Title: The Ultimate Scooby Gang, Part 6

Author: Nopporn Wongrassamee aka the Evil Author

EMail Address: EvilAuthor@aol.com

Archive: Anywhere and everywhere. Just tell me if you do.

Spoilers: Anything goes

Summary: From across the multiverse, the most powerful incarnations of the Scooby Gang have been gathered to battle the Ultimate Evil. But first, they have to get along with each other.

Disclaimer: Characters and concepts belong to their owners who I'm too lazy to list.

"You will suffer!" proclaimed Kurgan's severed head as his body finally located it. Grasping the talking head with both hands, Kurgan's body raised the head to place it pack on. "I will strip your souls from your bodies and use them to floss my teeth. I will."

"You look like you're in desperate need of some industrial strength band-aids," Xander interrupted, planting himself between Willow and the erstwhile god. He wagged his sword at Kurgan. "Look at you. You're falling to pieces, man."

Indeed, even as they spoke, the glowing white mist that was Kurgan's Quickening continued to stream from Kurgan's body. And the stuff wasn't just streaming from the injury Xander had inflicted. Cracks and fissures were springing up all over Kurgan's body and head, all of them leaking mist and lightning.

Above Kurgan, the mist pooled and swirled. The air seemed to move with it, creating a vortex of wind centered on Kurgan. Lightning and thunder boomed, mostly grounding out on the Eiffel Tower's steel structure. The Tower shook in response to each strike. Kurgan was oblivious to all this.

"I will grind your bodies to dust!" he continued to rant. "I will scatter your dust across the universe! And you will feel every bit of."

Kurgan's tirade was cut off when his head was impaled from behind. The tip of something shiny and metallic poked out from between his eyes. The head was jerked from the grasp of the body's hands. Kurgan's body stumbled and fell aside to reveal two figures.

"Talk, talk, talk," Buffy complained. She was leaning against the Watcher, one arm over his shoulders to help support her. She was still favoring one leg. In her free hand, she held the Scythe. Kurgan's head was impaled on one pointy end of the axe blade. "What is it with supervillains loving the sound of their own voice?"

Kurgan's head gargled something at her.

"You wish," Buffy snorted, swinging the Scythe around to bash the head against the deck. On impact, the head exploded in a brilliant flash of light and electricity. Kurgan's body also began to disintegrate, releasing Quickening at an ever faster pace. The Tower began to rattle.

"You okay, Buffy?" Willow asked, stumbling to her friend's side.

"I'll heal. You?" Rivets began popping out of Tower's structure at random.

"I'm okay, I think," Willow said. "Xander?"

"Yeah." The Tower suddenly jerked two feet to the left.

"Much as I would hate to interrupt this festival of mutual concern," the Watcher said, "but it might be wise to vacate the premises? I believe this structure is falling apart." The Tower jerked in the other direction. "More to the point, that" He pointed with his free hand at the still open Stargate which was developing glowing cracks of its own. "looks as if it's about to explode."

"Right, we are so out of here," Buffy agreed. "Let's go guys."

The group took a few steps towards the stairs before noticing that one of their number wasn't coming along. They turned to see the stay-behind had not moved, looking up at the whirl pooling mist above. They could see a tentacle of the stuff separate itself from the main body, as if searching for something.

"Xander?" Willow called, concerned.

"You guys go ahead," Xander called back, not turning away from the mist. He wondered what it would be like to gain the Prize, to be a god. The tentacle looked like it was heading straight for him. It looked like he was going to find out. "I'll be along in no time."

"Xander!" Willow cried out as the tentacle hurled itself at Xander. But instead of striking the young man, it veered around him and streamed into the open Stargate.

"Oh, c'mon, you gotta be kidding me!" Xander yelled as the Quickening ignored him. It had apparently found a more worthy host in range.


"What's going on?" General O'Neill demanded as equipment blew up around him. Bolts of electricity were arcing off anything and everything metallic. The worst was the Stargate itself, which was wreathed in blue- white lightning and zapping everything near it.

"Some kind of EMP coming through the Stargate, sir," Colonel Carter replied, her voice raised over the noise. "Sir! The Stargate!"

"Now what?" O'Neill turned to see something glowing and white was streaming in through the open Gate. For some reason, it reminded him of Oma Desala, an Ascended being he had met years ago. Only this thing was stretched out and snakelike, flowing back and forth across the Gateroom as if in search of something.

Then it pointed itself at the control room and charged. It shattered the bulletproof window and hit the visiting Secretary of State. Connor MacLeod was immediately knocked from his feet as the stuff flowed around and into him.

"The President's going to kill me," O'Neill muttered under his breath.


"Are you okay, Xander?" Willow asked in concern. Xander looked as if disappointed, as if someone had stolen his birthday presents.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Xander said gruffly as he joined them. "Just peachy. Let's get out of here."

A lightning bolt struck the Tower from the sky. The staircase they were heading for disintegrated.

"Okay." Xander began.

"We're all going to die," the Watcher wailed. "There's no other way down from here." He glanced over at the Stargate in time to witness the last of the mist vanish into it. Then the event horizon evaporated. The Stargate continued develop more glowing cracks. "No way to get to my TARDIS in time, anyway."

Buffy frowned at the disintegrating Stargate. "How big an explosion are we talking about anyway?"

"Something on the order of ten to twenty megatons."

No one spoke as they digested that tid bit of information.

"No. Not one of us is going to die today," Willow said suddenly. "I won't let that happen again."


Several minutes later, the Paris of a demon overrun Earth vanished in as a miniature sun briefly manifested to wipe it from existence.


"So, we won?" Dawn asked.

"Looks like it," Cordelia replied. "Now I have to get ready for another battle."

"Cool. Can I help?"

"Sorry, Dawnie," Cordelia told her. "I have to fight this one on my own."

"Why? Who's the Big Bad?" Dawn asked, concerned.

"CORDELIA CHASE!" a voice resounded throughout the void. The source was speaking into the void, but not actually in there with them.

"My bosses," Cordelia sighed. She turned to address the voice. "Yes?"

"I have just had a talk with Accounting, Chase," Cordelia's boss boomed, "and there are some irregularities in the Deus Ex Machina accounts for your mission."

"Oh, that. Boss, I can explain." Cordelia began.

"Excuse me," broke in another being. A distinctly male presence joined Cordelia and Dawn in the void. "Perhaps I can clear things up."

"Oh, wow. I'm getting lots of visitors," Dawn interjected.

"Mr. MacLeod, sir!" Cordelia's boss said. "What can we do for you?"

"Bow and scrape?" Dawn suggested. "He's like, technically your boss, right?"

"Just wanted to let you know that there are no irregularities in Miss Chase's account," Connor MacLeod said, ignoring Dawn's commentary.

"But." Cordelia's boss began, but Connor interrupted.


"Yes, sir."

"Now, I need to borrow Miss Chase for a while," Connor continued. "I have a new job for her." He turned to Cordelia. "Unless you refuse. It's your choice of course."

"Take it, Cordy." Dawn urged.

"Heck, yeah, I'll take it," Cordelia said. She didn't even want to think about what a senior Power that Be that was pissed at her would do to her given the chance. Office politics were practically universal.

"Excellent," Connor beamed as he took Cordelia by the arm. "Come with me then."

They vanished, leaving the void between worlds silent and still. This lasted only a short time.

"Hey!" Dawn exclaimed. No one else was around. "What about me?"


A phone booth materialized on the edge the Sunnydale Lagoon. The door opened and four people spilled out.

"Here you are, back at a reasonable approximation of the worlds you came from," the Watcher informed his passengers. "Now please go away and never bother me again."

"Yeah, we love you too," Buffy replied. She turned to the others. "By the way, Wills, love your new hair color."

"My hair? What's wrong with my hair?" Willow looked at her reflection in the TARDIS' glassy side. Her hair was still mostly white, but now fringed with black on the ends. "Eep!"

"Whoa," Xander breathed, looking at the horizon at something only he could see.

"Something wrong, Xander?" Willow asked, deciding to ignore her hair issues for now.

"Listen, I gotta go," Xander told them, pulling a set of sunglasses from his coat and putting them on. Given his black long coat and clothing, he now looked like a scruffier version of Neo from the Matrix movies. "I'll catch up with you guys later."

"Where are you going?" Wilow asked as Xander walked away from them.

"The Gathering!" Xander shouted over his shoulder.

"What's the Gathering?" Buffy asked confused.

"It's the final process where immortals like young Xander become a god," the Watcher answered. "They battle to the death, the last one standing receiving ultimate power."

"A god? Like that Kurgan guy?" Willow asked, frowning.

"Exactly," the Watcher confirmed. "Now, if you'll excuse me." He turned and disappeared into the TARDIS.

Buffy and Willow looked at each other.

"Battle each other," Buffy said.

"To the death," Willow concluded.

They turned to look at Xander who was now a good distance away.

"Do you want to do the honors?" Buffy asked.

"Okay, sure," Willow replied.

Xander yelped as his feet left the ground. Floating through the air, he sailed between Buffy and Willow and into the still open door of the TARDIS. A moment later, the girls followed him inside.

As the door closed behind them, a stream of invective could be heard from the resident Time Lord. The TARDIS dematerialized moments later.


"DAWN! What have you done?"

"Hi, Cordy. Nice to see you again."

"Don't 'Hi, Cordy' me. Now answer my question."

"Um, what were we talking about?"

"Nantucket. Bronze Age."

"Oh, heh heh. Oops?"

Author's Notes:

Ultimate Buffy was entirely my own creation. Her introductory scene in part 1 was originally intended to be the climax of a fanfic that never got written. I couldn't think up a story to wrap around it.

Ultimate Willow was inspired by all the "super Willow" fanfics out there. Her "command words" style of magic was inspired by The First, a comic book series published by Crossgen Comics that has nothing to do with the Joss Whedon or the First Evil.

Ultimate Xander is obvious. Given his canon ability to take an substantial punishment, making him a Highlander-style immortal isn't too far fetched.

Ultimate Giles was inspired by Paul Gadzikowski's Dailies which often featured Doctor Who. As Giles' function is primarily to provide information and not combat, who better than a Time Lord to fill the role in a cross- time setting?

Ultimate Cordy is the post-Jasmine Cordelia. While her body is in a coma cared for by Wolfram and Hart, Cordy's spirit returned to the Upper Planes. Until Conner MacLeod's intervention here, Cordy was working in the Powers that Be equivalent of a mail room.

Ultimate Dawn is of course the Key in all her glory.

The whole "Immortals being fragments of a god" thing is my own personal theory about the Highlander mythos. It always annoyed me when fanfic writers would dismiss the Game - an integral part of the Highlander mythos - as a Big Mistake.

The Alternate SGC that Xander visited is the same world as the one featured in my fanfic Old Hat. As I wrote the Ultimate Scooby Gang, I hadn't yet come up with a fourth member for the new SG-1. Jack is obviously in command of the SGC. Daniel gets to attached to SG teams as required. Teal'c is not mentioned, but he's off doing Jaffa rebellion things. Sam is obviously leading the new SG-1. Emily Francisco the Tectonese is from Alien Nation, Detective Francisco's daughter who has grown up and joined the Air Force.

The Scooby Doo and Wonderland worlds were just pit stops.