepped on her scale in her bathroom for the fifth time that day. Her mother was already complaining about her new situation. The one that took up most of her mind.
Still the scale red "106", just had it had done a little less then a couple hours ago. She had thrown up the pieces of bento her mother had made for her. She had felt so guilty for going against her strict diet, and she knew the exact calorie count of every single piece of food she took in. She knew that she went against her 1000 calorie a day died. She tried to restrain her tears as she stepped off, and she sat on the edge of the tub. She was so growing so skinny that he brother was even telling her she looked like a twig and when she looked down at herself she could see her ribs poking through even the largest shirts she owned.
But, whenever she looked in a mirror, all's she saw was the fat girl that her poor boyfriend had to put up with. The one that he had to hold in and feel all of her excess fat as he hugged her privately in school. She was now so bent of this ridiculous diet that she had lost twenty five pounds since she had started it. Her arms looked like little twigs sticking out of her shirt and she was constantly cold, her fingers always unhealthy bright red and dry. She always tried to wear her coat over her school uniform but often got scolded by her teachers for it. She didn't want people to be forced to look at her 'excess fat.' Most of her friends just thought it was a side effect to another 'illness' that she was plagued by.
Kagome sighed, and tried to ignore the pain in her stomach. Kagome knew she had to love Hitzu because he was her wonderfully perfect boyfriend. He was sweet and kind and when they were alone he would tell her how much he liked her. He did try to control her a little, by telling her how to act, and sometimes punished her when she did something he didn't like, but she loved him. He had told her at the beginning of July that she had to lose weight, because he could feel cellulite coming off of her one day. She agreed, really wanting to please him. She would do anything to please him. Even ignore Hojo and any other boy. Besides Inuyasha, of course. But Hitzu didn't know about Inuyasha so she didn't have to ignore him. Or Miroku and Shippo but those went along with Inuyasha. So she started to diet. At first it was just a little. She would jog after classes and ride her bike less in the feudal era, opting to run instead. She told her friends she was trying to get into shape.
Kagome was really happy when all of her friends 500 years in the past didn't notice her new habits. Well, the may have noticed but they wouldn't say anything. When they offered her food, she would politely refuse, saying she had ate a large meal before, or had an upset stomach. It was simple! Something easy like that had worked for quite a while, but now anyone could see that she was too skinny.
Anyone, besides her family and herself that is.
They didn't know or realize that Kagome was not eating at all, they didn't know how Hitzu would hurt her body and go too far when they were kissing by trying to finger her secret place, and they didn't notice that many bruises and slash marks would pop up from no where. They probably just assumed it was all from the feudal era and that she was trying too hard. Her mom wouldn't say anything when after she would eat anything, no matter how miniscule, she would go 'take a bath'.
When her mom had asked her about it once, she had told her it was all from the past. Meaning, she was just stressed about shard hunting and needed to be left alone. Her mom, being as wonderful as she was, worried a little but let it go at that.
But now Inuyasha had started constantly pressuring her to tell him why she wasn't eating, and why she had scars everywhere. He knew that she hadn't gotten them well shard hunting and he knew it couldn't be from her time even though she was trying harder and harder to spend time there. He had started to glare at her, and demand that she take care of herself. She gotten so sick of it, and so scared that he would find out the truth eventually, that she finally told him to fuck off that Friday, and he told her that he hated her. That had hurt more than he would ever know.
It had stung so bad, that when she got home, she had cried for so many hours. She had cried and thought in her head that maybe Inuyasha would like her more too if she was skinnier. She had then called Hitzu and they had gone to the movies. Lately, even he had started pressing her about why she was gone too often, accusing her with his eyes that he thought she was cheating on him.
She felt a few tears roll down her cheek. He weight was still 106. She didn't care if it had been 110 only three days before, she was still fat. Still too ugly and horrible looking for her perfect, loving boyfriend. Too fat for Inuyasha to not hate her. Why couldn't she be more perfect?
Kagome heard the phone ring, and answered it more dully then she usually did. It was Hitzu, which was no real surprise. He called about four times a day if she wasn't right next to him. After a few pleasantries, he basically demanded she took a walk with him. She wasn't sure why, but she thought he sounded angry about some thing. His tone made it sound as if she really had no choice, and the more she thought about it, she didn't. She said she would be out in a moment and hung up one him. She didn't have a choice because she didn't want to be alone anymore, unloved by everyone.
A little bit later, they were walking together, they both not saying anything at all. Hitzu glanced at her once in a while, mostly in a bland disgust in his eyes, covered in a small amount of lust. If Kagome had not been so worried about Hitzu trying to do anything to her she would have noticed a familiar tree snapping sound as they entered the park by her house. It was a beautiful day though, and Kagome sighed and tried to let herself enjoy it.
As they walked slowly, he pointed to a small bench set aside from a built-in lake that had several people using rent-a-boats to have a romantic afternoon. After sitting for a little bit, Hitzu cleared his throat and glanced over at her, "Kagome, your still looking a little large. I though you were on that died to try and loose your excess pounds? Have you been eating?" Kagome's eyes widened and she looked over at him, desperate and anxious.
"No Hitzu! I have eaten anything in the past three days! I'm trying to look perfect for you! I really am!" She insisted, sounding scared and frantic. He sighed loudly, his eyes narrowing, and stood up suddenly. Kagome could tell that he was fuming because his cheeks were red. He lifted his right hand, and in a swift motion slapped her face hard. She was startled and fell forward to eat a dirt sandwich. Coughing, she felt tears stab her eyes from the harsh sting of her cheek.
'Ita! He really knows how to slap!' She though to herself, lifting her head up just in time to receive a hard kick in to her stomach. That one hurt a lot more. She cried out, but her voice wasn't nearly as loud as Hitzu's rageful screams; "Dammit! Your not trying hard enough!" he screamed at her, his voice hateful.
Kagome rolled over, and looked up into his face. His usually warm brown eyes seemed to be on fire, and he glared at her as if she was nothing but an untouchable, low and beneath him. Kagome doubted she would have any limbs left, or be conscious after this 'punishment' was over.
Hitzu lifted his foot up, and she prepared herself for another good kick in the stomach... but it never came. She heard Hitzu cry out in pain and she looked up in surprise. What she saw surprised her.
Inuyasha stood there, claws bared around Hitzu's neck. She could see blood flow under his fingernails. He had pinned Hitzu against the bench they had been sitting on, and he was growling and glowering over Hitzu, looking like he was barely restraining his full demon powers.
"How DARE you lay a finger on her?!!" he demanded his voice deadlier than venom. Kagome watched them, terrified, unsure of what she should do. After Hitzu cried out again and pain, Kagome snapped back to reality and stood up, grabbing Inuyasha's arm and trying to pry his fingers from Hitzu's neck. Of course, she was no match for his super-human strength.
"Inuyasha! Put him down right now!!" She screamed, frantic for Inuyasha to let Hitzu go. Kagome knew that Hitzu would never love her after this but she was more worried that he wouldn't leave Hitzu alive after this. Somewhere in him, Inuyasha had a deadly protective streak for Kagome. She was pretty sure it was because she looked just like Kikyo, but those thoughts fled from her mind as she saw Hitzu's face start to change color.
"OSUWARI!" She finally screamed when she fell that she had no options left. Inuyasha swore loudly and fell to the ground with a loud crash. A big rush of dirt came up and Kagome coughed again. Her cheek still stung and her stomach felt tipsy. Hitzu fell to the ground too, and once Inuyasha claws were removed from his neck, he lifted himself off the ground and took a few steps from Inuyasha. Boy, did he looked furious, but there was a tinge of fear in his eyes.
"Who the fuck are you!?" He demanded at Inuyasha to was still laying, face towards the ground. The spell wore off, and Inuyasha was on his feet in a heartbeat. "I should ask you that!!" he roared right back, a lot more intimidating that Hitzu could ever be.
"I am Kagome's boyfriend!" Hitzu screeched at the boy. Inuyasha's face got very pale and his eyes shot to Kagome in a moment. "Boyfriend?" He snarled, mostly at her, to make sure this fact was true, although Kagome wasn't entirely sure that Inuyasha knew what being a boyfriend meant. Inuyasha hoped to kami that she would deny it. That she would yell like she did when someone accused her of loving that damn wolf, Kouga. But she didn't. Instead she looked towards the ground and nodded softly, and he felt his whole body freeze. He didn't understand why she would be 'a boyfriend' with this scrawny little kid.
"Hai. It doesn't really matter who I date after all, because you and I are not a couple, Inuyasha. You have Kikyo, and I was lonely so I found someone else." She told him softly, wishing that Hitzu couldn't hear this, but also knowing that he wouldn't understand what she was saying to him.
"Kagome! He is no boyfriend! He just slapped you for not eating in THREE days!!!" Inuyasha screamed at her, his claws diving into his palms from anger. Blood poured to the ground and Kagome felt more tears pierce her eyes.
because I'm FAT!! I NEED to lose weight!!" She screamed back at
him now looking directly into his eyes. Kagome could tell that
Inuyasha was shocked that she thought this, because both of them were
painfully aware of how frail and meek Kagome looked.
Hitzu looked at them well they stared intently at each other. Then he realized it in one (sort of) brilliant flash of intelligence. The whore was cheating on him. Kagome Higurashi, the fucking slut was cheating on HIM. His face became distorted, and suddenly he aimed to punch Inuyasha, who prepared for it in an instant, but it went past him and hit Kagome instead.
She really was not prepared for it, and flew back a few feet. There was a thud and Kagome didn't move for a moment.
Inuyasha's eyes narrowed in absolute fury as he heard Kagome moan in pain, and he closed them. Then re-opened, but to Hitzu's surprised they were a deep crimson red. He also saw to jagged purple streaks stream across his face and heard a dog-like growl. This was when Hitzu noticed his dog ears on the top of his head, as if they were easy to miss. His eyes widened and he became very frightened… this guy was a freak!!
"NO ONE TOUCHES MY MATE!!" Inuyasha's screamed, lunging for Hitzu. He punched Hitzu's face a few times, knocking him unconscious, and scratched him across his back, rendering him harmless. His breath was frantic and harsh and he stared down at the child who had punched Kagome. Inuyasha was glaring at his form when he turned to Kagome, remembering her through his bloodlust. She was making a strange noise.
Kagome was crying. But this was not the same. She was on her knees, holding her head, as if preparing to have someone hit her, and sobbing so loudly. Inuyasha returned to his normal form at once, his eyes flashing from red to amber in a matter of seconds.
"Kagome." he trailed off, reaching over and suddenly grasping her firmly against his chest. She flinched when he touched her, but allowed him to hold her. Her fingers clenched around his shirt and she shook, her body racked with sobs.
"I'm not perfect... I'm a freak. I'll never be perfect enough!" She kept chanting, still sobbing. Inuyasha squeezed her and softly told her to look up. She did so right away. Her blue orbs where scared and her eyes were red and bloodshot. She still looked beautiful, but in a sad somber way.
"Kagome, you are---kami, what has happened to you?" He said, cutting off before he said or did something he would regret. He looked away and focused on the ground. He didn't want to hurt her at all, and his emotions shouldn't get in the way.
"Inuyasha." She moaned, leaning back into him. "I think I have a problem."
He stroked her hair gently, and only held her a little bit tighter.
(Lauryn-Chan would like to give the friendly reminder that if you review she will be a very happy girl. She would also like to comment that no, she is not crazy, and yes, she does prefer to refer to herself in the third person. Thank you.)