Title: Snape's Three Brothers

Author: Max

E-mail: jadekirk007y...

Rating: R to be on the safe side

Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??

Archive: Yes, please

Spoilers: SS/PS CoS PoA GoF OoTP

Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old

Severus a visit. Can Severus last the whole time that they are there

without cursing them off the face of the Earth

especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which

Hogwarts might not recover from. Set in Harry's Sixth year. This is an

AU because I haven't killed off the person who dies in the fifth

book. Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers

sound and look alike. One of the brothers reveal a secret of

theirs. Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned. This one

comes after 'Dreams, a Potion and a Sneaky Potion's Master', You

finally get to meet the crazy brothers The songs belong to whoever. It's finally come to an end. cries But there will be a sequel...This is the edited version.. The unedited version can be found on 33

"Well?"

"Yes, he knows, "Severus said, "Shaun went by and told him. Remus was not a happy bunny, Poor Remus." "Poor Remus? What about poor me?" Severus patted Steven on the head, "There, there. You do realise that you're going to have to give up your job as an Auror, don't you?" Steven nodded, "Oh yeah." He replied, looking sad. He shrugged, "Oh well I can live out my dream of becoming a porn star?

Severus gave him a look, "Steven? He said, warningly.

"Steven looked surprised, "What? Because I'm now a werewolf, I have a heightened sex drive so why not get paid to shag?"

"That's if you want to be a rent boy."

"Nah, I don't want to be a rent boy, I want to be a porn star," Steven insisted. Severus gave him another look, "I'm not afraid of my body and I was thinking of leaving the Auror service anyway. Any way, I am old enough to make my own decisions." Severus shrugged.

"OK Say you're a porn star, what would be your porn name?" Severus asked, hiding a smirk.

"I was thinking along the lines of Steven Shagwell. You know, keep my initials and my first name?

"Hmmm It does have a certain ring to it?" Severus stood up, "Well I better go and teach those ickle firsties potions. Lets hope none of them blow up a cauldron as we're making a simple boil removing potion? I'll get Severus to brew some wolfs bane potion for you. " Severus tripped over his robes and landed in a heap. Steven burst out laughing. Severus stood up and glared, "Shut up Steven." "Um Alan, you might want to work on the swooping, I mean, if you don't swoop at least 15 times in one lesson they'll know something is wrong.." "Like I said, shut up Steven.." Severus growled. He smirked as he realised something, "Oh God! I just realised, this means Severus has to teach muggle studies? Steven started laughing, "You seem to be happy today?

Steven opened his mouth to reply, when a voice cut into their conversation.

Shaun stood in the doorway, he started to walk over to them but stopped when he saw the bloody bandage. "God He got you good didn't he?" "Come on, Shaun, stop being such a pussy and get over here." Severus ordered.

"But there's SO much blood!!!" Shaun protested

"I don't get you, you've done so much and yet you're squeamish over a bit of blood." Severus muttered, ignoring Shaun's glare. "Shut up..."Turning to Steven, "Hermione was asking how you were and she sends her love.."

"She asked you too?" Shaun asked, "She's been bugging me all day...I think she wants a repeat performance..."

Severus looked confused, "What? What repeat performance?" then realization hit him, "Oh Steven, you didn't?" Steven nodded, "you slut!"

"He's not the slut, Miss Yo-Yo panties is, I mean from what he told me, she practically threw herself at him..." Shaun said.

"Don't call her that!" Steven said.

"Yo-Yo panties? You're terrible. Does HE know?" Severus asked. Steven and Shaun shook their heads, Severus sighed, "Great, just bloody great."

"Who else have you been shagging?" Severus asked.

"Who hasn't he been shagging?" Shaun asked

Madam Pomfrey bustled over and shooed Severus and Shaun out, stating that Steven needs his rest... They warned Steven to behave himself or else they'd let the twins do their worse on him.

Later that week, Madame Pomfrey said Steven could go but warned him against strenuous exercise. "So I guess Shagging is out then?" she gave him a look after he asked that. Steven beat a hasty retreat, in case she smacked him with her wand.

Steven strolled the hallways, his arm in a sling, catching the eyes of every girl that he passed. They would stop and look at his retreating back, wondering what he's done to himself.

The Hogwarts grapevine knew he had been attacked but they didn't know by what. He passed a group of sixth year Slytherin girls and said "Hi." to them and they went all giggly.

Steven realized the there was an overbearing smell of lust in the air, He turned back, "Hey which of you girls has just got laid?"

"What?" Lucia asked. "Oh! we all have..." she gave him a sly smile, "Why were you planning on joining us?"

"Lucia!" Serena exclaimed, "If he joins us I get him first."

"Have you done something with your hair?" Bella asked. Steven shook his head, "Oh you look different... Sexy. Well even sexier than usual."

"Bella, just shag him already." Ajay cut in, "I mean if he wants to that is.."

"I'd say he wants to." Bella said, looking at his crotch.

"I've heard stories about you." Lucia stated.

Bella, by, this time, had pinned Steven to the wall, her hands wandering over his body.

Bella!!" Jade, a purple haired Slytherin, scolded, "Behave."

"Spoil sport." Bella pouted. "You're no fun.. Look he's desperate. I've got to shag him."

"Well find a room, what if some Innocent Hufflepuff came along right now? I mean, during the house cup was ok....."

"humph! Says she who shagged Remus in front of all those Hufflepuffs.." Serena muttered.

Steven pushed Bella away regretfully, "Sorry but I'm under strict orders..."

Bella and the others pouted, "Awww!"

"Well maybe later." Steven suggested. "First I've got to change!"

"what happened to your clothes?" Ajay asked, pointing to a massive rip in the arm. "It looks like Bella's been at you already.."

"Hey! I resent that!" Bella protested.

"No I'm sure it's Jade." Lucia stated, "you should've seen Remus when she finished with him."

"Bite me."

"Nah I'll leave that up to Remus..."

Steven paled but the girls didn't notice. "Well I know how hard Remus Bites." he said, trying to make light of the situation.

They all turned to look at him, "How Hard does Remus bite?" Jade and Bella asked at the same time.

"Reallllyyyy hard...." Steven replied. The girls started giggling.

"Oh yeah?" Bella asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah it hurt like hell." Steven elaborated

"What's that on your trousers?" Bella asked, looking down.

"Oh that too was Remus.." Steven said, sending the girls off into more fits of giggles

"Listen, I better go." Steven said, walking away, ignoring the girls' protests. 'They wanted you to stay but you walked out on them.' He thought to himself. One thought was fogging his mind, 'Get to Remus.'

A little while later Steven, feeling frustrated that he couldn't find Remus to have words with him amongst other things, namely punching him, even though he knew it wasn't exactly Remus' fault, decided to go for a jog(his logic being as he's not lifting any weights and causing a strain on his arm. Madam Pomfrey said that he could remove it from the sling as long as he doesn't do any strenuous exercise) and he changed into his favourite jogging gear and attached his walkman, which was charmed to work, to his belt. He set off around the school, completely forgetting that it was almost time for lunch. Every now and then he would stop and shake his butt to the music.

He ran into Harry and gave him a look that could either mean, 'I want to bite you' or 'I want to mate with you', Harry wasn't quite sure but he wasn't sure he'd like either of those options. He backed off and ran away, leaving Steven alone but Steven just shrugged and carried on running.

Steven had his earphones on and was jogging around the school past the great hall, wearing a pair of lime green cycling shorts, a green t-shirt, with purple socks and white trainers. He was singing along with the walkman, "What I've got you've got to give it to your mamma, What I've got you've got to give it to your papa, What I've got you've got to give it to your daughter, You do a little dance and then you drink a little water," Here he stopped and wriggled his bum, not noticing that he was right outside the hall and everyone could see what he was doing. He started singing with an imaginary microphone, along with sexy moves that made all the older students and the professors drop their forks. "What I've got you've got to get it put it in you, What I've got you've got to get it put it in you. "What I've got you've got to get it put it in you, What I've got you've got to get it put it in you What I've got you've got to get it put it in you, Reeling with the feeling don't stop continue, Realize I don't want to be a miser, Confide wisely you'll be the wiser, Young blood is the loving? Upriser, How come everybody wanna keep it like the Kaiser." he realised just where he was, shrugged and carried on singing, with a smirk on his face.

Inside the hall, Harry looked puzzled, "There's something different about him... He seems more..."

"Animalistic?" Ginny suggested. "He's been different ever since he was released from the hospital wing.."

"That's IT!! I keep feeling that he wants to mate with me.." Harry replied.

Shaun snorted, "Purleeze, you're too young for him. Besides he only likes randy old werewolves and sweet innocent schoolgirls..."

Harry choked on his drink as he watched Steven disappear from view, "I guess Remus isn't safe then.."

Hermione hit Harry on the arm, "Harry," she scolded, "you can't say things like that about our DADA teacher and Professor Snape's brother."

Shaun muttered something that sounded like, "Hark who's talking, Miss Yo-Yo panties. If Steven wants to shag Remus, then he can go ahead and do it.." He cleared his throat, "I declare, by order of Shaun Snape, there is no way in hell I'm telling you my middle name, that Harry James Potter can talk about my brother, Steven Alexander Graham Snape's, love life and who he's going to shag next!"

Harry smiled, "Thanks."

Hermione scowled at Steven, so he added, "And Miss Hermione 'Yo-Yo panties' Granger can do me next as she's working her way through us Snape Brothers."

Harry's face turned purple as he was holding in the laughter, Hermione turned her scowl onto him, "Sorry 'Mione. How did you get the nickname Yo-Yo panties anyway?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Shaun grinned, "Hey Hermione, I'm not as horny as Steven but I am quite horny, I'm afraid after him, I might not be up to his standards so..."

Harry turned to Hermione, "You're working your way through the Snape brothers? Are you really going to shag Shaun?"

Ron's face was red, "No she can not!"

Shaun raised a eyebrow, "Jealous? Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get your go, after all Miss Yo-Yo panties, is according to Steven, quite the animal in bed, and that was before he found himself in the hospital wing..."

Ginny looked at the sky, which was grey, "Uh guys it's raining."

"He's gonna get so dirty..."Shaun muttered, he looked around as if looking for someone, "Where is our Lovable werewolf anyway? Well not the 'green cycling shorts' clad one but our own Steven's lust bunny and life long mate REMUS LUPIN!"!!!"

"Someone call my name?" asked Remus, who stood behind Shaun, "Or should I say, howled it"

Shaun turned around, "Oh Hi Remmiekins, seen your lust bunny lately?"

"Don't call me Remmiekins, Shaun or I might take a bite out of you." Remus warned.

"Ahhh yes, Steven did say you bite, especially after the 'incident' with Steven's trousers."

Steven saw Remus and marched over, not noticing that he was tracking mud everywhere. It was then that Shaun had noticed little Max trailing behind Steven, also with muddy paws. Shaun said "You horrible little creature, I'm going to trade you in for a tortoise." Max looked sad "Mworr." he said sadly. Steven looked down at Max "He didn't mean it Max.." Shaun smirked, "Who said I was talking to Max?"

Steven turned to Remus and said, "You bloody Werewolf! I want words NOW!" Steven grabbed Remus' robes, but slipped on the mud that he had tracked in and fell forward, landing on top of Remus and trapping his injured arm underneath Remus, "Ow that was my injured arm! First you bite me and now you try and cripple my bad arm." he groaned

"Sorry Steven." Remus said, quietly. He shifted a bit accidentally rubbing his body against Steven, who groaned in response. "You do know that you are very heavy," and feeling Steven's reaction added quietly, "And a very horny guy."

"Well Remus, it's all your fault. Anyway I can't get up as my arms are trapped underneath you. Besides I'm not the only horny werewolf around here." He added cheekily.

By this time the whole hall had gathered round and were laughing and pointing. They couldn't hear the conversation as Remus and Steven were speaking in hushed tones.

Shaun was beside himself, laughing so hard. Steven looked up at him. "For gods sake don't just stand there, help me up." Steven snarled.

"Awww Is ickle Steviekins feeling angry?" Shaun mocked.

"Just help me up or I will visit you tonight and make you feel the same way as I do." Steven threatened.

"Shaun paled and grabbed Seven's uninjured arm and pulled him up Steven brushed himself off until, he realised he was covered in mud and he had covered Remus' front too. Shaun then helped Remus up. Steven grabbed Remus by the collar of his shirt and dragged him out of the hall, Remus protesting all the way out.

Shaun turned to Harry, Hermione and Ron and said, "How much do you want to bet that they are shagging right now?" he asked, earning a smack on the arm from Hermione, "Ow, What was that for?"

"You know what for." Hermione scolded. "How can you say that?"

Ron suddenly yelled, "I can't hear you!!!! I'm covering my ears!!!!!!" He did just that.

Shaun scowled, "Oh Miss Yo-Yo panties, you're just jealous because you want another piece of the Steven pie." He stated, earning another smack on the arm from Hermione, "Ow! You do know I'm into bondage right? But I'm usually the one in charge." Hermione flushed, "But I'm sure I can ease that rule just for you, Miss Yo-Yo panties Dominatrix."

Hermione blushed, and Shaun added, slyly. "And I'll even wear the leather catsuit. Seeing as you seen to like it. Now shall I have the whip, the handcuffs or the spanking paddle? What about all three?"

Harry then covered his ears and sang loudly, causing more than a few strange looks in his direction, "LALALALALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

All the girls within earshot blushed, as they too was imagining Shaun in leather, with the whip and ordering them around. Lavender muttered to Parvati, "I wish he'd whip me..."

Parvati giggled, "Yeah."

Hermione rolled her eyes at them, "Honestly, you too." She chided.

"Well you didn't answer my question, or shall I just shag these two lovely ladies here?" Shaun asked. Hermione looked at him. "What? I'm not as horny as Steven but it's a sad state of affairs when my brother gets more action than I do..." He leaned in to her and whispered, with a smirk "Leather catsuit." Hermione blushed.

Parvati piped up, "I'd shag you."

A whole chorus of girls echoed her thoughts with a massive "Hell Yeah!"

Shaun smirked, "Maybe I should open my own harem in Hogsmeade." he joked. "At least I'd know it would be full of girls waiting to get a piece of me and my brothers... Except maybe Severus, although he looks like he could do with a good shag..."He turned to Hermione, "Perhaps you'd like to help him out in that respect."

Just then Flightie, a sixth year Hufflepuff rushed in, and ran up to Shaun. One look at her face told Shaun she was upset, "What's the matter?"

"Professor Lupin, your brother, in the hallway...."

"What? What are they doing?" Shaun asked a million answers running through his mind, "They're not shagging, are they?"

Flightie blushed, "No. T-the-they're fighting." Shaun growled and ran out of the hall. What greeted his eyes was surprising to say the least, Remus and Steven, were lying on the floor, Steven was on top of Remus and was scratching and biting at Remus, who was doing the same to Steven, all the while growling in guttural tones. Remus had thrown Steven off him and had clambered on top of him, and started biting Steven's neck, while he scratched at Steven's face.

Steven groaned and clawed at Remus' shirt, effectively tearing his shirt open, and gorged his nails down Remus' side. Remus growled and bit down harder. Steven howled as Remus then bit a little lower down on his neck.

Shaun conjured up a bucket of cold water and threw it over the two werewolves causing them to stop what they were doing. "WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK YOU WERE DOING?" He yelled at them.

Steven and Remus had the good graces to look embarrassed "Sorry Shaun." They said in unison

"Where shall I start? You scared a poor Hufflepuff. You were practically shagging. In the hallway of all places. I thought that you, Remus as a professor, would have the sense to find a place to go, like your room for example... If you two want to shag, that's fine just do it in the privacy of your room."

Steven and Remus looked embarrassed, "Sorry Steven."

By this time a whole audience, attracted by Shaun's yells, had gathered round.

"Now who started this?" Shaun asked, his hands on his hips and looking stern.

"Steven did, "Remus said, pointing to Steven, who scowled. "He leapt at me and started biting me." Remus continued.

"Only to get you back for what you did to me." Steven snarled.

"And of course I had to bite him back, show him who's boss and it turned into what you saw." Remus finished, his sandy coloured hair all mussed up.

Shaun glared at the two and said, "Go on, get out of my sight!" Steven and Shaun looked down to the ground and scuttled off together, to God knows where. (A/N: I wrote what they got up to in the fic, 'Steven's Bitch? Be warned it's slash). Shaun sighed and turned to the crowd, "Well, what are you staring at? Get going." The crowd dissipated, leaving Shaun and Flightie alone.. He muttered, loud enough for Flightie, who was standing right next to him, to hear, "Bloody werewolves and their mating habits." Flightie gasped , so he knew that she heard, he turned to her and she blushed, "Look, I'm sorry you had to see that, but don't go telling everyone what you heard me just say. You won't, will you? Do this for me." Flightie shook her head and Shaun smiled a wicked smile, "That's my girl." He then walked away, leaving Flightie alone. She watched him go with a smile on her face because it was right then she realised she had a crush and not on just anybody but her hated Potion's Master's brother.

Back in the Hall, Hermione was half heartedly listening, to Harry's and Ron's conversation, as she was thinking about what she and most of the school had witnessed in the hall, unlike most of her peers, she knew what that meant and what they were doing, 'Bloody hell, Steven got involved in a werewolf mating ritual. I read about that in 'All About Werewolves? What is he thinking?' She thought to herself, 'Wait one minute, he got attacked on a full moon, I heard he was bitten, OH MY GOD! STEVEN IS A WEREWOLF!!! Now what can he expect, Premature greying, heightened sex drive.' She remembered and blushed. She racked her brain on what she knew about werewolves, 'A werewolf, if he meets another werewolf, there's an instant attraction, even if they're both the same sex, and they must mate with each other or they go crazy.. ' She giggled, 'Well it's a good job he didn't bite Professor Snape, although if he did, I'd have to march in and beg to join in. Ooh a threesome with Severus and Remus' She blushed as she realised where her thoughts were taking her, 'Hermione get a grip, get your mind out of the gutter?

Shaun came and sat down beside her, took one look at her face and knew instantly what was wrong, he leaned in, "You're looking a little hot under the collar, Hermione, sure you don't need a cold shower?" he murmured into her ear. Hermione leaned back in surprise, Shaun raised an eyebrow, "What? Surely you didn't think Severus was the only one of us to learn Legilimency of us, now did you?" Hermione shook her . He leaned in again, "Well it looks like you found out Steven's secret. Never mind you won't tell coz I will then turn around and tell everyone about your night of passion with Steven and your goody-two-shoes images will forever be shattered."

"I won't tell." Hermione whispered.

"Good. I also won't tell either Remus or Steven about that fantasy that you were just thinking of." Shaun continued.

Hermione felt herself blush, "What fantasy?" She asked, trying to look unbothered but it's hard to do when your face is as red as a tomato.

Shaun grinned but was saved from answering because Severus and Alan had come in and made a beeline for them. Alan spoke first, "I can't believe he did that and in front of a Hufflepuff no less."

"How did you....?"Shaun asked, raising his eyebrow.

"We heard from one of the students just now, She told us the whole story" Severus explained, "So was Steven and Remus growling and biting each other or was Riyo exaggerating?"

"Oh no they were doing that, if I hadn't' chucked a bucket of water over them, they would've been shagging right about now. Well they probably are, but at least they're out of the sight of the students.." Hermione tuned out their conversation as her mind went firmly in the gutter. Her thoughts drifted off into a fantasy land.

"Hermione? Hermione?"

Hermione snapped out of her daydream to notice Shaun, Severus and Alan all staring at her with wide eyes. Shaun stopped shaking her and gave her a stunned look. She looked at them, "What? Do I have drool on my face or something?" She asked, getting a bit tetchy..

"No," Shaun said, unsure on how to say the next few words, "It was just that you were moaning and look where your hand is?

Hermione looked down and saw her hand was up her skirt and her panties were very damp. She removed her hand quickly, avoiding the three men's eyes, there was now way in hell she was sharing that daydream with those three because she knew that she would never hear the end of it.

Severus and Shaun were seated on either side of her, and Alan stood in front of her. Severus spoke first, "That must've been some daydream, Would you care to share?" He glared at Alan, "Coz I think that someone might just get off on it." He added with a pointed glance in Alan's direction. Alan glared back.

Hermione shook her head, Shaun spoke next, "Just be thankful it was us that saw and not Malfoy or Ron or Harry. I mean they could really tease you about it. Although I think Ron would be very happy that you had a hot fantasy about him." Hermione's head snapped up and looked Shaun straight in the eye. Shaun gasped as he sorted through her memories and saw what she had been daydreaming about.. "Unless of course it wasn't about him at all? Hermione realised what she had done and what he had seen and faced the floor again, her face bright red. Shaun leaned in and whispered, "A very hot daydream there. In fact that dream has made me feel very horny." She looked down and saw, he was in fact very aroused. She moved her eyes to the floor again

"So are you going to tell us or do we have to use that truth potion stuff, whatever it's name is? "Severus cut in, looking irate.

"Shaun, you can tell us, after all you're the one that saw? Alan said.

"I can't tell you. She'll hex me, come on you've read the books, seen the movies, so bad that I'll have to change my name Shauna.. ?Shaun said, his hand over his crotch protectively.

"Can't you at least give us a basic outline? It's made you so horny that you will have to either take a very cold shower or do it by hand." Severus asked, looking pleadingly at Shaun.

"Okay but we can't discuss it here." Shaun said, getting up, "but I can't say any names." He looked down at Hermione, "So Miss Yo-Yo panties, would you like to join us to make sure that I don't say any names that might embarrass you?

"Okay." Hermione said, getting up to. Harry, Ron and Ginny shot enquiring glances at her. "I'm just going to 'talk' to the professors regarding my plans for the future. It won't take long.." She explained, emphasising the word 'talk' while looking at Ginny. Ginny nodded in reply.

"Come on Hermione, I think you underestimated our skills at 'talking? "Shaun replied, also catching the Emphasis on 'talk'. Shaun led them to an empty classroom and, looking the door with the strongest locking spell imaginable, turned to Hermione, "Well shall I tell them or will you?" Hermione muttered quietly, "You tell them." "Okay, before I begin, you don't mind if I also tell Remus, Steven and Sirius do you? No names mentioned of course Okay, before I begin, you don't mind if I also tell Remus, Steven and Sirius do you? No names mentioned of course. Except maybe 'false' ones..." He waited to see what her answer would be.....

Hermione nodded, "Okay but no actual names..."

Shaun looked shocked, "As if I would!" he said in mock horror, his hand over his chest. Hermione laughed at his antics Shaun gave her a smile in return,

Alan cut in suddenly, "As much as I'd hate to interrupt your mating ritual but we're here to hear the daydream."

"OK patience, Sevvie, first I've got to sort myself out," Shaun said, pointing to his crotch. He got up and walked over to the corner and faced the wall so Hermione couldn't see what she was doing. Of course her mind was giving her plenty of images and all she wanted to do was to walk over there and beg him to let her pleasure him..

"Cooooommmmeeeee oooooonnnnnnnn Shaun," Severus whined, "Hermione has that look in her eyes again. We want to hear what she was thinking..."

Alan raised an eyebrow, "Aren't you the horny one today? What's the matter? Did you get bitten by Lupin as well? Will you be joining the Remus Lupin Harem today as well" Severus hit Alan on the arm, "Ow, That's your body, you're abusing." He looked at Hermione, who was blushing bright red, "Now look what you did, you made Hermione blush by talking about Moony's affliction like that.."

Hermione blushed even more but she wasn't blushing for the reason that Alan thought. Shaun, in the corner made a sound which sounded like a choke, Severus looked over to the corner, "What's the matter, Shaun did you swallow something you shouldn't have?"

Shaun turned around, after zipping himself up, evidently finished, walked over to Severus and smacked him. "No I didn't, Granddad!" He spat out the last word like they were an insult of some kind."

"Ow, What is this, Pick On Alan day?" Severus asked, looking disgruntled

"When you've quite finished, I believe Shaun was about to tell us Hermione's daydream..." Alan interjected coolly.

"Ahhh yes, once I've finished, there's always that corner available for you..." Shaun said, slyly. "Although Sevvie, might in there quite a long time...."Shaun added, ignoring the glare Alan sent his way...

"Well get on with it, before we're as old as Alan is, or in Alan's case as old as Dumbledore..." Alan growled impatiently.

Severus hit Alan on the arm and added a kick for extra measure, "Ow, stop abusing your own body, Alan."

"Well get on with it Shaunie," Severus pleaded, ignoring the shudder that Shaun gave at his childhood nickname.. "Don't you like Shaunie? It sounds SO cute, especially when you get your cheek pinched at the same time..."

"Shut up or I won't tell." Shaun growled. The whole room was quiet. "Thank you. Well the condensed version is Hermione had a daydream about two guys.... We'll call them Alan and David and she was fantasising on what she wanted them to do her, which included, screwing in every hole and getting covered in cum." By this time Alan and Severus had turned to look at Hermione, who was blushing a dark shade of red. "Now you see why I wanted a cold shower..."

"Hermione, where did you learn things like that?" Severus asked

"Indeed Miss Granger, where did you hear things like that?"

"I think Hermione has been spending all her spare time on fanfiction.net. That's when she's not fantasising about werewolves that is..." Shaun put his hands to his mouth as he realised what he had just said.

Hermione looked shocked, Alan looked livid and Severus looked interested," What did you say?" Alan demanded "Yeah what did you say Shaun?" Severus asked.

"Did I hear you right did you just say that Hermione fantasises about werewolves. Does Remus know of her crush on him? Was Remus one of those guys in the daydream?" Shaun nodded, "Who was the other guy?"

Shaun turned to Hermione, who had raised her arm to him "I'm sorry, it just slipped out. Don't worry I'm not going to tell."

Hermione gave him a look, that plainly said, 'You tell them and I will hex you so bad that you'll be spending the rest of your life in hospital.', Shaun gulped, as he knew she'd probably do it.

Before any of them could reply, the bell rang, signalling the next lesson, which for Hermione was DADA.

Shaun turned to Hermione and asked, "So, what lesson have you now?"

"Defence against the Dark Arts." Hermione whispered. Severus' and Shaun's eyes seemed to glitter with mischief, even Alan's eyes had a bit of a twinkle in them..

"Oh well, we'll walk you to the lesson," Shaun offered, "Can't have you being late...Even if Remus is otherwise occupied."

"Yes," Severus coughed, "HimshaggingStevenandyoufantasisingabouthim is really why you want to be there early. we understand..." Hermione glared at him, and Severus busied himself with unlocking the door. As soon as the door was unlocked, they all headed towards the DADA classroom.

A little while later as they entered the DADA classroom, Shaun saw Remus sitting behind his desk, looking a bit dishevelled, well more than usual and sitting a bit awkwardly but talking very animatedly to Steven, who was leaning over the desk, with his back to the students. All the girl students were admiring his well sculpted ass, which was very apparent in the tight black trousers he was wearing.

Severus grabbed Hermione's sleeve and muttered, "Looks like they had a good time...Hey maybe next time you could ask to join in..."

Hermione blushed but added with an evil smile on her face, "You know, maybe I will after all I never did say who the other guy was.." Severus looked very shocked and stopped suddenly, causing Hermione, Shaun, and Alan to plough into him, knocking them all into a heap.

The whole classroom's attention was shifted onto the pile in the doorway. A few students burst out laughing, but some of the girls looked jealous and wished they were in the pile instead of Hermione..

Remus got up and knelt down in front of the pile, he caught Hermione's eyes but she blushed and looked away, "So," Remus said, "Is this a private party or can anyone join in?"

"Sure," Shaun said, accidentally touching Hermione's bum, "Come on in, Hermione is lovely.."

"Yeah Remus," Severus added, "She's all ready for you.."

Remus raised an eyebrow, "I'm afraid to ask..."

Just then Flightie rushed in and tripped over Alan's feet and landed right on top of Shaun, She blushed as she realised where she had landed and who she had landed on top of, "Sorry," she blushed, "I don't know what I fell over..."

"It's okay," Shaun consoled her, "You just tripped over my brother's big feet. Are you ok?" Flightie nodded, blushing, Shaun gripped her hand which had landed on his crotch as she fell, she blushed, "So am I really that bad that you had to touch me up?" he joked causing her to turn an even darker shade of red. "Look I'm sorry, I was only kidding..." He added, stroking her hand, causing sparks to rocket up Flightie's arm. She smiled at him.

Severus rolled his eyes, "For god's sake, just shag already.." he growled, it was unclear who he was referring to though.

Flightie clambered off Shaun and Remus, who helped him up whispered in his ear, "She likes you.. In fact I think she fancies the pants off you.."

"How do you know that?" Shaun asked. Remus was spared from answering while him and Steven helped everyone else up. Remus looked at Shaun, who was still holding Flightie's hand, Shaun realising this, let go quickly.

They all looked at each other and blushed, and hurried to their seat but not before Steven, sensing that a bit of teasing was in order said loudly, so the whole class could hear, "Who's Always Complaining They Don't Get Any Action?" The class broke out in giggles and Flightie blushed. "Well it looks like you got lucky there.."

"Shut it Steven, so what are we discussing today, Remus? The life and mating habits of the common garden werewolf? Well Steven, you'd know all about that wouldn't you?" Shaun fired back.

The whole class apart from Steven, Shaun, Remus, Alan and Hermione looked bemused. Remus coughed, "Actually we're discussing the life span of a werewolf and the symptoms of a werewolf...." He looked around the class, "Now who can tell us about one of the symptoms that a werewolf has to deal with, apart from the monthly transformations that is.." To no ones surprise, Hermione's shot up, "yes Hermione?"

"Premature greying." She answered, blushing, 'There's no way I'm saying the other symptom..'

"Good, ten points to Gryffindor." Remus replied, blushing slightly, "Now anyone care to enlighten us with the other symptom?" To everyone's surprise Hermione's hand stayed down and she was blushing furiously. Remus looked around at the class, "No one?"

He looked at Flightie, who had her hand up, "Yes, Flightie,"

Flightie blushed and said in no more than a whisper, "The werewolf in human form has a heightened s-s-s-s-s-s-sex d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-drive."

Remus and Steven both blushed, "Excellent! ten points to Hufflepuff." He started walking around in front of the class, "Yes the werewolf has a very heightened sex drive," He said in lecture mode, "If you are unlucky enough to meet a transformed werewolf, you might get...." He broke off as Steven collapsed with laughter and fell off the desk, "The class looked bemused, Remus turned to look at him, "And what is so funny?" He growled.

"Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-might g-g-g-g-g-get your leg ma-ma-ma-mated with." Steven said, between laughs causing Remus to blush. "I really prefer them when they're human though.. some of those werewolves are pretty shaggable." he added with a pointed look at Remus.

"While we're interested to hear about your love life, Steven. I think we better get back to the lesson.." Remus said. The whole class blushed as they realised what Steven had been referring to.

"Hey it seems those Slytherin girls get a lot of action.. I mean Jade, Riyo, Lucia, Bella, Serena and Ajay to name a few of them (A/N: I told you I was going to include you guys) that's from Slytherin, From Gryffindor there's Mary, Piper Hermione and Ginny." Steven muttered so that only Remus could hear, ignoring Remus' interruption. "You already knew what animals they can be... Especially those Slytherins. Remember, Remus, Ajay had me do a porn show with one of the girls... Just so that we could watch her and Severus (A/N: Remember guys, they've switched bodies) shag..."

"Ahem back to the lesson..."Remus said. Steven wisely shut up and they spent the rest of the lesson taking notes..

Next lesson was Divination. As Steven and Shaun entered the classroom, it had taken them a while to get up the ladder because of Steven's injured arm, he had grumbled, "I'm getting too old for this," Trelawney swooped down on Steven and announced to the whole class that Steven would die a most painful death.."

Steven scoffed and replied, "That's a load of crap, do you expect me to be intimidated by that.."

Trelawney had looked at him with her beady eyes and replied, in her misty voice, "It is as the prophecy foretold..."

"Look, screw the prophecy..."

Trelawney just ignored him for the rest of the lesson, which was fine by Steven as he didn't care.

Trelawney swooped down on Harry and announced that he, "would also die.."

Harry, who by this time had heard it all before so he wasn't bothered by this announcement, the class had looked anxiously at him as if he was going to drop dead any minute.

Shaun had muttered to Steven, "The day that Harry dies will be the day that I go into the hall wearing pink bunny slippers and am dressed up as Britney Spears.."

Steven, of course, had burst out laughing at the mental image that that had produced, drawing Trelawney's attention to him, she swooped back and said, "You may laugh now but don't coming crying to me when you're dead.."

"How can I come crying to you, when I'm dead. Even if I become a ghost, I still wouldn't let you see me cry.." Steven replied, with so much venom in his voice that the class actually thought he was Severus for about ten seconds..

The whole class went silent waiting for Trelawney's reply but all she said was "Get back to work!!! AND no talking..." The whole class went back to work, but watched Steven and Harry as if to make sure they didn't drop dead right there..

The class was very glad to leave when they were let out to go to dinner...

They all entered the hall and sat down at the Gryffindor table, Harry sat in between Steven and Shaun while Hermione sat on the other side, she noted their glum faces, "What's the matter?" "Steven was told he would die.. Very painfully." Ron said, looking worried as if Steven was going to drop dead any moment..

"Surely you don't believe that for one moment.." Hermione scoffed..

"He doesn't." Harry replied.

"What's with the sad face then?" Hermione asked.

"She told him he must reveal a secret of his before it's too late.." Shaun commented. He turned to Steven. "So care to enlighten us?" By this time, Steven had a cup halfway to his mouth, "Well after you've had your drink.." Steven took a long drink, shuddered, dropped his cup and then collapsed. Everyone crowded around him. Hermione checked his pulse, and looked up terrified, "His pulse is thready.. He needs help.."

Steven struggled to sit up, he looked at Hermione and said, "I must say a few things before.." He broke off coughing. "I feel weak, sick. I have a confession to make.." He turned to the boys that were standing next to him.. "I was involved with your mother and I got her pregnant... you have a brother and his name is...." He suddenly went limp. Hermione checked his pulse again, she looked up with tears in her eyes and said, her voice cracking. "There's no pulse... He's gone.."

The End