Disclaimer: Anything you recognize, I don't own.

Author's Notes: Well, here it is finally. Chapter ten. I'm not very happy with most of it but what can I say. Maybe you will like it. I can't figure out this new system, sadly I haven't been on here in a while. Can someone explain to me what c2s' are? But anyways.

This is for She's A Star who unfortunately has to jet off to Seattle tomorrow. This one's for you!


(Oh, and it hasn't been proofread. Sorry for the inconvenience.)

Chapter Ten

Mr. Frickin'-Hottest-Thing-on-the-Planet

Harry walked along the corridor back to the Gryffindor common room lost in his thoughts. Lost in his thoughts he was not watching where he was going. Not watching where he was going, Harry strayed down the wrong hall. Straying down the wrong hall because his subconscious could not subconsciously take him to the right place being lost in his thoughts and all lead Harry to a scary place. That scary place grew scarier by the second. Finally looking around him, Harry noticed that he had in fact strayed down a wrong hall. Imagine that. Turning around, hoping to head back the way he came, he noticed a green flickering light coming from a painting he'd passed a little ways down. Having to pass the painting anyway, he decided to see what it was about.

A few feet away from the painting Harry heard the most beautiful sound ever in existence. Entranced by the melodic song, he covered the last few feet and stood in front of the picture. Snape twirled around, chanting, "One, two, three, four, five, twirl, stand on toes, twirl, twinkle toes, one, two…" Harry stared.

"La la la la! Sing for me angel! Twirl, twinkle toes, dip, sachet, I'll be your oven mitt!"

Harry stared.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!" a voice roared behind him. Harry whipped around only to have his eyes burned from their sockets.

"OH MY SNORTIN' GRANDPA! THE HORROR!" Harry screamed in agony. There stood Snape in a leopard print leotard, the vein in his temple throbbing. A chicken ran by squawking.

"I…said…what…are…you…doing…here," Snape snarled, barely audible. Harry writhed on the ground sobbing, clawing at his eyes. Realizing Harry wasn't going to be sane for awhile, Snape turned back to the painting.

"One, two, three, four, five, twirl, twist…You're going to fast! I just picked this up again a few days ago!" The painting Snape snorted and muttered under his breath, "Obviously."

Not quite over the shock of seeing the gruesome sight of Snape in a leotard, Harry lifted himself off the ground with the head of a snail he found laying near by. Just then he heard screaming. It sounded like it came from the end of the hall that he had just turned away from trying to get out of this place. Someone screamed again.


"Never fear! I'll save you!" Harry jumped up, spun real fast and ran down the hall with his Barney cap flying behind him.

"Dun dun stronger than yesterday! Now it's nothing but my way! Dun dun!" Harry swooshed through the hall at top speed looking for the source of the scream. Stopping at a door on his left he threw it open. In the middle of the room sat a scarlet and gold draped bed. Nothing was moving. The room stood still, the windows were pitch black, a fly in the corner stopped juggling. Sweeping the room with some brooms, Harry noticed some movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned back towards the bed when all of a sudden…

"Oh, Hagrid, you naughty little man!" a woman giggled.

"Ah, but 'm far from little, Professor McGonagall…" he breathed back.

"Hahah! Well, we'll have to see about that. Oh! Stop that you raunchy elephant! Hahah!"



Somewhere in the distance, the mysterious person screamed again. Hearing the cry for a Barney-caped hero, Harry turned on his heel, dragging his sanity behind him, ran out of the room and headed for the next door. Throwing it open wand at the ready, a puff of rotting-eggs-smelling smoke hit him in the face. The walls of the room were covered in wallpaper depicting the different states of water, had a green tint to it, and a goblin playing with a loofa in a bathtub. Harry cleared his throat.

"Excuse me, but did you scre—"


Noticing a draft, the goblin had looked up to see Harry standing there in front of a golden light with his Barney cap wrapped around him mightily showing off his bulging muscles and fierce tan. Mr. Goblin was quite frightened. But the fact remained that the screams did not match up. Disappointed, Harry closed the door behind him, forever more locking the goblin in his bath.

Harry was beginning to lose hope that'd he'd ever find the mysterious screamer. Just as he was about to give up, he heard it again, this time defiantly behind the door in front of him. He smeared dirt on his face, he growled and hissed, he smacked Snape's butt, he was ready for the game. The game of fighting.

Having fulfilled his life's dream, Snape went back to his dancing and Harry braced himself against what might be behind the door. Huffing and puffing Harry ran at it with full force. He burst through screaming at the top of his lungs.


Not meeting anyone immediately, he stopped and looked around him. He was in a dark, overly green and blue forest. There were random clearings in the trees, no forest animals were in sight, sound, taste, or touch, and it was sinister. Eerily sinister. Suddenly he heard a noise. It sounded like humming. He moved further into the trees looking out for the source of the sound. Up ahead he saw a figure and just beyond a rundown looking cabin.

"Beautiful ain't it?" a voice whispered in his ear. Harry screamed. Harry cowered. Harry cried. Harry won a hand of poker. Harry screamed again.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT!" he bellowed spinning around to face the voice. Standing in front of him was none other than Dumbledore in a blue top and yellow bottom dress. His head was covered in what looked like a short-haired black wig, his wrinkled arms reflected the blue from the top of the dress, and al around him was the creatures of the forest. For a fleeting second Dumbledore's eyes were full of longing, but quickly changed to eyes full of eye stuff.

"You," Dumbledore whispered.

"What?" Harry asked.


"No, what did you say, I just didn't hear you."

"Never mind."

"No! What'd you say!"



"You're sweating."


Harry stared at Dumbledore, his eyebrow arched.

"What are we talking about?"

"The cabin. It's beautiful, no? Russelfrout takes care of it for me. That's him over there. It looks like he's almost finished looking it over. Would you like to come in? Maybe have some coffee?"

"Sure, I guess."

Dumbledore started towards the cabin, leading the way for Harry. As Harry followed him he noticed the animals were not far behind. He was wondering if they would join them for a rollicking good time when Dumbledore spoke up.

"You know, Harry. I have a little nickname for this cottage. Do you know what it is? I call it 'The Love Shack'. What do you think?" he asked with a wink.

"It's nice."

"Here, let me show you why I call it the Love Shack," Dumbledore purred, as he reached the door of the cabin. Harry followed him in, dropping the Barney cap on the doorstep and…

"HARRY! WAKE UP!" Ron hollered. Harry bolted up in bed staring wide-eyed around the room. He saw Ron standing over him, Dean playing the banjo, and Neville striking a drug deal. The dreams are starting again, he thought, great.

"Wow, what were you dreaming about? First you were going on about saving everyone and then you were giggling like an idiot."

"I was just having another one of those dreams. Not a big deal."

"Right, well, I'm going to head down to breakfast, I'm starving. I would wait for you but I'd probably eat my sheets or something."
"Doesn't matter, go on ahead."

Once Ron left for the Great Hall, Harry sat on his bed and pondered the dream he had been having. He thought about what it must mean.

"It means I'm missing Dumbledore something terrible, that's what," he mumbled to himself, staring at the cheese round on his night stand longingly. Sighing, he stood up and prepared himself for the day.

After another explosive class with Umbridge, Harry, Ron, and Hermione headed to their next class.

"Oh, if only Dumbledore were here. He could teach her a lesson," Ron said wistfully.

"If Dumbledore were here, things would be a lot better," Hermione agreed.

"Where do you reckon he is right now?" Ron asked.

"I don't know. Probably out trying to keep Voldemort from getting more supporters." Ron cringed.

"Maybe. You know, that was pretty cool of him, the way he left. I wish I could have seen it." The whole conversation Harry had remained silent, thinking back over the past few months. Finally he couldn't take it any longer.

"JUST STOP! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT DUMBLEDORE ANYMORE! I'M SICK OF HEARING ABOUT HIM! HE'S GONE! GET OVER IT!" With that he took off running. He ran sideways through the Entrance Hall, galloped over the lawns and sprinted off towards Hogsmeade. He didn't care who was watching or if anyone tried to stop him. He'd hex them to the next millennium; he needed to get away from the school.

Arriving in Hogsmeade in a sad penguin suit, Harry made his way to the Hogs Head. He reasoned in there no one would care he wasn't in school. Reaching the door to the bar, he stepped inside graciously. The bartender looked at him with a stern look.

"What do you want?" he asked gruffly.

"The strongest thing you got," Harry answered.

"Here." He handed Harry a butterbeer. "That's the strongest we got." Harry paid for the drink and sat down at a table.

Two minutes and ten butterbeers later, Harry was quite the charmer.

"Hey, you! Yeah, you! Was your name? You's look like a monkey!" Harry laughed wildly.

"My's grade is down from O's to D's! I's way behind in history! I've lost myself in fantasies of you and me together!" sang Harry at the top of his lungs. The bartender walked over to his table.

"Hey, I think it's time you leave buddy."

"Leave! I ain't leavin'! I just got started! Look at this fine folks here!"

Harry looked about the room, smiling and winking at the two other people in the bar.

"Hey, how's it going? You wanna have some hiccup fun?" he asked suggestively. "Bartender! Another round for my good friends!" Harry shouted swinging his arms wide. The bartender stared at him. Harry stared back.

"Do I know you?" Harry asked quizzically. "You look very familiar...AUNT BERNIE! Is that you! No wait. Aunt Em? No! I know! You're Dumbledore's brother! WHERE'S DUMBLEDORE! Tell me where he is!" Monkeys in Africa fell from there trees at the noise. The bartender continued to stare. Just then a man walked into the bar. Angels cried in Heaven at the sight of him.

"Who are you?" Harry demanded.

"Who are you? Where am I? What happened to Gillian?" He stared at Harry a moment and then scanned the room. Harry wore a confused expression with a purple feather hat and a matching fuzzy sweater to pull the outfit together.

"Who are you again?"

"You don't know me?" he asked, catching himself in the mirror above the bar and winking, "Why, I'm the frickin' hottest thing of the planet! David Duchovny! I don't believe you don't know me."

"I knew I recognized you! Wait, why are you here frickin'-hottest-thing-on-the-planet Duchovny? This is my world…"

"Right you are!" With that David turned and left.

"Huh. Okay then. I'll be going now too…" and with that Harry turned and left also.

Out on the main street, Harry looked around him. Witches and wizards bustled along the shops, going in and out. A stampede trampled some carriages. Most shops had signs announcing sales. Harry started making his way back up the street and towards the school. He was deep in thought about his life. He pondered why he had hair instead of fur. Questions like, what did the back of his head look like, bothered him. What was the purpose of arm hairs, he wondered. Why could women wear men's clothes without problems or scorn but men could not wear women's. Where was the justice, he screamed internally.

"Yeah! Well...well...you just threw the sexiest man alive out of your store! What do you think of that! What are you going to do when I go around bad-mouthing you to all the press. Think about that, ha! No! I'm not coming back in, don't even think of inviting me! I won't come in!"
"Sir. Leave or I'll call the Minister of Magic himself."
"Yeah, you do that! And I'll tell him all about how you threw me out! Pssh! me afraid of the minister!"
Harry, who had not been watching where he was going, ran into the man making all the commotion outside of Ollivander's.
"Oh sorry, sir," Harry mumbled looking up to see who he'd run in to. Staring down at him was the face of David Duchovny twisted into an insane smile.
"You again! Here, you'll be my witness! Look what they did! They threw me out because I'm not a wizard! Now, that must be against the rules, I'm the sexiest man alive!" David looked at Harry expectantly, waiting for confirmation. Harry stared. He stared and stared and stared and stared and stared and blinked and stared and stared and stared. Finally, he spoke.
"Hi again."
David looked astounded. He seemed to notice for the first time at who he was looking at.
"You! You, you! I have a message for you! You're Harry Potter right?"
"Yeah, I am."
"Well, Professor Dumbledore wanted me to tell you that he misses you. If you ask me, that guy is a weirdo. He was sitting there wearing lederhosen and yodeling. Then after we talked he asked if I'd care to help him give his toe a sponge bath. I couldn't take that away from him I told him." David gave a little shiver.
"It was a very nice looking toe though..." he added as an afterthought.

"Dumbledore? You saw Dumbledore? Where is he? How does a brain get stuck in a hiccup! Where is he!"

"Cool the jets there tiger man. I have no idea where I was. One second I'm fighting this alien and the next thing I know, I'm in the middle of the mountains. But if you'll excuse me, I've got to find my way back now. Tootles." With that, he was gone again.

Harry felt only a tiny bit better than when he set off for the village as he headed back to the castle. The trip back took him through a pack carnivorous grass pieces, snow blizzards with 500 mph winds, and a strange encounter with a talking clock. Finally he reached the front steps. Climbing them slowly, dreading the thought of returned to Umbridge's class and facing the teachers he skipped out on, Harry was about to open the door when it swung open swiftly. There in the doorway stood Professor McGonagall.

"Where have you been?" she demanded, with a hint of relief in her voice. The thought of his dream before returned to Harry.

"Oh God! Oh, make it stop! Oh!" he burst out. McGonagall stared at him wide-eyed.

"Is there something wrong?" she screeched.

"Oh, ugh." Harry made gagging motions. McGonagall did a tap dance.

"Well. I see you're back here fine. Almost. Come with me." She turned on her heel and headed towards her office. Harry reluctantly followed. When they reached the office, McGonagall motioned Harry inside.

"Sit. We need to discuss your careers advice meeting. I understand that Professor Umbridge and I were not in the best of state, so I've rescheduled you for another meeting tomorrow at eleven in the morning. Understood?"

"Yes, Professor."

"Oh, and no mention of the first meeting, understood?"

"Yes, Professor."

"Good, now get to class."

Harry left her office and headed for the Gryffindor common room. He needed to sleep off the butterbeer he drank. And secretly, he hoped he would see Dumbledore again, if only in his dreams.

Giving the Fat Lady the password, he climbed into the portrait hole. Tomorrow is going to be a long day, he thought, just as he drifted off to sleep. Tomorrow's going to be a long day.

End author notes: So, what'd you think? Please review! Thanks!