Welcome to my first Ranma fic. I've written a few Dragon Knights fics, but I've had this idea for a while so I thought that I'd commit it before I plum forgot.

italics show the relevant person's thoughts.

Does anyone know how to do an umlaut in html?


The quiet Tendo house. A traditional Japanese home in a suburb of Tokyo. Ryoga is visiting after one of his longer trips to Hokkaido, which took in Okinawa, Kyoto, Shikoku (twice), Kanto (three times) and Osaka. Currently, he's sitting down, beside the beautiful Akane and Mr. Tendo as the news is shown on the television. The Official visit of some foreign dignitary is going well, there was lovely weather for the Chrysanthemum Festival and some unknown miscreant is stealing panties from washing lines all over Tokyo. There are no clues as of yet.

Ryoga shakes his head and speaks with passion. "That sort of thing makes my blood boil. Innocent ladies are living in terror because of that panty thief." That sort of honest disgust is just the kind of thing that girl's like. I wonder if Akane is impressed.

Akane's looking at Ryoga with surprise in her eyes, but the one that's most impressed is Mr. Tendo, who claps Ryoga on the back.

"That's right Ryoga! It is a sad day indeed when a pervert can act so openly in a city like this."

Akane turns her withering stare at her father. "Then why don't you do something dad? Isn't the job of a martial artist to protect the city's underwear in times of need?"
"Of course, Akane, you're right. Perhaps myself and Saotome will organise a patrol of the neighbourhood, when he gets back from his training mission with Ranma."
"What about me?"

Ranma enters the room and nods to everyone. "Hey Ryoga, back from Okinawa?"
"Hokkaido Ranma! As you well know."

Ranma sceptically eyes the souvenirs Ryoga brought Akane back from "Hokkaido". A large number have "greetings from Okinawa/Osaka/etc." on them.

"Okay Ryoga, whatever. Are you ready for our duel? I've really been training hard. I'll beat you this time."
"That's my line Ranma!"
"Hey Ryoga." Ranma leans over to Ryoga and whispers in his ear. "Fancy some roast pork?"
"RANMA SAOTOME!" Ryoga hulks up and Ranma watches him with a big smile on his face. He shadow boxes as Ryoga prepares himself for his beating.

What's with Ranma? He's really trying to rile up Ryoga. Akane thinks as she watches the two immature guys spar. I wonder where Mr. Saotome took him this time? It must have been an awful training session if he's taking this much out on poor Ryoga. Maybe I can distract Ranma for him.

"Hey Ranma! There's another panty thief around. Dad's going to try and stop him."
"Now Akane," Mr. Tendo splutters, "I said that I, eh Saotome and I would organise a patrol, involve the community, not that we'd catch the thief."
"That fat old man couldn't catch anything unless it was hit seven times with a mallet and tied up neatly for him. And even then he'd only have a 50/50 chance of getting it." Ranma clenches his fists and his face turns very red. It looks like he's finally getting passionate about something. Ryoga takes the chance to land a few punches, but Ranma scarcely notices as he marches up to Mr. Tendo.

"Rawr!"

He does however, notice a large sign whack him across the back of his head announcing the arrival of "that fat old man", in his panda form. Ranma grabs the sign and shatters it across his knee. The two stare at each other before Mr. Saotome tries to communicate again. Every one of Mr. Saotome's signboards are shattered by Ranma before anyone can read them, so he soon gives up and he and his son launch into an all-out battle.

The fight lasts until tea-time, when the Saotomes' stomachs finally overcome their latest argument. Battered, bruised and hungry, they simply glare at each other across the table, while stuffing their faces. Once satisfied, Genma heads off for a hot soak with a final "Rawr". Ranma and Ryoga go to the training hall to spar. Akane meets them there later.

"That panty-thief is still at large." She snorts, "I hope dad and Mr. Saotome actually do something about it."
"Panty thief?" Ranma sounds confused.
"Yes Ranma, I told you about it earlier. There's someone stealing underwear from homes all over Tokyo!"
"It sounds like a job for Ryoga-chan, Uberman. Eh?" Ranma smirks at Ryoga.
Please Ranma, do not tell Akane Tendo about that.
"Ryoga-chan, Uberman? Who's that?" Akane isn't sure how to react
Ranma laughs loudly and annoyingly. "When Ryoga was about 8 or so, he watched way too many Superman cartoons. He got a dirty towel, tied it around his neck, started calling himself Ryoga-chan, Uberman and fighting crime."
"Fighting crime? An eight-year-old?"
"Yeah. Mostly it involved running around the neighbourhood spying on everyone in the search for evil-doers."
"CURSE YOU RANMA!"

Ryoga launches himself at Ranma, who barely blocks. The next ten punches connect however and Ranma is flung across the hall by the force of the last blow. He stands up and wipes a small trickle of blood from his mouth.

"All right Ryoga. Now you have my full attention."

The battle rages around Akane, who forms an area of calm, in the centre of the hall. Even she finds it hard to follow every blow. I can't believe how much stronger they've both gotten. I wonder if I trained as much as Ranma does, would I be as good as this? Ranma finally knocks Ryoga through the wall. He flies through the air, twisting as he does so, in order to get a good rebound for a new assault on Ranma. He ends up crashing into a rotten tree in the garden, which collapses on top of him. Inside the hall, Akane and Ranma wait for his return. Finally they turn to each other.

"Isn't Ryoga coming back?"

They cautiously follow Ryoga through the hole in the ground and find him amidst the remains of the tree, conscious, but dazed.

"Now you've done it Ranma. We'd better get him to Doctor Tofu."
"Nah, he's fine, look." Ranma picks Ryoga up and sets him on his feet. Ryoga wobbles upright for a moment, his eyes focused on some other point in space and time, before collapsing back to the ground.

"He could have a concussion or something."
"Not Ryoga, his head's like a rock."
"Wuh, wuh, wuh."
"Ranma, look at him!" Akane crosses her arms and glares at Ranma. I can't believe him! Poor Ryoga. She bends down beside him and takes his hand. "Ryoga? Can you hear me?"
"Wuh wuh, Ryoga?"
Look at Akane, she's all over Ryoga. I bet he's faking it. Ranma hunkers down beside his rival. "Hey Ryoga!"
"Ryoga? Wuh wuh."

A lightbulb flashes over Ranma.

"Yeah. Akane, you're right. Ryoga's not okay. You go in and get some ice and I'll look after him."
"Okay Ranma."

Akane runs into the house and Ranma gives Ryoga one of his cunning looks.

"Ryoga-chan?"
"Ryoga? Chan?"
"Yeah, your name's Ryoga-chan, Uberman. You're a crime fighter who protects Tokyo from all sorts of ne'er-do-wells."
"Uberman?"
"Yes, you hide your secret identity as Ryoga-chan, Uberman, by pretending to be mild-mannered Ryoga Hibiki. When danger threatens though, you're always near to protect the innocent!"
"Yeah! Ryoga-chan, uberman! Fear not citizen, I will protect you!"
"Wait, Ryoga. You need your disguise."

Ranma tears a blanket from the washing line and ties it around Ryoga's shoulders. Ryoga himself removes his bandana and tears two eyeholes into it, before wearing it as a mask. Ranma stares in awe at his handiwork.

"You're okay now miss, I Ryoga-chan, Uberman, have a mission. I must save Tokyo from the dreaded panty-thief."

Ryoga poses dramatically before leaping over the wall of the Tendos' garden. Ranma raises an eyebrow, "Miss?" Just then rain starts to pour down, and soon he is, well, a she. The sounds of a squealing pig can be heard beyond the wall. Ranma clambers onto the wall just in time to see P-Chan extricate himself from Ryoga's clothes. Remarkably, the mask still protects his identity. P-Chan then scurries off in a random direction.

"Dumb Ryoga. Caught in the rain again. Where's he off to? Hey! He can't have forgotten about Jusenkyo and turning into a pig? That'd be like...like...believing that you're a superhero called Ryoga-chan. Damn! This is all my fault. Ryoga? Ryoga?!"

And so a new rain falls over Tokyo, now under the fearsome protection of P-Chan, Uberpig!

"Oink!"