Michael Vs. Barney

Forget Freddy and Jason! The REAL two most feared evils in history are ready to fight!

I neither own HalloweeN nor Barney. So don't sue me!

INT. THORN CATHEDRAL, NIGHT: The Thorn Cult leader (Played by Chris Rock) has called a meeting announcing that another evil, besides Michael Myers, is coming to Haddonfield.

THORN CULT LEADER: Yo, my Pagan friends! We got another evil dude comin' to Haddonfield! No he ain't Michael Myers, and no he ain't no white guy either! He's a purple dinosaur that frightens everyone from children to small animals.....Even adults are scared of Barney! C'mon, even the black guys are scared'a Barney! This Barney guy is even scarier than Myers!

PAGAN #1 (Played by Charles Nelson Reilly): How can anybody be scarier than Myers! HE is the one who has to kill off his entire family for the good of civilization. Barney just sings.......ed--u--cation--allllll......stuff..........I see what you mean now. Where is this EVIL they call Barney?........

EXT. HADDONFIELD PRE-SCHOOL, THE NEXT MORNING, AFTER PRE-SCHOOL: A bunch of pre-school kids are playing with toys and a purple dinosaur stuffed animal.

KID #1 (Played by a 30-year-old Macaulay Culkin): (Playing with Barney) Mmmm! That dinner was delicious. May I please be excused now?

KID #2 (Played by Vin Diesel): (Playing with a Barbie doll) Hell no! I'm gonna get out my gun and shot yer ass!

(The purple dinosaur then transforms into the most notorious evil since Michael Myers....)

ALL 11 OF THE KIDS: Baaaarrrneyyyy!!!

BARNEY: Yes, That's me! Barney's in da houuuusseee!

(All of the kids run for the hills!!!)

BARNEY: It's not nice to leave without saying goodbye! They hurt my feelings!

EXT. MYERS HOUSE: A mysterious man (Played by Bill Murray) wearing a white mask, a black suit, and carrying a knife walks out of his house and takes a stroll around town. He walks around, with the camera followig him, to Haddonfield Pre-School. He notices a huge purple dinosaur educating as many people as he can. The man slowly creeps on over. A voice keeps shouting "Kill for him!" as the man walks over to Barney. The man attempts to stab and kill Barney, but is interrupted.

BARNEY: Michael Myers! What a nice surprise! Isn't it a little early for Halloween? (Giggles like a girl)

(No response.)

BARNEY: It's not nice to kill people, Michael! Don't you remember the things I taught you when you were three?

MICHAEL: Of course I don't remember! I was six when I killed my sister and I've lived either at Smith's Grove-Warren County Sanitarium (Until Loomis died) or my childhood home.

(Michael then stabs Barney countless times until Barney turns around and reveals the Thorn symbol inscribed on the tip of his tail.)

MICHAEL: Well, looks like I can't kill you then.

BARNEY: And I can't kill you either without you coming back for a sequel.

(Michael and Barney part ways. Judith Myers's dead body falls out of a tree next to Barney and just hangs there. Barney is scared shitless and has a heart attack.)

BARNEY: Oh my! You're an evil man, Michael.

(Barney drops to the ground and dies. The rain starts pouring and washes off the paint used to draw the Thorn Symbol on Barney's tail. Michael sees it and is enraged.)

MICHAEL: Damn! I should have killed him with my knife! Oh well! I've still got a lot fo relatives I need to kill......

(Michael leaves, but Barney's eyes are still blinking and his heart is still beating. Cue scary music.....)

THE END......or is it?