Cut Me with Your Smile

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer: Don't own X-Men Evolution, that's Kids WB.  Don't own "Disarm", that's the Smashing Pumpkins.  I have the opinion that this is the most depressing song ever written.  If you don't believe me then download it and listen to it.

            I saw her smile today.  The first time in a long time, since we were kids I think.  Lance cracked a joke and she actually smiled at it for once.  It almost made me cry.  It wasn't because I was happy; it was because I knew that smile wasn't hers.  Nothing she does is hers anymore.  She's living someone else's life now, someone who doesn't even exist.

Disarm you with a smile

And cut you like you want me to

Cut that little child

Inside of me and such a part of you

Ooh the years burn

        I used to tell myself she was my better half.  I guess it really is true when I think about it.  She didn't have a choice over what she became.  Me, I dug my own grave.  No one's to blame for the monster I am now except me.

            So who is she now?  She's not even part of me anymore.  She's so different, so false.  This person I've shared my soul with has suddenly become a stranger to me and I don't even know her anymore.  That's the price I pay for wanting a happy family.

I used to be a little boy

So old in my shoes

And what I choose is my choice

What's a boy supposed to do?

        I hope Father's happy now.  I hope he can sleep better at night because I know neither of us will.  I used to look up to him, my father.  I used to think he was a great man, the savior of the mutant race.  I used to want to be just like him.  Now it hurts to see that I have indeed become just like him.

The killer in me is the killer in you

My love, I send this smile over to you

        All I wanted was for our family to be happy again.  I used to watch the other kids play with their parents and get so jealous.  Why couldn't our family be like that?  It would hurt to watch fathers hug their sons or pat them on the back.  How I longed for Father to do the same to me.  I wanted so badly for him to be proud of me, to tell me that he loved me.  I wanted it so badly I let him get rid of my sister not once but twice.

Disarm you with a smile

And leave you like they left me here

To wither in denial

The bitterness of one who's left alone

Ooh the years burn

Ooh the years burn, burn, burn

        The thing that kills me is that I know not all of those happy memories she has are fake.  We used to be so close when we were little.  We used to be so happy.  Now those memories are all jumbled up in her brain and she's not sure who she is anymore.  That gnaws at me every single day.  I failed her again, I let Dad hurt her again, I screwed up again.  I can't please anyone anymore, can't seem to get anything right.  My better half is gone now, replaced by this pseudo-happy shell of a sister.

I used to be a little boy

So old in my shoes

And what I choose is my voice

What's a boy supposed to do?

        I hate to look myself in the mirror.  She was right all along.  I'm just as bad as Father.  Without her around, without my better half, I've become a monster.  Like father, like son.  It's strange to see that now, when it looks like Father's finally proud of his baby boy, I no longer crave his praise.  When he compliments me or pats me on the back now I want to rip him apart.  I want to scream at him, curse him for what he's done to me.

The killer in me is the killer in you

My love, I send this smile over to you

        Sis, Wanda, I'm so sorry.  You wouldn't understand if I told you now but I'm sorry for all this.  I just wanted our family back.  I just thought we could all be happy again.

The killer in me is the killer in you

Send this smile over to you

The killer in me is the killer in you

Send this smile over to you

        I got my wish I guess but the cost is too high.  I'd trade it all away for you, sis.  I'd do anything now to have the real you back.  Without you I'm nothing.  It used to hurt me more than anything to see you cry.  Now it hurts the most to see you smile.

The killer in me is the killer in you

Send this smile over to you

"A lie which is half a truth is ever the blackest of lies."- Alfred Lord Tennyson