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Author's Notes: Okay, ummm... Contrary to popular belief, I did NOT fall off the face of the earth... well I did, but it was only for like... a day. Actually, it's a pretty interesting story... I was sitting in the park with Jerry, and you know whenever you're with Jerry he has to bring that fucking bear of his, William or whatever, and that bear's always running around and the police come and then it's this huge deal...

But seriously, I know it's been over two years... that's not even exaggerating. The last time I updated was in 2004. Isn't that scary? Really, I don't have a joke. It's horrifying.

This chapter is dedicated to one of the most amazing women in the world. I've had friends who were Metropolis fans, but they come and they go. Lynny, you'll last forever. Thanks for your constant support and lovely reviews. This one's all yours.

CALL ME KENICHI: ch 10

by Rocku

Now it's time for another exciting episode of... "KLUNKY AND THE DUKE!"

(Various scenes of Dr. Klunky and Duke Red are shown)

Duke Red: (Runs through a valley, picks up a flower, sniffs it)

Klunky: (Throws a baseball at Duke Red, Duke Red hits it through a window, Klunky shakes his fist)

Duke Red: (Picks up puppy, gives thumbs up to the camera)

Klunky: (Dances with Duke Red around a fire wearing tribal make-up and sacrificing a goat.)

What are they up to today?

We open to a casually designed office. Dr. Klunky is sitting behind his desk, and Duke Red is lying in the psychiatric chair. Klunky appears to be taking notes on a pad of paper, but in actuality he's drawing a stick figure rendition of Duke Red with various stink lines emitting from his body.

Klunky: Heh, heh... Duke Red smells like poo...

Duke Red: What was that?

Klunky: Nothing. (Throws pad out window) So, Red... how is Rock doing?

Duke Red: What, you mean that exhausting monkey faggot bull-shit sonuvabitch who keeps stealing my shower curtains and never giving them back?

Klunky: Um... yes, the very same...

Duke Red: He's fine.

Klunky: Have your feelings toward him changed any?

Duke Red: Hate him. Want him dead.

Klunky: Oh, c'mon now! You say that every week. You must have some love for the boy...

Duke Red: Hate him. Want him dead.

Klunky: He's your son! Don't you think you're being a little...

Duke Red: That goddamn sonuvapunk stupid...ass... grrrrrr! Just wanna slam his hand in a car door...

Klunky: Okay, calm down...

Duke Red: Sell his organs on Ebay...

Klunky: Duke Red, we're going to try an exercise...

Duke Red: Okie Dokie.

Klunky: I want you to tell me what Rock does to make you feel this way.

Duke Red: Well for starters he's a whore...

Klunky: Uh huh... (taking notes)

Duke Red: Like this one time I came home from work...

(Flashback of Duke Red walking through the front door of his house with his briefcase in hand)

Duke Red: (singing) "When the working day is done, girls just wanna have fun! That's all they really..." (He hears a noise from behind a closed door)

Voice: Oh Rock! You're so good!

Rock: Hey! Did I tell you to take that bag off your head? Put it back on!

(End flashback)

Klunky: Well that's... I mean... he's a grown man now! I think...

Duke Red: Not to mention that whatever I say to him, he thinks it's a come-on...

(Flashback)

Duke Red: Rock, we need to talk.

Rock: Oh, okay. (Takes off pants)

Duke Red: Goddamn-it!

(End Flashback)

Klunky: (Has stopped writing) Well that's... that's a little strange, yes...

Duke Red: Oh! And this one time...

(Flashback to Rock and Duke Red in a deli eating lunch)

Duke Red: (coughs)

Rock: You shut your fucking mouth!

Duke Red: (chokes)

Rock: Yeah, that's what I thought!

Duke Red: I don'twait... what!

Rock: Oh, so you're saying I'm stupid now!

Duke Red: I'm sorry I just... don't understand where this is coming from...

Rock: That's it...! (Flips over table) I'm gonna kick your ass!

Duke Red: (Runs)

(End Flashback)

Duke Red: Long story short I should have enjoyed my right testicle while I still had the chance.

Klunky: (Mouth gapped open in horror undefinable fear)

Duke Red: ...

Klunky: ...

Duke Red: ...

Klunky: Ahem... this might not be the best time to do this, but I have a surprise guest for you...

Duke Red: Colonel Sanders!

Klunky: No.

Duke Red: Are you sure?

Klunky: Yes.

Duke Red: It's never Colonel Sanders...

Klunky: Duke Red, I've brought Rock, your son.

(Rock apprehensively walks out from behind a curtain)

Klunky: I think you need to talk to each other and settle your differences.

Rock: I don't think this is a good idea... I mean... he's very unstable!

Klunky: Rock, you're father would never purposely hurt you...

Duke Red: (looks at Rock, takes out knife and starts sharpening it while singing) Gonna gut me a Rock tonight, woo hoo hoo! Gonna gut me a Rock tonigh..."

Klunky: See? He's happy!

Rock: But hebut he's singing about killing me!

Duke Red: "Gonna stab 'im, gonna gut 'im, gonna pee all over his faaaaaace..."

Klunky: I don't see what the big deal is. That's all that plays on the radio any more...

Duke Red: Yeah Rock, I just wanna make amends. Look, I got you some ice cream... (Hands Rock a bowl of ice cream filled with syringes and various pills)

Rock: (Starts crying)

Duke Red: You better eat it.

Klunky: Well, you two look like you're good to go from here! Now I'll just turn my chair around and expect everything to go accordingly and that nothing strange will take place that's out of the norm...

Duke Red: C'mon Rock, we need to go home and chain you up in the basement to prevent you from getting food and water or a comfortable place to sleep... I mean... I mean feed our fish. Yes. Feed Goldy some fish-food. I have no idea where that other stuff came from...

Rock: We don'twe don't h-have a fish...

Duke Red: We don't have any fish-food either...

(Lighting crashes. Curtain closes on scene)

mrskunkkusai: so now I'm 70 blind and talking about Tezuka characters having sex with each other...

mrskunkkusai: oh happy day

christinemarrison: Yeah, that sounds about right for a Friday night...

Kenichi wakes up in the middle of an alley underground, drenched, with a giant, walking trash-can standing over him.

Kenichi: Oh God... It's all happening again! (Feels pants) I really hope this is just water. I can't afford another accident...

Tima: (Walks over, still naked) Quell age etes vous?

Kenichi: Whatever... I don't speak Chinese. Listen, you can't walk around naked... ummm... (looks around) Here. (Pulls shower curtain out of dumpster, gives it to her)

Tima: ...

Kenichi: ...

Tima: ...

Kenichi: ...

Tima: (Puts it on her head)

Kenichi: Oh, what the fu...

Rock is walking around all the rubble of the recently burned down lab looking for something.

Rock: Where did I put my shoes...? (cell phone rings, Rock picks up) Mike's House of Sandels! Put your feet in our partially processed leather and plastic...

Duke Red: Dammit boy!

Rock: Oh, it's just you. Never-mind then.

Duke Red: 'Just me!' Boy, I'll have you know that I'm the most important person in this city, and...!

Rock: Yeah, listen... I'm kinda busy right now...

Duke Red: Wait, don't hang up...

Rock: What?

Duke Red: Rock?

Rock: Yeah?

Duke Red: Do you know where the clicker is?

Rock: Did you check your pocket?

Duke Red: (shuffling noises are heard) Okay, it was there...

SB and Pero where watching Rock from a-far.

SB: Whose that up there?

Pero: That's Rock: He's the leader of the Marduks. Don't let his age fool you, he gets around...

SB: Hmmmm... it's all starting to make sense...

Pero: And by "gets around" I mean he has sex a lot...

SB: He might even know where Kenichi is...

Pero: And by "has sex a lot" I mean he's really good at making cookies...

SB: I bet he... "making cookies," what, is that like, slang for sex?

Pero: No, it means he's good at making cookies. Where the hell did you get sex from?

Not far away, HamEgg is watching Rock inspect the remains of the lab, and talking to his friends.

HamEgg: So then I says to Jason I says... "Bitch! You better give me my money!" And he's all "No, please don't stab me, I have a wife and kids yadda yadda yadda..." Long story short, don't drink the water anymore. Cause... ya know... I mean I had to drop the body somewhere...

Man #1: You showed him, HamEgg...

Man #2: Yeah, you showed him...

Rock: You! Man-Pig!

HamEgg: Okay, I've asked you nicely to stop calling me that...

Rock: Well how else will you know when I'm talking to you?

HamEgg: Well, my name will be a big give-away...

Rock: There's no time! Come, Man-Pig! Carry me on your back and take me to Zone 2!

HamEgg: Okay, first of all, shut up. Secondly, there's no way I'm carrying you on my... AUUUGH!

Rock: (jumps on) Giddy Mough! Giddy Mough!

HamEgg: This is bullshit...

Rock: OOOO! Where does this sewer go?

HamEgg: Well, this particular one carries the tears and broken spirits of all the children at Disney Land's California Dream Vacation:

Rock: Tragic.

HamEgg: Mm.

Kenichi and Tima sit across from each other underground in Zone 2.

Kenichi: Who are you?

Tima: Who are you?

Kenichi: What, you wanna go! (starts throwing down, lifts up fists) I call these guys my army buddies, this one's Mr. Johnson, and the one's kick-puppy McGregor, the one who terminates. You keep talking back to me like that I might sick 'em on you... you know, on your face...

Tima: Je suis la biblioteque regarde la frou ma tooki wmba lamba Chuck Norris (stars eating shower curtain)

Kenichi: Seriously, you don't know where that's been... (tag reads "Duke Red's shower curtain")... yeah, take that outta your mouth...

Tima: Je voudrais have sex with you...

Kenichi: It's just in one ear and out the other with you, isn't it?