Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowing, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. This plot was created by me and is original.
A/N: I AM SO SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT!! PLEASE NO FLAMES!! I didn't mean for it to be so long but my computer has been so messed up, but I went back and fixed all the chapters so there all edited. Thanks for pointing out some mistakes and all. I hope I didn't lose any story readers. Anyhow I'll stop so you can read the chapter because you waited long enough. One more thing I'll now be adding author notes at the end of the chapter and songs in the beginning to go along with the chapters. Basically explain what was going to happen in the chapter in one song.
And without further ado I give you the tenth chapter.......
how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where i've become so numb
without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home
wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become
now that i know what i'm without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life
wake me up inside wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become
bring me to life
frozen inside without your touch
without your love darling
only you are the life among the dead
all this time i can't believe i couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
i've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life
Evanescence, Bring me to Life
Chapter 10: Arguments and Words
Harry slowly crept into the darkness of the forest. The early morning sun danced between the swaying leaves of the great trees giving an air of tranquility and peace, but Harry took no notice as he crept along. He let his feet guide him as his mind was wrapped in a whirlwind of thoughts. The most prominent thought being of Ginny.
Why did she care so much about him? Why is she trying so hard to help him? He didn't need her help and she couldn't help him anyway. How could anyone understand what he was going through. No one that's who. No one has lost more then he has in a moment then a person may never lose in an entire lifetime.
Of course the prophecy was a constant thought that always seemed to push its way to the front of his mind. Bloody Prophecy! It was a heavy constant burden that he must bare alone. "Either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives"
Harry sighed. Alone what a word to define his whole self. Alone in his destiny to be murdered or the murderer. Such Fate he had. Alone with no family. Alone with no one to share his burdens and fears. They were his own. Alone since the very beginning.
His life was and is never simple and never easy. He was far from normal. He was separated from everyone else. It was if an invisible barrier separated him from the rest of the world. So yea to say Harry Potter was alone was an understatement, well to him at least.
It would have to stay that way anyhow. He was to be the solitary figure to bring the downfall of Tom Marvolo Riddle or at least die trying. He couldn't continue to bring people into his battle now. It was between him and Voldemort now. He couldn't harm anymore of his friends. Just look at what had happen when they followed him to the Ministry of Magic and down to the Department of Mysteries. Hermione got hit by some curse that knocked her unconscious. Ron had gotten hit by a curse that had him acting all funny then the brain thing attacked him. Ginny had broken her ankle then later also got hit by a curse rendering her unconscious. Neville not only broke his nose but also his father's wand, as well as getting hit by the Cruciatus curse. Luna was relatively unharmed until she was hit by a curse and went flying hitting a desk and also rendering unconscious. Then almost every member of the order had gotten hit, cursed, or injured in some way or other. But only one had died that night and it was his entire fault. It was his entire fault Sirius had died. He foolishly went to the Ministry of Magic to try and save Sirius but it was a set up all along and ended up getting him killed instead of helping him.
He could still remember Sirius taunting Bellatrix and that's when the second jet of light hit him. The laughter had not quite died from his face. It seemed to take an age for Sirius to fall. His body curved in a graceful arc as he sank....... No he would not think about that too much pain and guilt came with that train of thought.
Sighing he shook his head from all the thoughts raging in his head and glanced around. All his thinking made him not realize where he had ended up. His feet had unconsciously led him straight to Ginny. Hidden from view he peered through the trees at Ginny. She was pacing back in forth. She was definitely angry. The unicorns and all the other creatures that were there before fled into the shadows of the forest. All were driven off by the Weasley temper. Listening closely he could make out what she was muttering as she walked back and forth along the water edge.
"Oh he makes me so angry" Ginny muttered. "I don't know what his problem is, he thinks no one can see through his lies well he's got another thing coming"
Harry was glaring at her with every word she spoke. He didn't have a problem. She doesn't understand the pain he's going through.
"All I want to do is help, but I can't get through that thick brain of his" she continually muttered. "He acts like no one else is hurting and that this war is all his to fight alone"
Oh if she knew how wrong she was with that last statement. Harry didn't feel like listening to her angrily mutter about him like he was some object that she had to figure out how to work. Slowly creeping out of the forest line where he was hidden, he approached her from behind and said "You don't know anything about me or what is going on through my thick brain as you so called it"
Startled Ginny jumped not expecting Harry to follow her into the woods or for that matter hear what she was saying. Turning around she noticed the angry glare he was giving her and tried to get him to understand what she was trying to do.
"Harry that's not what I meant and you know it" she said
"Actually I don't so why don't you enlighten me on what you meant." Harry said crossing his arms and glaring at her.
Her temper started to return from the manner in which he was speaking to her but she spoke softly so he would understand where she was coming from. "Harry all I'm trying to do is help you."
"Well I don't need your help or anyone's help on that matter because THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME" Harry shouted angrily with everyone's pity for him and the way everyone was trying to help him.
The Weasley's temper came back in full force. "You Harry Potter have no right to shout at me when I'm trying to be your friend and help you" Ginny said with an angry glare of her own.
"Well you can be a friend by minding your own business" said Harry turning his back on her and walking back the way he came. He just didn't understand why everyone had to keep putting his or her two cents in about HIS life.
"YOU HAVE TO STOP ACTING LIKE THE WORLD IS YOUR PROBLEM AND THEN WHEN ANYTHING GOES WRONG IT'S YOUR FAULT" Ginny had it up to here with Harry and now she was just going to get straight to the point.
Turning around Harry marched right back to her and said in a deadly calm voice "What would you know about my life. You don't know anything about me so don't act like you know what your talking about because you have no clue what I'm going through or how I feel for that matter."
That hurt that really hurt. How could he say that she knew nothing about him? She had known him for five years. She got to know him even more the past year. Fighting alongside him. She hurt just as well over the loss of Sirius probably not as much as he did but she missed Sirius a lot also. Well if wanted to play that way no more mister nice guy.
Harry saw the hurt flash through her eyes when he said that. But at this point he didn't care. He was tired and fed up with people giving him pity and acting like they knew what he felt. No one knew. No one!
"How can you say that? I have known you for five years now. You think I don't know you Harry, well how about this." Walking towards him she began listing what she knew about him.
"I know that you blame yourself every time something bad happens." He was about to interrupt but she sent him a glare and he stayed silent, arms crossed glaring at her in return.
"I know you think it's your fault that Cedric's and Sirius's died, you think that their deaths are you fault." She continued.
"THEY ARE MY FAULT!" shouted Harry.
Ginny however just ignored his outburst and continue, "I know that you never show your emotions and constantly put on a brave face"
"I know that your eyes tell the truth, the pain, the wisdom, and the love that you hold." Ginny said. She now was standing directly in front of him staring into his eyes.
Harry had become entranced within her brown eyes full of emotion. He came out the intense stare and roughly turned his head.
Ginny lightly cupped his cheek. She felt him flinched underneath her touch but he needed to hear what she had to say. Turning his face towards her she held his face both of their eyes locked and she continued "I know that you want people to see you as Harry and not as the boy who lived. You don't want to be the hero everyone praises but you have to see Harry that you are a hero and you can't change that. You love and care for people to much not to be there to help when help is needed."
Hermione's words sprang to Harry's mind "don't you think you've got a bit of a saving-people-thing."
Giving a bitter laugh he yanked himself away from her touch. "Well there you go Gin you know me so well, I guess there's nothing left to say, you've got me all figured out"
"I didn't mean it like that and you know it" Ginny said coolly "When will you stop running away from your problems and face them." She sighed "When will you let people help you instead of facing whatever it is alone."
"My problems can't be solved let alone solved by anyone else," he said bitterly
"If you would just let people in and let them help you they can be solved." Ginny said frustrated. She wasn't getting anywhere with this.
"DAMN IT GINNY I'M NOT SOME BROKEN OBJECT YOU CAN FIX" Harry said in an angry growl.
"THEN STOP HAVING ME RUN IN CIRCLES AND TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG" Ginny screamed back
"Quite frankly I don't think you could handle the truth" Harry stately simply
"How do you know if you won't give me a try" Ginny said exasperated.
Harry marched back in front of Ginny standing a mere inch apart. "You really want to know what's wrong," he said in a deadly whisper.
"Yes, yes I do" she said confidently
"Fine I'll tell you" Harry said sighing. He took a deep breath trying to contain his anger and turned away from her.
"I have been chased by the most feared Dark Lord of the time. Met him on numerous occasions and only by sheer luck lived to tell about it. Every year trouble finds me, though people would beg to differ and say I go looking for trouble. I've been lied to since as far back as I can remember. Secrets about my own life were never told to me. I drag my friends into my battles and always have to save the day. My saving-people thing as Hermione called it." He said giving a bitter laugh. "I constantly put people in danger and any chance of a family I had left I get killed by my reckless behavior."
He turned back towards Ginny and said "But you want to know the best part of it all. My life as been decided for me before I was even born by some damn prophecy. I'm just some instrument, pawn of the war." He was angrier more then ever.
"So there you have it Gin, that's what you wanted to hear right? How I'm a hazard to everyone? How I bring devastation and hurt to everyone? How I constantly drag people into danger and get them killed? How I live my life in fear, a life I'm destined to have but don't want?" he finished furiously.
Ginny's face was surprising blank at the end of his rant.
"My problems can't be fixed. I'm destined to be alone and suffer through all my pain. No one knows what its like to be the great Harry Potter. No one knows my pain." Harry snarled out.
What happened next was something Harry least expected to happen.
Harry stumbled back grabbing his face where Ginny slapped him. He was too shocked for words and just stared at her.
"Now listen hear Harry Potter and listen very clearly," she said in a deadly tone to rival Mrs. Weasley. "First off I don't know where you would get the notion that you have no family because you have family. Me, Ron, Hermione, Remus, Dumbledore, the rest of my family and the order even. Love is thicker then blood. Just because were not related by blood doesn't mean were not family. We'll always be there for you, for each other"
Harry was about to interrupt her but she was going to get what she wanted to say heard. He needed to hear it.
"Don't interrupt me Harry. I let you talk now it's my turn," said Ginny with anger evident in her tone.
"Now this business with you only understanding pain. Well let me tell you something Harry, in case you might have forgotten but that night there was other people there besides you and they got hurt also and felt pain." She said trying to keep her anger in check.
"Do you even pay attention to Ron and Hermione?" Not receiving an answer but really waiting for one she continued. "Well if you were to just watch Hermione you would see the occasional flinch and her hand rubbing her stomach every so often. She still takes potions for whatever spell she was hit with and the emotional pain is still there if not the physical."
"I didn't know" Harry said barely above a whisper
"How about Ron? Do you ever watch him? If you look closely he rubs his arms every so often where the scars are. I don't know if he does it subconsciously or not but the brains effected him in a bad way and he zones out thinking about it not to mention the occasional nightmare about it attacking him."
Sighing she didn't want to think of what transpired that night. "My point is everyone gets hurt and everyone feels pain. No one is immune to it and no matter how great or small the amount of pain someone experiences, it affects a person one-way or another. So your not the only one who has pain and knows what it feels like."
"I had no clue they were still effected." Said Harry quietly "But it was my fault in the first place that they got hurt. I dragged them with me to the Ministry of Magic. If it wasn't for me they would never have been hurt in the first place."
"See that's where you're wrong," said Ginny anger back in her tone. "You didn't drag people with you and it's not your fault they got hurt."
Harry rolled his eyes
"Harry I'm serious!" she yelled "We went with you on a choice. We didn't have to go but we did. It was our choice to come. Like I said earlier we stick by each other. There will always be someone there to lend a hand."
She just didn't understand. His destiny, his fate was written out for him. He couldn't keep putting his friends in the line of fire. He had a task to complete. It was heavy burden but one he must do alone.
"Gin I can't do this anymore and I can't take your friendship, their friendship you don't need me and you can't help me " Harry said turning away from her.
"HARRY LISTEN TO YOURSELF!" She screamed "You act as if your not important to me....us. You act as though you have to save the world all by yourself."
Oh if she only knew how right she was. His back still turned to her he sighed.
"I have a path to follow. One destined for me to complete. Whether for the better or worse outcome my fate will be sealed and the task done." Harry said with a heavy heart.
He started to walk back the way he came but was stopped by a shout from Ginny.
"Harry.." Ginny said tentatively
"Yea..."He said turning slightly to face her.
"For what its worth I believe in you and always will and whatever it is that you have to do you can do it Harry. I believe in you." Ginny said quietly but just enough for Harry to hear not just the words but also the emotion behind it.
It pained him to hear how much she cared for him knowing that he could never show how much he adored her if he wanted to keep her safe. With a heavy sigh he said, "I know Gin, I know." He turned his back on her and walked back the way he came.
If he had glanced back he would have notice the frustrated tear fall from her eye. Life was unfair to Harry and Ginny just felt helpless but she was not giving up.
Harry walked out of the forest and away from Ginny. He had to get away he was suffocating from all the pressure, worried glances and looks, and the ever lurking presence in his mind. There were battles to come and his fears to face but he wasn't ready and he didn't know if he would ever be.
Glancing ahead he notices two people standing in front of the porch. They unmistakably were Ron and Hermione. Trying his best as not to notice them he attempted to walk pass them but they stood in his path.
"Harry we need to talk" said a nervous Hermione glancing at Ron as to emphasis the word "we".
He didn't need this now. How many people did he have to deal with today?
"Not now Hermione" he said sighing. He walked towards the kitchen door hoping to brush pass them but was stop by Ron's hold on his arm.
"No now Harry" Ron said simply releasing his hold on his arm. "We need some answers"
Groaning He turned around facing them. "Look there's nothing wrong with me I'm fine" he said knowing full well that they would not buy it in the slightest.
"Harry there's no way you could be fine" she continued "After such a traumatizing incident in your life and the death of Si.... Someone so close to you your bound to feel sad, angry, helpless, and alone. It's only natural." Hermione finished almost knowingly.
"Oh and did one of your books tell you that Miss Know-it-all." Harry bit back bitterly
"There's no need for name calling, she's just trying to help" said Ron angrily.
"I DON'T NEED ANY HELP" Harry screamed back wondering why people just couldn't back off.
"Harry were just trying to be your friends, were here if you need to talk, you don't need to keep your emotions bottled up inside." Said Hermione brushing aside the previous comment.
"There's nothing to talk about," said Harry dismissively. He just wanted them to leave him be. Why did everyone have to pressure him into talking?
"Then why have you been ignoring us?" said Ron irritated at the lack of answers coming from Harry.
"I'm not ignoring you" Said Harry but in the back of his mind a little voice was telling him otherwise. They just didn't understand he thought turning his head towards the yard.
Feeling a hand on his cheek he turned towards Hermione who was gazing in his eyes as if searching for the answers in the depths of the deep pools of emeralds.
"Then what Harry, why are you not sleeping, why do you always look troubled, why do you always hide your emotions" releasing the hand on his cheek she said in an almost whispered tone "Why are you keeping secrets from us."
"It's better if you didn't know" said Harry matching her tone.
"And why not" said Ron angrily.
"Because it would put you into more danger than you already are by just being my friends" said Harry quietly.
"What are you talking about? Why would something you tell us put us in danger." Said Ron slightly scared and thoroughly confused.
Hermione was contemplating on what he said. He obliviously was hiding something from them. It was ever since the Department of Mysteries incident. He was hiding his emotions about Sirius but there was something else something bigger that he wasn't telling them.
"You guys are already in enough danger because you my friends. But even more so now that you thwarted Voldemort plans and managed to get some of his most loyal death eaters captured. You're both even higher on his list. All because of my reckless behavior, nearly getting everyone killed. Oh wait I did get someone killed," said Harry bitterly.
"You not reckless and you didn't get Sirius killed. It wasn't you fault. He died protecting you, Harry. The way he would have wanted to die." Said a sympathetic Hermione
"She's right Harry," said Ron sorrowfully "And it's not because of you that Voldemort has a reason to kill us let alone the rest of my family.
Looking at Hermione and Harry's shocked faces he became confused. "What?" he said
"You just said Voldemort," said Harry quite shocked.
"Well you didn't expect me to walk around saying You –Know –Who when he's out killing people I know" said Ron continuingly more soberly "I mean this is war now, were all in it till its over whether I like it or not"
Hermione was shocked at how mature Ron sounded and was acting. It just showed how the war was already affecting people. They were forced to grow up.
"Anyhow what Ron said earlier was true," said Hermione "His family are known supporters of Professor Dumbledore and the Light Side."
"And Hermione is muggleborn so that puts her at risk as well." Ron continued
"The point is it's a war Harry and whether we like it or not people are going to get hurt, people are going to get killed," said Hermione sadly " And now more than ever we should stick together."
"I know it's just that I always face some kind of danger and you guys always follow me through whatever it is." Harry said desperate to get them to understand that it's not safe to be friends with him.
"That's where your wrong mate, we never follow you into danger and we won't do it now." corrected Ron "We'll be right there standing alongside you no matter what happens or what we face." He finished truthfully.
"Your not in this alone Harry and we mean it" Hermione piped up
"You're my best mate and I'll always be there when you need me and you can count on me, " said Ron clapping a hand onto his back.
"That goes for me as well," said Hermione linking her arm into his. "No matters what happens in this war, we'll always stand together."
"Thanks you guys that means more than you will ever know to hear you say that," said Harry truthfully.
The solemn silence was broken by a giggle coming from Harry's left. Ron and Harry turned to see Hermione giggling, a very un-Hermioneish thing to do.
"What is so funny?" said Ron confused
"You got to admit we are kind of like the three musketeers," said Hermione "All for one and one for all" she said with a smile
"Yea we kind of are" said Harry cracking a small smile
"What are you two talking about?" asked a very confused Ron
"It's a muggle movie where three men protect and fight for the king and their slogan was all for one and one for all" said Harry
"Oh" Ron said simply
"Anyhow we meant what we said Harry you can count on us through all the thick and thin we'll stick by you" said Hermione seriously
"Friends till the end" said Ron sticking his hand in front on the three.
"Friends till the end" agreed Hermione clapping her hand on top of his.
Glancing at both of his friend's faces the ones who have been with him through so much he gave a small smile and clapped his hand on top of both of theirs. "Friends till the end" he said like finishing an oath to always protect each other and stand by one another.
"Race you to the lake" Ron shouted and ran off in the direction of the lake with Hermione following behind yelling cheater.
Harry hesitated to follow he knew what they said was all-true but he wasn't so sure they would stick with him after they learned of the prophecy. He knew he needed there support in the end and he just hope that with their trust now that when the time came they would still stand by him.
A part of him wanted them to stand by him but another part knew that if they did they would undoubtedly get hurt or worse killed and he didn't know if he could deal with that. He was already holding Ginny at bay. After all that was said he still had to go through with his plan he had to push everyone away right? That would be the right choice right?
He was so confused now. Maybe he couldn't bare it all alone just maybe he needed their help.
He just needed a sign, something to lead him to make the right choice. He just didn't know how long he could wait before his sign appeared.
A special thanks to the following reviewers:
HarryGinny: thanks that means a lot that you like it.
Sadz89: Thanks for reviewing as always. Still my number one reviewer! Sorry for the long wait.
PointDancer06: Sorry about the wait and I'm glad you like the story so far.
Brent Braten: thanks for the review and double thanks for pointing out the errors and mistakes. It helped a lot when I went back and fixed all the chapters. Hope you continue to read and review. And don't worry I can take criticism.
dairy faerie: thanks for returning the favor. I'm glad you like the story so far. I loved your story to death.
amyaggie: sorry for the wait but thanks for reviewing. I glad you like the story so far. Yea Ginny is her own person and very determined in what she does especially in helping Harry.
A/N: OK there you have it the tenth chapter. Thank you for all that have read my story so far. Don't worry the action/adventure is just around the corner. Voldemort makes and appearance well kind of wink wink. The next chapter will be up probably be up Wednesday because it is pouring here and it will continue for the next three days. but if not by the end of the week. Anyhow I am so sorry for the long wait, it won't happen again at least I hope. I want to finish the story before schools starts. As always I hope you continue to read and please REVIEW. Tell me what you thought of the chapter I love hearing from you guys.
THANK YOU FOR ALL THOSE THAT HAVE READ AND REVIEWED AND PLEASE CONTINUE TO DO SO!!!
Much Luv, FairyDust29