And Voldemort Sneezed

Or What Really Happen the Night of October 31, 1981

A/N This story came about because of many conversation with my friend Krissie about the fact that in the movie HARRY'S SCAR ISN'T IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS FORHEAD. If you were Voldemort and you were 2 feet form a baby Harry wouldn't you point at the middle of his forhead rather than the side I mean really. Oh and I have to say this so I'll just say it now I don't own any of the characters and some of the lines in this are line that J.K. Rowlin worte as what James and Lily said before they died. Wait I do own one character Mr.Killer. He's my favorite Character too. You got to love Killer. Anyway just read.


"Well that's not good," said the Dark Lord, Heir of Salazar Slytherin, and general Bad Guy, taking another swig of Firewhisky. "Why does this have to happen to me? I'm just trying to take over the world! Is that too much to ask for? Is it too much to just want everyone bowing at my feet and erecting huge statues of me everywhere? I mean, what's so bad about that? Really."

This continued for awhile, but then again the Dark Lord had been drinking for a couple of hours straight now. What more could you expect form the man? He's only trying to make a living, and he had already been looking for a whole year! It was already Halloween, and he still hadn't found out who the heck was going to be his downfall so he could kill him... or her. This is an equal opportunity world we live in now a days, so you never know. Voldemort took another drink form the bottle and found it empty again.

"Stupid. Fugeing monkeys on alcoholic sugar." He pulled out his wand, "Avada Kadav-a-a-ACHOO." A blast of green light, but the bottle didn't fall down unharmed. instead, it rained down in shards of broken glass.

"Stupid bottle," he said again. Lord Voldemort looked around the room he was in. His pet snake, Mr. I-Don't-Have-A-Decent-Killer-Instinct was sitting near the fire, seemingly asleep. (Voldemort named him when he was drunk and the snake wouldn't go for a name change. So in front of Voldemort's Legions of Terror ( aka: Death Eaters) he always called the snake Killer, but still the snake didn't have a killer instinct. Hon-est-ly that serpent called himself a snake when he never bit anything bigger than a rat.) "Stupid 30 foot poisonous snake," Voldemort muttered.

"I heard that, you ingrate," the snake hissed. "It's because of me you're even alive to wallow in misery, so watch it."

"Oh, what're you going to do if I don't, huh? Mr. I-Don't-Have-A-Killer-Instinct what you going to do?"

"Suffocation works just as well as bitting you know," Mr. Killer hissed.

'Stupid 30 foot poisonous snake.' Voldemort thought, but wisely decided not to say so out loud. The rest of the room was empty. Voldemort had told everyone to get out earlier. He liked to get drunk alone; it was just the way he was.

"Wormwood!!" He called. "No, wrong name. Worm-toe? No, that's not it. Oh, whatever. Peter! Get you fat butt in here with some Firewhisky!" As he said that, about 5 different Peter's entered to room, crawled on the floor, and set the bottles of Firewisky down in front of the Dark Lord. Voldemort pointed to the one he was trying to call.

"You! What's you're nickname again, Worm-something?"

"Wormtail, my Lord," the little man squeaked.

"That's it." He looked around at all the people in the room. "What the hell are all of you idiots doing here? I only called for this one to get me Firewhisky. Get out! Avara–ACHOO Kadvara." Voldemort said the spell several times before all the Peters left. He grabbed one of the bottles and started to drink again. "Ah good ole' Firewhisky. My one and only true friend." Killer glared at Voldemort. "Other than Killer." Killer nodded.

"And don't you forget that."


Lucius Malfoy grimaced, from what he had just been told, the Dark Lord had been drinking again. 'Today of all days.' Malfoy thought. 'We find the stupid kid he wants to kill and he goes drinking.' It wasn't a well know fact, but a fact that Lucius Malfoy knew all too well, that when the Dark Lord started drinking, he started sneezing whenever he tried any type of spell. Messing up the spell, and just causing a weird scar to appear where the spell should have hit. Unfortunately, the Dark Lord's aim is also impaired by drinking and he always ends up aiming... ... well, low. Malfoy repressed a shiver of what happened the last time he walked in on the Dark Lord drunk: he couldn't walk straight for a month (And his foot still tingled every now and again).

'Well,' thought Lucius Malfoy, in front of the oak and metal doors leading to the Dark Lord's room. 'Either face getting another scar or getting blasted with the real Avada Kadavra.' He straightened up a bit, but not too much. If the Dark Lord wasn't that drunk he'd have to start crawling as fast has he could hit the floor. That was the one thing he hated about this job: the crawling. Everything else was great, but really, was crawling around really necessary?

As soon as he opened the door Malfoy relaxed. The Dark Lord was smashed. He wouldn't be doing any spells without sneezing anytime soon. 'Wait. That's not good. He needs to kill the kid.'

"Lucius, my slippery friend," Voldemort growled. Just because he couldn't perform a single good spell drunk didn't mean he couldn't try, and he reached for his wand. "What are you doing here? Didn't anyone tell you I didn't want to be disturbed? If you're looking to get at my Firewhisky---" The Dark Lord didn't finish the sentence.

If the drunk man in front of him wasn't one of the most powerful wizards of all time, Lucius would have replied scathingly, but he was, so Lucius took a deep breath and tried to talk reasonably to the drunk.

"You told me to come to you when we had found information about the boy." 'One of the boys' he added silently in his head, but the Dark Lord was obsessed about just one of the boys and completely ignored the fact that there could even be a second. Lucius didn't dare tell him of another, he wasn't suicidal and was very happy about the way his life was going, so... no, he wasn't about to say anything.

"You have information!" Voldemort shouted.

'You know, if it wasn't from the bottles everywhere, and the relaxed way he acts, you might never know he was drunk,' Lucius thought. "Yes my lord." (He left out that he had found out yesterday from Wormtail when they talking by the water cooler. Voldemort was drunk then as well, and Lucius thought to wait but he couldn't wait much longer.)

"Well. Out with it." Voldemort took another swig of Firewisky.

"The Potter's are at Godric's Hollow." Lucius said.

"So that were those annoying bastards have been hiding!" Voldemort yelled, triumph shining in his eyes.

"You should talk," said Killer.

"Shut up, Killer."

"Don't you tell me to shut up!"

"Killer, don't make me hurt you."

"Oh, what are you going to do? Sneeze at me?"

"Killer! I'm warning you..."

"That's rich!"

"AVADA KA-KACHOO." Green light rushed at Killer, but Killer was one fast 30 foot long poisonous snake. Quick as a flash he slithered out of the way and around Malfoy's ankles.

"Missed me. Your aim is getting worse."

"THAT'S IT! NO MERCY!" Voldemort screamed. And sneezed the spell at Killer again. Poor Malfoy. It a good thing he already had a kid and didn't have to worry about carrying on the family name.


Lily and James Potter were spending a quite Halloween at Godric's Hollow. Dumbledore had suggested the place as a hiding place. It was nice enough. Lily was dealing with the whole going into hiding thing better than James, who kept trying to take stupid risks. Sometimes Lily just wanted to kick him. And Sirius was no help. Every time he came over he would start talking about the good ole' days, getting James all riled up and ready to start having a field day with offending Death Eaters. If she had a nickel for the number of times she caught the two of them trying to sneak off... She even sent James' Invisibility Cloak to Dumbledore in James' name just to keep him from using it to get out of the house. Finally Lily had told Sirius to go into hiding, because if he didn't, Lord Voldemort wouldn't be the only thing he had to worry about. And so Sirius had fled to Remus'.

The doorbell rang. James got up and walked past where Lily was playing with baby Harry. He opened the door, expecting to see Sirius or Remus--at the least, Wormtail, and, maybe if it was really important, Dumbledore, but what he saw took a moment to register. Lord Voldemort was standing outside the door.

"Um.. Hello is this Godric's Hollow?" Voldemort asked, he seemed a little unsteady on his feet.

James shut the door and ran back to room were Lily was.

"James, what is it?" Lily asked.

"Lily, take Harry and go!" James said, breathless.


Outside of Godric's Hollow Voldemort was yelling a string of curses. "The wrong house again! Where the hell is that damned place?"

Just then the towns nice, helpful old lady walked by.

Voldemort's curses stopped.

"Excuse me miss, but could you tell me if this is Godric's Hollow?"

"Why, aren't you a nice young man! So proper! Yes, this is Godric's Hollow, but no one lives there."

"Thank you. Avad–Choo Kadav-a-a-a-cho." The old lady was knocked into a bush, unconscious.


Lily Potter looked bewildered by her husband's agitation.

"It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off –" James didn't say any more. He didn't have to. Lily grabbed Harry and ran from the room. She stumbled a bit getting out of the room but she got out in time because just then the door burst open and there was sound of high-pitched laughter, which was cut off by James shooting a spell at Voldemort.

"Why, you insolent little cur," Voldemort hissed and sneezed a spell at James.

James wasn't on the Quidditch team for nothing. With reflexes born from years of hard practice, he avoided whatever the spell had been.

"Is that the best you can do? Sneeze? My Squib great-grand uncle can do better than that!" James taunted. He couldn't help it. He knew it wasn't smart, but it was part of his nature. It went on like this for a little while. Voldemort sneezed off the Firewhisky and James pissed him off until you could boil and egg on Voldemort's face, and James also threw spells at Voldemort as well. Until finally...

"Avada Kadavracho." It hit James on the shoulder knocked him backwards in to a china cabinet. A lot of thing fell on him: books, socks, lamps, and blenders just to name a few of the items. James passed out on the floor under the pile of junk.

'Well now to get rid of the kid,' thought the Dark Lord.


Lily was running through this damned huge house. Honestly, it didn't look it but it was just as annoyingly big and confusing as Hogwarts. It was obvious to anyone who spent anytime in Godric's Hollow that Gryffindor designed Hogwarts, or at least most of it. She ran down a corridor just to be met by a wall. She stopped before she hit it, but still, a dead end is a dead end. There was a nice comfy chair there and a small wine cabinet to the side of the table, but there was nothing else. Lily put Harry down on the chair and took out her wand. She poked at a couple of bricks to see if they would move the wall.

"It seems this is the end," said a cold voice form behind her. Lily spun around and jumped in front of the chair to protect Harry.

"What do you want with us?" Lilly asked in a panicked voice.

"I just want to boy," Voldemort said. He was starting to get a hangover. "Just give me the boy and I might let you live."

"No— Not Harry! Not Harry! Please — I'll do anything —"

"Stand aside. Stand aside, girl!" He definitely had a headache, and this conversation was not helping.


"Fine then," Voldemort said. 'She's worse than Killer.' he thought. If Voldemort wasn't so preoccupied with his headache and Killer he would have noticed that there were sparks in the air around Lily Potter and her son.

"Avada Kadavra–ACHOO!" He jerked his wand up quickly and just barely grazed Lily's face with the spell. A small trickle of blood streamed down her face. That was all that was needed. There was the sound of a book being shut many hundreds of miles away, sealing the spell.

"Bloody hell. AVADA KADAVRA!" Voldemort shouted. There was a flash of green and a whispering sound in the air as the soul left the body. Lily Potter slumped to the floor, dead.


James Potter woke up when he heard his wife screaming at Voldemort. He ran quickly to get to her aid but he was too late. When he got to the corridor he saw Lily fall to the floor, her eyes open and lifeless.

"NO!" James yelled. He would have run to his wife but Voldemort was between them. James looked up, blinded by fury, and he raised his wand, unaware of what he was going to do.

Voldemort chose that second to sneeze. The spell that issued from his wand rebounded off the wall a couple of times and came dangerously close to hitting Harry, but it ricocheted back right to Voldemort. He ducked just as James released his spell. That spell bounced around the small corridor like a firework while the other one flew dangerously close to James.

"What the holy frell?" Voldemort said as he turned around and saw James. "Didn't I kill you?"

"You tried," James growled.

"I'll fix that."

Voldemort and James raised their wands and said their spells at the same time. The spell that James had sent earlier hit Voldemort in the back and stifled the sneeze that was about to come, but James' other spell hit Voldemort in the head, just as Voldemort's Avada Kadavra took his life away.

"Two for two! Score!" he said, and then blacked out for a moment.

Within seconds, Harry started to cry. It was as if he realized his parents were gone and knew he wouldn't have time to mourn later.


Voldemort woke to the sound a baby crying. He got up from the floor and leaned against the wall and massaged his head. The cabinet door had been opened by one of the spells, and Voldemort saw some bottles of vintage Firewisky. He couldn't stop himself; he went over and uncorked one of the bottles and started to drink to dull the pain. The crying did not stop.

"Well, might as well get the job done," he said, annoyed. He hated to be taken away from his Firewhisky.


Now, what happens next all happened within 1 to 5 seconds each other so it's hard to figure out what happened first, but broken down in to manageable chunks it goes somewhat like this:

Voldemort got up and walked over to baby Harry. He pointed his wand at the chair where there was only air then down to where Harry's foot was then into the air again then to Harry's head.

"Stop moving, all five of you! Wait. Five of you?"


Meanwhile, in a small city somewhat to the north of Godric's Hollow, Sirius Black decided to visit Lily and James, but also decided to call first. He picked up the phone and started to dial.


A muggle delivery man pulled up to the Hollow and pulled out a telegram marked express delivery, with Lily and James' names on it, written in Peter's handwriting. His too late warning to Lily and James contained three words:

He knows.



Voldemort shook his head and steadied himself and pointed the wand at Harry again. There were less of them in his vision now so he just took an educated guess at where he was.

"Adava," he started


The delivery man arrived at the door and reached for the doorbell.


Sirius finished the number he needed to dial because it was on speed dial. Then, he waited for the ringing to start.




And this is where it all comes together with an unexpected twist. The phone start to ring, the delivery man rang the door to his last delivery ever, the clock stuck midnight, Harry rolled over and Voldemort sneezed. There was a flash of green light as Harry gaind his first scar. The spell seemed to bounce off Harry and started to head toward Voldemort. Voldemort attempted to deflect the spell, but just ended up destroying the house, his body, and the poor delivery man.


That is what happened on October 31, 1981. The delivery man's body and message were never found in the wreckage of the demolished house. Sirius Black was wrongly accused of selling out his best friends to Voldemort and sent to Azkaban. Harry was put in Dumbledore's care and sent to live with the Durselys. And Voldemort became little more than a ghost and regretted the fact that he never got to finish that Firewhisky for many years.

The End