Deciding

Disclaimer: Characters are the property of Ann M Martin.
Notes: Title comes from this quote: "Kristy and Mary Anne think boys are dumb. Stacey and Claudia love them. I'm deciding" from Dawn and the Impossible Three. Story is set during Logan Likes Mary Anne!, during which Kristy invites Dawn to stay the night and they discuss Logan and Mary Anne's date. It was begging to be ficced.


I wasn't sure. I knew it was normal to like boys, but then again Kristy thought they were stupid, and Mary Anne used to, but then things changed, and Mary Anne started liking them, and it was just Kristy who kept proclaiming they were stupid, and I was starting to wonder whether it was still okay to think that they were – well, just silly boys, and not much to get excited about.

Mary Anne had Logan, and then everything changed – she had a boyfriend, she was a girl who liked boys, and I felt a little left out. I knew boys that were maybe sort of cute, that weren't as immature as others, and I wondered if I was ever going to feel the same way about them as Mary Anne did about Logan.

The first time they went out on a date, and I stayed over at Kristy's house, we did something we didn't tell the others about. They probably wouldn't understand – even Mary Anne wouldn't. Because she had Logan, because she was different now.

We were lying on Kristy's bed and talking about what they were probably doing on their date, and Kristy said, "I wonder if he's kissing her goodnight now."

"Probably," I nodded.

She turned to me. "Have you ever been kissed by a boy?"

I shook my head. "Uh-uh. You?"

She seemed relieved that I hadn't. "Me neither. What do you think it's like?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I never really think much about kissing boys." Around Stacey or Claudia, I might have felt weird saying that, but because I suspected Kristy felt the same way, I didn't mind saying it.

Kristy grinned. "Me neither. But now that Mary Anne has Logan, it makes me wonder a bit."

"About what it's like?"

"Yeah."

"Well – we could always try it," I suggested tentatively.

"What, with pillows?" she smiled.

"No – I mean, you and me." I could feel myself blushing slightly, which was more of a Mary Anne thing to do than a me thing. "It can't be that different from kissing a boy, can it?"

She considered it for a moment. "I suppose not. So – do you want to try?"

"Okay," I said, shifting over so that I was right next to her.

"Um – maybe if we sit up?" she suggested. It felt weird that she was suggesting something instead of telling me to do something, but I liked it.

We sat up, and slowly moved towards each other. I was a little nervous, but I figured Kristy probably was as well (I hoped). She pressed her mouth against mine and we stayed like that for a little while, not moving. It didn't seem like any big deal – I figured there had to be more to kissing than this. She opened her mouth a little bit and I opened mine, and our tongues met, and moved into each others' mouths, and even though it sounds gross, it felt nice. She moved her hand up to cup my face and my hand had somehow moved so that I was stroking her hair, and I thought, this must be what people mean when they talk about intimacy, because at that moment I felt closer to Kristy than I ever had to anyone else, even my family, because this was different. It wasn't like family. It wasn't even like friends, or maybe it was, but stronger, and more intense.

We had been kissing for a few minutes when the phone rang, and we jumped. It was like we'd come out of a trance or something. We stared at each other. The phone kept ringing, and Kristy said, "I should get that", but neither of us moved.

It had stopped ringing by the time she started to get up, and she sighed, and sat back down.

"I think maybe it is different when you're kissing girls," she said.

"Different how?" I asked.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I just can't see myself kissing someone like Alan Gray and, um, liking it that much."

I thought that maybe she was right. I still couldn't imagine kissing a boy. But I did want to kiss Kristy again. And it seemed she did too, because she looked at me for a moment and then she moved in to kiss me again.

After that I stopped being unsure about whether or not I liked boys. I had made my decision.

fin