AN: Okay, an angsty one-shot from me. A rare occasion, but it happens. I thought about expanding it into a two or three chapter happy-ending thing, but…well, I just thought it was time for a one shot.

Disclaimer: I do not own Newsies, nor do I own Sarah McLachlan's song, 'I Love You'. Wish I did, but life ain't fair.

Summary: One Shot, Song Fic. Slash. Blink thinks about what he could say to his best friend to change everything, and wonders why he doesn't just say it.

                                                                                                                                               

            "Hey Kid!"

            I turned around in the doorway to the lodging house, and Mush was running down the empty street toward me, his usual bright smile on his face. The dim light from inside the building casts an unearthly glow over him as he stands in the doorway with me, both of us relaxing against the door frame.

I have a smile
stretched from ear to ear
to see you walking down the road

            "Where ya been, Mush?" I asked him. He hadn't been at Tibby's that evening, and it worried me.

            "Didn't have enough change for dinner, so I just sold through it." He replied with a shrug.

            I frowned. "You could've asked me to chip in. That's the third time this week you've skipped dinner."

            "I know. I got all my papers sold though!"

            That was Mush for you. Eternally optimistic. When he was pessimistic about something, it was usually a bad idea. I realized I was staring, and I quickly dropped my gaze to the ground. He gave me a strange look, but didn't say anything.


we meet at the lights
I stare for a while
the world around disappears

            I'm so close…yet so far, I thought as we fell into silence once more. I was less than a few feet from him, but for all it's worth, he could've been standing in California.


just you and me
on this island of hope
a breath between us could be miles

            I could've just come out and say it. He was right there, there was no one else around…I could've done it. But then I'd risk losing him. I had no idea how he would've reacted. He may have just walked away, he may have soaked me right here, he may have told the other guys and then they'd have soaked me..it was too much risk. I didn't want to lose him.

            So I forget to tell him.

            Besides, who did he come to when a girl dumped him? Me. Who did he come to when the memories of his horrible past resurfaced? Me. Who did he sell with every morning? Me. Who kept him from getting soaked when he didn't want to fight? Me. And I didn't want to lose that.

            And if I just keep forgetting to say it, things won't change.

            Even if that meant loving him from a few feet away. Never holding him. Never hearing him say those three words that I whispered every night, just soft enough so no one else can hear. But that's okay.

            Because I love him, I'm willing to lose him.


let me surround you
my sea to your shore
let me be the calm you seek

            "Blink…are you okay?"

            His soft voice suddenly broke me from my thoughts, and I realized that I was staring again. I cleared my throat and looked away quickly.

            "Yeah. Just thinking, dat's all."

            "You's thinkin' awfully hard. That's not normal."

            I punched him in the arm as he laughed at my expense, and then he said something about getting some sleep, and he walked inside and up the stairs.


oh and every time I'm close to you
there's too much I can't say
and you just walk away

            I could convince myself that I just keep forgetting to tell him. Hell, I can't even count the times a girl has broken it off with me because I don't say 'I love you' enough. But unlike this situation, there's a good reason I don't tell them I love them.

            It's because I don't love them. I love a boy. Mush Meyers. A fellow newsie. Even though I shouldn't.

            So I can't forget. I can only hide it.

            I can't take the risk of just telling him. I don't have the strength for that. I can't imagine what it would be like to look him in the eye every day and only see hate and embarrassment instead of that angelic light that always drew me to him in the first place.

            So I just forget.

            I shivered, and then I headed back inside.


and I forgot
to tell you
I love you
and the night's
too long
and cold here
without you
I grieve in my condition
for I cannot find the strength to say I need you so

            There's a poker game going on, and there's an empty seat next to him. Normally I avoid the poker table because I lose every single time, but who could pass up an opportunity to sit next to an angel?

            He's not playing, just observing, and he helps me out with my decisions. It seems like we're the only two that Race allows to play in a pair. He says it's because it's not fair to have two people with half a brain playing unless they're allowed to combine forces and have a whole brain between the two of them. I think it's just because he can see it in my eyes. That desire that clouds my vision every time Mush's hand brushes against mine. That barely contained well of emotion that causes me to get lost in myself staring at him.

            But then again, Race is a loudmouth. If he knew, then there was a good chance everyone else in the lodging house would know by now.


oh and every time I'm close to you
there's too much I can't say
and you just walk away

I lay in bed that night, and he's already asleep. That's good, because I love watching him sleep. He looks so peaceful, innocent, like a child, with no worries. I know that it's not like that, and if you look deep enough into his eyes, you can see the change.

He's got so much to worry about, yet he doesn't.

He's got so much to frown about, but he doesn't.

He's got so much to cry about, but he doesn't.

I wondered if I'd have the guts to do it tomorrow. Just walk up to him and say it. Yeah, I could see it now.


and I forgot
to tell you
I love you
and the night's
too long
and cold here
without you

            Hey, Mush. About last night, I'm sorry. I forgot to tell you I love you.

            That's the way it is.

            I just forget.

                                                                                                                                               

AN: Review, please! I like reviews. I love reviews. Reviews are very cool.

Angsty Blink…yeah. There it is for ya.