Disclaimer: i want to own them, too!

Pairings: SanoxKenshin, Saito+Sano(?)

Summary: [Sometime during episode 57/58, before Saito takes up the fight] Sano thinks about Kenshin and his fight with Shishio.

Why is most yaoi fanfiction for Kenshin SaitoxSano while all the doujinshi is SanoxKenshin o.o Sano's a bit OOC, but i think it works because, like with all of my povs, he's kind of upset and in conflict. And we all know that Sano's not exactly like he shows himself to be.

To all those dub-watchers: how can you call yourself a fan? iiiii! Go watch the *real* Ruroni Kenshin! This anime is *horrid* in English, it_just_doesn't_work_!

i will probably write another one because, yes, Rurouni Kenshin is 95 episodes, two OVA *and* a movie long .

audi
thegoddess@goddess.com

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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. – Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan, 1892, Act III

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In Conflict

Right, so you just want me to watch and observe as you got yourself killed. Seems simple enough, doesn't it? You don't get it, do you? You may be the strong, unbeatable Battousai, but that means nothing in this fight. The katana that he carries isn't reversed, and it will hurt you. That's his aim, to hurt you, to kill you. He'll delight in doing so. You've been weakened by Aoshi and that Soujiro kid. Granted you've learned your succession technique, but it puts a strain on you, Aoshi is right. You've already used the Amakakeru Ryu no Hirameki twice, it's not like my Futae no Kiwami, you can't use it repetitively.

Once more I'm forced to watch you fight, once more I have to rely solely on you and your Sakaba. I always have to depend on you, for everything it seems. You're so much stronger than I am, you always have been. Why, then, do I just want to run to you, enfold you in my arms and kiss it better? You're in pain, and you shouldn't be. Sure, Shishio and his Juppon Gatana are a threat, I never said they weren't, but they should have chosen someone else. The Hitokiri Battousai is no more, you're Himura Kenshin, a rurouni. Succession technique or no, you're still a rurouni and should still be in Tokyo, at the Kamiya Dojo. That's where you belong. In Tokyo, where I know you're safe.

It seems ironic to me that I'm the one wanting to protect you. You are the one that's known throughout Japan as being the best. Possessing, as Aoshi claims, the title of 'strongest'. I know you don't care about all that. I know that you want to atone for all that the Hitokiri did. I know that you cry at night. Not all nights, Kenshin, but sometimes you do cry. You blame yourself for all that you did. So unlike Saito. You wish that your past could just disappear. I know, Kenshin, I know. Who else knows? Who else have you told?

There are no masks between us, Kenshin. I'm glad there never were any. It's not 'Sanosuke-dono', just 'Sano'. You don't know how happy that makes me, Kenshin. You've never felt the need to be overly cheerful around me, either. There's none of that show of being someone you're not, no random 'oro'. You don't try to hide the Hitokiri around me. He is hidden, of course, but you don't force it like you do around 'jo-chan and Yahiko.

It seems like I've known you forever but, yet, it's as if we met yesterday. Proud gangster Zanza… Well, you showed me. I'm glad that you did, too. If you hadn't, I'd be just like Anji. You showed me, and then you offered me your friendship. Your friendship… I treasure that more than anything. Well, not more than your love. Although I suppose that they come hand-in-hand. I don't really have anyone. You're all I need, though. I suppose I could go to 'jo-chan, Yahiko… Megumi… Gensei… but, you, you're different. True I have Katsu, but he's not like you, you know? He and I were just kind of left over from the attack on the Sekihou Tai, and we have that connection.

I do not, however, appreciate being your weakness. You felt that you could leave me in Tokyo because I was your weakness. It's not like I can't defend myself, Kenshin. How many times do I have to prove that? Did you seriously think that I would—could—let you run to Kyoto without me!? 'Jo-chan got a 'saraba' and I didn't. I know that good-byes are hard for you, but you gave her one and not me. That hurt. You told me that you love me. It was hard for you to say, I know. You meant it, though, I know that you did. You said you love me, but I don't want to be treated like a weakness. I want to be there for you, should you need me. If his sword were to hit you right now, I'd be torn between running to your side and kicking the shit out of that bastard. I'd probably do the latter though – no one messes with my Kenshin and gets away with it.

Kenshin, you know that I trust you'll win. Hell, I know you'll win. You're the best, you're the greatest and no one's defeated you yet. Only… only…. There's a first for everything. Kenshin, this man's fighting to the death. 'Survival of the fittest' and all that. Don't let the Hitokiri out, you can't, but… Well, if you fall, let it be from exhaustion. Let me take over for a bit. Or Saito can (where is that bastard anyway? Surely his fight can't still be going on?). Rest, Kenshin. You're bleeding all over, soon your bandages will be soaked red. Believe it or not, even samurai need blood to fight. Three of us came here, Shishio wanted only you, his senpai. Three of us came, two more can fight.

Saito was part of the Shinsen Gumi, but he's not like you. I know that's obvious, but it needs to be said. Saito has his own reasons for everything. I wonder if you realize that, when he told us to hurry on to the fight with Soujiro, he wanted you gone so that he could kill Usui. I bet he did, too. I don't like him. He always has to be in control of everything, always has to be able to kill should he so desire. No, definitely not like you at all. And I really don't like the way he looks at me. I'll give him a taste of my Futae no Kiwami as soon as Shishio's defeated. He'll see then.

ill we ever see peace, Kenshin? Meiji era, it might be, but we have yet to see true peace. I wait for the day when you won't have to worry about people like Shishio and Kanryu, when we can be together without conflict. You and me, you can't travel without me again. I won't let you, you know that. You'll want to stay in Tokyo, which is okay, probably either in or near the Kamiya dojo. In the end, it doesn't really matter. I just want to be with you, more than I've ever wanted anything before. More than I want revenge against the Ishin for Taichou even. Perhaps I'm just dreaming, and perhaps my happy fantasy will never come true. I'll never know until this fight is over, until you win and until we go back to Tokyo together. So show him what you're made of, Kenshin, show him that you're better than he is and then let's go back to Tokyo.