Disclaimer: I own none of the characters from Pirates of the Caribbean. But we all know I wish I could own Captain Sparrow. Enough said, all right? I hate these things! I'm like the abbot in Robin Hood: Men in Tights when he's walking down the isle and he's like, "I hate that guy!" Well I hate disclaimers. We all know I don't own the characters!

Author's Note: Well, not like you needed to know, but I was reading over my "Unlikely Mummy Headlines" and figured it'd be fun to write "Unlikely PotC Headlines." I hope you enjoy. Just a warning, I was on a sugar high when I wrote this. Wait a minute; I'm always on sugar high. Anyway, I hope this doesn't offend anyone. That's not my mission. This is to make you laugh your butt off. I hope I succeed!




"CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow Shaves Off Braided Beard"

"Anamaria And Elizabeth - Shopping Buddies"

"CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow's Hat Falls Off Into Ocean"

"Will Turner Lets Commodore Norrington Have Elizabeth"

"Barbossa Prefers Oranges Over Apples"

"Commodore Norrington Catches CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow"

"Barbossa And Jack The Monkey - Poop On The Shoulder"

"Scarlett And Governor Swann - How Much Will That Be?"

"CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow Gives Up Rum"

"Gibbs Sleeping With Women Instead Of Pigs"

"Gibbs - Wants To Be Captain Of The Black Pearl"

"Anamaria - Determined To Kill Every Woman CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow Is With"

"CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow Gets Keys From Dog"

"Will Gives Up Blacksmithing For Ballet"

"Elizabeth Loves Corsets"

"Will Loves Corsets"

"CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow Creates A Rum Day"

"Gibbs Pinches Anamaria's Butt"

"Her Boat Is Not The Only Thing CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow Took From Anamaria"

"Elizabeth - Necrophiliac"

"Bootstrap Bill Loses Bootstraps"

"CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow - Pokes Eye Out With Eyeliner Pencil"

"Gibbs Takes On CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow's Look"

"Will Takes On CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow's Look"

"Every Member Of The PotC Cast Takes On CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow's Look"

"Anamaria Strips For The Crew Of The Black Pearl"

"Glass Eye Found In Elizabeth's Dinner"

"Anamaria And Elizabeth In Mud Fight"

"Jack The Monkey Charms The Ladies"

"Barbossa Steals CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow's Gold Teeth"

"The Medallion Turns Silver"

"Not All Treasure Is Silver And Gold - There's Also Rum"

"Miss Cleo Is Killed By CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow For Lying About His Future With Elizabeth"

"Will Wins Arm Wrestling Fight Against Gibbs"

"Anamaria Wins Arm Wrestling Fight Against Will"

"The Ocean Is Rum By CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow's Command"