Title: Reality Bites

Author: Silvara Maxwell

Rating: R

Warnings: Sexual situations, yaoi (boy x boy)

Pairing: Malik x Ryou

Disclaimer: I don't own, so you no sue.

Reality Bites: The non-lemon

Watch and be amazed as Ryou and Malik try to have sex and fail miserably.

Malik pulled the other closer, tilting his head slightly to press a kiss to his mouth. Ryou made a soft noise, his kiss-swollen lips parting easily as he looked at Malik with hazy, half-lidded eyes.

The blond Egyptian, for his part, was doing his best to keep Ryou as thoroughly distracted as possible. He went as slow as his sexual frustration allowed him, rubbing Ryou's back soothingly as he removed the white-haired boy's shirt, taking note of the small tremble that ran through his thin frame.

Malik pushed him back onto the bed, settling on top of him and lavishing his exposed torso with open-mouthed kisses. He paused to suck lightly on the skin around the other's navel, then carefully brought his hands to the fastenings on the other's pants. With some trepidation, he began to undo the button and zipper holding them closed.

It was the moment of truth. Malik bit his lower lip and whispered softly to Ryou in Egyptian, trying to quell the nervous shudders he felt running through the other's body. After all, when one was nervous, one could not...

"Ryou, damn it! Not again!"

"I'm sorry! I can't help it!" Ryou's voice rose in a whine. He pulled back from Malik, drawing his knees up to his chest, and pouted.

Malik grit his teeth and tried to be patient with his currently sulking partner. "Ryou, I know you've never had sex before, but I told you I won't do anything you're uncomfortable with--"

"But I want this!"

"Well, you're never going to get 'this' if you get so damn nervous every time I come near your pants that you kill your erection."

Ryou sulked some more and retreated back to his previous argument. "I can't help it... It's not my fault."

Malik weighed his options at this point very carefully and decided to join Ryou. He crossed his arms over his chest and sulked. "Isn't there anyway for you to be less nervous?"

"...I don't know..."

"I've gone slow. I tried the romantic approach. I got you so damn horny that you jumped me. I've tried just about everything and nothing helps, gods damn it! I'm out of ideas!"

Ryou sniffed. "...You don't have to yell about it."

"Ryou, I've jacked off more times in the last few weeks than I have in my entire life. I'm horny enough to fuck even the gods-damned Pharaoh!"

The white-haired boy bristled. "You better not!"

"Don't worry. I'll never be that desperate... Ick." Malik eyed his boyfriend and muttered, "And I'm not that suicidal, either."

"What was that?"


"Hmph..." Ryou sighed. "Want to get some ice cream?"

"...Ryou... I don't eat ice cream, and you know it."

"Let me rephrase that, then. Want to go get me some ice cream?"

"...Fine. Come on."

Ryou smiled happily and stood up, fixing his pants and putting his shirt back on. Malik stood as well and followed Ryou downstairs, stubbornly managing to maintain his sulk even when faced with his cheerful boyfriend. He plopped down on the couch while Ryou went into the kitchen. Malik scratched his nose and thought for a moment, then slouched down into a more appropriate sulking position.

A few minutes later Ryou emerged with a bowl full of chocolate ice cream and sat himself down next to Malik. "Are you sure you don't want any?"

The white-haired boy offered him a spoonful of the tempting treat. Malik eyed it hungrily, licking his lips, then forced himself to scoot down the couch a bit away from Ryou. "Do you know how fattening it is?!"

Ryou sighed and leaned over, teasingly poking Malik's stomach. "You're not going to get fat from one little bite of ice cream."

Malik shot him a look and fondly patted his well-defined muscles. "I'm not taking any chances."

"...You know, sometimes I can't believe how incredibly vain you are."

"I'm not vain. I just like keeping myself healthy."

"Fine, you like keeping yourself healthy. But how is brushing your hair exactly one hundred times every night while singing to it part of keeping yourself healthy?"

"...I thought you liked my hair."

"Do you really need to sing to it?"

"You're just jealous because my hair is nice and soft and shiny, and yours is limp and lifeless."

Ryou pulled some of his hair over his shoulder and hugged it to his chest. "It is not! You take that back!"

Malik looked around once to make sure they were alone, then he stuck his tongue out at Ryou. "No!"

"...Huh...?" Ryou blinked at him blankly for a moment before he started laughing at the image Malik made.

"Hey! Stop that!"

Ryou giggled some more at his indignant boyfriend and managed to put his ice cream down on the coffee table. He curled up on the couch, clutching his stomach; he laughed even harder when Malik pounced on him and started tickling the boy mercilessly.

"Hehe... I'm s-s-haha-sorry!!" Ryou pushed Malik's hands away and squirmed around underneath him.

"...Well, that's what you get for laughing at me."


"You started it."

"No, you did. You insulted my hair, remember?"

"Hm? ...Oh, well, that." Malik shrugged unconcernedly, then kissed Ryou lightly. "It's getting late. Shouldn't you be going to bed now?"

"...Don't try to change the subject."

Malik leaned up and kissed Ryou again, long and soft. The white-haired boy was flushed and panting slightly by the time he pulled away. "You were saying?"

"What? I didn't say anything..."

"I thought so."

Ryou yawned lightly. "Bed sounds nice. Are you going to stay the night?"

"Of course. You're nice to sleep with. Squishy, like a stuffed animal."

Ryou swatted Malik's finger away as he tried to poke his stomach and stood up. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. Hmph." He grabbed his half-melted bowl of ice cream and carried it to the kitchen.

"Suit yourself." Malik made his way back upstairs and towards the bathroom. He brushed his teeth with the toothbrush he kept at Ryou's house and washed his face.

"All right, you're clean already." Malik rolled his eyes at Ryou as he prodded him out of the bathroom to take his turn. He went back into Ryou's room, snatched up his hairbrush from the dresser, plopped down on the bed, and proceeded to start brushing his hair.

"One... two... three... four... five... six..." Malik switched to keeping count in his head and began humming softly.

"What number are you on now?" Ryou asked as he walked in.


"Ah." Ryou pulled a pair of light blue pajamas out of his drawer and set them on top of the dresser. He started to undress, blushed faintly, then turned around and continued stripping.



"...Hm... Have I ever told you that your blush extends to the back of your neck?"

"What?!" Ryou slapped a hand to the back of his neck, then scowled. "You can't even see it! My hair covers it!"

Malik laughed, and Ryou huffed. He scowled even more and glared at the wall, though it really looked more like a sulky pout. Completely ignoring Malik's wolf-whistle as he removed his pants, Ryou quickly changed into his pajamas.

"Aw, dressed so soon?"

"Stop that! You're so... so... perverted!"

"Hey, be nice. You're more perverted than I am! Just, most people don't know because you tend to be quiet and look innocent. I know the truth, though." Malik straightened up into an upright sitting position, looking knowledgeable.

"I am nice. And not perverted, either." Ryou climbed onto the bed behind Malik and took the hairbrush, running it through his hair for him.

"Mmm... Feels nice..."

Ryou smiled at the soft, rumbling noises Malik was emitting. He was practically melting under Ryou's gentle touch in just a few moments. The white-haired boy leaned forward to brush a quick kiss over his cheek. "What number are you on now?"

"Huh? Wha...?"

"Did you lose count?"

Malik sat back up straight and frowned. "Now I have to start over again!"

Ryou sighed. "I'm sure you were around one hundred."

"But what if I wasn't?"

"I'm sure you were close enough for it to not matter. Really."

"...But I don't want my hair looking like your-- Oomph! ...Was it necessary to throw a pillow at me?"

"Yes. Now, let's go to bed."

"...Fine." Malik stood and moved out of the way as Ryou folded back the covers on his bed. He switched on the lamp, then walked across the room to the doorway and flipped off the main light switch.

"Thank you." Ryou yawned sleepily, and Malik smiled at him.

"...Adorable," he murmured.

"Hm? Did you say something?"

"No." Malik stripped off his clothes and folded them neatly. He placed them on the dresser so he would remember to throw them in the hamper in the bathroom later, then did the same with Ryou's clothes. Malik slipped into bed next to his boyfriend and pulled the covers over their bodies, keeping a fold of the sheets between their bodies.

"Good night, love." Ryou snuggled up to Malik happily, resting his head on the other's chest.

"'Night." Malik wrapped his arms around Ryou and kissed the top of his head, then settled down to sleep.

Please, review and tell me what you think and if you want me to continue!