Ranma 1/2 is owned by Rumiko Takahashi, Shonen Sunday Comics, Viz Video, and a bunch of other people who are not me. Use of the associated characters is done without their permission. Please don't sue me.

Tail Kinker Presents

The Sixth Club

Costuming by BurgerBill (burger@contrabandent.com)

Casting by ChaosBurnFlame (bencarver@charter.net)

Stunts by Kitsy (kitsy@cogeco.ca)

Nabiki almost smiled as she stared up at the little camera.

"Found you, you little bastard..."

She pulled out a pair of wire-cutters, and reached behind the camera. A single click, and the view went dark.

The First Club: Yearbook

"I tell you, it's uncanny. The girl has a talent for avoiding me, it seems."

"Come on, Nabiki." Mayuko Yanagi was the editor-in-chief for the school's 1995 Yearbook. "How hard can it be for you to get a shot of the girl?"

"You don't understand." Nabiki flipped open her binder. "Look. Not even school photos. Which means no mug shot for the student list."

"That is odd." Mayuko frowned. "Was she sick that day?"

"No idea. No excuse was given."


"And every time I go somewhere she's supposed to be - you know she's in the school newspaper club?"

"I'd heard that."

"But I've never seen her at a meeting." Nabiki paused long enough to tear into her bento. "What's worse, I'm supposed to be head of the photography department, and she's in that department. Should make it doubly easy to get a shot of her. But whenever she's around, I never have a camera!"

Mayuko smirked.

"It's like she's got a sixth sense where cameras are involved." Nabiki sighed. "I just don't see what I can do about this."

"I can ask someone else to get the shot--"

"No." Nabiki shook her head. "This is a matter of pride."

* * * * *

"Hey, Kiyomi!"

Takudo Kiyomi, third-year student at Fuurinkan High School, whirled about, pulling her books tight against her chest.

"Sorry!" Sugita raised his hands defensively. "Didn't mean to startle you."

"It's okay, I guess." Kiyomi's voice was hesitant and quiet.

"Listen, Nabiki told me she need you to get ahold of her. It's for the yearbook, and very important."

"Okay, thank you."

"She stressed important." Sugita shrugged helplessly. "There's not a single picture of you in the yearbook."

"I'll talk to her." Kiyomi smiled shyly. "I'm not very photogenic."


"You're in the yearbook club, and you don't know what photogenic means?"

"I'm not in the yearbook club; Nabs just gets me to run messages for her."

"And doesn't like it when you call her Nabs."


Kiyomi smiled weakly. "She chewed me out once for it."

"Well...message delivered." Sugita shrugged again. "It's not my fault if you ignore it."

"You're probably right."

* * * * *

"You're sure this is legal?"

Nabiki smirked. "Heard about my reputation, have you?" She gestured Hiroji closer. "First of all, we aren't getting anything restricted, like financial history or criminal records. We just want vital statistics."

She logged onto the computer and started some programs. "Let's use Takudo Kiyomi as an example. Since we still have nothing on her for the yearbook." She entered the name, and the computer on the other end of the link spat back the information. "Born on the fifth of February, 1977. Father is dead, mother works as a nurse. We don't really need that. Contact info and such, we don't need either, unless you want to try interviewing her."

"Might be a plan."

"Okay, grab a pen. I'll get her phone number and address...You know, it'd probably be easier just to ambush her in the school halls."

Hiroji jotted down Kiyomi's contact information. "Probably, but why not try it this way?"

Nabiki shrugged. "Fine." Something caught her attention. "Looks like someone else is interested in Kiyomi."

"What do you mean?"

"The file has been queried recently." She tapped the screen. "Wonder who it was?"

The Second Club: Volunteers

"Where's the profit in this for you, Nabs?"

"Don't call me that." Nabiki adjusted the candy-striper uniform, then pulled out her cap and began trying to force it into something resembling its original form.

"I just don't understand why you'd volunteer. Volunteering, by definition, does not include pay."

Nabiki turned sharply. "Look, Urako. This goes no further than you or I. Specifically, that flake Kiyomi and my clueless brother-in-law must not hear it, okay?"

"Okay. I promise."

Nabiki sighed. "I don't volunteer because I expect anything in return. Really, I enjoy helping people, okay?"

"This is why you gouge them for as much as you can?"

"Family comes first. With Daddy being so damn useless, I have to do something to bring in the cash."

"Fair enough." Urako chuckled. "Nabiki, the do-gooder. Who woulda guessed."

"Well, there's lots you don't know about me." Nabiki turned back to the mirror, and pulled the cap onto her head.

"Really. I heard you were in the Girl Scouts."

"Also true. You wouldn't believe the contacts you can make there."

"Fair again." Urako smirked. "You know that Takudo came around the Volunteers' Club? She said she might want to volunteer in an elderly-care ward."

"She's a flake. I wouldn't trust her to look after a hamster, let alone an elder."

* * * * *

"It's getting late, Arato-san. You have to go back to your room now."

"Oh, fiddlesticks." The old woman pushed her wheelchair away from the computer. "You know, I never would have guessed that this device would be so easy to learn. They seem so complex."

"Yes, but they've come a long way over the years." Kiyomi smiled hesitantly. "And you are quite intelligent, Arato-san."

"You're just trying to flatter an old woman." Arato-san yawned. "Still...it's probably a good time for a break...my eyes tend to hurt if I stare at the screen too long. But it's so nice--I got a language course off the Internet yesterday. I'm learning English, believe it or not." She switched to broken and thickly accented English. "My learn English fast, soon be able speak good."

In unaccented and flawless English, Kiyomi replied, "I have no doubt. You're getting better every day."

"Ah!" The old woman shook her head. "I'm not that good yet, I'm afraid. You seem to have a talent for the language."

Kiyomi blushed, and ran a hand through her long hair. "I always did well in English class."

"Well, it's always a pleasure to see you. Pity you can't turn up till seven o'clock."

Once the old woman was safely back into her room, Kiyomi stole back to the computer. The machine had been left unattended for the last half hour, and was still connected to the Internet. Kiyomi opened a new Email message.

To: tendo_nabiki@nerima.jp

From: takudo_kiyomo@fuurinkan.jp.edu

Subject: I know why you volunteer...

Did you know that all of the drugs in the hospital are counted by computer? Even the smallest amount of aspirin that goes missing is immediately tracked. But I know where the logs are kept. And for one hundred thousand yen, those logs just might get deleted...

The Third Club: Financial

"I can't believe that she's tried to blackmail me!"

Shoko smirked. "What's the matter with that? I thought that blackmail was a standard business practise for you."

"Ha ha." Nabiki pushed through the cafeteria doors. "Very funny. All rise."

It pleased her that she could command the Financial Club as though she were Empress or something. The entire room snapped to attention, and bowed. She seated herself at the head of the table, and waved a hand. "Please, be seated."

Fujita-sensei had long ago abandoned the Financial Club to Nabiki's tender mercies. No teacher supervision meant no controls on their actions, which meant that the Financial Club had actually managed to pay all student-related costs--dances, sports teams and the like--and even put a good-sized amount of money towards the hiring of a new Physics teacher. Of course, the means that the Financial Club often employed only rarely fell into the category of 'ethical business practises.'

"Okay, first thing on the agenda for today: Sales of Tendo Akane merchandise have fallen recently, no doubt due to the fact that she and Ranma have officially announced that they will be tying the knot next year. On the other hand, there are still more than enough stupid people out there that don't seem to realize that Ranma and 'Ranko' are the same person."

One of the junior members raised his hand. "Can we maybe compensate for that by getting some nude pics of Akane?"

Nabiki narrowed her eyes. "That's my sister you're talking about. I don't mind selling cheesecake photos of her--heck, she doesn't mind either--but real nudes?" She shook her head. "I think not."

"What if she agrees?"

Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "You going to ask her?"

"Uhhh...Maybe we can fake some up?"

"Even if you did, the answer is no. I won't betray my sister that way."

Another member spoke up. "What about your brother-in-law?"

Nabiki grinned.

* * * * *

Liquid freon was much easier to get ahold of than most people suspected, and it took only a small amount poured into the lock to render it fragile. A single tap from a small ball-peen hammer cracked the cylinder, and the door swung open.

Kiyomi stepped into the bedroom, and quickly started setting up cameras. They were tiny wireless devices, nearly invisible against the pattern of the bedroom's wallpaper. She paused as she placed the second camera; near where she wanted to place it, there was already a camera.


She glanced around, then quickly disabled the camera.

A few snapshots managed to find their way into her pockets, but she did not find what she sought within Nabiki's binder.

"Probably on the computer."

It took her a mere three minutes to crack the encryption on the computer, and she was busily transferring files when the knock sounded on the bedroom door.

"Yo, Nabiki. You in there?"

Kiyomi stood up, and started glancing around the room frantically.

"Hey, this lock is bust." The door swung open, and Ranma stepped in. She was wearing only her boxers, and was towelling her hair. Her legs and breasts still glistened with bathwater. "Nabs, what the heck happened--"

She paused, as she got her first look at the intruder. The girl wore large wire-rimmed glasses, and had very long black hair, reaching nearly to the floor. She held a small binder tight across her chest.

"Who the heck are you?"

"Umm...Nabiki sent me to get this binder."

"Really?" She glanced back at the door. "She didn't give you a key, huh? And you hadda break the lock, because she needed the binder real bad? So bad that you had time to play with her computer?"

Kiyomi stepped forward quickly. "Please don't tell anyone I was here. I'll leave the binder...and I'll do anything you ask."

"Whoa. Anything?"

Her expression shifted, becoming crafty. "Anything at all." She raised one hand, and cupped Ranma's breast.

"What are you--"

"Hush. We don't want anyone else to hear, do we?" Kiyomi tweaked a nipple, causing Ranma to gasp. "But we should probably go to your room, so we're not interrupted." She tilted her head. "Trust me...I know how to make a woman feel very--"

Visions of mallets aimed directly at his skull filled Ranma's mind before it shut down in an attempt to save itself. "I didn't see nothin'. Get outta here!" Ranma turned and bolted from the room.

Kiyomi chuckled. "So predictable."

* * * * *

"Pursuant to your suggestion of two days ago, Miyoko: I can get the pictures easily enough. The only problem is convincing Ranma that it's really in his best interest."

"How will you manage that?"

Nabiki smirked. "I can't tell you that; I'd be giving up trade secrets. Don't worry. We'll get the pics easily enough."

"All right, Nabs. You're the boss."

"Don't call me that. And yes, I am." She snapped her binder shut and stood. "This meeting is adjourned. Good work, everyone, and we'll see you on Monday."

As the students filed out, one approached Nabiki. "You seemed kind of out of it today, Sempai."

"Someone broke into my room."


"Yeah." Nabiki held up the binder. "And they got a good look at this." She shook her head. "There's lots of things in here that could get me burned, you know?"


Nabiki glanced around, then leaned in close. "In here are all my financial records. Including where my money has been invested. Plus the names of people that owe me money. Plus..." She glanced around again. "Gosunkugi got some nude shots of me, but I got the negatives away from him. He didn't put up much of a fight."

"You beat up Gosunkugi?"

"Kasumi could beat him up." Nabiki smirked. "I normally keep 'em in here. Luckily, they weren't in here when whoever it was stole it."

"Nudes...of you?"

"Believe it or not." Nabiki shook her head. "Why someone would want to look at me nude..."

"You're quite well built, sempai."

"Thanks, Tomoe. I'd rather not be leered at, if it's all the same to you."

"Maybe it was that Kiyomi girl you've been complaining about." Tomoe leaned a little closer. "I've heard that she's a hentai...she likes girls. Know what I mean?"

Nabiki shuddered. "I hope not."

Tomoe giggled, and she and Nabiki walked out of the cafeteria, leaving it empty behind them.

The Fourth Club: Scouts

To: takudo_kiyomi@fuurinkan.jp.edu

From: reader@anime.NOSPAM.net

Subject: Tendo Nabiki

The pics of Nabiki in her bikini were well received. Your ability at gathering such has been proven, including break-and-enter and computer data theft. I am willing to offer you a substantial monetary reward for nude pictures of Nabiki. Remove 'NOSPAM' to reply.

Kiyomi grinned. Now this would prove to be a challenge.

* * * * *

"I still can't believe you'd just let her wander off with my ledger, Ranma."

"What was I supposed to do? She grabbed my boob, for cryin' out loud."

"Wimp." Nabiki tossed her jacket across her desk's chair. "You could have stopped her. From groping you, that is. Unless she was a martial artist or something?"

Ranma shook his head. "No, I woulda sensed that."

"I'm sure you would." She started unbuttoning her shirt. "If there's one thing you know, it's martial arts. It's the only thing you know, but..."

"Hey!" Ranma suddenly realized that Nabiki was in the process of disrobing, and bolted for the door.

"Hold on." Nabiki sighed. "I need you in here for this."

"No, you don't."

"Just look the other way, will you?"

"Fine." Ranma turned and walked across the room, and stared out the window.

Nabiki sighed, and finished unbuttoning her shirt. "For pity's sake, you've seen enough female flesh already. What with the curse." She paused, and stared up at one corner. "Dammit." She reached over, grabbed her umbrella, and savagely stabbed at the camera in the corner. It exploded in a shower of plastic and glass.

"I'll clean that up later."

"Why do you need me here, Nabs?"

"I need more pictures."

"What!?" Ranma started to turn, then remembered why he should not. "Look, we just did a swimsuit series recently. And before that was a fresh series of chemise-and-panties, and if my commission was anything to judge by, that sold for a lot. Why do we need more?"

"Oh, come on. It's for a good cause."

"What cause?"

"'Cause I need a hundred thousand yen."

The sound of a metal buckle hitting the floor, and the bedsprings creaked; her skirt was off, and she was now removing her panties. Ranma rolled his eyes. "You do this just to torment me?"


"Seriously: What good cause is this?"

"Trust me, it's something you'll love. Right up your alley."

"I bet."

"Look, it's only going to be twelve exposures, and only one of those will be used. The pay is fifty thousand yen."

"For one pic?"

"Yep. And it's not even something you'll be embarrassed by; after all, you often run around her in your girl form wearing even less."

He sighed. "What would I be wearing?"

"Exactly what I'm wearing right now. You can turn around now."

He did, and his eyes widened. He raised his hands defensively.

"Oh, no. No way. No way in hell."

* * * * *

Kiyomi peeked into the room. "This the Scout meeting?"

"Yes." The woman--a short, rather pudgy lady dressed in a Scout Master's uniform--smiled broadly. "Are you interested in joining?"

"I might be." She glanced around the room. "Is this the entire club?"

"No, there are several members not present this evening."

"Someone said you'd have a camping trip soon."

The Scout Master nodded. "A week in Hokkaido, at the beginning of the rainy season."

"And we'll be roughing it?"

"Oh, yes. Four girls to a tent, and no cable TV."

She glanced around. "Is there a girl named Fujita Tomoe here?"

"Yes, right over there."

Kiyomi followed the Scout Master's finger. "Thanks...I need to talk to her."

The Fifth Club: Press


"That's good. Turn to the left, Ranma, and put your foot up on...Perfect!"


"Grab that thing there. Put it between your legs. No, closer to your belly...Good."


"One more. Grab that box and smile wide for the camera."


"Great." Nabiki walked over to the desk and started rewinding the film. "I'll get these out to Hiroshi for processing."

"You're not gonna just take it to a commercial developer?"

"Heck no." Nabiki smirked. "They might just disappear, or get damaged, or otherwise delayed...I'd rather take them to someone I trust. And Hiroshi's got unlimited access to the school's dark room, since he's part of the Press Club."

"Aren't you also in the Press Club?"

She sighed. "Yes. You know that."

"So why not develop 'em yourself?"

"I don't like the smell of the developing chemicals." She glanced over her shoulder, then quickly turned back. "For pity's sake, put something on!"


"Anyway. I also don't want to abuse my privileges as part of the Press Club. It's easily my favourite club."

"Fair enough." Ranma spun the desk chair around and dropped into it. She adjusted the terrycloth bathrobe in an attempt at keeping it decent. "Anything else, then?"

"No, I don't think so."

Ranma grinned. "You got any more film?"

Nabiki paused. "Why?"

"I wanna do a photo shoot of you."

Nabiki shook her head. "No, Ranma. That has never been part of our contract, and you know it."

"I know. But turnabout's fair play, right?"

Nabiki smiled. "You want me to wear what you were wearing, right?"


"I dunno about that..."

"Nabs, c'mon. I bet nobody even knows you have that thing, right? It's too small for you to begin with."

"I know, but..."

"You afraid someone's gonna see them?"

"Well..." Nabiki indicated the corner over her bed. "You remember the camera I busted up there?"


"I've found three in here so far. All of them seem to connect to the Internet. There are very fine, almost hairlike wires that carry the information back to the telephone junction box." She sighed. "And who knows how many of those little boxes exist? For all I know, there could be hundreds of nude pics of me on the Internet already."


"So if someone's breaking into my room and planting cameras over my bed--remember I change while sitting on the bed, right?" Nabiki shuddered. "It's seriously weirding me out."

Ranma smirked. "So all the more reason." He pointed across at the bed, and the article of apparel sitting on the duvet. "See if you'll fit into that."


"Do it, or I'm done with this!"

Nabiki bit her lip. "Fine. Turn around so I can change."

* * * * *

"I'll take these ones, Hiroshi."

"Thanks." Hiroshi tossed Kiyomi the rolls of film. "I'm out of here; talk to you tomorrow."

Kiyomi watched him leave, then smirked. A handkerchief went around her face, covering her nose, and she slipped into the darkroom.

* * * * *

"Hey, Nabiki." Ranma pushed open the door. "Got those prints yet?"

"Yes, Hiroshi brought them to me earlier today." Nabiki waved a sheaf of pictures. "Here. You can pick the best ones from your set and mine."

"From both?" Ranma looked up in surprise.

"Yeah...might as well try getting money for both."

"But..." Ranma glanced down at the photos. "You *never* sell pictures of yourself."

"These ones..." Nabiki blushed. "These ones are special."

The Sixth Club: Drama

To: reader@anime.net

From: takude_kiyomi@fuurinkan.jp.edu

Subject: Tendo Nabiki

I've scanned and attached the pictures, encrypted. Awaiting payment, and I'll give you the password to decrypt them.

The computer pinged, and Kiyomi noted with satisfaction that the required funds had reached her account.

She glanced up at the security camera in the library, then down at the computer. And smiled.

"Got you."

The traceroute program pinned down her anonymous contact's physical location, as well as finally deciphering the means by which he'd been breaking into the school's security system. She still didn't know who was planting cameras, but those cameras used the same means of communication.

"You're toast, pal." She stood up and turned to face the camera. "Yes, you. The one who's been watching me all this time, been watching everyone in Nerima. You, on the other end of this computer link."

The long hair and the glasses came off. Nabiki tossed the whole assembly onto the desk, and grinned.

"Not only have you paid thirty thousand yen for these photos, but you'll discover, if you ever break the passwords, that they're photos of me in my Scout uniform. I had to be careful which cameras I broke, to make sure you could still see what I wanted you to see. I had to make sure you'd believe it was a nude photo shoot, not pics for the cover of the Girl Scout calendar.

"I've played both myself and Kiyomi for quite some time; I knew I'd find a use for all that hair Ranma shed during the Dragon's Whisker incident. So far, you're the only one who knows the truth." She grinned wickedly. "And you're in North America, and soon to be incommunicado."

She tapped a key, launching a spread of viruses towards their target. And just before the link went dead, she was heard to say, "I'm glad I let Akane talk me into the Drama Club last year."


Author's Notes:

I've had an idea for a fic on the back burner for a while, but I needed some help from my friends to pull it off. Their names are in the credits at the beginning of the story, and I think this would have been a much sadder fic without them.