An Unattainable Feeling

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

I heard all of Angel's reasons for destroying the Gem of Amora and for going back to being a vampire after the whole incident with the Mohra demon. I know believes those reasons but I can also tell there's one reason more.

That last reason isn't noble or generous or doing the right thing, it's ugly. I don't think he faces it even in his own mind, and I hate that my friend should feel the way I think he does.

The gypsies that cursed him they did a real number on Angel. I'm surprised that they didn't tell him about the clause straight off; I guess they felt the message would sink in deeper if he learned it the hard way.

My visions don't just tell me about the things Angel needs to fix. First they told me about Angel himself. They even told me why the gypsies attached such a stupid loophole to their curse. It weren't accidental. They counted on the curse being broken. Why the hell do you think that they watched him for all those years?

Only they miscalculated. They never knew the real Angel, just the demon. It never occurred to them that he'd slip into a hundred years of depression over what the demon had done in his name. I t didn't occur to them that their magics might be lost afore Angel finally healed enough to break the curse.

Or that the demon would kill any of them near him before they could figure out how to fix the mess they'd made. They didn't count on that.

Still Willow, wonderful girl that she is, with all the best intentions in the world, carried out the gypsies' plans. She gave Angel his soul back, with new deaths on his conscious and the knowledge that his happiness would release the demon again.

That knowledge is the true curse, he can't help but fear happiness. That day in the sun, it felt good, so it had to be wrong. Being human, being with his Buffy, it made him happy, thus it were dangerous. Even though he knew that as a human he couldn't loose his soul he still ran from happiness.

I know his friends from Sunnydale are deadly afraid of Angel loosing his soul again, maybe I would be too if I'd had to face off against his demon, but they shouldn't be.

Thanks to the gypsies sick, twisted, curse Angel fears happiness more than most people fear death. Even if we found some way to make sure he could never loose his soul again he'd still fear it. The scar goes to deep to heal.

The curse will never break again, because it takes a moment of perfect happiness, untainted by any darkness. Angel will never feel that again.



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