This took about a half hour to write...I was listening to Evanescence and thinking about my friend, Carissa and her obsession with Fushigi Yuugi and poof! this songfic popped out. Okay, this is a bit dark for this certain character, but enjoy! Carissa, this if dedicated just for you!!!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi or Evanescence. Some people have all the luck....


"Going Under"


[now I will tell you what I've done for you

50 thousand tears I've cried

screaming deceiving and bleeding for you

and you still won't hear me]

I thought you were the one who would bring me out of this abyss I called a life, but I guess I was wrong, very wrong. You only twisted and contorted my heart into a jumbled maze of both hatred and fear. I guess you know not about these tears I cried for you those lonely nights. But, no, you heard me not, you only stayed closer to her, nestling your head so free of hurt against her chest. You were always that way, weren't you? Always so...innocent...

[don't want your hand this time I'll save myself

maybe I'll wake up for once

not tormented daily defeated by you

just when I thought I'd reached the bottom

I'm dying again]

You think you can save me now? Now that I have plunged deep in your heart which is blackened by that immature ignorance that still sits within. I don't know why, but I thought you would save me, but your hand faded when her voice rang in your ear, her voice ringing sweet, spiteful whispers, hissing in my direction. You were dragged away from me, and I never knew why you chose her over me, but I see it now. You wanted the love only she could provide, but what does she have that I don't? Is it her selfishness that turns you on, or is it her deadly smile? When you smiled at her, I felt my heart shatter, pieces of porcelain crying out for the love it once had. I'm still falling for you. Why? I don't know. Maybe you could answer that question for me...

[I'm going under

drowning in you

I'm falling forever

I've got to break through

I'm going under]

I'm ending this sickening infatuation with you. I'm sick of being hurt and being encased in your eyes. No more. Hate me if you will, but keep in mind that all this is the fault of you, not me. I am the innocent one for once, you retched creature. You're like a monstrous sponge, draining me of what little emotion I had left. You're a monster, and I won't be caged any longer. You shall be the one who cries now, not me, because I have realized what is right and what is wrong in my life. You were wrong...and I was right...

[blurring and stirring the truth and the lies

so I don't know what's real and what's not

always confusing the thoughts in my head

so I can't trust myself anymore

I'm dying again]

I wake up every morning with this sick taste in my mouth, thinking about you. I have forgotten what was important in my life and allowed it all to revolve around you, but you shattered what sanity I had left, and I hope you rot in Hell for it. My mind, spinning, a sickening carousel with images of your contorting into one horrid picture, your smile. That boyish grin that haunts many a dream. My body cringes only thinking of what you do with her. You know you could be doing the same thing with me! Why do I let these tears fall so freely...all because of you...

[I'm going under

drowning in you

I'm falling forever

I've got to break through]

I fall deeper into the web of lies you've woven for me. Why you? I thought you were the honest one in the group, but no, more lies. Falling deeper and deeper into your dark eyes that trapped so many people before me. Just because you have beauty unmatched, doesn't mean you can toy with people's hearts. Enough...enough with this charade. Tell me who you are and why you played with me for so long and expose the forbidden truths that lay within. Break down these stained glass windows of deceit and falseness, because I will shatter these barriers you set up between us and I will know the truth whether you like it or not...don't make me find out the hard way...

[so go on and scream

scream at me I'm so far away

I won't be broken again

I've got to breathe I can't keep going under]

You strung me along for the longest time, and I only did it because I loved you, and I thought you loved me too, but I was blinded and deafened by your masqueraded self. Such an ugly self image to show to me and your 'lover' that lay caressed in your arms at night. What confuses me is why you let me drown so long in you...I thought I'd find a gentle smile outstretched upon your face and a helping hand bringing me closer and closer into your heart. How wrong was I? I scream your name with the hatred, anguish and frustration that lay dormant within.


And, I hear nothing more then an endless echo of an unforgiving abyss. I'll replace the missing pieces of my heart and be the man that I was before I met you. I can be nothing more then Nuriko...