Title: A Most Shocking Revelation
Author: Luce
Rating: PG
Genre: Humor, with a pinch of fluff.
Pairing: CJS/ES
Summary: In which there is Will abuse, and much Jack/Elizabeth lurve. Inspired by this-- Erin: someone needs to write a fic in which elizabeth discovers that will is, in fact, a eunuch, and then she runs off to jack She spoke; and lo, there was fic.
Disclaimer: Not mine! Notminenotminenotmine!

Raucous sounds of merrymaking rose from the streets of Port Royal as the people celebrated the marriage of one Elizabeth Swann, Governor's daughter, to Will Turner, blacksmith extraordinaire. So he wasn't a noble, and there was that nasty incident with rescuing a pirate and all, but he made a mighty fine sword. He was rather pretty, to boot. It also helped that Commodore Norrington blessed the union, albeit with a twitch in his left eye and a dangerous grip on his sword that sent it wandering in the most unsettling manner towards Mr. Turner. Thankfully, Commodore Norrington was able to maintain his dignity, and all of Port Royal indulged in heavy food and drink in honor of the blushing couple (or they could be releasing all that pent-up partying from years of not having an excuse to do so, but we won't go into that). More than one distinguished gentleman let loose his inhibitions and chased a teasing wench's skirt, red-faced and roaring with laughter.

The servants had slipped out of the governor's mansion a while back to join in the fun, leaving the newlyweds to, for lack of better words, "get it on." Because of this, no one was there when a scream tore through the air.

"You-You're a eunuch!" said Elizabeth, staring at Will in horror. He flushed a most becoming shade of red, because it was physically impossible for the boy to turn an unpleasant color.

"Er--I--em--I was going to tell you--"

"WHEN? It's our wedding night, Will!"

"Ah..." Will lapsed into silence, attempting to cover his--lack of--manhood with a linen sheet. A single glare from Elizabeth stilled his hand, and he resorted to what he did best. He looked at her with big, brown, and misty Puppy Dog Eyes (TM).

"Well?" she demanded. She wasn't falling for that again, oh no. Elizabeth Turner was no fool!

"It was...an accident?" he ventured.

"An accident? An accident?" She laughed shrilly. "I knew I should have gone with Jack when we were on the island! Not stay here and get married to a bloody eunuch who FORGOT TO TELL ME THAT HE WAS ONE!"

"Jack?" Will said incredulously. "The man wears eyeliner!"

"He's more man than you'll ever be, Will Turner!" With that, she turned on her heel and left, slamming the door behind her.

Will sank into a wooden chair, dazed.

It's not my fault I'm a eunuch, he thought woefully.

*

"So what brings you here, love?" (Captain!) Jack Sparrow murmured, sending shivers down Elizabeth's spine. Never mind how she got here or how she found him; she was with Jack and that was all that mattered.

"I...I..." Elizabeth burst into tears, the stress of getting married, then finding out that her husband was literally a ball-less coward, then sailing for days upon days alone finally getting to her.

Jack put his arm around her gingerly, kohl-rimmed eyes darting about as he tried to figure out what to do. Dealing with crying women was not his forte. Dealing with crying women who slapped him, he could do. Dealing with crying women who shouted obscenities at him, he could do that too. This, however, was a new experience all together.

"It's all right, darling...you can slobber on Captain Jack, he doesn't mind..."

Elizabeth laughed, then hiccupped. In a small voice, she said, "He's a eunuch."

Jack blinked. "Who's a eunuch?"

"Will."

"HA! I knew it!" He chuckled in glee before catching the expression on Elizabeth's face, and masked it with tragic concern. "A most shocking revelation, Ms. Swann. I'm terribly sorry for you."

"Elizabeth. It's Elizabeth." She laid her head on his shoulder, and thought to herself how warm he was against the cold of the sea-spray.

He glanced down at the top of her head, an entirely new feeling coursing through him. Ah, well. Will's loss...

"Elizabeth. Tell me, Elizabeth, care for some rum?"