Ah, but only if.



Those were things of years long past,

When on a night after a tiring yet satisfying day,

I could lie awake and stare at the ceiling and think the peaceful thoughts,

Those that kept my spirit going amidst all difficulties in my life.

The stars would show brightly outside the window,

Standing out brilliantly against the black velvet sky of night.

The moon's rays would stream in through the window and fall across the covers of my bed,

Tattooing my hand with its radiant glow.

The soft night noises were the only disturbances in the silence;

A chirp of a cricket,

A rustle of wind in the trees,

Blowing the branches around just outside the window.

This was the time when dreams became realities,

With no one to criticize them or dismiss them as foolish fantasies.

And as silence descended on the room,

And I entered a more peaceful state of mind,

I would look over at my brother, fast asleep in the bed just beside mine.



Well, almost.

Now as I sit in this cold chair in this large and overly-lit room,

I long for those nights when silence and peace were free for the taking.

Now as I stare at, not a blank ceiling, waiting for my dreams to fill the space,

But a page so already full of words there is no room for anything else.

My hand not glowing in the moonlight,

But tiredly supporting a pen, and my brother, no where in sight.

And the silence I savored is not to be found.

Every turn of a page,

Every rustle of paper,

Every click on the pen and tick-tock of the grandfather clock,

Pierce the silence with their harsh, cruel sounds.

No window to view the velvet sky and stars,

Nor the moon's soft rays permitted to shine in the room.

My eyes grow heavy, not with the promise of the future,

But the dread of tomorrow.

The tasks unfinished spread over the table in front of me,

As if to block out all else from my mind.

It is as if I am caught up in a chaotic regime,

Who gives no rest of time for myself.

And as I think back to those nights long ago, and my dreams of a better future,

I sigh in sorrow at the future I've found.

No trace of happiness, nor shred of contentment.

Though, I must be thankful I have my brother.

At least that.

Though even that doesn't seem to pull my spirit through these long and restless nights;

Devoid of all peace and lacking in silence.

The time to myself.

The silence of happiness.


* * * * * * *


"*blinks* That was odd." -Red

Was not! Well, I don't think it was. What did you guys think? Leave a review and let me know. ^_~

"*scratches head and reads it over again*"