"i think it's dark and it looks like rain" you said
"and the wind is blowing like it's the end of the
world" you said "and it's so cold it's like the
cold if you were dead" and then you smiled for
a second

"i think i'm old and i'm feeling pain" you said
"and it's all running out like it's the end of the
world" you said "and it's so cold it's like the
cold if you were dead" and then you smiled for
a second

sometimes you make me feel like i'm living at
the edge of the world like i'm living at the edge
of the world "it's just the way i smile" you said

-Plainsong, The Cure


As much as I love him, sometimes he scares me.

Maybe it's just a hold over, me remembering what it was like when we were fighting him, but it's not that kind of fear, not always. It's that way when he's angry, true. But that's not common.

What really scares me is this look he gets when he thinks nobody's looking. It's a profoundly sad look, like there's nobody under that shell. Or that there is, and he's losing his way.

And also, it's his smile. Not the grin he gives other people, but the grin he has for himself. It's almost sadder than his scowl. It's definately sadder than when he cries.

Sometimes I wonder if we did the right thing when we helped him save himself. Sometimes I wonder if he'd be better off if he was still the Kaizer. I mean, that way he'd at least not be crying. And I doubt that the Kaizer had that sad grin he has.

But then I wonder if he was really like that all along, and the only differance is that now he has someone to dry his tears. At least most of the time.

It would be better if he'd just get it over and cry though, dammit. He's not healed, as much as we like to pretend he is. He's still the same Ken he always was. He's just not trying to wear a mask anymore. Most people would say that that's a good thing.

But a mask can function as armor. A mask can help keep pain back. He'd be hurting as much.

But nobody would dry his tears.

Minomon does now. And, if he let me, I would, too. He doesn't let me most of the time, though. He still has to hide.

I've never kissed him, but I know what it would be like. His lips would be warm under mine, and his hair would be soft under my fingers. And I have to believe that his mouth would taste salty. Like tears.

Because they have to go somewhere, and he sure as hell doesn't let them out. At least not that we can see.

I wonder if he knows that I love him. It seems like he must. I mean, he seems to know everything. But...I wonder...

I wonder what would happen if I told him. I wonder if that icy mask would finally fall away. I wonder if he'd finally let those tears fall that he's been keeping in.

I wonder if he'd let me dry them. If he'd let me kiss him, and taste the tears in his mouth.

I wonder.


Author's Note's (At the end 'cause I wanted you to see Plainsong first)

This was just a random neuron firing as I was trying to find the lyrics to Charlotte Sometimes in my huge pile o'Cure stuff (I'm planning to make it into a Hiyako or a Mira.) I just got an image from the lyrics to Plainsong which went along with an image I was going to use in another fic (Ken's mouth tasting like tears), and this just came out.

Whaddayaknow. The gods give me gifts during the day, too.