(AN: Oh smorgasbord.
Okay… it is now October 2005… two years after I wrote this thing. Of course, during those two years I have improved DRASTICALLY. Not saying I'm any good now, by any means, but I'm sure as heck better now than I was back then! I keep getting better, and my older stories fade into the background. Even Origins has rather faded in people's minds.
Not this story, however. Which, to be perfectly honest with you, embarrasses me. I've gotten SO much better. This story rambles, it has terrible grammatical errors, it's clichéd… I could go on and on.
And yet, about every month, I get a new review for this story! What the hell? At the time of this writing I have 126 reviews, about twice as many as any other story I've written. Why can't you people just let this story sit in retirement in peace?
(cough) Okay, so I know a lot of you love this story. Your problem, not mine. (laughs) But I just want to say that, honestly and truly, I can write better than this. Keep an eye on my NEW stories, not my old ones.
So yeah, I'm almost apologizing here. I would edit it, but that seems almost pointless, as the story has been rendered completely untrue by recent FOP episodes. (Keep in mind that when I wrote this, there were only two seasons of the show, and the episodes rarely delved into Cosmo and Wanda's history!) So I'm going to leave it as it is, warts and all.
Still, though, I know that many of you love this story like none other, and after getting over my shock at that, I'm really honored and touched. And I want to thank all of you… so special thanks and cookies go out to (deep breath):
Ceaseless Cloudy Days, JediAnn Solo, Empress Leia, Vamp Mirai, brenda, ChEeZiSgOoD420, bookworym, hecubus98413, Fairy1234, neosun7, Sara Dawson, Sarah, Lupine9, helgoth11, Samgirl, Elera? lol :), hipkid727, SpiderGrass, Miss Fairy World, Ash Black, Nova-chan, ….., Butch Hartman, Sara and her Pinkies, MinnieLover, Gerard.Way's.Lover, BouncingBall, Kathryn, Mystic Water Bender3, gods sent angel, Wall Flower, flightofpassage, Insomniac II, Ryuko DragonHalf, Band Geek 727, Wolfie, Dainty Daisy, wingedwish, johnny.depp's.fairy, Live2Write4Ever, Apricot Flowers, DJ Inuyasha, yakko's gal, WLiiAfanatic, None, Sasha Jay, Fred the Mutant Pickle, Jewel-Gurl73, and Apollo13. (dies)
That's fifty different reviewers, if I count correctly, FIFTY! You're all insane! But I love you anyway. ;) Thank you all SO MUCH. I just wish I could thank each and every one of you individually.
Anyway, I'm sorry for this HUGE author's note, but I thought's I'd butt in again on my most famous story and just say… I can write better now, but thanks for all of your support.
And now, without further ado (finally) here is the crummy, needs work, but still well-liked…
A Fish Called Wanda.
Me again, writing an FOP story with a point! It'll actually have chapters! First and foremost, I'd like to apologize for any inconsistencies with my story. I haven't seen all the episodes, and knowing me, I'll probably write something that contradicts something from an episode I haven't seen. Or maybe even one I have seen! Just pretend it takes place in an alternate universe or something. And now for the legal stuff. Fairly Odd Parents doesn't belong to me. The characters don't belong to me, except for Castle, Sarah, Paula, Leslie, Randy, Xavier… that's about it for this chapter. Even the title doesn't belong to me. Wanna know something funny? I've never even seen the movie A Fish Called Wanda. Finally, I would like to thank the people who reviewed my pointless story. Go all treat yourselves to a cookie and think of me… and try not to puke. Okay, that's enough.)
Timmy Turner threw his Crimson Chin comic book in the already read pile by his bed. "Well, I've just finished reading three hundred fifty-two comic books and I can't remember a thing I read." He stood up, opened his bedroom door, and poked his head out, listening for any commotion. Nothing. Of course.
The recently turned eleven-year-old boy sat back down on his bed and sighed heavily, his blue eyes scanning the floor for no particular reason. Why was he so tense? Because today was the day. The day he had been both looking forward to and dreading for the last four months.
His baby sibling's due date.
Of course, that didn't really mean much, but still, his mom could still go into labor anytime, and Timmy knew he had to be around, because he wasn't really sure his dad would be able to handle it. Lucky for him it was summer, but still…
Timmy sighed again. His dad seemed to like the name "Rastis" for a boy. (AN: My dad almost named my younger brother this. I'm serious. My mom wanted to name him Henry. Lucky for him my older brother talked them out of those, and they compromised with Davy. And for the record, my older brother's name is Tim. :) )Timmy would have preferred a brother than a sister, but a brother named Rastis? Unfortunately, the baby hadn't really shown them if it was a boy or a girl. They wouldn't know till it was born.
"And it sure is taking its sweet time!" cried Timmy. He looked at his empty fish bowl. Cosmo, Wanda, and Castle were gone visiting Cosmo's mother. "Jeez, I'm surprised Wanda's lasted as long as she has," said Timmy.
Just after he said that, there was a pink poof and Wanda, Timmy's fairy godmother, appeared hovering over the fishbowl. She was holding her four-month-old daughter, Castle.
"Aha," said Timmy, smiling. "Couldn't put up with Mama Cosma that long?"
"She was in rare form tonight," said Wanda, her pink eyes narrowed slightly. "I mean, you should've seen how she looked at Castle. Half of the time she must've been thinking, 'That's Cosmo's daughter!' and she would gaze at her, but the other half of the time she must've thought, 'That's Wanda's daughter!' and then she glared at her."
"Lemme hold her," said Timmy, taking Castle out of Wanda's arms. Timmy was very fond of his "fairy godsister", and he bounced her up and down on his knee.
"Was your gramma freaking you out, Cassie?" he asked, using the nickname for her he always used. Castle laughed and cooed, her silver eyes filling with excitement.
Wanda smiled at them. "You're going to make a great older brother, Timmy."
Timmy ran his fingers through his brown hair, scratching his head in worry. "I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet," he admitted.
"Oh, don't worry about it," said Wanda, shrugging a little. "You're so good with Castle, I'm sure you'll be just as good with your sibling!"
Timmy handed Castle back to Wanda. "She sure is growing up fast. How long does it take fairies to grow up?"
"They grow up really fast," said Wanda. "For the most part, they're about fully grown when they're about twenty."
"That's not really fast to me," said Timmy.
"Well, sweetie, remember how long fairies live," said Wanda. "Fairies are only a child for a very small part of their lives."
"Except for Cosmo," laughed Timmy. Wanda chuckled a little. "But, then… how do fairies die, anyway? I mean, can they?"
"Oh, of course," said Wanda. "We're not immortal. I told you that fairies are dying out. Right now there's about half a million fairies, but about one hundred or so die each year—of old age or disease or in a freak accident or something. And we're just not replacing them."
"Half a million isn't really a small amount," said Timmy.
"It is, when you think about the fact that they're six billion humans," said Wanda. She sighed sadly. "And the number of unhappy children out there is… well, a lot of fairies are becoming godparents. Fairy World is almost empty!"
"Jeez, do you think they'll make Jorgen a godparent?" asked Timmy, laughing a little at the idea.
"Poor kid, they'd be even more miserable," said Wanda, laughing a little herself.
"Hey, I have another question. Why do you and Cosmo have crowns, but Castle doesn't? I mean, will she get it at a certain age? And when does she get her wand?"
"She'll get her wand when she's twelve," explained Wanda, "but she won't get her crown until she's made a significant contribution to the world or Fairy World. Lots of fairies don't ever even get crowns."
"So, a crown is kinda like a medal of honor or something?" asked Timmy.
Wanda nodded. "That's a good comparison."
Timmy smiled, but his smile turned into a look of confusion. "Then how the heck did Cosmo get one?"
Wanda laughed a little. "Well, the story behind that is…"
"And why do you fairies want for no adult to know about you?" cried Timmy suddenly. "I mean, what's so wrong about that? Why do you spend your whole lives with human kids who'll just become adults anyway? And why do you live in Fairy World? I mean, where did it come from? And if you're so secretive, how come there's 'fairy tales'? And if Jorgen's a fairy, how come he doesn't have any wings? And—"
"Alright, shut up!" cried Wanda. She pulled out a writing pad that she had written Timmy's questions on it, and frowned. "Oh, I see what's coming up here. Commander wants me to tell my life story!"
"Well duh!" said Commander. "Didn't you read the summary of the story?"
"Tell your life story?" asked Timmy. "Can that really answer all my questions?"
Wanda looked again at her writing pad. "Yes, and then some." She sat down on Timmy's bed, poofed up a cradle for Castle, and motioned for Timmy to come closer to him. "Get comfortable, this will take a while."
"How long?" asked Timmy.
"Well, this story will have chapters. What does that tell you?"
"Commander's actually writing chapters?" cried Timmy. "That's a stretch for her, isn't it?"
Commander glared a little. "I've written stories with chapters!" she cried. "What about Origins? Or Dot Dash? Or even my first crappy Powerpuff Girls stories? And Sophie, which I should probably finish before I start this story!"
"Too late!" laughed Timmy.
"We're getting off the topic here!" cried Wanda. "Let's see, where to begin… okay, that's good…"
"Where is that?"
"We're going back to when I was six," said Wanda with a smile. "I was getting ready for school, and…"
"MOM! I need, I don't know, therapy, or something!"
Paula looked at her twenty-four year old daughter, Sarah, almost fuming. "Sarah, you know I have to get your sister to school! What is it?"
Sarah pulled her long red hair out of her red eyes. "It's about Wanda! You know, my sister who you have to get to school! You know what she did last night? I had a date with Tony, and she stole my wand in the middle of it and turned him into a cow!"
Paula smiled. "She's so talented!"
"Mom! I lost my boyfriend because of her! What was she doing there, anyway?"
Paula sighed. "She just wants to be like you, you know! You're her older sister!" She sighed again. "I knew I should have waited a little bit before having another child. Eighteen years is just too close in age." Paula looked around in the… archeological like house she lived in. "Where is she, anyway? WANDA! It's time for school!"
Wanda flew in quickly. Paula sighed at the sight of her younger daughter. Her pink hair was a mess, and her clothes were dirty.
"Wanda, I told you to look presentable for school!" she said, waving her wand and cleaning Wanda up with a poof. "Now hurry up, we're late!"
"Uh… Mommy?" said Wanda, pointing up at her mother's hair. "You're hair's kinda messy, too!"
Paula waved her wand again, and her dark purple hair was pulled up in a bun out of her eyes. "Now let's go!" she cried, dragging Wanda out the door.
"I'm sorry about last night, Sarah!" cried Wanda just before her mother poofed her off to school. Sarah sighed unhappily.
"She makes me feel so guilty sometimes," she muttered.
Wanda's mother made sure she was in the right place, then poofed back home. Wanda sighed a little. She knew her mother loved her, but she was always so busy. She was a wand sculptor, and her job took up a lot of her time. Her father was one too—in fact, that was how her parents had met.
Wanda flapped her small wings and flew over to the school… hovel… thing. It was only her fourth day of school, but she had already made friends. Her best friend so far was a girl named Leslie. They had a lot in common, besides the fact that they both had pink hair and pink eyes.
Speaking of Leslie… there she was, flying over to Wanda and crying. "What's wrong, Leslie?" asked Wanda.
Leslie sniffed. "It's… Randolph." Wanda gasped. Randolph was the school bully… who hated being called Randolph.
Wanda slapped her hand over Leslie's mouth. "Don't let him hear you call that!" she cried.
"I don't care!" cried Leslie. "He had a play wand, and he sent sparks out of it right at me! And now he's doing it to everyone else!"
"Let's teach him a lesson," growled Wanda, zooming over to where, sure enough, Randy was terrorizing the whole class.
Wanda gasped. That bully! He was holding a kid named Cosmo in one hand, and a kid named Xavier in the other, and it looked like he was going to smash their heads together!
"Why don't you beg for mercy?" taunted Randy to his captives.
"Please! Let me go!" cried Xavier. "What did I do?"
"Uh… I like cheese?" said Cosmo stupidly.
"I don't call either of those begging for mercy," said Randy, bringing his arms apart, and…
Wanda zipped in front of Randy, a toy wand in her hands, which she was pointing right in his face. "Let them go, Randolph!"
Randy glared at Wanda, dropped his captives unceremoniously, and glared at Wanda. "Don't call me that!"
"You deserve it, you meanie!" cried Wanda, holding the toy wand right in his face, still glaring at him.
Randy laughed. "You don't know how to use one of those! They're not very powerful, anyway! I found out how to make the sparks by accident! And I'm the smartest one here!"
Wanda smirked. "I turned my sister's boyfriend into a cow last night." All her classmates gasped.
Randy stared at her for a long time. Wanda felt a little scared, but tried not to let him know that. Finally Randy shrugged. "Jeez, I don't care. I'll have fun some other way." And then he flew off.
Wanda turned around to face her classmates, who were all staring at her. Leslie, who was a little further back than everyone else, had eyes popping out almost three inches. And still where they were dropped on the ground, Cosmo and Xavier were staring up at Wanda too, their jaws hanging open.
Finally, the fairies cheered. They ran up and hugged Wanda and called her a hero. After a lot of this, Wanda was left with only three other fairies; Leslie, Cosmo, and Xavier.
"They were right, Wanda, that was awesome!" cried Leslie. "Randolph actually looked scared of you!"
Xavier and Cosmo were still staring at Wanda with their jaws open. They looked ridiculous. Xavier had dark green hair and eyes, and Cosmo had a much brighter color green for his hair and eyes. Finally Xavier spoke. "Wanda, you're our hero."
"Yeah, even more than those people!" said Cosmo happily, seaming to break out of his trance. "Randy wasn't going to smash their faces in!"
"But they would have if you hadn't come," said Leslie. "You're so cool, Wanda!"
"Well, jeez, did you expect me to let him do that?" cried Wanda.
Their teacher stepped outside. "Class is starting! Come inside!"
Wanda flew into the classroom quickly. Wow, they're all treating me like I'm some kind of goddess or something, she thought.
(AN: Sorry this chapter is so long! Oh yeah, I drew some pictures of Castle if anyone wants to see them… pencil on lined paper, that is. Aren't I so professional? Anyway, Nova-chan's picture of Aphrodite was much cuter. Castle's kinda homely. But if you want to see them, tell me. See you next chapter!)