Chapter 19: My Promise
...I'm finally about to come to the end of this very long journal I'v been always wanting to write ever since, allowing myself to reflect back at the past again for one last time, remembering all the good and bad memorys. As I'm writing and finishing my little story your reading at the very moment, my life is also slowly fading away more gradually as I sit alone at "our" own very spot. Bakura and mine, the love of my life. The small hill. I just.... need a little bit more further to go.... until I finally finish. I can't stop here...no. No. I'm growing more weaker every minute, but I'm continuing to fight against it with all of my remaining strength left inside me. Maybe...somebody lucky enough will somehow find my journal and read this story when I leave; which I'm hoping it would somday be Bakura. Now, I'v told you everything how it all started in the way beginning; and how it all finally came to an end. I'm glad that I got the chance to enjoy writing this story of mine before it's too late. I hope all this explanation made sense.
I realized... that my love for Bakura had always been existing inside me somewhere even at the time when I couldn't clearly identify the new feelings I was experimenting for him back in the past. It took me awhile to realize that I did truely love him ever since then, but it was always obvious that none of us were able to express it to one another back then when things were so different between us. Then...he finally opened up to me when the time finally came, and I did the same way for him.
So, thats it? Does that mean this is the end? Will he ever come back looking for me? It was very difficult for me to accept that day when I left him without giving any notice, except the small note I wrote him before I left him. I had to go back to the hospital when my illness was growing much worse to the point where I needed special care and I couldn't do things on my own more stably. When no one was looking after me in the room I was resting in, I took the chance to escape sneakily from staying there any longer. I didn't want to deal with the horrible pain awaiting soon for both Bakura and me since I knew I had no hope left inside me. I knew I was going to die sooner or later, so I couldn't allow him to watch me while I did. Maybe...he's searching for me now as I even speak. I feel guilty now for ever taking that risk to leave him, however, my love for Bakura will always remain inside me forever even if I'm forced to die with the pain and sorrow. Nothing could ever change that. Nothing. I know he cares about me; that is why I'm waiting for him to finally show up here. Bakura... I want him to know that he's very special to me in every possible way no matter what happens, and even if I was forced to leave him for eternally, I wouldn't want him to be alone again. Ever.
I....just would like to hear him tell me that he loves me for the last time before it's all too late...that's all I want from him as a one last gift...
I guess...I'll just wait a little more longer for him if he'll ever show up...
Bakura panted and breathed frantically and exhaustedly, continuing to sprint possibly everywhere and anyplace where his already sore legs could take him. Nothing could ever stop him no matter what happened until he would finally find Ryou again, and only have him back into his protected arms again like once before. It wasn't long enough when Bakura found that Ryou was to be nowhere in the hospital, so he had immediately ran off searching for him outside. It was the exact time when he suddenly became frantic as soon as he found the small note sitting beside the desk in the room when he found that Ryou was missing. His eyes grew more wider and wider while reading each every other word on the small letter that Ryou left him before he left, and his hands had trembled uncontrollably with the paper still held in both of his hands. He had immediately dropped the paper carelessly to ground, and instantly dashed out the building...
...You're probably wondering where I went off to at this very moment while your reading this note I wrote to you, and your probably very worried about me. I'm sorry that I had to cause all this trouble for you to think where I ran off to, but I just had to make this last decision to leave without seeing you for the last time. I didn't want to cause pain for both you nor me when I know there would be no any hope left inside me any longer. I'v been very patient, and I'v waited too long to live with this terrible curse still inside me all these years, and it has been very painful; not only physically, but also emotionally as well. I think... it's really the right time for me now to finally be free from everything. I don't want to go, but it looks like I have no other choice to make...
I remembered when you made that one promise with me back then; when you had promised to always stay by my side until the end, and you did. I thank you so much for everything what you did for me until then. You really did care about me after all these years of both suffering and good moments between you and me. Believe it or not... I had always loved you even at the very beginning. It was difficult for me to figure it out for myself after a while, but I really did, however, my love for you grew more stronger each and every day until I was finally ready to confess to you on that day when I told you that I really did love you. Maybe...you will find my journal that I always keep with me later, and I'm sure that you'll come to understand it more clearly someday afterwards. It's where I usually write all my own true thoughts and sayings, mostly only about you...
Please try to understand what I'm trying to tell you Bakura... I just wished I wasn't forced to take this action, but if you really do come looking for me after you finish reading this note, I'll be waiting for you somewhere. I love you so much Bakura... and my love for you won't ever change no matter what. You're too special to me, and thats what hurts me more inside. I know I can't stay with you any longer for me to experience all the things in life with you anymore, but I'm really glad I got the chance to spend time with you as much as possible. I'm running out of time Bakura.... I'm so sorry. I hope you'll forgive my foolishness. I'll just pray at the place where I'm staying at that you'll really forgive me as you read this, and ll also pray that God will spare me some little time left so that I could see you again for the last time. Can you guess where you'll find me? I think...it would be easy for you to figure it out soon...
"Ryou! Where are you?!" Bakura screamed as loudly as he can. His throat grew more sore after a long time of calling out the teen's name. He finally gave up miserably, finally falling to the ground on his knees exhaustedly. He shut his eyes tightly, breathing heavily and rapidly with strong gasps. "No..."
....Finished. I whispered softly as I finally dropped the pencil from my fingers that I was writing with, allowing it to roll down onto the ground beneath me. I was really weak now; weaker than ever before. I don't think I could hold on any much longer, but I was desperately wishing that I had more strength to control it. I wish I was stronger, but I was too weak. My breathing grew slightly heavier with rapid, quick, and sharp, small gasps. I'm not ready to die....I didn't want to leave now, yet, I didn't want to leave Bakura without saying goodbye. There was a sudden sharp pain that stung through my heart, but I didn't care. I guess....Bakura really isn't coming after all.
I took a final glance at my own reflection below me. I looked pathetic, but a small, sad smile was also shown upon my pale lips in return. I noticed how much I resembled much alike to Bakura in many similar ways from my appearance, however, we both were always so different from each other at the same time as well. People would always consider us twins when they saw us, and Bakura would fool them around that we're related. I laughed at the thought even if it wasn't the truth.
I took the golden sennen ring out from the bag sitting right beside me. I took one last stare at it before placing it slowly around my thin neck. At least I could wear a symbol that represented and belonged to both Bakura and me while I die. Bakura had always kept his promise to stay by my side until the end, and that's all I ever wanted from him; to stay with me. I gently wrapped my arms tightly around the big rock beside my body; as if I was pretending and wishing it was really Bakura who I was holding and hugging at the very moment. I softly and quietly whispered his name to myself repeatedly over and over again. I gently rested my head against it, slowly closing my eyes for a while.
I suddenly heard a faint familiar voice calling out to me not too long from a distance. The voice grew more clear as it approached me closer and closer; the voice I knew well that belonged to Bakura's. Did he finally find me? I smiled happily to myself, glad that I could really have the last chance of seeing him before I go. He really did remember the same place where we both used to come during last winter just to see the snowflakes fall. It was getting pretty late, and I could see the red sunset casting over the clear lake; it looked so beautiful. It was the perfect timing and scenery before my leave.
When I opened my eyes again, I saw Bakura standing far away from me. His calling had stopped, and I couldn't hear his voice anymore. His eyes widened in somewhat both fear and unexpected surprise; still, he only stood motionless and silently as he stared at me for quite a while. I immediately saw all the hurt and pain through his eyes that he could give to me, and it wasn't long when I realized he was trembling. I returned the stare back at him and only smiled softly, just glad by knowing he was in my presence again.
"Bakura...." I whispered softly, closing my eyelids halfway.
"Ryou...." he whimpered softly, slowly approaching me carefully.
"Y-You...finally came...I'm so happy..." I smiled again. There was a sudden great pause as I couldn't finish my sentence, and my voice grew heavier to even speak anymore. Another pain shot through me again, and I almost fell to the ground. Without a second thought, Bakura quickly ran over to me, catching and holding me in his wrapped arms. I stared up at his face weakly but lovingly. He held me closely against his body tightly, begging somewhat.
"Ryou....I'm so sorry I wasn't here sooner. It's all my fault, but I'm here now..." Bakura whispered shakily, burying his face deeply into the crook of my neck. He sobbed quietly and began gently kissing my neck. "I'm sorry..."
"Bakura...." I gently caressed Bakura's cheek, slowly lifting his face to meet his eyes again. I noticed all the emotional pain and sorrow afflicted upon his eyes. My frown deepened. All of my energy seemed to have been drained as I forced myself to open my eyes. My face felt wet but it wasn't from my tears and it wasn't raining either. My vision was slightly blurred and I couldn't see Bakura too well. I reached up to touch his face. It was wet.
"Bakura...why are you crying? You're scaring me..." I spoke softly, gently and tenderly brushing the tears away from Bakura's wet cheek and face. "Please don't cry... I'v never seen you cry so much before..."
"I read your note and I read every single word from your own mouth. Please... don't go Ryou. Don't leave me... I can't lose you...." Bakura sobbed more loudly and continued planting small, quick kisses from my face down to my neck constantly. I felt Bakura's hot tears tingling against my pale skin.
"Bakura....I...." I whimpered, tilting my head back.
"I love you Ryou....believe it or not....I really do love you with all my heart. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier in the beginning..." Bakura ran his long fingers through my hair affectionately. I only smiled sweetly. "Bakura...thank you so much for telling me that. That's...all I'v ever wanted....from you....to tell me that you love me...." Bakura hugged me, pulling me tightly against his own body; and cried more violently into the my shoulder, finally allowing everything to escape from him inside.
"I'm so sorry Bakura.... I don't want to leave you either. I want to stay with you forever, but it's obvious that its impossible and it can't be done. Bakura....I enjoyed being with you at the remaining time. We...really did go through alot, haven't we? Just remember....you're never alone. I'll always be with you no matter what, and my love for you won't ever change. I know it's difficult to accept things in life, but you can't really help it since life just goes on...it's cruel, but you can't really do anything about it. Please...try to understand...." I also had tears in his eyes.
"I know Ryou, but....there might still be hope..." Bakura kept his face buried into my shoulder.
"There isn't. It's already too late...I'm dying Bakura..." I sobbed.
"NO!" Bakura screamed. "You're not going to die, trust me." Bakura took my hand tightly in his.
"I'v trusted you with everything else when you told me to, but now I can't trust this one on you Bakura...I'm sorry...." I closed my eyes, placing his hand on my cheek. I gently nuzzled him.
Bakura finally lifted hid face from my shoulder; and he stared at my miserable face. I slowly caressed his face gently, and his eyes softened more dramatically. "Ryou....your such a good person....my hikari......my love....." Bakura slowly bent his head lower down to the my face closely; he stopped until he was an inch away from my face, causing his white bangs to fall over and cover his eyes, forming dark shadows underneath his eye sockets.
"Please....allow me to touch you for one last time Ryou...." He pleaded softly. Bakura then pressed his lips harshly against my soft lips, kissing me passionately than ever before. I gladly accepted it and returned the passionate kiss, moaning weakly. The kiss had lasted for quite a while, until Bakura finally pulled away, breathing breathlessly. I now had warm tears falling freely from my cheeks, and it grew more difficult for me to breathe; this made Bakura more concerned.
"Bakura....I....have something....to give you...." I slowly reached a hand into one of my pockets, and revealed a small duel monsters card. "Please....keep this for me...." I smiled weakly at him.
"W-What is this...?" Bakura lowered his eyes down to my hand.
"Change of heart; my favorite card." I opened one of Bakura's fist and placed the card into his hand. "T-This is mine...but I'm giving it to you for you to keep with you always. It resembles both of us; that is why I kept it all along with me....but it's your's now..."
"Ryou...I...." Bakura had more tears falling constantly from his eyes.
"I-Is it okay if I keep this millennium ring with me? I....want to have something that resembles...both of us too, so that both of us would have something...from each other no matter what happens...."
"S-Sure." Bakura forced a small smile.
"Thank you Bakura..." I whispered softly. I was losing my voice. Not now, please, I prayed as tears fell down my face. I need to tell him before I go. I haven't told him yet that I loved him. "I....just....have one more....thing....to do for the last... time...." I picked a small piece of rock off from the dirty ground; I slowly brought it up to my eyes and stared at it for a while more weakly.
I pointed a finger towards the lake in front of us. "Bakura.....there is this saying....where if you throw a rock in a c-chaped position across the water or the lake and if it bounces or skips three times, it means 'I love you'. My parents once told me about it long ago when I was younger. My mother told me that if I ever find the person who I truely love with all of my heart, I could be lucky enough if it'll really work...." I looked back at Bakura, and smiled. "Ready...?"
With the last remaining strength left inside me, I quickly threw it across the lake, and it skipped three times. I love you. "P-Perfect...." I breathed softly. I then looked back at Bakura in the eyes, and I smiled happily once more back at him. "...I...I...really did it....."
With that, I slowly closed his eyes for the last time and my muscles loosened; still held in Bakura's arms.
"Ryou...." Bakura whispered quietly, bringing him closer. "Ryou...?"
"Ryou??" Bakura gently shook the boy in his arms; still, nothing. "Ryou, answer me..." Bakura continued shaking him lightly, brushing the boy's bangs from his face. "Answer me!" He repeated more firmly. Ryou only laid silently in his arms. Bakura then grew frantic, shaking the boy more violently. "RYOU!"
"RYOU!!!" Bakura screamed loudly. He whimpered more desperately and shook Ryou again in his arms. "Ryou........" Bakura finally stopped, and stared down at the other's pale face with the disbelief and silence. He shook his head slowly. "You can't go...." but it was already too late. Ryou had already passed on minutes ago. Bakura screamed his name out loudly than ever once more before finally burying his face into the boy's chest and neck, bawling violently into him. He cried so painfully that his whole body shook with Ryou's own lifeless one; the worse pain which he had never felt in his whole entire life before.
Bakura's hot tears ran persistantly down his face, landing down on Ryou's bare skin. He continued to suffer through all the emotional pain for a long massive amount of time, holding Ryou in his arms.
Bakura sat on top of the big rock, with Ryou sitting on top of his lap. The teen's head rested against Bakura's shoulder and his face buried into the darker boy's neck with his eyes still closed. Bakura only held him closely against his body, and silently watched the red sunset set over the clear lake in front of both of them.
"It's beautiful... don't you think?" Bakura whispered to the dead boy laying against him. "If...only you could watch it with me...if only you could open your eyes again....once more....it would be alot more beautiful..." Bakura stared down at Ryou's pale face, and watched him silently. He carefully captured Ryou's chin in his fingers, slowly lifting his face. "If only....you could open your eyes again just once more for me to tell you... how much I still love you..." Bakura slowly closed his eyes and pressed his lips against Ryou's cold ones, kissing him softly.
Bakura pulled away from him and released Ryou's chin, allowing the teen's head to fall back down to his shoulders. Bakura reached into his pocket, revealing the change of heart card in appearance that Ryou gave him. He brought it towards his face, staring at the half demon and half angel in the picture.
"I....haven't seen this card for a while..." With his other hand, Bakura picked the journal off from the ground sitting beneath him. He opened it slowly to the very last page to read Ryou's last paragraph or sentence for the final time.
This card.... change of heart.
I picked this card, because it represents both the connected bond and soul of both Bakura and me. He is the darkness; which the dark left side of this card represents him, and I'm the lightness; which the lighter and right side of this card represents the image of myself. It also reveals the heart shown in the middle, held by the hands of the angel in the picture. Its placed in the middle between the both dark and light sides of this card; to show that we share the love, even if both of us are completely different from each other.
It also shows that any person's own heart and feelings can change unpredictably; whether good or bad, just like how the ability of the card itself works, however, no one can't ever force you to change the kind of person who you truely really are inside. Never...
Bakura turned to the next page, noticing it was completely blank.
"Ryou....you never finished this....why did you stop here..." Bakura gently laid the book back down on the ground. He then hid and buried his face into the boy's neck, breathing softly. He remained to stay like that for a while, almost falling asleep against Ryou's lifeless body."Bakura...."
It wasn't long when Bakura suddenly felt a warm hand touch his shoulder. The figure couldn't take a good view of Bakura's hidden face, and the unknown person slowly turned the white haired boy's shoulder. Bakura slowly lifted his head from the boy he was holding, and saw the tri colored hair teen; Yuugi.
"Bakura.... what are you doing here..." Yuugi then noticed the boy Bakura was holding as Bakura finally pulled himself away from Ryou, and instantly backed away slowly in half disbelief. His eyes widened.
"Ryou...What happened...." Joey stuttered.
Yuugi shook his head slowly and quickly ran up to Bakura, pulling on his shirt furiously. "What do you mean too late?!" he demanded. Bakura only kept his head low, bangs covering his brown eyes as Yuugi continued to shake his whole body. Yuugi whimpered softly, eyes staring down at Ryou laying against Bakura.
"We tried...looking everywhere for you two....but now...." Yuugi's eyes welled with tears. He hugged both Bakura and the white haired teen, and cried into Ryou as his tears fell and stained the boy's pale face. Joey gently grabbed the short duelist's shoulders, and slowly pulled him back away from Bakura. Yami only stood completely speechless, fist shaking.
"I can't....let him go...." Yuugi sobbed softly.
"Leave him alone Yuugi..." Joey told him softly, comforting his best friend.
"How...did you find me here?" Bakura spoke softly.
"We read the note back at the hospital that Ryou wrote to you when we found it on the ground, and we...." Joey trailed off, voice dying gradually away. "Why didnt he ever....tell us what was really wrong with him ever before?"
"Joey...it's all my fault. Please....I'm so sorry everyone. I kept it a secret only between Ryou and me from all of you. He didn't want me to tell anyone about it. Yami and me...were the only person that really knew everything what was really going on. Please forgive me that I didn't get the chance to ever tell you guys earlier about it..." Yuugi apologized sadly.
"About what Yuugi?" Joey asked curiously.
"that he had... cancer."
Everyone was completely silent and shocked.
"Ryou..... he never told any of us what was happening..." Anzu slowly brought her trembling hands up to her mouth, and tears immediately fell from her face as she began sobbing quietly. It was too much for her to handle through all the hurting pain.
Bakura looked down at Ryou, brushing his bangs away from his face. "Ryou...I made you that promise of staying with you till the end, but no. It's not the end and it won't ever be. Not yet. Trust me...that promise won't ever be broken. Ever. You never finished the ending of your journal, but now....I can finish that for you..." he whispered softly to the boy. Ignoring the group standing around him, and for one last moment, he pressed his lips against the youth; he grabbed the millennium ring below and placed it into Ryou's hand along with his own, holding it tightly. The others watched him in silence.
Bakura took the book again in his hands for the last time, and with the pencil grasped in his hands, he scribbled a simple sentence on the last big blank page of Ryou's journal before slowly placing it back onto the ground. Carefully, he then reached his arms under Ryou's body and picked him up as he finally stood up. He turned his back from Yuugi and his small gang, slowly starting to walk away.
"Bakura...." Yami stated softly, reaching a hand out towards him. The white haired boy suddenly stopped at his tracks at hearing the voice of the formal pharaoh.
"...I'm sure Ryou was willing to say goodbye to every single one of you one day, but he never got that chance. I'm sorry that he didn't, however, I was the only person who watched him leave in my own arms. Read his journal...and I'm sure all of you will come to understand everything someday more clearly between us..."
"Understand about what?" Yami asked curiously.
"...How he taught me to love." And for the first time ever, Bakura allowed a small smile to appear on his lips towards another different person besides Ryou. Everyone was silent once more.
"Where are you going Bakura?" Yami asked softly.
"...I don't know. I'll be somewhere where I can always be with Ryou and constantly remind him that I love him. I won't ever break the promise I made with him..."
"But...can't you just stay here with us...?" Anzu offered slowly.
"I can't stay here any longer. Maybe...I'll return someday again...when I'm fully ready for the future, but for now... I must focus on what my destiny really is..." Bakura closed his eyes. The boy opened his eyes again and looked at the whole small gang once more for the last time, and continued to slowly walk away wth Ryou carried in his arms. "Goodbye."
"Bakura!" shouted Joey, holding Yuugi in his arms. "Where are you going?"
Bakura continued walking towards the sunset, carrying Ryou in his arms without ever looking back. He didn't answer back, and slowly disappeared off into the distance.
"Hey you guys.... come here." Joey gestured gently towards the small gang. Everyone approached the blonde teen sitting beside the rock. "What is it Joey?" Yami placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Read what he wrote." Joey handed the book to the pharaoh. Yami slowly took it into his hands and looked down at Bakura's writing.
"What does it say?" Anzu asked curiously.
"....True love never has an ending... "
E N D.
Ah! This is finally the end. It really is. I hope you guys really enjoyed reading this story. It's really one of the best one's I'v written and really put effort to. Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews over the years. I really appreciate all your support and love. I'll be looking foward on writing a new Ryou x Bakura fanfic in the future as well. Till then... Ja ne.
Ryou: You......killed me.....
Bakura: ((chokes the authorness)) I HATE YOU!
Yumi: Xx; ((dying from gaging)) I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry! But it was still good, wasn't it? I promise I won't write anymore character deaths in any of my fics anymore. This is my first anyways.
Ryou: I don't believe her...
Bakura: Let's kill her, shall we? ((smirks and pulls out chainsaw))
Yumi : Noooooo xX;
Please you guys... for those of you who were expecting Ryou to survive, please don't get angry or furious that I made Ryou die in this fic. I mean...there's really like a slight or rare chance of a person living from a serious heart desease xX;
Until then. Ja ne.