Random Harry Potter Characters Say..Random Shit. (VOTE ONE OFF!)

The First Author's Note: This Fanfiction is rated R (too lazy to change the original rating so im just warning u now). There will be inappropriate subjects, and stronger language as the story procedes. Chappies 1 and 2 are fairly appropriate, but there'll be inappropriate goodness to come in later chapters. If this is going to bother you, then don't say I didn't warn you, or don't flame me for it. Hopefully those of you who can handle it, find it humorous! Read on. ^_^

Disclaimer: YOU SILLY BOTTLE OF LAUNDRY DETERGENT! OF COURSE THESE CHARACTERS ARENT MINE!!!! (They are JK Rowlings, and lucky for me I have been graced w/the opportunity to make them say random shit.)

A/N: Brackets [ ] indicates a persons actions. People may have done this before, but its fun, and I enjoy it!!! And if you think this fic is stupid, hell, you may be right, im overtired, and kinda hyper, soooo.leave the insane alone!

Hi Welcome to "Random Harry Potter Characters Say.Random Shit" Show.(RHPCSRS) I am your host, the author of this fanfic. AKA Jasmine AKA CrazzieAddict06, but you can just call me Admiral J!!! I have managed to summon many random Harry Potter Characters and confine them in the safety of the Hufflepuff Girls Dormitories. Lets see what happens when they all meet up!

Oh and here's the catch, which ever one you hate the most, write it down in the review, and whichever gets picked the most, gets voted of the RHPCSRS Show, and will be announced if readers wish to have another chapter.

:::Enter the Random Harry Potter Characters that Say Random Shit::: Draco Malfoy, Hagrid, A Dementor, James Potter, Harry Potter, Hermione, Molly Weasley, Severus Snape, Lavender Brown, McGonagall, Remus Lupin, Voldie, Gilderoy Lockhart, Sirius Black, Dumbly.and that's all that could fit.

A/N: I hear chat method is banned, but this is not a chat format, it is simply an eaier way to write down what the caracters are sayin w/out getting all confused and such. So if this offends anyone for whatever reason.I'm sorry?So don't flame me or w/e.


All Random Harry Potter Characters that Say Random Shit: [look around puzzled] WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE?

Admiral J: The Hufflepuff Girls Dormitories, Were I have sucessfully managed to gather all you poor pitiful characters and make you all say random shit, so these readers get the privilage of voting one of you off.

Remmie: But none of us are in Hufflepuff. Sheez, half of us don't even go to Hogwarts, and Sirius here died in Book 5. What the hell is with you people?

Admiral J: I can do whatever I want, Remi. For instance, do 500 Jumping Jacks while speaking Swahili.

[Lupin does 500 jumpin jacks while speaking the Swahili language]

Admiral J: Good Werewolf!!!

Sirius: I resented that Moony. But if you must know something, I have a really odd liking for Cattle. [grins happily, then shrugs]

Lockhart: Great.[Looks in Mirror] I'm a sexy beast.Yeah, Baby! Shagadellic!!!!!! Hey Voldie [Winks] How YOU doin?

Voldie: Just groovy Baby, You wanna go back to my pad and shag? Oh HOLY SHIT!!! Wheres my mojo? [Searches frantically]

[Hagrid runs around like a little girl who just got a pet jelly fish from her step-dad in Wyoming, dangling a vile of Voldies Mojo on a silver platinum chain] Na nah ne poo poo you silly mortie mort you!

Voldie: Ah, screw the Mojo.Lets go, Gilderoy-baby. We'll have a Swingin time.

Admiral J: Sorry 'Mortster, but this isn't going to be a gay-slash fic, just sit down and be a good random boy like your told.

Voldie: But.its not my fault! You're the one that told me Santa Clause was really a turkey vulture dressed up in a jolly red suit!!!

Dementor: [Pulls something out of its robe, a jewelery box] Sirus Black.Will you Marry Me?

Sirius: [Looks awe stricken and terribly stunned] Only if this deal involves a large sum of cattle.

Dementor: So are you declining my offer?

Sirius: Is there cattle involved?

Dementor: [Cries]No. Just my Love.

Sirius: Then no. Well.Sorry Admirial J, but I'm off to find some cattle. I want to make my own hamburgers and try and put those damn people at Wendys out of buisness.

Admiral J: Sorry, No can do, Padfoot, your stuck in the Hufflepuff Dorm until I say so.

Sirius and Cinderella: And when will that be?

Admiral J: Whenever I get tired of writing this fanfiction, and eventually pass out at the keyboard. And what the hell is Cinderella doing here!?!?!

Cinderella: I thought I'd stop by for some crumpets, eh? .Well I do hope you pass out, Bitch!

Draco: Whoa! Its Cinderella! Can I have your autograph?

[Cinderella signs a piece of parchment for the young malfoy]

~*~A/N: No you cannot vote off Cinderella, sorry!~*~

Draco: I think you are hott you know..

Cinderella: I'm a fucken Walt Disney Character, for God's sakes, damnit Malfoy, get a life!!!! [Apparates]

Sirus: No fair.how come she can leave?

Admiral J: Because I said so, and I never was quite fond of that movie anyway. [Hands Sirius a bag of cat litter]

Sirius: YAY!!!!!

Voldie: Molly Weasley isn't talking, Admiral. Make her talk! And Hagrid still has my mojo!!!! [whimpers]

Hermione: You are a lame ass dark lord.

Voldie: You wanna snog, 'mione?..It wouldn't be considered gay-slash [gives glance at Jasmine (which is me, if you've forgotten my actual name)]

Hermione: That's sick, Voldster.I'd rather combust into flames and then get eaten alive by Professor Mcgonagall.

Mcgonagall: Take that back young lady.500 points from Gryffindor.

Hermione: Asshole, you just took 500 points from your own house. Digbat!

James Potter: [says to Harry] Do you have any idea whats going on?

Harry: **Shrugs** I dunno, Pops, But I think it would be wise if we spontaneously poked Madam Hooch with a twig.

James: Madam Hooch isnt here.

[Madam Hooch suddenly appears in the room]

James: On the other hand, here son, have a twig.Lets go poke her.

[The father and son then indeed poke madam hooch with a twig]

Hooch: Bloody Hell.[rubs arm where she was poked then apparates away, even though it is not possible to do so on Hogwarts Grounds]

Sirius: You let her leave too? Wut the hell is wrong with you? [growls]

Admiral J: Only because I hate that woman, her hair really bothers me.

Sirius: Yes.We should all shave her head later..Shouldn't we?

[All Random Harry Potter Characters that Say Random Shit nod in agreement]

Admiral J: Sevvie and Dumbledoor.You haven't spoken all evening.I command you both to do so now.

Dumbly: Tee Hee.I can't help it if I'm a little ballerina named Lissa!!!! C'mon Sevvie!! Lets dance!

Severus: Are you feeling.erm alright, Headmaster?

Dumbly: Oh Just fine!!! Please Snivellus, Join me in a dance.

James: Hey, Bitch! That's my nickname for hiM!

[Dumbs and Sev start to do a polkish waltz and soon the telephone rings]

Remmie: Since when do we have a muggle telephone in Hogwarts!?

Admiral J: Remus! Why the hell do you always have to go and ruin the randomness.More Jumpin Jacks, Wolf-boy. And you.Lavender Brown, get that phone now, Miss-I'm-A-Prissy-Ass-Hogwarts-Student-Who-Fancies-Firemen!

Lavender: [looks confused]Hello

Voice on Other Line: Hi! This is that man from the Verizon Wireless Commerical.Can you hear me now?

Lavender: Hey there sexy.How about we go out for a butterbeer sometime?

Verizon Man: [screams so loudly that everyone can hear] Mi madre es una coneja!

Lockhart: What did he just say?

Sirius: he said "My Mother is a Rabbit'

All Random Harry Potter Characters that Say Random Shit: [Shrug]

Sirius: Hey.Molly.do I look like Shakira?

Molly Weasley:

Voldie: See Admiral! That Skank wont talk!!! Make her talk!!!! [Sobs] My mojo, that damn half giants got my mojo!

Hagrid: Nah ne nah nee pooh pooh, I got the Dark Lord's Mojo! [Does a little skipping movement and announces that he is Pregnant!]

Molly Weasley:

All Random Harry Potter Characters that Say Random Shit: [Blank Stare]

Dementor: [Still sobbing, holding the engagement ring]

James: WTF is going on!

Harry and Hermione: BRrrrrrrrrmmmm! Wahoooo Look! Were little red racecars!!!!! BRRRMMMM brmmmm zooom!!!

All Random Harry Potter Characters that Say Random Shit: [Another Blank Stare]

Remmie: whats with all the Blank Stares.Its really stupid, and I'm serious.

Sirius: No..i

All Random Harry Potter Characters that Say Random Shit: WE KNOW WE KNOW. Must the author always feel the need to add in this stupid joke, and these stupid interuptions for the fanfictions sake!

Sirius: [Looks dissapointed]

Admrial J: Your right, its stupid, but hell.Why not, right? [Slaps Molly Weasley]

Molly Weasley:

Sirius: Look, no offense but can we go home now?..I want to find some cattle.

James: Yea.Seriously.

All Random Harry Potter Characters that Say Random Shit(except james): Don't start that again, James!!

Admiral J: No No.You are stuck here until the readers give me some reviews. Your fate, is in their hands. So rememeber readers, the one you don't want to see on this fic anymore.VOTE EM OFF. And don't forget to R&R.but try n be nice.after all I'm just an overly tired hyper harry potter fan [grins]

Admiral J:[says to Random Harry Potter Characters that Say Random Shit] I see Madam Hooch.in that corner!! Get your razors and lets shaver her head!!!!!

All Random Harry Potter Characters that Say Random Shit:[charge]And remember folks, R&R!!!

Admiral J: Ok.one last insty bitsy thing. Do please continue to the next chapters. Ahead lies:

* More randomness(in ALL chapters o'course!)

*A Game of Strip Poker


*Surprising deaths (but don't worry they aint that sad at all!)

*Invasion of their diaries

*Bonfire Fun and Sacrifices!