The Tree Dilemma

Music: Alf Poier ~ Man is the Measure of All Things

Uh-oh. I tried to write a comedy.

Disclaimer: I own no one in Super Smash Brothers Melee

I don't want to offend anyone. So don't get mad at me, okay?


The prince of Althea walked in the Smash Building's garden searching for a good spot in the shade to relax the whole day. It was morning, the grass was still wet from the morning dew. The sun was peeking from the horizon, letting the first rays of it to hit the trees in the garden. Luckily they were big trees, they would give a good shade in the midday sun.

Marth sat down, sighing and smiling for the peace. Maybe here he could get out of the world for a few hours, read a good book and really take it easy. And maybe, juts maybe sleep.

It wasn't that he couldn't sleep because he was stressed, or scared of the dark or drank too much coffee, no, but his room was between Mario's and Ganondorf's. And those two had a little disturbing habit, snoring.

Marth wasn't one of those who complained if they got a roof above their heads and a warm bed, but when he heard loud snoring from both sides of his room, there was no way he could sleep. And he hadn't wanted to complain, he'd just wanted to change rooms, but no one wanted to change with him. And every room in the Smash Building was taken, he didn't have any choice.

And as we all know, princesses are very easily sleepless. They can't sleep if they have even a pea under eighteen mattresses! Now that is, what I say, very sophisticated and royal. It is the same way with princes too, one small thing can make them sleepless for a week. And snoring was much worse than a pea. It continued no matter what you did, but you could always take a pea away from under your mattresses if it started to bother you too much. Marth closed his eyes.

So, the only thing left was to try to sleep during the day and be awake in the night. But he couldn't do that. When the tournament would start, he'd need to be awake in daytime because of the battles. So, he tried to take a little naps here and there, knowing that he couldn't sleep for a long time.

Ahh, the sweetness of dreams was reaching its arms out to take him to Never land to refresh him, to restore his spirit. He was giving in, wanting to fall asleep faster. He knew he couldn't sleep for long, someone would wake him up.



Marth was startled from his sleep, he had awaken from his sweet dream consisting of sleeping.


WHAT!? His instincts told him to hide somewhere and he looked around him quickly in a drowze. Into the pond? No, too wet. Next to the flamingo? No, I'm not pink. Into that tree? Perfect!

Marth climbed fast to the lowest branch of the tree, trying to see who was about to kill him.


Oh, no.

He climbed higher, most of the branches couldn't hold his weight. Higher. Higher.

And finally, he reached a branch that could hold his weight. He sighed, relieved.

"I'LL KILL YOU, YOU IDIOT!" It was Nana's voice.

Damn. Marth had freaked out because of a girl's shouting. How embarrassing. He was now completely awake, realising that he was sitting in a tree, 25 feet above the ground. And there was no way down, all the branches were too weak to hold his weight.

What am I doing here?

Why hadn't he just took his sword and got ready for a fight? Why had he tried to hide like a girl? And because of Nana's scream. Well, he had been half-asleep, so he hadn't recognised the voice, but still, why to climb into a tree?

His only option to get down was to shout for help. And that, now wouldn't THAT be embarrassing? To scream for help like he couldn't handle a situation like this? He shook his head. No, he would ask someone passing the tree to get him ladders. And he would never tell anyone he freaked out because of Nana.

He sat there for quite a while before Young Link ran by the tree.

"Young Link!" Marth shouted.

The boy stopped and looked around to see where Marth was. "Where are you, Marth?"

"I'm up here!"

"Where!?" Young Link finally saw him. "Oh, there. What are you doing there?"

"I--" No, it's too embarrassing. "I couldn't sleep! Can you get me ladders?"

"You couldn't sleep? Why climb into a tree when you can't sleep?"

"Please, the ladders so I can get down." The prince ignored the boy's question.

I'm so sure he's hiding something… He's got something really cool and secret up there! Now I caught him and I want to know what it is!

"I'm coming up!"

"No, don't!"

You can't hide it forever!


"Aaaahhh!!" Young Link shouted as he climbed higher and higher until he was sitting on the same branch as Marth. When he realised it wasn't going to crack, he relaxed and remembered why he'd climbed all the way up. He looked down as he asked:

"So, what's so cool that you keep it here in this tree?"

How does he get down?

"What?" The prince's eyes were open wide.

"What's so cool that you keep it here in this tree?"

"No…" Marth held his head with his hand. "I really couldn't sleep and climbed here, then I got stuck. And now we're both stuck."

"Oh, true."

"We've got to wait for someone to go pass the tree and then ask for ladders."

At around noon both princesses walked to the garden, speaking something insignificant. At times they'd laugh, but of course, in a royal way.

"Peach! Zelda!" Marth shouted. Young Link sat next to him, sulking because he hadn't seen anything cool.

"Huh? Is it you, Marth?" Zelda asked, looking surprised.

"Where are you?" Peach looked around to see where was the prince. She had a crush on him, more likely she was obsessed with him.

"I'm up here!" The Fire Emblem warrior waved his hands to make it easier to see him.

"Why are you two there?"

"I-I couldn't sleep!"

Ah, my sweet Marth… I'm a tragic little girl, fallen in love with a beautiful prince. But, one day, you'll come to me because I'm the one your heart desires and then we'll kiss and then you'll gently push me ag--


"What!?" She was mad that someone disturbed her daydreaming about Marth.

"Could you do that?" The prince shouted to her from the branch he was sitting on.

Your beautiful cobalt blue eyes all mine… Mine! MINE! Peach almost laughed an evil laugh, but decided not to to look as sweet as possible in the man's eyes.

"Zelda! You're coming with me!"

"What?" The Hylian princess was being dragged up the tree to the branch where Marth sat. "What are you doing, Peach?"

"I'm going to Marth!"

"He asked for ladders!"

"But he meant he wants to be with me!"

"What!?" The prince looked down at the princess dragging the other one behind her.

"Why do I need to come with you?"

"Because…" Peach stopped. She held onto a branch until it broke and started climbing again. "Because I don't want to go alone."

The two boys watched as the girls came to the same branch with them, realising that it wouldn't crack under them. Peach crept next to Marth, smiling nervously and batting her eyes.

God, a romance in a tree. Marth thought. This is getting worse than I thought.

Captain Falcon was talking to his mobile phone when he passed the tree. Marth waited politely for him to end his call before shouting for him.

"Who needs ladders!" The F-Zero driver shaded his face with his hand as he looked at those in the tree. "If ya'll jump, I'll catch ya before ya hit da ground!"

"No way!" The prince shouted back.

"Ya don't believe I can do that? I'll show ya!" He was gone before the Fire Emblem warrior had opened his mouth to say that he didn't need to.

The driver came back, holding Pichu in his other hand.

"I'll show ya! I'll catch this rat before it hits da ground!" He threw the light pokémon to the tree, a few branches higher that the one where Marth sat.

"Now, jump down!" He ordered. Pichu refused. The prince held his head with his hand.

"Are ya coming down or do I need to come and get ya!?"

Pichu shook its head.

"I'm coming now! You're coming down with me and we'll do this again, ya dirty little pile of--"

"No, Captain! Don't climb up here!" Marth tried to make him stay down.

"I'm gonna get that rat, you freaking prince! Don't ya try telling me what to do!"


"Shut yer yap!" Captain Falcon reached the branch. "Now, rat, we're going down."

Pichu shook its head again.

"You can't get down!" Peach snapped, holding shyly Marth's hand.

"We're all stuck here now." Zelda ascertained.

"Ya should've told me not to come!!"

I tried.

"So, now we're all stuck in this goddamn tree."

Not even five minutes passed when the bigger lightning pokémon, Pikachu, came to the garden, searching for Pichu and ended up into the three with the six.

Mario! He's smart enough to get us down!

"Mario!" Marth shouted. "Mario!"


"Here! We need ladders to get down!"

"Mario!" Peach screamed, seeing the one who always saved her from every trouble.

Maybe Marth'll love me if I get us down. "Mario, please help me!"

The prince saw the plumber climbing, so fast that he almost teleported himself next to Peach, taking her hands in his.

"Now-a you're safe, Princess Peach. I will let-a nothing happen to you."

"How are you going to get us down?" Peach snapped.

"Oh, I-a totally forgot that. We're stuck-a up here." She tore her hands away from the plumber and hugged Marth. The prince started coughing.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Marthy!" She backed away from the prince.

Marthy? MARTHY!?

The Ice Climbers came to the garden, Popo's I'm sorry could be heard up in the tree too. At times they heard how a heavy hammer hit something and then a groan.

"I'LL KILL YOU FOR BREAKING MY BARBIE!!!" Nana's voice was truly furious.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"


"I'll get you a new one!!"

"Oh, okay then." Nana dropped her hammer and turned to go back inside.

"Nana! Popo!" Marth shouted.

"What? Who's there?" The boy looked around himself.

"Up here!"

"What!?" He looked up as Nana ran next to him. "Who's that?"

"It's me, Marth! We need ladders to get down!"


"We need ladders!"


"L-A-D-D-E-R-S!! Ladders!"

Oh, god.

"Wait a second!" Nana and Popo climbed to the tree and went sitting on the branch above the prince. "What? These hoods are so thick fabric that it's hard to hear."

"We're stuck."

"Oh." They looked down. Marth sighed. He was starting to feel a bit desperate. Maybe he'd need to spend the rest of his life in that tree. He wished for a lighting to hit him if that was to happen.

As Mr. Game & Watch walked past the tree Marth was using every way to make him stay in the ground and get them ladders. But Mr. Game & Watch didn't understand a word the prince said, nor did he understand the finger marks Marth did in his desperation. So, he joined those who were already stuck, not even knowing why.

DK went past the tree, mumbling something about bananas.


"Dk no see prince." The monkey looked around.


"DK now see prince. Why is prince high up? He have bananas?"

"No, we're stuck!"

"Why you suck?"

"Not suck, stuck!"

"DK thinks sounds fun. DK comes too!"

"Oh, god, this is hopeless."

"DK is here. Hello, prince." The monkey waved at him from the other end of the branch.

"Hello." I'll strangle myself.

It couldn't be that every single smasher would end up in the tree. It just couldn't. One of them had to be smart enough to get the ladders. Marth hoped he could get down soon.

Samus walked by, putting some information to her suit's database. When Marth shouted from the bottom of his lungs, Samus turned to look at them sitting in the tree.

She listened to the prince's story, but didn't believe it, just like none of the smashers before. She used her grapplehook to get to the branch and asked from Marth had they found a new life-form or something as interesting as they just sat in the tree, looking dumb.

"No." Marth replied, getting tired of explaining it. "This is the truth: I came up here because I couldn't sleep. Those all followed me just like you did and now we're all stuck."

She sighed and cursed for a while, but started to talk with Zelda after it. It seemed like the others were enjoying their time in the tree. Marth just couldn't understand them. They were stuck and trying to get down, but no one else seemed to care than he.

Time passed. Marth was looking for the least painful way to fall down. But every one of them seemed too painful. He'd fall down 25 feet when none of the branches could hold his weight. That wouldn't be pretty. Ouch.

Falco and Ganondorf were boasting to each other about what they'd done very loudly. Marth heard them speaking

arguing more likely

About who had eaten the longest sandwich.

"Mine was this long!"

"Mine was longer!"

"So was mine!!"

"Ganondorf! Falco!"

"Shut up, Marth! Listen, mine was so long that it went around the White islands twice!"

"Falco! Ganondorf!"

"Shut up! But mine, my sandwich could reach from Cape Town to Oslo!"

"You don't even know where Oslo is!"

"Please!" Marth shouted.

"WHAT!?" They both turned to look at him furiously.

"Uh…Eh… We're kind of… We'd like to… Uh… get… uh… ladders, please." Marth was really afraid of the Gerudo King.

"I don't care what you'd like to have! Now, Marth, or whatever your name is, who ate the longer sandwich!?" Ganondorf asked. The prince's eyes widened. He didn't want to get involved in their fight. But he was afraid of the huge man.

"Uh…. You?"

"See, told you!!"

"I'll kill you, Marth!!"

"I'll kill you, too!!"

"Why you too!?" The Fire Emblem warrior screamed.

"Shut up!!"

After a little 'discussion' with Falcon and Ganondorf, Marth suffered from nosebleed and a headache. He was truly starting to lose his hope to get down.

Roy and Link were probably trying to find a nice place to relax when they went past the tree, talking something quietly to each other.

"Roy and Link!"

"Huh?" The elf was looking very surprised.

"Show yourself!" The general commanded, ready to fight anyone.

"It's me! I'm up here!"

"Oh, what are you doing up there?" Link asked.

"I'm trying to get down."

A long silence.

"Roy? Link?"

"Ah, I'm sorry, did you expect for us to be interested in that?"

"Oh, god, just climb up here like everyone else." Marth sighed.

"Oh, okay." The general climbed first and the came the Hero of Time.

Dr. Mario! Maybe he's not obsessed with helping Peach and could get us down!

"Dr. Mario!" A bee flew past Peach, who was sitting next to him and she started to whisk to make it go away.

"No, Peach, don't whisk!" Marth told the princess, but she wasn't listening. She pressed herself against the prince, trying to hide. The bee stung Marth and he hit it hard and it died.

"What's the matter, Marth?" Dr. Mario was looking at the two of them. "Are you feeling ill?"

"Ahh…" The sting hurt in his hand.

"I'm coming up there to make a diagnose… You might have a disease, you know. Luckily, I carry my medicines with me, so you'll be fine in no time." The doctor pushed Peach away and made him eat all kinds and shapes of medicines.

"Unhhh…." Soon the drugged prince rested his head on Dr. Mario's lap and the doctor asked everyone to be quiet to let him sleep.

"I want chicken… I want liver… Meow-mix… Please deliver…." Marth sang before he fell asleep.

Bowser walked to the garden and came to the tree when he heard the other smashers chatting. When he roared to ask what's going on, they told him to get up there too, that they were like a big happy family, being so close up there.

The turtle, who had had a sad childhood, filled with traumas in the sewers (How else could he be so big?) wanted to belong into a happy family and climbed up too.

Falco called to Fox to bring them playing cards when they started to feel a bit bored. When Fox brought them, he joined those playing and stayed in the tree. And so it was forgotten why they were there and no one wanted to get down anymore.

Kirby, Mewtwo and Yoshi were all invited to share the branch with the others when Marth woke up, feeling like someone hit his head with a hammer all the time. And the sleep he had had was awful, his head was hurting, his back ached like hell and everything seemed to be wrong. He got up and counted the ones in the tree.


One to go.

Oh, god, I'll never get down!

It was around nine when Luigi's voice called for his brother. The prince collected his remaining powers after being drugged so heavily and shouted.

"Luigi!" Go, please, listen!

"What?" The plumber's brother came to the tree and looked up. "What'a are you all doing up there?"

"We got stuck! Please, get us ladders!"

"Oh, okay." He hurried away.


He came back with long ladders and climbed up. Before he could even say a thing, Marth climbed down as fast as he could. When he reached the ground, he forgot he was a prince and danced wildly for a while, letting out whoops of happiness.

"What's his problem-a and why are you all here?" Luigi asked from the smashers in the tree.

"I don't know."

Marth was collecting himself on the ground. He was so happy to feel the grass under his feet. And he was so tired. But he knew he couldn't sleep. There was no way he could sleep in that room.


He had a devilish grin when he kicked the ladders and they fell down, crashing into millions of pieces.

"HEY! Why did you do that!?"

"Good night." Marth walked to the Smash Building and closed the door behind him.


Marth: I want to see the one who wrote this.

You have feedback?

Marth: No. I have my sword.

Uh-oh, well, how u-unfortunate! DMC just left!

Marth: I hope someone is going to review this better than I am.

Yeah, me too!!